✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

46. Confessional

"You said some of your friends were going to be out today?" Spike asked, and Tess's train of thought jumped onto a branch line. She'd managed to get so deep into her own thoughts that it took her a second to remember what their plans for the day had been. Maybe she could blame some of that on tiredness; she really should have tried to sleep better.

"Oh, yeah," the memories finally snapped into place. "Kim and Evan. You remember Kim, right? I don't think I've met Evan, but maybe you have. You seem to know everybody."

"Don't think so," he shrugged. "So, going to meet them, or some time to kill first?"

"They'll let me know when they're around. Anything you need to do today?"

"Not much. Don't want to go back home yet, they might not let me leave again. So... how's your week been? Anything good since we chatted last?"

"It's only been a day, you know."

"Yeah, but it's at least a week since I heard you venting about your school stuff, or getting excited about something you found easy. Friday it's like we only got the important uncomfortable chatting."

"I know what you mean," Tess answered, and took a left turn into the millennium park. Somewhere in the distance she could hear kids playing, or at least screaming at each other over something. And the sound of someone playing tennis on one of the public courts at the north end, with an occasional clatter from an errant ball hitting the high fences. They walked along the path, and then turned onto a narrower path through the trees. When they first met, it had been where Spike came to think about what his dad would have wanted, sitting in the old bandstand while he tried to clear his head of distractions.

When she saw the ugly concrete circle to one side, she realised that he had problems of his own, and it was absurd to think that her issues were too much to talk about.

"My room's pink," she said, eventually. "I think Alice really liked pink. Like, an unhealthy amount of it."

"Uhh..." Spike apparently didn't know what to say. "Alice?"

"Well, I don't know her name. But she's Alice in my imagination." She thought for a long few seconds, and then started again. Somehow it was a weight off her mind to be telling him now why she'd been so nervous about inviting friends to her new home; and once she'd started, all of the details seemed so much easier.

"My room, since I moved in with Gabby. She was away when I got in touch originally, some vacation. I think I said. So she didn't have any time to get the place ready for me. It was like a spare room, she hadn't used it at all, so there's still all the furniture and decoration that the previous owners had in there."

"This Alice person?"

"Right. I looked around the room, and tried to imagine whose room it might have been before. I called her Alice in my head. And I think she really liked pink. Pretty young, I think. It was Alice's room to start with, and then she got her own room and it was her little sister's room. Like, always the youngest. But all their toys were in there, so I thought maybe they all came there to play together. It's like a little kid's room, you know? Toys. A desk that's not a normal size, so I feel really small whenever I sit there. The bed's got like a couple of holes and clips, I think where you can put rails on the side so a child doesn't fall out."

"And you're embarrassed for your friends to see it, because there's no way they could laugh at the decoration without someone joking that you're a baby."

"Yeah. Exactly."

"And the kids left their toys there. Like, stuff they outgrew, I guess? Leaving it's easier than taking it all to the dump if you're moving out."

"That's what I guessed. Like, there's stuff I kind of remember from ten years ago, and stuff I've seen advertised for little kids these days, and everything in between. Like toys for every age from two to twelve, some of it old, some of it new. That's why I thought all the kids left their old toys in one room. Or maybe it was all over the house and Gabby dumped it there, but I don't think so. It's all in boxes, and maybe there's some kind of order there. And it's not just toys. Like the blinds, and the shade on the light, and little decals on the walls, and the bedding. There's even a changing table in the corner. So I guess it was a nursery originally. I'm in the baby's room."

Spike didn't say anything, just put an arm around her shoulders. He wasn't like one of the jocks, but he was fit enough. And right now, his strength was the reassuring kind that made her feel safe. Protected. Like it didn't matter what anyone else said, he would always be there. Unwavering, ready to defend her come what may.

"I might have told you Friday, if I'd had time. Maybe I should show you. If Gabby gets any better after my parents have talked to her. I don't think I can ever tell anybody else. They'd laugh, I know they would. So I'm just waiting for Gabby's friend the decorator to get back to her. At least then I can change the walls, maybe get a new carpet. It'd look different. What do I do about the toys?"

"Do what Alice couldn't?" he suggested. "If they were packing up to leave, it would have been better to get rid of stuff like that. So maybe they didn't have time. But some of that old stuff gets a fortune on ebay. Like people collect old toys, right? Could be a hidden goldmine. Or if not, donate it. There was a sign outside the homeless shelter on Lairon Street, they're getting more people with kids and they want to have some toys there."

"Yeah, that's a good idea. I could get rid of it all, and make some money if any of it's worth something. But–" Tess thought about the rainbow ferrets that had been in her room. When she'd gone upstairs to get a shower after running around in the garden, she'd said hello to them first. Maybe she hadn't been completely back to normal at that point. But after they'd been on her bed for so long, they felt kind of like friends. It would be weird to get rid of them all at once. And Gabby had been delighted to have a couple to snuggle with later in the evening, leaving the adults to talk about hypnosis and what it could safely do. If she was going to be turned into a child again, it would be good to have some toys for her, rather than getting rid of everything.

"Well," she said, not ready to share those thoughts yet, "I can sell some of them, anyway. There might be a reason to keep a few. But maybe they can live somewhere else for now, until the room feels more like somewhere I can work."

"No harm in that. But you're in control, right? You know what I think your friends would say if they saw it all? They'd be amazed. Because you moved in with your cousin. Your parents were leaving the country, and you knew changing schools would disrupt your study. So you found another option. You made a solution when most people would say there wasn't one. Yeah, it sounds like your room right now is kind of weird, but that's just proof that you've beaten the odds. Weird just means not ordinary, right? And what's another word for something..."

"Extraordinary!" she answered with a smile. "I guess you're right. I should stop worrying and just–"

By the time she got back to thinking about what she should just do, Tess didn't remember what the next word would have been. She'd been cut off by a vibrating phone in her hand, a message from Kim wanting to meet up at the mall. It seemed like the best option for now, and Tess knew she could really enjoy spending time with her friends again, now that there were no big things for her to worry about.