The cure for my madness

Part 1: Another disapointment

-"Hello? Marcus? " I called out when I opened the door, no answer.

I sighed and sat down on his leather couch. I looked up at the clock. 10.23 pm I was confused, he would be home at 9 but there were no signs of him. I poured myself a glass of wine, I really needed that after a long day at work. I turned on the TV to distract my thoughts. It was Love island on the TV, a show that you just can't stop watching. I watched episode after episode. I just binged watched it for so long that I lost track of time. Until a text interrupted me, then I saw the time on my phone. 00.46 am

Hey babe! I'm so sorry but I have to work late tonight. Hope ur not too mad about it, I will make it up to ya. Promise <3

I just threw my phone beside me on the couch in anger. He had disappointed me, again. I was somehow weirdly surprised by it. Even though it had happened multiple times before. Then I found myself being at his place alone. Of course he had to work late, again. But he would make it up for me, he said. I don't know what it means though. The whole night had passed, I looked impatiently at the clock. 02.03 am I sighed and decided to go to his bed. I can't sit here all night, I thought to myself. I went to his bed and tried to fall asleep. It was very hard to fall asleep, every position I laid in was uncomfortable. My thoughts didn't make it easier either, I was thinking about the allegations about him. What if it all was true? Has our relationship been fake? Wasn't I enough? Could I change so he would stay? I think what put me finally asleep was that I was exhausted. I slightly woke up from my sleep, I heard the sound of a key unlocking the door and someone entering the apartment. It was him. The sound of him kicking off his shoes and taking his clothes off woke me up more. He came and laid down beside me. He cuddled me from behind and wrapped his hands around me, as I was laying on the side. I could tell that his breath smelled like cigarettes and beer, that made my suspicions more clear.

-"I'm so sorry that I came home so late babe." He whispered with a drunk voice in my ear and then kissed me on my shoulder.

-"It's fine." I said and then sighed. I was really desperate for some sleep. I was hoping that my sigh indicated that I didn't want to talk, just sleep.

-"I thought about you all night bebe. "He said and then started kissing my shoulder. Clearly he didn't get my hint.

-"Why do you smell like beer?" I said because that still rubbed me the wrong way.

-"Me and the boys just went out for a couple of beers after work."That really threw me off. Here I was waiting for him and almost felt bad for him that he had to work late. All I wanted was to be really angry at him, just say what I actually felt. But right now it was too late for me. I will take care of that tomorrow, somehow.

-"Fun."I said almost too ironically.

-"Yeah it was, anyways good night then love." He said and kissed me on the cheek and turned around not facing my back anymore. It was nice that he let go of me because I felt very uncomfortable.

-"Night." I said and sighed. Was this our relationship? That he works late all the time and I have to patiently wait for him everytime. And him seeing nothing wrong with him going out instead of being with me. He shouldn't have woken me up, my thoughts started to spin again.