i have killed myself in so many different ways. whether it be the love i cling to from the ripe age of fourteen or the countless medications i've swallowed. there's just so many ways so drown yourself, and i will be damned if i don't try every one of them. and how stupid are you to believe that i wouldn't give you anything you wanted. drag me by the hand, lips, waist, ankles, hair, whatever suits you best, and you know i won't put up a fight. i will die over and over again praying for something out of reach. i kill the parts that no one likes, leave a few left overs buried in the closet, just in case. live off only oranges for months at a time. no one will question how the twelve year old who never spoke a word dropped down a rabbit hole and never fully climbed back out. it was a part of god's plan that she dropped thirty pounds, eyes became blurry, lost her strength and all sense of self, how she learned to spit venom, and how they never came back.
