Alone again. It's an odd silence. No radio playing some old songs that I can never recognize, no mother quietly humming along, no father tapping his cigarette onto an ash tray as if he were ridding himself of a spare thought. Just quiet, peaceful.
And the clocks arms slowly turn, and there's nothing to do but sit and think. I think of her, Jiwoo, and how we'd play so many different types of games in our own angelic little bubble. Scrabble, which she surprisingly whooped my ass at every time (hence why I only brought it out when I was on a clean winning streak and her pout became to much to handle), snakes and ladders which was quite literally always full of ups and downs, and then there was my favorite, hide and seek.
Longing is a bad thing; I know this. It's bad to want too much because the world will never be that fruitful; there's always a twist, a rolling of the dice, and it does not always pay off to want more. But I long for those lazy Sundays where me and Jiwoo would play hide and seek with no other intent than just that. Hide and seek.
Wanting is bad. But one favour is not too much, right?
8:30PM
*Dialling Jiwoo...*
"Soo! Hel-"
"My parents are out, come over? There's some new...uhh games I was wanting to try out."
"I'm not sure Soo...There's a few things I need-"
"My parents are getting suspicious on all our 'play dates' you've canceled. I'll let them know you stopped by. See you in ten?"
"Yeah-"
*Call ended. This call lasted 1:09*
My hands start to sweat as 8:40PM draws closer. I check myself quickly in the mirror.
"Hey, why are you nervous? It's just Jiwoo. Scratch that. It's just a play date."
I whine at the sound of my own words. Yeah, play date my ass.
8:41PM
Did she...change her mind? It's unlike her to not be punctual... Perhaps she finally has the self control to refuse me; good for her!; I could use some of that. Oh wait?
I glimpse of pink catches my eye. Yep, definitely Jiwoo. She's just standing there at the door? Did I miss a knock?
"Uh... Jiwoo? Are you there? Why didn't you just walk in? You've been coming to this place since we were eight, you can just invite yourself in you know that right? Jiwoo?"
I am met with a blank stare and a smile, and it takes a few seconds for her to catch on that I asked a question (hence my calling of her name).
"Huh? Oh, yeah right! Hi!"
"You're late; that's new...well...come in!"
She smiles brightly and I try my best not to crack a smile as I quickly grab her hand and turn to head inside.
Dragging her inside and up the stairs, I feel her soft hand in mine and I'm brushed with an overwhelming feeling of burning. Wanting is bad, and Jiwoo to me is like the sun to Icarus, as much as I try and control myself, in the end the heat wins and I get burned. If wanting is bad, then Jiwoo is my sin.
8:34PM
I notice that she's become lost in her own thoughts; it's been happening more recently, and I know it's my fault. Everything has changed me and things aren't so lighthearted anymore. Jiwoo, if I could tell you, you have given me something that I can't live without would that make you smile?
Maybe I can distract her by watching one of her favourite movies?
"You really keep spacing today. Wanna watch a movie?"
