The Goddess Of Dreams

 

“A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain.” 
― Abraham Cowley

Golden Globes

January 15th, 2014

It’s almost been five years since he last saw her. In flesh and blood. In this span he has made sure of watching every single movie she did. He has watched and re-watched them reverently, with complete focus so as to memorize each and every detail, every nuance, every smile or tear, every move and turn, every---everything. He has come to know this much that every character she portrays is a bit like the real one. But no character quite matches up to the real one he had met on set five years ago. The real woman seems surreal, angelic and unreachable. He can bear to see her onscreen where it is easy for him to admire her just like the whole world does. To see the real woman waltz around the room on the arm of her husband is quite something else. He can’t stand it, he can’t stand her. He doesn’t want to look at her because he is sure of the power that this woman wields on him. He feels wrong, he feels guilty, he feels sick. Perverted. He loves Keeley, he really does; he is sure of it. What he feels for Meryl is beyond real. He worships her; she is the goddess of his never ending dreams.

She is wearing red tonight-wine red. The material is sheer and covered from the front, yet it accentuates her small breasts in a tantalizing manner. She hasn’t seen him yet, because he is scared to face her. So he stands with a glass of champagne in hand and waits for her to pass. Her husband says something into her ears and she giggles with mirth and smacks his chest. It kills him to see them like this. What would it be like to feel that hand on his chest? He remembers the one time when they were rehearsing and she had playfully patted his stomach muscles. That had been the start of it all.

Then he loses his train of thought and his ability to breathe. She had only seen her from the front till now. Now as she recedes her flawless back comes into view. There is hardly any cloth covering her back. She has never quite worn anything like this before. There is just enough lace and silk to cover her perfectly shape derrière and down below. Waist up, she is literally naked. There is not a patch of cloth to cover her flawless back with its evenly shaped contours. Her scapula glows under the silvery light and shines brilliantly. Above it, her elegant swan like neck twists and turns as she talks and laughs. The wispy blonde hair is done up into a neat bun, not a hair out of place. She is a vision, truly. He sees other men staring at her and a pang of jealousy sweeps through him combined with a fierce desire of possessiveness. Then he realizes how foolish he is being. He doesn’t own her. He means nothing to Meryl, only a friend. He wonders how she would react if she ever came to know the truth. She’d cut him off completely. Look at him as if he were dirt, probably. He can live with this but that would kill him. No, he isn’t ready to let Meryl know what he thinks of her. But what if she feels the same way? Preposterous, he thinks. One more look at her and he realizes that she loves Don-always had and always will. He is no one to destroy their perfect relationship and how can he even think that he could accomplish it. Their relationship is too strong; it won’t give way so easily. Neither would his. Doesn’t he love Keeley? Of course he does. He has built a life with her and no way is he ready to give that up for this woman who is wreaking havoc on his brain and body. No. It won’t do.

He curses himself for being such a coward. He will have to face her someday, might as well do it tonight. Maybe if he touches her, just for a second, the longing, the desperation and madness will vanish. So he goes ahead and taps her shoulder. His fingers burn from her touch and in that moment he knows he has done the wrong thing. Run, run for your life Pierce before she kills you.