Consideration

Keep an Open Mind

Imagine you are female. Your name is Jeanette. Take a second and get deep in this mindset. What I’m about to do will only take affect if you do this first. Ready? Okay.

You woke up this morning and pushed aside the covers. You stretched, yawned, and got out of bed. You gather your favorite skirt and that beautiful pink blouse you bought yesterday and make your way into the bathroom, smiling; it’s a new day. You peel off your pajamas, turn on the shower, and look in the mirror but regret it instantly. Because, for some reason, you have a penis. You are a girl; that does not belong there. Now you feel very uncomfortable, slightly terrified, and utterly disgusted. You step into the shower, but after the mirror incident, you are suddenly very depressed. You slide down the wall of the shower and cry until you have no tears left and your sides hurt. Your mother bangs on the bathroom door and tells you you’ll be late for school if you don’t hurry up. You somehow manage to gather yourself together and quickly wash yourself in the now freezing shower water.

You exit the shower and pull on your favorite skirt and the new blouse and you feel a bit better. By the time you finish putting on your makeup, you’re happy again. You leave the bathroom to go to the dining room. You reach the table and your father is suddenly furious. You have no idea why until he starts screaming.

His face is a bright red as he yells “Stop being such a goddamn pussy! You’re such a disgrace! Go put on some real clothes!” at you. You start crying and refuse to change. He stands up and grabs you roughly. He says if you don’t change your clothes, then you are no longer welcome here. You refuse to change once again and look pleadingly at your mother. Your mother looks back at you, disgust all over her face. She does nothing to stop your father as he picks you up and throws you out of the house. Now you are late for school and your makeup is running. 

You arrive to school and check in at the attendance office for an unexcused pass. There are two ladies there. One looks you up and down and scowls at you. The other gives you a sympathetic look and a pass. She tells you everything will be okay. You smile at her gratefully and decide you should stop by the bathroom to clean up a little bit. Thankfully, no one is in there to see you looking a mess. 

You inhale deeply and shudder from the aftermath of the morning’s trauma. But you somehow manage to convince yourself that your dad wouldn’t follow through with his threats, he never has before, and to look like you’re not about to suffer a mental breakdown. 

You walk into class even though you’re not sure you can see the point. You hand the pass to your teacher. 

She looks at you pityingly and asks “Who the hell is Jeanette?” after reading the pass you were given.

You reply meekly that that is your name, but she just sighs and says “Take your seat, James.” You try to protest because your name is most definitely not James, it is Jeanette, but she threatens to get the principal so you sit down.

You spend the last ten minutes of class getting hit with balled up pieces of paper with “fag” scrawled all over them; but you are most definitely not a fag because you are straight, you only like boys. 

The bell rings and you stand up, only to be pushed.

“Move over, you stupid she-man.”

“Tranny.” You are tripped. The teacher watches the whole thing but doesn’t say a word. 

You get into your next class, and smile when you see your best friend. You are happy because this is your favorite class; you don’t mind the subject and the teacher at least tries. But he slips up while calling role, accidentally using the name James instead of your name. Your best friend pipes up, saying “It’s Jeanette, sir.” He apologizes, but does not correct himself. You manage to make it to lunch without any more traumatic events, which is a new record for you. You sit with your only two friends. They discuss movies while you are preoccupied with hoping your father doesn’t beat you up when you get home like he did last week. You still have bruises all over your back.