deja vu~ miraculous

10| pain

Marinette
Marinette woke up with an ache in her chest. Or maybe it was her heart. She couldn't tell. She opened her eyes and realized she was on the rooftop that Chat Noir had taken her to once upon a time. She was bundled up in a blanket, her pigtails let out. She sat up, clutching her chest, and her eyes widened when she saw-

"M'Lady? Are you awake?" Chat was sitting criss crossed right next to where she had slept, his ears drooping. Her eyes traveled upwards, and she smiled softly at the black blindfold he was wearing over his mask. She yawned and sat up with a smile, taking in her surroundings. He had set up a picnic-like blanket with some macaroons and tea. She giggled. "Having a tea party without me?"

His ears perked back up, and he smiled. "A tea party fit for a purrincess." She froze. "You didn't see who I was... did you?" He shook his head. "You're right though. Purrincess isn't the right word. You're a queen in my eyes M'Lady." She laughed, then stopped when she remembered everything that happened. Or, everything that she didn't know happened.

He looked down and fidgeted with his hands. "I hope this is okay. I didn't know where to bring you given I don't know your identity, but I didn't want to leave you alone in case something happened and I thought you might get cold or hungry so-"

"Chat." Marinette said gently. "I love it."

His ears perked up and he blushed gently, handing her (or trying to) hand her a macaroon. Marinette smiled when she realized they were from her parents bakery. "Thank you Kitty."

He popped one in his mouth. "Anytime M'Lady." She smiled softly, trying to ignore the sinking feeling that was forming in her stomach. "Chat... I..." she trailed off, the right words seeming distant. He sighed and wiped the crumbs off his lips. "I suppose you want to know what happened, don't you?"

She twisted her fingers together anxiously. "Maybe it's better if I didn't? I mean I always feel like I need to know everything and anything as guardian but... I feel so lost Chat. I feel like everything is changing and change is so hard and I hate it. Sometimes I just want to let go of everything because the responsibility and stress that comes with it is too much- way too much. It's hard enough as Ladybug but being the guardian simultaneously seems almost impossible at times. I dont know why I was chosen for such responsibility- I have a life! I have a boy I love who's so far out of reach from me and I have dreams and hobbies and friends, but all of that seems so out of reach now. It's like I still have it all but I'm slowly losing it with each day that goes by where I have to lie, lie, lie." She paused as tears slipped down her cheeks. "I don't know how much longer I can do this Chat. It's so much all at once and every day we can't defeat Shadow Moth I lose more and more hope in myself. I love being Ladybug. I love fighting by your side. Chat I love you. You're everything and more to me- the best partner I could ever have. But even that might not be enough. Nothing is anymore."

She sobbed and let herself fall into his embrace, letting him piece together her broken body. "I feel like I have so much potential and power but none of it will ever be enough. Never enough to fix the world, to find hope in myself, to find hope in Paris. I have everything I have a family, a best friend, a partner, a crush, an alter ego, but I still can't find myself. I still don't know who this girl really is. If I'm Ladybug or Ma- my civilian self. I still can't find my purpose, my reason to continue, my reason to dream. I don't know how much longer I can do this." She sobbed into his arms, and he sat quietly, silently listening to everything she told him.

"It's okay little bug. Just stay with me."

She cried into his arms, a sight to see. Marinette Dupain- Cheng crying into a blindfolded Chat Noir. "It'll all be okay Ladybug. I promise."