[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]

[130.] Оn grief. [TW]

NOTE:

Trigger Warning

****

Jiang Cheng stood up and slowly left the room. Lan Xichen immediately wanted to follow, but Wei Ying called out:

- Let him be. Let him be alone for now.

Zewu-Jun stood very still in the middle of the room, staring at the closed door in despair; his heart was breaking. He had wondered and racked his brains over how to get the best possible outcome in that impossible situation, and neither him, not Lan Wangji could think of anything more bearable for all parties.
 
- Did I make a mistake, Master Wei?  –  he asked after the longest time.  –  Do you think he will forgive me? Ever?

- I can answer that, Zewu-Jun, but it won't matter.  –  Wei Wuxian said sadly.  –  I think what matters to you is my brother's answer?

- I love him so much, Wei Qianbei...  -  he sighed.

- I see it. Trust that he loves you too. This is a path he has to choose himself.

Wei Wuxian stood up and approached him, placing his hand on his shoulder.

- A-Cheng had been hurt too much in the past. Give him time.

*** 


Sandu Shengshou just walked out of the room, and kept on walking. He had no idea when and how he had walked to the edge of the summer garden, barren now, and dropped to his knees next the carcasses of some dead rose bushes. 

Numb and totally lost.

He had thought that he was going to go away from everybody, be alone, so that he could ponder things through, but he discovered that his mind was empty. It was just his emotions that filled him up, and he was so full of those that they were escaping his body in his tears.

He had no idea how long he had been kneeling there; it was a mild day  –  the weather here was a lot warmer than up in the high hills of Gusu, but he was shivering, weak and unable to stop himself.

Why was he crying? His husband was here, by his side, taking care of him even through the distance of roads and mountains. The people who had caused his greatest misery were gone; he could now be free. His own family was healthy and happy. Why was he crying?  What was that... great sadness over his heart? Was he mourning? He never really cried so much for the first child he lost. Why was he crying now? 

Why was his heart breaking?

He just wanted to run. To escape, somewhere, far away. He didn't want to be Clan Leader. He didn't want to have to make political decisions. He wanted to leave it all to Zewu-Jun; he was managing so much better than him.

Lotus Pier was gone. 

His mother was gone. 

His father was gone. 

His Clan was gone. 

His home was gone.

So much loss.

His small innocent baby was gone. A love was gone.

He collapsed on the ground, staring at the azure sky, and the loud sobs were coming from deep inside, straight from his soul. 

He could not move; the grief was pressing him to the ground, burying him alive.