✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

42. At the End of the Day

"Tess!" Ffrances yelled again, and finally managed to catch the young girl's attention. She turned and saw that the blanket was now full of stuff, as if they were having a picnic. She stumbled a little as she stopped running, but caught herself and jogged back over to see what was happening.

The blanket was thick and wooly, and it was spread half on the lawn and half on the tiled path. One edge was along the edge of the raised area immediately outside the conservatory; the area that she'd heard Gabby refer to as the 'deck' before. She didn't quite know what the word meant, besides understanding that a whole bunch of countries had their own interpretations of the concept, but she didn't need to think about that now. It was just another word she didn't really understand, and that was a feeling that should be common to a kid as young as Tess was supposed to be right now.

Today, the deck seemed to have turned into a kind of table. There were plates and bowls set out along the edge, so that a baby sitting on the blanket couldn't quite reach to knock them over. Ffrances handed out paper plates, and little wooden forks that looked like they were designed to return to nature if dropped in the grass. The food itself was a selection of buffet type stuff, some cold but mostly fresh, hot food. As Tess sat down, she realised that the blanket was somehow warm as well, and a hot breeze was blowing over them.

"We're going to be watching the sunset over dinner," Ffrances explained, "so it's sure to get cold. It's already a little chilly now, and the forecast says we'll have frost tonight. So I turned on the conservatory space heater. There's a vent so you can keep the space outside a little warmer."

"Wow," Tess beamed, impressed that the grown-up knew so much. And as soon as she recognised that thought as another childish one, she was laughing at herself. It was incredible how much her thoughts were changing.

They enjoyed dinner. Tess recognised some of the things on offer, like steamed dumplings that were being kept hot over some kind of kettle thing, but there were others that she didn't even know the name of. She had to try a little bit of everything, and she found herself thanking Ffrances at every possible opportunity. She didn't know if that was for the food, or the hypnosis, or just for protecting her from Gabby's prank, but she knew that she was extremely grateful.

The sunset was spectacular. They apparently had the perfect amount of clouds, so there was something for all the brilliant colours to shine on, but the sky wasn't hidden. Ffrances enjoyed it too, but most of her attention seemed to be on trying to feed a fussy baby. Gabby might have got what she always wanted, but she wasn't taking it well. Maybe that was the point; she could be selfish and obstinate, and because she was a baby everybody would only try to make her happy. Tess, on the other hand, was serving herself and didn't need to ask for grown-up help with anything at all. It felt so good to know that she could do it all by herself.

* * *

"How does the hypnotised thing work?" Tess asked, as she started to feel full, and wanted something to focus on other than the remaining treats in front of her. "I mean... not like all the special stuff. But like, what can it do?"

"Almost anything you can imagine," Ffrances answered. "It can't really change things, but it can change what you see. Help you to do things, or feel things. It can't turn you into a real baby, but it can make it feel real to you. And it's something I'd love to talk about more, but I think you're too little to understand properly now. It's hard to pick words you would know."

"Can I ask you to do it more?" The question was out there in the world before Tess even knew what she was going to ask, and she immediately wished she could pull the words back into her mouth and swallow them. That had to be asking too much.

"Maybe. If it's just for fun. But that's certainly not something you can ask when you're so little like that."

"I'm big enough!" Tess pouted. "I'm nearly..." and then she was struggling to think. She felt like a big girl because she was nearly eight, but somewhere in the back of her mind she could remember that she was almost double that in reality. "Is it because I'm too little, or just I'm not my real age?"

"Both. But I didn't expect you to see the difference. Would you like me to tell you again how small you are, so you don't need to think about all the scary grown-up stuff?"

"No!" Tess gasped, and then wondered if she'd seemed too harsh; did she sound scared? She didn't want to offend Ffrances, or imply that she didn't trust her. Or worse, let her think that Tess didn't actually like this kind of play. She took a deep breath, and tried a more measured answer:

"No, thank you. I've enjoyed today, but this stuff is super interesting. I want to talk about it, I want to be big enough to talk about it. We've done running around the garden and having fun and all that stuff. Can I be a big girl now? Please?"

"How big? I'll give you the choice."

Then Tess hesitated, because she knew her first choice would have been her real age, but she wasn't eager to let go of her first trance so easily.

"I don't know," she eventually answered, selecting a candy cane from the little plate of desserts and starting to suck it. "I want to be big enough to talk about this stuff. It's exciting, and it's useful too, and I can't wait to talk about it. So how old do I have to be?"

"If you mean talking about things you want me to do next time you two are being little ones, you would have to be fully grown up. And you'd have to have half an hour to properly settle into thinking normally again. But if I clear the suggestions out of your mind, it won't be easy to get back into your headspace. We were going to spend the evening watching cartoons, unless you have more homework. I might have asked you to try babysitting the little one. Now, if you've had enough for today, I can bring you back to normal. But I won't do another fantasy trance the same day, so then you're stuck with your real age, at least until Monday evening. Perhaps longer. Do you want out?"

"It's not that. I mean, it's not like I don't like it. I really want to try being... different things. But I really, really want to know more about it. And talk about different things we could do. Oh! But I don't want to disturb the baby. It looks like she's nodding off now, with food all over her face. Can I be really me even if she wants to stay like that? I'll still be young enough to be a babysitter, if that helps."

"Okay. I think you've thought this through a lot. And you're showing a lot of maturity. I could help you let go of that, but you seem pretty sure you're ready to grow up, and I only ever give people what they want. So... you come out of your headspace, all back to normal, and little Gabby can stay a baby for the rest of the day. You can be a big sister or babysitter, tease her a little, and we'll all watch cartoons. And in half an hour, I think I'll trust that you are thinking clearly enough to let me know what you really want. Agreed? Last choice to turn back if you want to be little later today. It might be a while before we're all free to do it again."

"I'm sure," Tess nodded, and resisted the urge to giggle like a little kid. She was a big girl now and she wanted to prove it.

"Okay then. Now, just watch my fingertips. Focus on them, and see how hard it is to keep following them. How easy it would be to let your eyes lag behind, and find yourself reminded of the metronome, when you just didn't have the energy to keep following it. Do you remember how it felt when you started nodding, and then you just didn't have the energy to raise your head, so you just kept listening and..."