queen of disaster

117 9 23
                                    

you tell me to swallow my pride
                             but i have none to swallow,
     you tell me i need to watch what i eat anyways
         you tell me to swallow my pride
       but there's no ounce of it left to my name
             you've stripped me down to a body to mold,
    clay in your hands and i'm slipping
                       out and down
spiraling
               how can i be pretty in pink
     when my skin is grey and cracked?
         i am an old porcelain doll,
                 unwanted and breaking
            will you hide me on the back of the shelf
            if you can't fix me?
                    would you dare hide me away?
    let dust in through my cracks,
       creaks to fill up my bones
                and lock me into place?
                                how ugly of you.

              you tell me i am fine,
                 i have never looked better
            because fragile is dainty and beautiful
    and the more breakable i look
       the more wanted
                                  i am
    when the breeze of my jumps knocks me over,
        will i finally fall with the grace you desire?
the flame will always burn out.
         no passion to bury myself into,
           no drive to go on "just one more time,"
                no spite to relight the flame
              with the smoke of your words
          i have never been pretty in pink,
                      and i have never been dainty,
         and i have never been a clay doll
       spinning, smiling, soaring,
              so gentle and dainty in your hands,
                           beautiful
             perhaps too gentle,
       i'm held, and held, and held, until–

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