Don't Follow The Shit Candy Wakasa (ft. Olivia Benson & April Ludgate)

Wakasa felt anxious. It had been days since he last saw his earring. It was extremely precious to him, seeing as it had been given to him by his grandmother, who he had been close to in his childhood, but passed on when he was young. His favorite things as a child were a three-legged dog that his grandmother owned but was stolen at some point, and that earring. All he could think about was that suspicious pile of glitter in the place of his beloved accessory.

Wakasa sighed. Another day of manning the gym. Another day with no sign of his missing earring. He walked around rearranging equipment, double-checking that nothing was broken. And that was when he heard the sobbing along with the jingle of the door opening.

"Wakasaaaa, what should I do?" wept Takeomi. "I lost my bag of weed while trying to fight this giant cat with a horn!"

The gym owner exhaled. "What?" he asked, shoulders shaking.

"I lost my weed trying to fight a giant cat!" cried Takeomi.

Wakasa started laughing hysterically. That was the dumbest shit he had heard today. Takeomi lost to a giant cat? Now that was comedy.

"How'd you lose to a cat, Omi?" Wakasa snickered.

Takeomi glared at him. "It threw glitter at my eyes. My hair is filled with pastel fucking glitter. And because you laughed, I'm making you retrieve my weed for me. I'm not leaving until you get it."

Wakasa took one look at him and dragged him out the front door, locking it. He then exited using the side entrance and left Takeomi, who was still whining outside the main entrance.

He left the gym, annoyed. He knew that trying to get Takeomi to stop was a futile effort, so he gave in. Going outside in the pitch black to retrieve some weed that was stolen by a huge ass glitter cat was never something he imagined doing in his life. He doubted this actually happened but he needed a break after spending days trying to find his lost possession.

He started walking down the block trying to think of where he should start. He didn't even get any background info but it was unbearable to deal with Takeomi whining any longer. He then noticed a sweet fragrance drifting out of an alley near the end of the block. It looked similar to where Takeomi liked to hang out.

He started strolling down the unusually long alley only to see a few trash cans and a tall chain-link fence. Well, this was a waste of four minutes. Meanwhile, Takeomi had probably snuck back inside the gym and was currently drinking all the protein smoothies. Wakasa made a mental note to change the locks later. As he started to head back, he detected something peculiar.

A small but almost glowing piece of what looked like a glittery pastel peppermint. It had a displeasing rot smell mixed with the scent of cotton candy and cinnamon sugar.

He picked it up and popped it into his mouth. It couldn't hurt, right? Wakasa was tired from all that searching, and he'd even forgotten to bring some candy with him. It tasted kinda gross, so he just spit it out and bought a water bottle from the nearby vending machine to clear out his mouth.

"Wait a damn minute, this shitty glittery pastel color! The exact same color I saw on my fucking nightstand!" he yelled, to no one in particular.

He quickly followed the trail, until he reached a seemingly abandoned warehouse. It had a poster slapped onto the door, which read "Sign Up to Be in Knope/Ludgate's Gay Women Magazine." (🤩)

As he opened the creaky door, he spotted a pile of glitter and candy and ran over to catch the thief. Bad idea, since the thief was fucking GINORMOUS. It was an 8-foot tall cat. With a rainbow horn on top. Was Wakasa hallucinating or something? He rubbed his eyes, but nope. The cat was still there. And still as big as his damn house.