In Silence || TAEJIN

In Silence

Kim Taehyung...the boy I loved and didn't deserve, to the boy that had the greatest  boxy smile that warmed my heart.

And I broke him...

All because I was a clueless bastard.

If only I knew you loved me...

If only...

How come I only want to choose you now?

In silence, you endured all the pain I caused you, and all the heartaches I had given you without me knowing.

Your patience was endless.

You have always tried to wait for me and loved me with you acts of service- that I so blindly thought was just a friendly way of interacting with me.

I remember that time when you were my best man.

As I walked through the aisle and saw you had the saddest look but you were smiling at me.

How you... Tried to look away when me and Namjoon did our vows.

Your eyes wanted to cry and I thought you were happy for me at that time, because your hyung finally found his lifetime.

When we were crowded by the guests as we go to the wedding reception.

That time you held my arm...

You begged for me to go with you and I never understood that...

You cried finally, after so many years of you hiding behind your smile.

You finally made me realize, that our sparks was never lost in the silence.

But I smiled at you at that time, "Taehyung-ah... Hyung will never leave, I'm still your best friend.." I said as you let go of my suit.

I should've known...

I should've noticed that you held onto me for the last time until you were finally swallowed by the crowd when we walk off the aisle to the revenue... As you watched me hold onto someone else.

You were always engulfed by the crowd, right?

You always felt like you were never special to me, just like how you were always left in the crowd.

In silence, all you could do was look and watch as I love someone else.

I'm so sorry, to the man who deserved better.

In silence like a flower, your sad scent remains, over me who you loved so dear, only for it to be unnoticed.

I saw a glimpse of your versions in my dreams...

That very sad smile as you walked off to the crowd when Namjoon confessed to me under the shed behind the campus.

That very sad smile as you went home early when Namjoon invited you and our friends  for dinner to announce how I have been engaged to him.

That very sad smile when you picked out the prettiest suit for me and my wedding, you were watching me look at myself at the mirror.

"You look very handsome in it, hyung..." You smiled with your precious boxy smile.

That same sad smile when you said that you will go out for fresh air during the meal in my wedding revenue... And you never came back.

Our friends tried so hard to find you.

I texted you multiple times to over a hundred ignored texts.

Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months and months turned into a year and then another year and a half...

Where were you?

Your social medias were all gone, and your apartment was empty.

You left your dog Tannie at Jimin's home...

I was very worried.

I was worried sick.

Where have you been all those times?

"Hyungie... Will you marry me?" A silly seven year old Taehyung asks me.

"Ah, we're too young to marry though!" I giggles, pinching the other's cheek, "you're very cute Taetae, I'm sure you'll like someone else someday!"

"B-but my hyung is the only one I love!" Little Taetae pouted.

"Hmm~ Let's get married when I turn 30 hehe!" I grinned.

"But hyungie that's like-! A million more days farrrr!" Taetae pouted more.

"I promise I would marry you at that time!"

Like how little kids would engage the silliest promises.