IAN's POV
Ayoko siyang nakikitang ganito.
Why can't he leave me alone and just forget about us? When all I did was hurt him and damage his family! He still come back to me after I left him for my career? You are so stupid, Mark! C'mon! You're better than this!
He came to me now but... I don't have any plans of coming back! How can he be so sure that I will still entertain him after a decade?
How confident are you? How bold of you to cry infront of me! Mark, you are so weak! Why won't you even try to live without me?
Pilit kong kinalas ang kamay niya sa bewang ko.
"Mark, let me go!"
Pinunasan ko lahat ng luha bago pilit na kumawala sa kanya. Nanghihina na siya kaya nakabitaw ako. Umatras ako para makita siya ng tuluyan.
"Why do you keep on coming back?!" Sigaw ko.
Sinisisi ko siya. Dahil sa tuwing susubukan kong makalimot, maaalala ko siya! At sa tuwing nawawala na siya sa isip ko, dumadating siya!
"Fuck! Are you stupid? You have life without me! Why are you still pushing this?!"
Umiling siya na parang bata. Yumuko at sinabunutan ang sarili. My heart is breaking. Never have I ever been hurt like this. Seeing him like this terrifies me. It's making me feel how low I am for hurting someone like him!
Napahilamos ako sa mukha ko.
Tahimik siyang nakayuko pero alam kong umiiyak siya. How can I be so cruel? I'm hurting him over and over again!
"Mark, you're better without me-"
Tumingala siya at umiiyak na umiling.
"I am not myself without you. How can I live like you want me to? I keep thinking that one day, you'll come home. I'm just waiting. Pero ngayon... pero... ang tagal na. I don't want to continue without you! Ian, you're my life!"
Hinawakan niya ulit ang kamay ko at tinignan ang aking mga daliri.
"You're wearing my rings! How can you still push me after all those years? You never said you don't love me. We broke up but we both know we can't forget each other... right?" Napapaos niyang sabi.
Umiling ako.
I'm so drained. "I'm sorry. I... I can't. I just can't..."
"May iba na ba? Pero bakit suot mo pa? Hindi kita maintindihan. Everyday I wake up, I'm thinking about your possible reasons. Everynight, I keep on thinking what went wrong to us. I understand that you want to build your career. But how about us? How about me? I tried to fix everything. But now... I feel like I'm ruining myself over and over. I can't seem to find my reason to live this life anymore. It's slowly killing me. Please, enlighten me. How am I supposed to forget when you own every piece of me?"
Kinagat ko ang labi habang nangangatal na dahil sa kakaiyak. He was crying too. Bawat salita niya, may tumutulong luha. At unti-unti rin akong nauubusan ng hininga dahil sa pagkadismaya. Sa poot at lungkot.
Ito na ang pinakamalala.
I can't do this anymore. Hearing the same thing that I'm going through is just ironic. Saying the words I've been keeping for the past years is my wake up call.
I stared at him. Nagmura ako sa likod ng utak ko dahil nararamdaman kong susuko na ako ngayon.
Lumuhod ako sa harap niya at hinawakan ang mukha niya. He didn't close his eyes. He openly showed me his emotions. I wipe his tears away. Hindi ko na inisip ang sarili kong luha. I can't believe myself. I keep on hurting him. Why do I need to pretend that I don't want him anymore? Like he's not the only one for me?
BINABASA MO ANG
Pagsamo | 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘤𝘬
Fiksi Penggemar"Hindi ako susubok kung hindi ikaw..." √ Finished - February 21, 2022 √ Written in English and Tagalog √ Edited Version • • • NOTE: The book is purely created in the author's mind. Some places in the book were real but most of it is not. This is not...
