Keanu Reeves Imagines

A broken Story

It was weird, seeing him after all this time.
He looked sad, withdrawn.
I thought he was stronger. Stronger than this. Stronger than me. Because in reality I didn't feel any better and I had least hoped he would. That at least one of us got out alive.

When I saw him sitting in the restaurant all alone , I felt the urge to cry. Everything in me wanted to shout his name so that he new he wasn't alone. That he never was. That I still thought about him every day. I knew this was his greatest fear. Being alone with no one to love. But I couldn't. I shouldn't. Not after what I had done to him.

I don't know how long I stood outside just looking at him. I took in every inch of his persona. Every strand of his long dark hair hanging in his beautiful but worn out face. The shirt he was wearing was once a Christmas gift from me. It was his favourite ever since. I remember how he wore it three days in row after Christmas just to show me his appreciation. I smiled at this and it filled my heart with warmth. We were happy back then.

I felt guilt slowly makings its way up my throat.
I knew that's what he was most afraid of but still selfishly left. I left him for something that lastet 5 months and threw something away that had already lastet 3 years.

But he knew it right? He knew that my job was always most important to me. I made that clear from the beginning and he accepted. I just never could have imagined it would hurt so much choosing what I thought was best for me, for something that was actually best for me. I know it now but now is too late. I screwed up. I hurt him deeply and it was visible.

I wanted to leave but my feet wouldn't let me. In that moment his face shot up as if he knew I was there and had read my thoughts. Our eyes locked but none of us made a move, too afraid if we did, we loose each other again. For a moment I stopped breathing. Looking into his eyes was not something I thought I could do again. I was too ashamed. Too ashamed of my behaviour. Too ashamed of myself.
One year ago I made the biggest mistake of my life. I left Keanu because I thought money and fame are what's most important to build when I am young. I would have enough time to find love and start a family when I am older. But after I finished the job I left him for I realised the satisfaction I got from it and everything that came afterwards slowly but surely faded.
It hurt when I broke up with him but I barely had time to think about it. The project that was supposed to get me high up the career ladder did what it promised but also took something so precious from me and only after it ended did I realise it was not worth it.
All the money and all the fame that was once so important collapsed like a house of cards and so did I. I had not only thrown away the best thing that happened in my life but also broke the persons heart that once belonged to me and I loved so much.
Only a year ago I thought I was naive to think I could have it all. The live of a successful actress and at the same time a private life. I didn't see that Keanu was the best living example of what I wanted. He was there to show how to do it right in front of my eyes but I just didn't see it. I just didn't see him.

As I was looking into his eyes I was able to see the hurt in them. The pain he felt everyday and every night. The bags under his eyes only confirmed.
I wished for the strength to go to him and apologise. To sit at the table in front of him and make up for everything I had done but I couldn't. Again my feet wouldn't let me.
So I looked at Keanu one last time before taking a deep breath turning around and leaving. Just like I had done a year ago. And again I was able to hear his heart break.