Sold my Soul for Pain

decamber 12th, 1846

i miss them from time to time. often times i find myself staring at their paintings hanging on the wall of my living room, thinking about them. it's not easy not having my parents around anymore, but i can handle myself. i'm independent. my father always told me that being independent would never get me a husband. while he is correct, i do t need a husband. i can handle myself. i quite enjoy being alone with myself. gives me time to think about my future, and dwell on my past.

every Sunday morning before church starts, i head over next door to help out Mrs.feathersteal. such a kind old lady. i help her clean up the house and make breakfast. her husband died a few years back. we're not sure why. she tells me great stories about their times together. in all honesty, i love listening to her go on and on about her husband. unfortunately, he died before i could ever meet him. although from what i've heard he sounds like a charming man. anyway, with Christmas just around the corner, i decided to bake Mrs. feathersteal a fruit cake. she would often times tell me how much she loved fruit cake, and how much she wish she could share some with her husband. i honestly pity this woman. she's all alone...kinda like me. maybe trying to find a husband isn't such a bad idea?

church was the same. i dragged mrs. feathersteal out of bed so she could on accompany me on gods day. she was not really the religious type. but i know it made her happy to get out of her house. i enjoy her company. it feels nice to be around a person and knowing that i'm not doing anything by myself.

there was nothing new at church. everything was the same. although, a man caught my eye. i had never seen him before. he's quite charming. he's tall with long dark hair and a goatee. i know he can't be much older or younger than me. probably early to late 20's.

despite wanting to strike up a conversation and introduce myself, my judgment got the better of me. he's new. he most likely wouldn't want someone talking his ear off while he's trying to make his way around. but oh how i wanted to talk to him. he looked perfect.

i did nothing but stare the whole time. i need to know more about him.