reasons (n.s.)

xix

(not edited)

I'LL ADMIT IT, I've been really confused lately, and I can't really make out what I'm confused about. But if you think about it, I never really understand my thoughts.

It could either be about why Zayn's been so happy lately, why Louis never bothers to cut his hair, why my feet stink even when I wear socks, or why my life turned out the way it did. It could honestly be about anything, and I still wouldn't understand.

That's the thing about me. I never understand myself. I really need to take time off of work to actually know myself and to get deep inside my thoughts and turn things around to make my life more enjoyable, instead of thinking that success is a necessity.

I mean, my life's pretty fun and all, but it's not always happy times for us and no one really gets that. Everyone thinks we're this boyband that's always happy and that we've got everything offered to us. I mean, yeah, the latter is true but we never take it for granted. We're all, and have always been really thankful and wouldn't have it any other way. I guess life's just pretty great, but that doesn't mean it's always sunshine for us.

Okay, I'm kind of scaring myself with these opinions and I think I need to stop hanging out with Gemma, or maybe just the whole Styles family. They're a great family with an awfully gigantic vocabulary, and it's kinda rubbed off on me. Blame it on the H.

Before you ask, yes, I've decided that I should hang out with Harry more often just so we could be even more comfortable with each other. We've been more open with things, obviously, and we're barely shy towards each other now. It's kinda cute, if I may say so myself.

And I may or may not have come to terms with the strong feelings, not as a friend, that I have for the strangely attractive lanky boy.

...and I may or may not like it.

*

"Baby," I hear Harry's husky voice directed towards me. "Put your feet down please? I can't see the TV."

I quickly oblige and blush, apologizing to him about my feet.

"Don't worry babe." He replies to my apology, and I blush again, but because of the nickname. Don't get me wrong, I like it, but it's been getting me so worked up and flustered.

He's been calling me all these names lately, and I just can't help but to be embarrassed about it. I know we're meant to be dating, but what kind of friend casually calls you 'baby'? I thought so.

I squirm in my seat and move around to shake the horribly embarrassing thoughts out of my head and turn my head back to my phone to read the tweets, but my reading is interrupted by a hand touching my shoulder making me flinch.

I then realize that Harry has just decided to put his arm around me, and it may or may not have gotten me flustered once again.

I instinctively shrug his arm off and stand up off the couch and face him with a confused expression. He looks at me with an even more demented look on his face.

"Look," I start, trying not to sound stupid. "I honestly don't know what's been happening between us lately, but I just want you to know that whatever it is, it's great. It's amazing. Okay? It's incredible, but it needs to stop." I say the last part with my lip trembling. I may have just gotten these feelings for Harry, but it makes me sad having to say this.

"W-what?" Harry stands up and walks towards me, and I look down at my feet, trying my best not to give in.

"You heard me. I don't want to have to say it again, Harry." I shake my head, and Harry's eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"Niall-" Harry starts, but I interrupt him with a horrible confession that's going to haunt me forever.

"I like you, okay?!" I blurt out without thinking and immediately cover my mouth, wishing death upon myself at this very moment.

As I look at Harry's face, it holds an unreadable expression that tells me it's one of hurt, assurance, and confusion all in one.

"Oh, Niall." Harry breathes out as he walks swiftly towards me before engulfing me in a hug. I sigh to myself and do nothing else but wrap my arms around his slim torso. I nudge my face into the crook of his neck and breathe in his musky scent, secretly smiling in thanks.

"Oh baby," Harry says as he rubs my back up and down. He lets go but keeps me in his arms. "Did you really think I didn't like you back?"

I blink as it takes a while for my brain to process what he just said, and once it does, I gasp quite loudly as my eyes widen. "Wait, what?"

Harry laughs at my response and his eyes turn into two adorable slits, making me thank the Man Above for making him like me too.

"Oh my god, you're so stupid!" He tells me, and I tilt my head feeling lost because of his last replies. He looks back at me and realizes I'm being serious. "Wait... You actually didn't know?" He asks, feeling quite stupid.

I stare at him blankly, and awkwardly, waiting for him to understand me. He looks at me, sighs and takes me to back to the couch and makes me sit on his lap. Of course me being me, I got a bit shy and refused to, but ended up on his lap anyway.

"Niall, did you really not notice or understand any of the hints I was giving you all this time?" Harry asks with a sad smile on his face as he fixes my hair and places his arms around my waist. I look down and fiddle with my fingers, nervously shaking my head feeling lost.

Harry sighs and pulls me, wrapping his arms around my back and rubbing my back. "Niall, I've realized that I want something more than whatever this whole thing is between us." Harry admits, blushing profusely, but his statement makes my eyes go wide as our most recent moments together flash before my eyes.

Holy shit.

*

Firstly, I'd like to apologize to everyone for not being able to update any of my fics! I'm such a horrible person... :( Anyway, I hope you are all having a blessed Holy Week so far! Easter's right around the corner, yay!!!! Love you all loads. :)

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