I'm generally happy. I feel happy, I smile now. Sometimes, seeing your face or even getting a glimpse of it, throws me off. Beyond a doubt, I know I'm going to see you at least once or twice a day. Though, I never want to you to know it, I watch you as you leave and my smile fades away as you give me a gentle wave.
I wave back, but when he strides beside me and lifts you up off the ground and you smile into his neck, I quickly fall apart. The look of your face, the look I always wanted for myself is something I loathe. It's okay, though, you love him. That's fine, you're happy. You deserve to be happy. You deserve something better than me, him, or anyone for that matter. You deserve to be God's divine bride, a person of legend.
I don't deserve to even see your face in my peripheral vision. I don't deserve your memory or the image of your smile reflecting from my eyes to my brain. When I see you, you are flipped upside down and my vision is blurry. I was never meant to look at something this beautiful and wonderful with these eyes of mine. My brain can't comprehend the information.
The way he grabs you, the way he casually grabs you with vulgarity and disrespect make me almost go over the edge. You smile at him, almost as if you like the disgusting acts he's performing. He grins back at you, a Cheshire grin with eyes showing bad intentions.
But somehow, this man, this pig of a man, is better than me. So, I let it slide and turn the other cheek. I can't lay my eyes on him again without performing an act equally repulsive. The fire burning inside my chest turns my vision to the snow-covered window. I feel as if I could cool my anger with a touch, leaning my upper torso against it.
The smell of your perfume, the scent of an autumn breeze, drifts past my nose, beckoning me to you. When I do, I instantly regret it. I connect eyes with him, a scowl upon his face and his arm draped provocatively around the small of your back. He stops in his tracks, stopping you too and he stares into my eyes. But I turn away, a forgotten friend in your eyes.
Coward... Coward!
My thoughts insult me, attacking me with spite. I grit my teeth until I hear your feet moving again. I get the courage to gaze at you as you leave, connecting eyes with you, seeing that worried expression on your face, marring your beauty with it.
I let a smile run up on my face. I'm stronger than that, I tell myself. I can't let myself give in.
But it's too late. This decision is surely the right one. A half smile dances on your face and your eyes move back to him as he speaks words that I hate and disgust.
I'm happy now though and don't you forget it. I've moved on, surely, I shouldn't be feeling anything. I mean, I never had you in the first place. Moving on should be easy.
My feet move on their own, going the opposite way. A smile plastered on my face. I'm generally happy. I feel happy, I smile now...
