vent diary

day 1

I hate my dad.Why don't you know your multiplication Marilla? I dont know taty,maybe it's because I missed 2 fucking years of school.i don't understand why he won't just trust that the school will handle me falling behind. Everyday it's the exact same. 9x4? I use my fingers just for him to get all mad about me still using them.not everyone has perfect fucking memory.not to mention the fact that you don't either.like not everyone has a teacher for a mom and is gifted in math.my parents always go on about how  so smart but deep down i know there disappointed in me,think I'm stupid  and think I'm obsessed with electronics.they have no idea about the stress I go through.like yes Claire,you work all day but I have to goto school and face people that I know hate me and talk about me behind my back.i have to go to school when I'm sick because you don't care.you work from home,you can just wear pjs and say your camera isn't working.im so sick of everyone.they aren't the only ones who struggle.they haven't idea that just a couple days ago I tried to kill myself and was unsuccessful.they just go about there days thinking that there the ones who have it rough.do they know what it's like to walk through school knowing everyone's looking at you and judging you? No,you don't.Do you question yourself for every little thing you do, thinking people might hate you for it? Not,you don't.insetad you just obsess over yourself because you're the only one you care about.While your arguing next door,I'm taking a sip of a salt filled glass and than regretting it.yiu have no clue not knowing who you really are,always being judged and misunderstood. i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself . i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself . i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself i hate myself.i hate myself.i hate myselfi hate myselfi hate myself
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I'm so sick of this world.