It's laughable really, Why am I here? Why do still feel? Why do I have expectations? The thoughts in my head that never go away , they just keep repeating in my head over and over and over. Till one I just banged my head against the cold concrete wall. I felt peace , I heard silence , I felt comfort from nothing, but hey at least I got it. I sat there, sitting in front of a mirror looking at my self all I see is a pitiful person with dull lifeless eyes. Anybody would see a normal girl with a beautiful face and body, caramel colored skin ,long curly hair , and a smile that could apparently fool everyone.
No one but, him saw my scars, He saw everything I tried to hide ,he saw me ,it brought me happiness to know at least one person cared, but that happiness came to an end when the thoughts came back .They rang in my head. As tears slowly ran down my face , I questioned was I selfish for wanting them to love me like any normal family would love there child, instead of whips ,cuts and beating could I just come home to hugs ,kisses, and love.
I thought it would be best to end it myself, free everyone from the burden, free my self from it . To finally hear silence and close my eyes to one seen darkness and sometime dreams about a different life with him, but wear I was going their would be nothing perfect for me. I took the gun in my hand and raised it to my head then suddenly I heard click..... I knew who had come as I heard my name being called ,it was him ,I knew he had walked in and saw me.
I closed my eyes, tears rolling down my face ,he was the only person I didn't want to see like this. With every foot step I heard calmness, sadness, guilt, regret, relief, all those emotions came down . I felt warmness from his touch slowly taking the gun from my hand. I opened my eyes and slowly got up ,I had on nothing so he saw my scarred body although it had a great shape it was fulled up with scars from all the beating. I felt vulnerable. "Why , why, why ,Why don't they love me , why don't they care " I shouted. Before he could he could reply I started. "Look at me, I am broken and ruined ,they scarred me in more ways than one. Every hit I felt it felt like my heart was being ripped apart. I tried so heard to get them to love me ,I knew I would fail ,but still I tried " I said softly ,tears still streaming down my face. I screamed and and held my head that shaked from side to side. I felt his hands around me holding me and he whispered to me and said ,"I love you ,I care about you, Beatrix I need you with me. I can't live if your not here with me .I love you and everything about you. I don't care just stay with me."
He made me feel safe and protected. He didn't care what was on my body ,he loved me for me. And I will gladly accept it because I love him. I sat their in his arms recalling every memory ,every beating, every thing. He was so patient. He didn't judge me ,just held me. His touch was so calming. I finally felt peace, I heard silence and I fell into darkness, but just before that I uttered the words I knew he wanted to hear from me ,"I love you Antonio knight." He then Said to me ,"insieme per sempre, ora e sempre."(together forever, now and always.) and he kissed my head.
I was finally free.
