[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]

[126.] I thought I was part of you.

NOTE:

Inspiration for this chapter's title:

David Guetta - "She Wolf (Falling To Pieces)" ft. Sia

****

Jiang Cheng felt numb. Now that he had heard it all, he didn't quite have the strength to open his eyes any more. 

What did it all mean? Were his parents... dead? His home? Was Zewu-Jun safe? 

His heart sank. 

Lan Xichen was alone. Without him. He was in danger. Alone.

He was hugging his youngest nephew, and now he held the sleeping little boy even tighter. His calm breathing brought some peace to him too, and although his heart was still pounding, he could now think a bit clearer. 

Zewu-Jun was not alone. His brother was there, his Clan was there. He was so loved that everyone supported him unconditionally. But still  –  he craved to be by his side too. Just to be there. He was so loved...

The next night, the next day were a haze. He was moving automatically, absent-minded and dizzy. He wasn't listening, he couldn't focus; his mind was going back, re-living and re-enacting every word and every gesture from the last days, trying to decipher it in terms of this new information. How sad and strict both Zewu-Jun and Hanguang-Jun were, how worried, how rushed it all was. 

He realized that they were on the run.

And what about Lan Wangji's birthday?  He was now sure that Lan Xichen would use the occasion to rally the Clans in case of a new war... He was almost certain that his husband would not initiate a Clan war  –  perhaps because he begged him not to... 

But then – how crazy was his own mother? Madam Yu was notorious for her explosive character. Was he really like her? People often would tell him that he took after her, and it always made her angry,  and it always made him shiver;  the chills running down his spine now were too real.

No. 

He had to be better. For his loved one; for his children. He had to take the best care of his little baby, protect it. He promised himself that he wouldn't overthink it all, and just waited for news, trying to rest as much as possible. 

This was what Lan Huan would want him to do.


***


Wei Wuxian was observing his brother, a little too worried. Physically, Jiang Cheng looked great. Two weeks passed, and he did his best to eat and rest as much as possible, spending time mostly indoors with his nephews. But if one looked more carefully, it was very clear that he wasn't there at all. He would often ignore questions, or forget tasks. He needed to be reminded several times to do the simplest everyday tasks... it was as if he didn't care any more. His mind was elsewhere, and Wei Ying knew that Jiang Cheng was constantly daydreaming about his husband. He was doing his best to cheer him up, but all his jokes were met with a faint smile and empty eyes. 

Sandu Shengshou's body was here, but his soul had remained in Gusu.

The second party of workers and servants arrived two days later, after them, and the construction works started straight away. Jiang Cheng did his best to ask all of them about any news, or any information about Zewu-Jun at least, but everyone just shook their heads and denied knowing anything at all.

He was falling into despair. The days were passing by, all the same, all hopeless and dull, and he was falling to pieces. Too often now he wouldn't be able to get out of bed in the morning, sleeping the days away, crying all through the nights.

Everybody, even the servants, were too worried about their Master now, and Wei Wuxian decided that today was going to be the day that he wrote to Cloud Recesses, sending letters to both Zewu-Jun and Hanguang-Jun. 

But as the messenger was getting ready to ride to dispatch the correspondences to Gusu, a huge snow-white stud arrived at  Yùlán  at a great speed.