Regret

Chapter 5

Dean couldn't find Pharm anywhere for almost a week. He tried to reach Manaow and Team for information, but they said their friend just came to the Faculty to get some papers for his transfer. He was coming back to the States to his family.

The senior panicked after hearing that, but the boy simply didn't respond to his calls, messages and even ignored when he knocked on his door. He knew Pharm was home because he could see a shadow close to the door in some of the times he went there.

"Please, my good boy…", he begged and only the apartment's walls were Pharm's witnesses to see how much the poor boy suffered trying to muffle his sobbing sounds and not give away to his unwanted guest how it broke his heart not attending him.

********

It was Sunday afternoon and Dean couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed his keys and was determined to see Pharm even if he had to sleep by his door. To his surprise, the boy was at plain sight.

Pharm was carrying a few bags from his building to a cab and they looked heavy.

"Pharm! Hey, Pharm!", Dean tried to catch his attention but ended up being ignored. "I'm gonna help you, my good boy!", he said, grabbing a bag. Only God knows how hard it was for Pharm not to flinch hearing the endearment. Those words were once capable of making him blush, now they only added fuel to his anger.

When there were no more bags, Dean assumed it was time for them to talk.

"Pharm, can we please talk?", he asked watching the boy fixing the bags position so he could shut the car door without problems.

"I don't have anything to talk to you, Dean."

Pharm's tone was cold and the absence of the honorific just made it clear he hadn't any more respect for the man in front of him. The realization made Dean feel a sharp pain inside his heart.

"I'm here to try fixing things, Pharm. Please give me a chance…", he asked softly.

"Why do you think I should hear a liar? I guess you didn't cheat on me, but you still have betrayed my trust!", Pharm's words came from a place deep down his body they brought tears with them. His face became bright red in a shade that made Dean's heart panic. He provoked that. He hurt his precious Pharm.

"Pharm, I really was trying to hurt you before I knew the truth about our past lives and realized how much I love you.", Dean let out before the other could interrupt him again. "I love you, Pharm.", Dean confessed and Pharm felt the urge to bury himself alive. It hurt like hell to hear those 3 words coming out of a liar's mouth. 

Pharm smirked bitterly making his sweet features shaped in a much darker expression. "Should I be grateful to see the great P'Dean saying he'll be merciful and will forget my mistakes to be with me? Should I ignore your bad intentions and be happy to see that you fell for me in the meantime? I don't think so…"

Pharm was sobbing so hard his breath came out irregular. Even the cab's driver looked worried in the rearview mirror. The boy breathed in and out trying to calm himself down.

"I hope you're happy now. Congratulations, you've succeeded on your plan! You've destroyed me completely."

"Pharm, I-I…", Dean tried, but in vain. He didn't have words to deal with that affirmation. The truth making him miserable.

"I don't wanna hear you anymore. I'm going now."

"Where are you going?", he had the guts to ask before watching Pharm climb on the car.

"I'm going back home and I hope never to see you again.

"But, Pharm… I love you.", Dean seemed stuck on those three words. Like love was his everything. Like love was capable of fixing his mistakes.

"I'm moving on, Dean. You should do the same…", he sighed, "I don't wanna hear you anymore. Goodbye.", Pharm said, entering the car and going away with the sunset. 

Dean was left behind with nothing besides his regret. He also hadn't nowhere to go. Before leaving his house that afternoon, his own mother had threatened him saying that if he was about to go after the boy who had killed his sister, he didn't need to come back after. He was disowned by his mother and was rejected by the love of his life. He had nothing to hold on to but his sorrow.

"But our love was real, Pharm… it is real…", Dean whispered to himself until it was too dark to see ahead. 

A long time later, Win came to see him.

"Let's go home, big boy…", the blonde helped him to get up from the sidewalk.

"I don't have a place to go, Win…", the taller male gave him a disoriented gaze.

"You'll always have a couch at my place, dickhead. Even if you don't deserve it, you know?", he tried to clear the mood, but in vain.

"I'm gonna love him forever, Win…", Dean broke up in tears, hugging his friend's shoulders for dear life.

"You always had, my friend.", the other said, tapping his back trying to comfort him.

--------

Notes:

Thanks Olivia for the song!
Now we only have to wait to see the epilogue!~