Was It Worth It?

Freedom.

It's exhilarating isn't it? You dream of moments like these, the feeling of everything you worked hard for in life, coming to a close. My mind can only register so much of what's going on in front of me. As I break a sweat from the limelight beating onto my shining forehead, I begin to make out the blur of the crowd sitting in anticipation for what I have to present. Am I motionless? It would appear so, as the moments continue to pass; the people watch silently. Patiently. The moment they... the moment I've been waiting for.

I turn my head and feel the cool of the air break against my neck, sending shivers to compliment the heat trapped inside my suit. They continue to wait for me. With careful hesitation I firm a steady grip on the podium from where I'll present. A deep breath comes involuntarily as the weight of what I have to bring begins to sink in. The time has come. The fullness of my life's work hinges on the next words that come out of my mouth.

Again, how can you prepare for this? The late hours of the night, the lonely weekends and drained brain functions only contribute to the result of your work; but never to your deliverance of it to the world. As strange and unsure the adrenaline's form is taking, all I can do now is simply open my bag and reveal to everyone listening; the great work that I accomplished and have dedicated for all of humanities benefit.

I reach down below the podium, grab the bag and pull the zipper from one side to the other and there it is, the same as before.

Peering right through to my very core, this book I endlessly labor over continues to sit motionless on top of my desk. It's very stillness creates a tension. A certain tension that whispers to me, "When will you give me my glory?", begging to be finished. Aching for the I's to be dotted and the powerful conclusion that will not only tie the previous pages together, but the world together.

See, this is no ordinary book. I dare even label it simply a book - but as for the medium I've chosen, a book is in reality the binding of what lies before me. Something powerful.

What if you could change the world with a simple idea?

Too simple, right? Or, how about right? Every problem, every mistake, every circumstance in life that has become virtually irredeemable; there is now hope.
See, as humans we like to solve complicated issues with complicated solutions, but what if we're just wasting our time? What if in the illusion of hard work and determination we are just continuing to set ourselves back? By trying to move forward, we find ourselves moving back. So in moving back, we may find a solution to moving forward.
But this isn't just a thought model to, for lack of a better word, improve our life; this is the essence of life itself. So no, it's not several different solutions for the many different cancers upon our involvement in the world, for they all can be traced back to a single root.

I dare even suggest the potential solution is a single word, an anomaly that breaks the barrier between mind and matter. I lose sleep thinking about this very thought, a thought that is within my grasp even as I ponder this now, I begin to see...
The pattern surrounding my mind breaks to pieces as the knocking on the door to my office gains control of my reality.

"Dad?" The voice of my 7 year old son Caleb, calls through the door. "I'm finished with my schoolwork. Can we build a pillow fort like you promised?"

A flood of agitation fills my chest because of the immediate lost thought. My son should know better not to disturb me during this time. With carefully funneled breaths through my teeth, I yell back softly, "Son? What have I told you countless times about my door being closed?". A slight pause and I hear, "Not to disturb you..."
"Not to disturb...", I interject sourly, "Not to disturb me when I'm working. Yes, correct! So please leave me alone. When you see me out of my room, then it can be time to play."