“Babe I just got called into the studio.” “Again..?” I say with a little disappointment in my tone. “Yeah we got some fixin up to do. I’ll be back around 2 pm.” He comes over and gives me 2 kisses and gives me one of those hugs I like. ” Bye princess I love you.” “Bye! I love you too.” He then walks out of the door and I can here the engine rumble as he drives away.
So I go and watch some tv for a while until I remember I forgot to take my pill. I take anti-depressants but Harry doesn’t know. He actually doesn’t know a lot like how I’m depressed, I cut myself sometimes, and I have sucidal thoughts but I don’t want to tell him because I don’t want him to think I’m crazy or something so I just keep it to myself. It’s kind of hard though waking up before him to take my pill making sure my wrists aren’t visible. I take my pill and I go to our room and clean up a little and as I’m doing that I start thinking to myself What if Harry found out about me? What would he think? Would he leave me? would I disappoint him? I hated to disappoint people and it seemed like I do a lot. I start thinking that maybe I deserve the pain I give to myself because of the secrets I keep behind people’s backs. You had been getting bigger, and putting on weight. So you were not happy about that either.
I run to the bathroom tears in my eyes and I find my blade right in the cupboard above the toilet. I have it hidden. I start cutting my wrists and my thighs. It’s about 12:30pm and an angry Harry comes in the door. I hurry up and clean everything up and put my blade back and I can here him slamming things. I flush the toilet to make it seem like that’s what I was doing and I walk out and go to the kitchen, where he is.
I come up from behind him and hug his waste a little. He turns around and he’s crying. I ask him “What’s wrong baby?” “Is it true?” he says his voice all shook up. “Is what true?” “Are you….suicidal and depressed? Did I make you this way?” “No baby I’ve been this way all my life, how’d you find out?” I say tears starting to roll down my already red face. “Your mother called my phone told me your pills were in and that you should try calling this therapist that works with people who are suicidal. She called my phone by mistake thinking it was yours. When she said that I hung up on her and I was angry not at you but at myself because I didn’t think I was giving you enough love.” “No Harry, I love you so much and I..I only do this because I’m afraid to disappoint people.” ”Princess, let me see your wrists.” “Wha-what, why?” “Let. Me. See. Them.” he said with a stern voice frightening me a little. I lightly pull up my sleeves exposing my freshly new cuts. ”Did you do this t-t-today?” he said, voice all shook up again. I simply just nod my head. “Why princess?” “I’m just tired of disapointing you so I thought this is what I deserve.”Kat you don’t deserve any of this I love you so much and I don’t ever want you to leave me.”I never would baby I love you so much and I’m so sorry.” “Please don’t do this again I can help you baby I don’t want this to happen to you I want you to be happy and I want you to be happy with me.”I promise I won’t do this again but it’s going to take some time Babe.” “I don’t care how long it takes as long as your here with me I love you Kendall.” “I love you too Harry.” Then he kissed me and we both went to bed and snuggled the whole day while watching movies. I don’t want to do this anymore. I just want to be with Harry and be happy. I hope this will all go away. Soon. To be. Safe.
