Please love me more than I hate myself||Hyunchan ff

9

After 30minutes of sitting crying and shaking he finally fell asleep, into a world that was his escape from this horrible moment. His breath got steadier, but the pain in his body didn't slow down...

„Hyunjin?" a loud bang on the bathroom door woke him up.
„Hyunjin, are you in there? Open the door !" Changbin was banging on the door. He was worried sick. When he woke up this morning his brother wasn't in his room. But instead he found the bathroom door closed.
Hyunjin was laying on the cold floor, he was exhausted, his stomach hurt from the lack of food, he had a headache and didn't have any strength to stand up.
„Ch-Changbi-n" his voice was a whisper but his brother heard him.
„Hang on I'll go and get the replacement key." Hyunjin tried to protest but he couldn't he just didn't have the strength. After a minute of searching Changbin found the key and ran back to the bathroom.
„Just a second Innie." he was so worried that his hands were shaking. He dropped the key.
„Fuck!"
Then he was finally able to open the door and...
The Szene infront of him shocked him and broke his heart. His younger brother laying on the bathroom tiles curled up, shaking. He wasn't wearing a shirt, so Changbin could see him, the state he was in. There were hickeys all over his body, a bruise looking like a hand around his neck and the worst: his rips were poking out and his collarbones looked like they could catch raindrops.
Changbin rushed to his brother kneeling down and trying to held his brothers head up. Only then he saw dried blood on his lip down his chin.
„Omg Innie..." it was only a whisper but Hyunjin who had fallen asleep again woke up.
„Chang-bin"
„Sh-sh it's ok I'm here. Can you tell me what happened? Where do all these marks come from and why are you so weak?" there was so much worry in his voice that Hyunjin felt bad for worrying him.
„It-its nothing. I just fell asleep and must have hit something..."
„That is such a bad excuse. Now please tell me what really happened you can tell me everything ok ?" Hyunjin knew he could trust his brother, but he didn't want to hurt him and disappoint him.
„I-i can't I would disappoint you..."
„No Innie. You are my brother now please, tell me whats going on."
„Fine..." whit Changbins help he sat up and started talking
„I... I was at Simons and he kind of... you know, he was angry at me and, we had like...ehm, yeah he slept with me but I didn't want to but he just... he just continued..." Changbin saw tears building up in Hyunjins eyes, so he put his arm around his brother.
„Thats were the marks come from."
„Sorry to interrupt you, but has he done that before?"
„K-kind of-f?"
„Oh Innie why didn't you tell me." Changbin tried his best to suppress his anger and was actually quite successful.
„I'm sorry but I-I..." he started subbing and had to take deep breath.
„And why are you here in the bathroom laying on the floor? And what, what is that on your chin? It's blood, isn't it?"
Hyunjin nodded
„I came back, and went in here to see if I had visible marks on me." he had to chuckle a bit by the irony of it.
„Then I heard you and mom fighting and-and I hate it when you fight so I stayed inside the bathroom. And about my l-lip... I some-sometimes pick at it whe-n I'm stre-ssed" now, that he finally told some of the secrets he had, he felt so relieved. So he just cried out and snuggled into changbins chest, who tried his best the comfort his younger brother.
They stayed like that for about 10 minutes, by that time Hyunjin had calmed down and wasn't crying anymore.
„Thank you Binnie. It means a lot to me. That you listened and just... everything."
„It's ok. I'm here for you, ok?" Hyunjin nodded, appreciating his brothers words. They got up and finally left the bathroom. Hyunjin who still wasn't wearing a shirt wanted to grab a hoodie, but Changbin held him back. „We have school today, do you want to stay home."
„No, no it's fine.I'm fine."
„When you say so... then get ready and after we will eat breakfast together!"
His words not tolerating any form of contradiction. So Hyunjin nodded and went into his room. He stood infront of his wardrobe, thinking what he could wear to hide the mark around his neck. He didn't have any turtlenecks so he grabbed a black Hoodie with Eminem on the back and a black pair of ripped skinny jeans. He got dressed and ready in the bathroom, and went into the kitchen. The smell of food went into Hyunjins nose and he realized that he was hungry, not just a little, his stomach was clenching and hurt. But all that couldn't move his state of mind. He wouldn't eat. And if he really had to he would throw it up. Changbin made him sit down, and Hyunjins enemy welcomed him...

Hyunjin was currently hovering over one of the schools toilets during his second lesson wich was free. He pushed his fingers down his throat but nothing wanted to come out. He just gagged and had to cough. So he sat down and took out his phone. He didn't know what else to do then to google. He found something that could maybe help. He went to the sink and started drinking the tap water. It was disgusting and too much at once, but that exactly was, what he wanted. Suddenly he felt his stomach twist, so he stopped and went into a cabinet again. He kneeled down, and pushed two fingers down his throat. Through his body went a twitch before he finally threw up. Everything he had eaten this morning came back up. He finished and wanted to get up, but he needed to rest. He had started crying. He hated that, always when he did that he started crying. Finally he stood on shaking legs and walked to the sink to clean his face. He saw himself in the mirror. Fat and chubby cheeks, puffed and red eyes. A tear stained face, and now that his hood was down he saw the bruise around his neck again.
The bell rang, he put his hood back on and made his way to the place he and his friends always hang out during the breaks. When he was already able to see them he suddenly started seeing stars and everything started turning. He stopped his movement.
In that moment Chan, who was talking to Changbin looked up and saw a small frame in a black hoodie walking towards him. It took him some time to figure out it was Hyunjin. Chan started to raise his hand to wave but Hyunjin stopped walking. He just stood there and before Chan could react, he fell...
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Heyy :)
How y'all doing ? Hope you're alright!
I would be happy about some feedback, but anygays take care of yourself.
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