please, don't hang up | nyukyu

003

distressed.

it was all chanhee was feeling for days after the call.

"chanhhe, it's your job," younghoon would say, "there's no reason to be so distressed over it. i promise, it's fine."

chanhee didn't tell younghoon the whole truth. not about how long they talked or what they talked about. chanhee told changmin things even younghoon didn't know.

as far as younghoon knew, chanhee was just scared that a caller knew his personal details.

chanhee couldn't care less.

he regretted hanging up seconds after it happened. his reaction was dramatic, unwarranted. chanhee had spent hours talking to changmin, but one little question is what set him off? it was childish, stupid.

chanhee spent the whole week contemplating how he'd get back in touch with changmin. but, anytime he'd get close to calling the boy back, he found a new excuse.

first, it was simple. he wouldn't recognize the number and wouldn't pick up. he knew this wasn't true. if he answered the first time, he'd answer again.

his next excuse was just as easily able to prove wrong. changmin wouldn't want to talk to chanhee. while it was fair, he heard how desperate changming sounded at the end of the call. chanhee wasn't entirely sure why, but he knew he'd pick up.

this process went on and on, chanhee finding new excuses. some of his favorites included: maybe changmin has forgotten about the whole ordeal entirely (not a terribly analogy), changmin was too busy taking care of his sick family to pick up the phone (entirely made up), and his favorite so far: changmin had no recollection of their conversation, or that day, and was suffering from young-onset dementia.

it was creative, he'll give himself that.

as the end of the week neared, chanhee was becoming progressively more restless. his thoughts became so abundant it felt as if he was drowning in them. drowning in endless regrets for a boy he barely knew.

it was weird.

chanhee knew the feeling, but it wasn't possible. he barely knew changmin. feeling like this over a caller at his job? it was absurd.

by the end of his word day friday, chanhee was drained. sure, his job wasn't all that physically demanding. but mentally draining? absolutely. the moment he stepped into his apartment his mission was to get into bed and get comfortable before younghoon had the chance to say a word.

friday nights were their typical time to go out, but chanhee had to skip out this week. being surrounded by sweaty, drunk bodies for hours was in no way appealing to him right now. all he wanted was to be enveloped in the comfort of his comforter.

so, he did.

he lit the autumn scented candle on his desk and turned on his twinkling fairy lights, turning his bedroom into a cozy haven. something about fairy lights put his mind to ease. much unlike the harsh light from the LED strips most students his age opted for.

chanhee carefully slips into his bed, meticulously wrapping himself with his blanket to maximize his comfort generation. he spends what feels like hours trying to lull himself into a sleep, but it's impossible. his mind is too awake.

sighing, he reaches for his phone laying facedown on his bedside table. reluctantly, he opens up the notes app. the last note he made was of changmin's number. he wrote it down during their conversation, before he ended it completely.

he'd nearly forgotten about it, but while going to write down a password this morning, there it was. waiting for him. dying to be dialed.

his finger hovers over the numbers, unsure if the decision is the right one. he stays like that for almost a full minute, stalling.

a loud knock at his door breaks him out of his trance. chanhee jerks up in surprise, placing his phone back into his face down position. younghoon steps in, face bright and seeming to burst in excitement. upon seeing chanhee already in bed, he raises an eyebrow, but chooses not to comment.

"sooo.. what do you think about going out tonight?" he asks carefully, clearly unsure if chanhee is in a bad mood or what.

"i'm not sure younghoon... i'm... exhausted..?" he says almost as if he's asking younghoon to answer for him, "yeah. i'm exhausted. i'd rather just catch up on sleep in all honesty.."

younghoon sighs, but doesn't look too surprised, "well chani.... what if i told you we got invited to a party? not some random club, it's a real party! it will be fun, i promise," his last statement was sincere.

"thanks younghoon, seriously, but i really don't-"

"choi chanhee. i'm not going to let you indulge in this self-pity party. it's been unbearable since that call, and i don't know why. i've tried to let you have your distance, but truly, i don't get it. please just come and have some fun tonight," younghoon bores into chanhee's eyes, searching for some sort of answer.

this was unexpected really, chanhee thought everything was fine. he takes a few moments to think of a response, but it never comes. he doesn't know how to explain this to younghoon. it sounds insane. and maybe younghoon was right. maybe he just needed a night out. to forget.

"..hello.?" a small voice, muffled, comes from beside him. chanhee's gaze rips from younghoon's, instead falling to the source of the sound. his phone. frantically, he gets up and flips his phone over, only to see an active call.

an active call to the number in his notes. an active call to the one he hovered over. an active call to the boy he hung up on. an active call to changmin.