4:52 AM || H.S.

4:52 A.M.

The waves wash the shore, and the water seeps between my toes. A cold February wind whiffs in the air, and the warm sun starts to rise. The time now is 4:52 A.M., and I miss you more than I did at 4:51 A.M. Tonight, the sun will set, and I will miss you more, and no matter how long I wait, you will be gone. When the sun meets the waves, I bury my shaking hands deep in my pockets. Do you remember, darling? We met here.

"Are you here alone?" I asked.

"Yes," you said. You lowered your eyes, and a lovely smile crept on your lips. The sight was beautiful. I knew you were special, but I knew you were broken, too. I saw it in your eyes. I saw a book I wanted to read. I wanted to save you on a shelf, read you on a stormy night, and tell a friend how incredible you are.

I nursed the beer in my hand, and I let the alcohol glide down my throat. Around us, lads played football and girls whispered rumors. Amber sparks from a bonfire lit the night, and I only wanted to see you. I wanted to see you tuck your hair behind your ear, I wanted to see you talk with your hands, I wanted to see you fall in love with me.

I didn't want the night to end, so I invited you to my flat. Obviously, you said no. I understood. I mean, we hardly met, but I invited you on a date Friday instead. You said yes. Before you jumped in the car with your friend, you turned to me and placed a small hand on my heart. Did you feel the beat hasten?

"Harry, are you not going to kiss me?" you asked. The bonfire lit in your eyes. A smile painted on my lips, and before I said farewell, I crashed my lips onto yours. Your lips were softer than silk, and I wanted more, but I fought the urge and pulled away. Your eyes radiated a new start, and though I was scared, I wanted a new start, and I wanted a new start with you.

On our first date, we talked about our childhoods, our fears, our secrets, and odd enough, I let you in. I let you in because you were as broken as I was, and I wanted to fix you more than I wanted you to fix me. I was scared, but I wanted you and I to work. I wanted you and I to be.

Our relationship was different. We were far from a typical romance novel. We were, in my eyes, a good Indie song. You know, we fought, but we loved without the romance: no flowers, no chocolates, just us. It was what I wanted. The night cracked, and your arms hugged your half-naked body.

"Come on, Harry!" you shouted.

"The water is cold," my voice shook. In my Calvin Klein boxers, I had never been more cold. After a long silence, you lured me in the water with eight simple words.

"Harry, are you not going to kiss me?" Rapidly, I jumped in the water and kissed you. Your laughter filled the air, and I joined you. My body froze, but I was in your arms, and in your arms and by your heart, I was warm. Bloody hell, woman, I loved you.

Do you remember the autumn? When your mum passed away, you wanted some time alone. I understood, but you wanted me gone, too. You told me you needed to be alone. You told me you were broken, and I deserved better. Apparently, I deserved a girl without wounds. No, darling, your wounds were mine, but to respect you, I gave you your time, and I left.

Life was hard. Each morning, I had to wake up and miss you toying with my curls. I missed you meeting my indolent smile. I missed you kissing my morning lips. I wanted to find you. I needed to find you. I ringed your friend, but the sadness in her voice warned me to hang up.

"Harry," her voice cracked, "did you not hear? She passed away a month ago. She was sick for a long time. Did you not know?" My knees dropped when I heard the words. It made sense. After your mum passed away, you understood how death affected people, and you did not want to see your death affect me. I would not have handled the news well, love, but I loved you, and I thought I deserved to know, but I understood. I always did.

When the waves tickle me, the sun rises, and I smile because you are here. You are in the waves. You are in the sun. You are in my heart. Happy endings? There are none. No one enjoys saying farewell. This is my farewell to you. I hope you find love. I hope you find happiness. I hope you find me. I hope we meet, and I hope the sun rises, and I hope you smile because I love you.

Soon, the sun lays on a plate of water, but the rays avoid me. The light shines on the water. The light shines on the sand. The light shines on the pier, but the light does not shine on me.

"Love," my voice manages, "are you not going to kiss me?"

The sun rays brush my lips, and I lower my green eyes to the sand. I feel your lips on mine, and weird enough, I hear your heart beat. The feeling is nostalgic. The time now is 5:12 A.M., and I miss you more than I did at 4:52 A.M.

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