Nessian

All alone

I'm in my chunky purple bathrobe sitting on the toilet. I've locked myself in the bathroom, and at this point, I'm just trying to outlast everyone outside. It's a muffled blur, but I can still see my friends red disco lighting flash beneath the bathroom door. I'm better at numbing out, and getting sad, laid, and wasted. Atleat that what I've been telling myself. But looking at me you would've never guessed. I pull back the shower curtain and step up onto the lip of the tub to see my reflection in the mirror. I'm wearing a floor length gray maxi dress, I can't see my head, my dirty blond hair stuffed into a bun. I huff a breath. It's probably just 11, but I've been up since four. The whole world spins for a second, and I  turn on the  facuet, cupping my a little watter into my hands and drinking greedily, filling the empty whole in my tummy. I'm not willing to brave the crowd outside just for a few measly appetizers. I hear the door knob rattle. Tying on my robe, I crack the door open an inch. I see a head of blond hair, pressed up by a brown one, leaning on the door. Pushing my weight against the door with my shoulder, I shut the door again. I'm officially stuck. I'm exhausted but I can't sleep here, in this little room that's had quite a few people in it the past couple days. I feel like doing nothing, but I guess I might as well take advantage of my time in the bathroom, you know, in case I have to end up sleeping here tonght. Ugh!

I pull open the medicine cabinet, disappointed that there's only ibeproen, some pink pepto bismol and calamine lotion. A few scattered bands on every shelf, a roll of guaze, and a mess of neosporin on the top shelf. The tube must be leaking. Slaming the door shut disappointed there's nothing to stop the ache in my heart, I bend down to the cabinet under the sink. It's a mess under there, the rolls of toilet paper falling over half-opened boxes of tampons and  paper towels,the srubbers thrown half-hazardly on top. There's an old spray bottle full of vinegar next to a mostly empty jar of bath salts. I take everything out onto the floor, relieved to find a box of baking soda at the back and a small cup of detergent thatmiracously managed not to fall over.  I find an old half tube of red lipstick too. I put some on and grin at myself in the cloudy mirror. Yes, now I'm in the mood. Hanging up my robe  and dress on the hook behind the door and locking the door behind me, I get to work.

I spritze the grimy floor of the cabinet, wipe and replace everything. I move on to scrub the toilet, then let the toilet scrubber drain as I move onto the sink and mirror. Rinsing it all through,  I save the baseboards and floor for last, wiping it down with a dry paper towel before moving onto the wet one. The whole room smells like vinegar, and I'm sure no one will want to barge in until it's all aired out. I don't turn on the exhaust. I step up onto the lip of the tub again, surprised my the slight ring at the edge of the tub. We only ever use the shower. Sighing, I pull out the dusty candles and unhook the shower handle and get the tub wet. After thorughly cleaning the tub and replacing the candles, I start to run a bath and empty the remaining bath salts into the tub, even though I know I'll have to clean the tub again right after. Relaxing into the hot soapy water I feel the tension drain out of my shoulders. The party raging outside feels far away. Leaning my head back and closing my eyes I wish I could just go out and sleep. A flurry of knocking assualts the door. "Mackenzie?" I ask, not wanting to get up. "You've been in there forever. Are you ever gonna get out?" someone else answers. I'd know that voice anywhere. Tomas. I don't answer. I lean over to double check the lock. Getting out silently, I I towel off and start to drain the tub, reaching for the scrubber. All dressed, I wipe off my lipstick, moisturize, and pull my hair out of my messy bun, pulling  it into a simple braid. I take a deep breath. Two options. Dry off the tub and curl up in my robe for the night slightly light-headed, waiting for the party to end, or pull on a brave face and go home with Tomas, sleep, and come back home before he gets up. I tilt my head, feeling moisture lining my eyes at the mere thought of being around him. Thought of seeing Cassian's disappointment as I go.