breaking you // gackt x mana

breaking you

It had been a long time. Mana stared at the floor, unsure what to do. He had agreed to meet Gackt even though the younger had refused to disclose the reason he wanted to see his former band member. The two didn't have any bad blood between them or anything, but ever since the decision was made that Gackt would be leaving the group, things got awkward. When they did see each other, they always had fun, but talking enough in between to set anything up became harder and harder. Mana was busy with the band and Gackt was busy with his solo projects.

That being said, just a few days ago, Mana received a call from the vocalist. Gackt requested Mana meet him at his home, the same one he had lived in about three years ago. Mana had been there since, but only with the other former members. The band had just gone on hiatus and Gackt had just finished promotions for his most recent EP. Mana assumed he just wanted to catch up.

That in mind, he sat on a couch adjacent to Gackt, fiddling with his fingers. He could feel Gackt staring at him, but neither had seemed to figure out how to break the ice. Gackt’s usually forthcoming personality that Mana had always loved and admired had shrunk into one similar to his own quiet, inward one. When Mana finally got the courage to glance up, he remembered the aspect of their personalities that they shared: their ambition.

What he meant to be a quick glance turned into long eye contact. Mana found himself drawn to what he saw in Gackt’s eyes. He couldn’t tell what it was, but he wanted to know. The moment only lasted a few seconds, but felt suffocating and tight, forcing Mana to finally initiate the conversation.

“So how are you doing,” Mana signed. Gackt looked down, sighed, and looked back up.

“Are we really gonna do this whole small talk thing,” Gackt asked in an exasperated fashion. Mana was taken aback in a way that must’ve been obvious as he was immediately met with an apologetic look. “I’m sorry. I’m just a little anxious.”

Mana looked at the younger in a questioning, but comforting way. Gackt looked back down and shifted in a way that made his discomfort obvious. Mana began to worry and stood up. He slowly approached the couch that Gackt was sitting on and lowered himself to his knees. He placed his hand on top of Gackt’s, which were tightly clasped together. Mana looked into Gackt’s face and tried to initiate eye contact again. When the two’s eyes met, Gackt’s previously tensed shoulders relaxed.

“Is something wrong,” Mana signed, not breaking eye contact. After a moment of tension, Gackt suddenly leaned down and kissed the other. Immediately, Mana stumbled back, falling off his knees.

    Noticing Mana’s reaction, Gackt kneeled onto the floor next to Mana in a panic and began to apologize profusely. Mana, after gathering himself, softly took Gackt’s hand and stood the two of them up.

“Let’s just sit down,” Mana reassured, “and then we can discuss what just happened.”

    They sat down next to each other and Mana pulled his hands away from Gackt’s, but Gackt’s hands lingered on the other’s knee. Mana couldn’t help but think back to their days on tour together. A group of people that close were bound to form a relationship a little stronger than friends, or at least spend a drunk night together. Gackt and Mana found a lot of comfort in each other back then, hence why the two had a more prickly relationship after Gackt’s departure.

    Mana looked up at Gackt, who was still staring awkwardly at his hands, and reminisced. He remembered the way Gackt would smile at him on stage. How he’d always come to check on Mana if he had a fight with another member. The soft forehead kisses Gackt would give him if he was anxious before a stage. Even the little things like how they’d wish each other happy birthday exactly at midnight and spend any bad days wrapped up together and falling in and out of sleep.