My Little Bird

My little bird. The only person I feel free to be myself around. The one I can trust. The one I love to the moon and back. You are my life and my heart. You are my little bird.

That is a little something that I learned from my mother. She had said that to me from the time I was a small child and they were the last words that she had ever said. I am a normal 18 year old girl from North Carolina, only I have no one. I have no 'little bird' to hold and take care of and...love.

Sure I feel lonely every once in a while. But doesn't everybody? All of my friends have boyfriends, and by "friends" I mean "friend" and she ONLY cares about Jackson, her boyfriend. Her name is Erin. She is my only friend and her favourite colour is orange, which is funny because that's Ed Sheeran's colour and he's my favourite singer, and he has a song called "Little Bird" and every time I hear it I think of my mother. Her beautiful image projected in my mind. Her wonderful ocean blue eyes staring deeply into mine. Her hair so blonde you wouldn't believe she had never dyed it and she was 40.

She had died of cancer and she was the only person I could really talk to. She would actually listen. And if I needed to be cheered up, she would come up with the most hilarious responses. In my mind, she was my hero. I always wanted to be just like her when I grew up. Now she's gone and I would never get to talk to her or see her ever again. She would never tell me another joke. She would never make me happy again. When I used to think of her and think of happiness and a wonderful world. Now I just think of sadness and all loss of hope.

In the morning, I awoke to hear my kid brother screaming his head off. He has had reoccurring nightmares since mom died. He told me that they were about him in her arms when he was a baby. Then she would start yelling at him, saying that he wasn't good enough and that he was a huge disappointment. Then he would fall. He would fall until I came in and comforted him.

Dad never cared. The only time I have ever seen him care about anyone was when mom was around. Back then, we were a full, happy family. Mom was the knot that tied us all together. Now we are slowly growing farther apart. In my mind, I always thought that, one day, I would have to pack mine and Louis' stuff and run away. Because more and more often, Dad would get mad at us and beat us for no reason. He never really hurt me, but Louis is scarred for life and scared to death of Dad.

I got to Louis' room down the hall and knocked on the door. "Calista?" a small, shaky voice asked, "Is that you?"

"Yeah, buddy," I replied, "Can I come in?"

"I guess" he said while sniffing and swallowing most of his sadness. I walked in to see him sitting up at the head o

f his bed with his knees to his chest, tears staining his cheeks.

"Hey," he said with a smile, trying to look happy. His brown eyes looking strait at me with so much pain. It hurt me to see him like this. With his perfect light brown hair messed all up because of his hands. When he's scared, he frantically runs his fingers through his hair. Somehow, it calms him enough so that he can speak. I saw the look on his face and teared up. I walked to the side of his bed and started rubbing his hair. This is what mom used to do to get him to sleep. Maybe that's why it comforts him?

"Are you okay, little lion man?" I asked, and he smiled. Little lion man is his favourite song and he loves it when I call him that. He says it makes him feel strong and powerful, like a lion. Even though the song isn't really about how strong lions are. "Yeah, I guess," he said, "it changed this time." Oh no, whenever his dream changes, it gets worse. "This time Dad was there...and he wasn't happy," He paused for a minute, trying to keep from bawling. "He said it was my fault." He was crying and his words were getting mixed in with the sobs. "He said that I killed her. But I didn't! I wouldn't! You believe me right?" he asked. his face was so broken and his expression was so hurt. "I believe you! I know you loved her and you would never do anything to hurt her."