Obsessed with a Vampire Romance (Parody)

My Vampire Boyfriend

The next morning at school, I anticipated meeting Paulo again. He was, after all, my vampire soul mate boyfriend. The morning went by slowly but I saw him when lunch rolled around.

When my eyes caught sight of Paulo, I decided to make it one of those memorable movie moments. "PAULO!" I shouted, throwing up my arms and grinning wide. I expected him to yell "REBECCA!" And do the same, but instead he put up his grey hood and walk in the other direction. I still decided to go with my movie vision, and ran in slow motion with my arms out to embrace Paulo.

"What on Earth are you doing?" A boy standing next to me asked rudely.

"Excuse me! You are ruining my slow-motion embrace with Paulo!" I retorted. Some people just don't get 'movie magic'. With no appreciation of my movie moment from my audience, I put down my arms and walked up to Paulo- normal style.

"Paulo! I have so much to ask you!" I said loudly, giving him a big hug. He pushed me away with an annoyed expression on his face.

"Please stop following me! I will get a Restraining Order!" He is so funny sometimes!

"Oh Paulo, silly, you know you wouldn't get a restraining order on your girlfriend!" I said, hugging him again.

"GIRLFRIEND?" He exclaimed. He was obviously faking a shocked tone. "Rebecca, we are not dating! You are not my girlfriend. I am not your boyfriend. Actually, you are the farthest thing you could possibly be from my girlfriend," Paulo is so hilarious sometimes. "I don't even like you!"

"You are so funny! You could be an actor, Paulo. You had me going for a second there! Oh, honey we're gonna be together forever!"

He hit me with a confused expression. "We just met, like, yesterday!" I totally LOLed to that one!

"Paulo, just kiss me, you fool!" I said with a laugh. I closed my eyes with my lips puckered for quite a few seconds. When I opened my eyes I saw Paulo on the other side of the cafeteria sitting with his friends. He was such a joker! But we still needed to talk about his vampire family trying to devour me.

Seconds later I was grabbing Paulo's hand and pulling him into the janitor's closet.

"Honey, we need to talk about yesterday." I said seriously.

"DO NOT call me honey. And what is there to talk about? Other than you followed me home like a stalker." I was a little disappointed that he was not too worried about his family trying to kill me.

"Your family chased me for six hours! I could have been killed! Did they knock you out?" Paulo's odd expressions never ceased to amaze me. They were expressions of love, I assumed.

"My family never left the porch! What are you talking about? You ran away when me and my family caught you stalking me home- which was really weird by the way."

"Paulo, you must not remember! One of the guys in your family chased me for six hours until I sprayed him with pepper spray to repel him! But then he bit an innocent bystander who turned into... one of your kind." Paulo gave me one of those famous expressions of love again.

"That makes no sense!" He said exasperatedly. He reopened the closet door, stepped out, and shut the door, leaving me alone in the dark closet. Standing in this closet alone made me remember that I hadn't told him directly yet that I acknowledged that he and his family were vampires. He was trying to protect their secret! I had to let him know that I would not tell a soul! My inner monologue caused me to get too high in spirits and raise a fist above my head with determination and power.

The door opened and a janitor jumped back when he saw me in the closet with my fist in the air. I lowered it slowly and ran away. I was going to find Paulo in the lunchroom again but the bell rang. I would get to him after school.

When the 3:00 bell rang I ran to Paulo's locker. I decided I'd surprise him just like I surprised the janitor. I unlocked his locker, with the combination I'd secretly watched him put in while I was looking over his shoulder.

I squeezed my body into the locker with a lot of difficulty. Not because I didn't fit, but because people opening the lockers in the surrounding hallway were watching in disbelief and making rude comments that I had to make great comebacks to like, "Mind your own business!" And "Haven't you ever seen a girlfriend lovingly squeeze herself into her boyfriend's locker for a lovely surprise before?" I finally got myself all squished in there and awaited Paulo's arrival.

I waited for an hour and Paulo never showed. The hallways were completely empty. When I decided to give up and come out, the door wouldn't open. I was locked in the locker.

"Oh nuts!" I yelled with concern. "HEY SOMEONE HELP ME OUT!"

No luck. The hallways were empty. After several hours I started singing some catchy songs, like christmas carols, when I saw a custodian through the small slits in the locker, walking down the hall.

"Hey Mister Janitor Sir Person Guy!" I shouted. He screamed like a frightened little girl.

"Wh-Who said that?" He stuttered. A joke would be fun to play on him.

"I am a talking locker!" I said in a ghastly, deep voice.

"Rebecca?" He was on to me! "Is that you?"

"Yes." I gave up. "I'm just inside this locker."

"Did those mean jocks put you in there, again?"

"That was ONE time!" I shouted back. This was no time for a janitor's sarcasm. "Stupid Jocks." I muttered angrily under my breath. "Please let me out." I asked politely.

Mr. Janitor dude used his keys to let me out. "How'd you get in there, then?"

"I wanted to surprise my boyfriend, Paulo, by hiding in here." I said as I dusted myself off.

"Paulo? This is little freshman Artie Jenkinson's locker! I know because we always play checkers after school, and I wait for him here. He was out sick today!" The janitor informed me.

"What? Where's Paulo's locker?" I asked anxiously.

"Same number as Artie's, but on the second floor. I know because kids are always puking up there near his locker. I get to clean it up." He answered casually.

"Thanks." I replied, running through the halls. I had nothing better to do all night so I'd wait in Paulo's locker until the morning.

When I finished stuffing myself into Paulo's real locker, after bashing open the lock with a hammer, I stood in anticipation of the morning and Paulo's arrival. As the hours passed, I slowly drifted into sleep. My eyes shut and there was only blackness.