Lost

My Fault

I groan and I rub my eyes. What the fuck happened? The last thing I can remember is running through the sewers with Mikey chasing those mutant cockroaches.
My whole back hurts, my shell is definitely bruised. Shit.
Mikey! Is Mikey okay!?
I sit up quickly, a lot quicker than I should have. Damn, that really hurt my back and my head is spinning like it's on some kind of swivel.
"Mikey, thank god!" Mikey gives me a cold side glance. Why the hell is he being a dick to me too now? "Where are we?" I ask him but he bother to look at me.
We are sitting a few feet away from the opening of a sewer tunnel.
Mikey doesn't even bother to answer my question, he still won't even look at me.
I roll my eyes and I crawl to the opening of the tunnel.
When I look through it I get blinded by the sun.
Shit, it's morning already? How long did I sleep? I must have been out all night.
When my eyes adjust all I can see is blue and green. There's a river between us and a forest. We are literally on the edge of the city. I can hear the busy city behind us.
Mikey crawls next to me and he puts his legs into the river.
"I lost my T-Phone somewhere in the sewers."
Oh shit I didn't even think about that. I look in my belt, in the spot where I would normally put my T-Phone but sure enough, it's not fucking there.
"We should swim across the river and hide out in the woods until dark." Mikey's voice is just as cold as before. I wonder if he slept at all. My guess is no, and now he's pissed at me too. "Then we can make our way back to the city after dark."
That's probably our best bet. We definitely can't go back the way we came from that's for damn sure.
"Let's go then," I say and I scoot to the edge next to Mikey. I put my legs in the water and I yank them out right away. "DAMN! That's fucking cold, Mikey. You expect me to get in that?" This water is almost as cold as Mikey.
Mikey doesn't say anything, he's still going strong with this whole silent treatment thing. I wonder how long he's going to keep this shit up. It's getting old real fast.
He takes a deep breath and then he just slides into the water like it's not freezing. And he goes all the way under too, I just know that water temperature knocked the air out of his lungs.
"Here goes nothing," I mumble to myself.
I groan and I take a deep breath before I push myself out of the drain pipe and into the icey water.
I go under water and I nearly scream from the cold.
This water is dirty, but not as dirty as the gross sewers water. I can see clear enough to see Mikey swimming towards the other shore.
I follow behind him, goosebumps are running up my whole fucking body and I can't feel my toes or my fingers. I haven't even been under here for that long. How the hell is Mikey just swimming like we are in a damn pool or some shit.
I finally reach the other side and I pull myself up onto the grass. Mikey is already in the woods. I follow the path that Mikey created and I find him standing in front of a tree with his arms crossed. He's rubbing his arms to try to warm them up. He finally decides that he wants to look at me now.
"Why didn't you just follow me? We could've gotten the cockroaches and been home by now. Do you really thing thin that incapable and stupid? But now we are stuck in these stupid woods far from home."
I might just throw myself back into that damn river if this is how his bitchy ass is gonna act.
"Are you blaming me for this?" I can feel my blood boiling, and surprisingly enough it's warming me up. Not in a good way though, more so in a way where I feel like I could beat a fucking tree into the ground.
"Yeah, Raph, I am." He's still looking at me, his baby blue eyes are dark and cold like that river.
"You're the one who mutated those damn things in the first place!"
"So it's all my fault, right?" How the hell is he keeping his voice so monotone?
"Yeah! It's fucking is. You're always such a damn klutz and fuckin everything up!"
"Thanks," he says and he looks down at the ground. He forces a sad chuckle then he looks back up at me. "Maybe I should just stay here, then I wouldn't be such a burden to everyone."
"Y-" No. I stop myself before I say something that I know I will regret. I need to get away from him before I blow up and lose my shit.
I storm off into the woods and find a big tree with roots sticking out of the ground.
Who the hell does he think he is, huh? Of course I don't want him to stay here, what kind of dumbass comment was that? Does he really think that he's such a damn burden?
I ball up my fist and I punch the tree, it breaks the bark and the skin in my knuckles. Damn that hurt, but it felt good.
I look at my knuckles, blood is seeping out of them.
This whole things is his fault! Seriously, if he wasn't the klutz that he is this wouldn't of happened!
I grunt in anger and I pull my fist back and I punch the tree again, in the same spot. The bare branches shake and bits of bark go flying off.
That punch must have been harder, pain shoots up my whole arm and it even hurt the tender spot in my back. Hell, there's even a blood splatter on the tree now.
I let my fist fall and I can feel the blood running down my fingers and dripping into the ground. The pain and blood, it all feels good, almost too good. Each punch was a relief, it was like I was creating a way for the anger to escape from my body.
I sigh and then I take a deep breath.
It's not all Mikey's fault. In fact, it's my fault that we are here. He was right, If I wasn't such a fucking coward we would be at home by now. Why can't I just beat up those damn bugs, huh?
"Coward," I mumble under my breath and I can feel my eyes swelling with tears. It's all my fault we are stuck here- and Leo, Donnie, Splinter- everyone must be worried out of their damn minds.
"Fucking coward." I mumble a little louder and I pull my fist back again and I punch the tree for a third time.
As my body absorbs the pain I sink to my knees.
I tilt my forehead against the tree and my heart rate and my breathing rate starts to speed up.
If I had just listened to Mikey instead of dragging him down that other tunnel everything would be okay.
And yet even after I dragged him down that tunnel, he saved my ass from getting separated from him.
All the anger that I had bottled up is gone, but now all I feel is unbearable regret and guilt.
I should go...apologize...and thank him.
I groan and I stand up. I look down at my hand again, shit it really hurts.
And I'm still fucking cold. If I'm still cold, Mikey definitely is too.
I could make a fire. A while ago, before we went up to the surface Donnie made us listen to a bunch of lectures. I don't remember most of them but one was how to make a fire with minimal supplies. I guess that's the only thing that caught my attention.
I walk through the woods and I gather a small arm full of twigs and branches. Now I just need need some-
Pine needles. Perfect.
I get a handful of pine needles and I start making my way back to Mikey.
When I find him he's sitting in front of that same tree. He's hugging his legs and it's obvious that's he's shivering. Us turtles aren't meant for that degree of cold.
I walk up to him and I sit a few feet in front of him. He doesn't even bother to look up at me.
I put the wood on the ground and I put the pine needles on it.
Now to actually make a fire, the hard part. I put the last piece of broken off twig on the pine needles and I take the other twig and I stand it up on the twig thats laying down. I rub the twig in the palms of my hands going back and forth. Donnie said that we'd have to do this part fast enough so it can create a spark.
After several minutes of doing that shit I finally get a spark.
The spark shoots onto the dried out pine needles and I get down and I gently blow on it.
Soon enough a small fire starts going. I didn't want to make anything too huge that it would cause a forest fire.
I get some stones that were near by and I put them around the fire to create a barrier.
"Look at that, one of Donnies survival lectures paid off." Mikey still doesn't look at me.
I sigh and I get back on my knees.
"Look..." I take a deep breath. "l was scared." That gets his attention and he finally looks up. "I lied...I haven't gotten over my fear of cockroaches...I knew that if we faced one I would freeze and I wouldn't be able to fight it." I look down at the fire then I look back up. "It's my fault that we are here, not yours. I shouldn't have dragged you off like that...I'm s..sorry." Mikey's face looks a little warmer. "And thank you for saving my shell back there in the sewers."
I pause for a few seconds, hoping Mikey will say something but he doesn't say anything. I guess it's still my turn to talk. Great. What else am I supposed to say-
"And Mikey, you aren't a burden to anyone. I know we give you a lot of shit, but we still care about you. And you're out of your damn mind if you think I'm just gonna leave you here."
"Thanks, Raphie." He says with a playful smile, a genuine a smile this time. The shine in his baby blue eyes returned.
"I'll let that one slide. Just this time." He smiles again and he scoots over and he pats the ground next to him. I crawl over next to him and I lean against the tree. It's sore against my shell but it feels good to rest my back instead of just sitting up.
"Thanks for the fire, it feels nice." He extends his hands out to the fire and he yawns.
"How's your hand?"
"You heard that, huh?"
"How could I not have?"
"My hand is fine, don't worry about it."
"How's the tree?" I laugh softly and I rub his head playfully.
"You should rest now, Mikey." He nods and he shuffles around so he's laying down. He puts his head on my leg. His mask is really wet and cold.
"Here, let's get that off." I untie Mikey's mask and I hang it over a low hanging branch. I should probably do that too.
I take my mask off and I put it on the branch next to Mikey's. They should dry out good there.
"Hey, Raph?"
"Yeah, Mikey?"
"I don't like being angry..." he starts to trail off.
"I don't like seeing you angry either, leave that to me."
Mikey starts to snore and I'm pretty sure he just drooled on my leg.
That's fucking disgusting.
At least he's getting some sleep though, it was pretty obvious that he needed it.