The cure for my madness

Part 3: A hurtful truth

When I entered his apartment it smelled like scented candles. He had fixed a date night for me.

-"Tonight is all about you bebe. You deserve a good night. I'm so sorry that I have worked a lot lately. " He said with a smile and hugged me. I forced a smile back at him.

His smile disgusted me, what if all was true? He acts so clueless but something was definitely wrong. My suspicions about him cheating was something that I had to push away, I just wanted it to work out. All I wanted was a drama free night. While he was in the kitchen cooking food I was lying on his sofa and just stared at his ceiling. Completely crumbled with all of these thoughts I had. He hummed at some song as he made the food, which snapped me out of my thoughts for a minute. If everything was alright I would be dancing with him in the kitchen, listening to our songs. Right now all I wanted was space. Those 20 minutes that it took that bastard to make the food was killing me, we didn't speak to each other until the food was on his table.

-"How was the food I made? "He asked, he hoped so badly I was going to say something to fill up his big ego.

-"Fine", I said with a forced smile. I would do anything to please him tonight. Anything so this would still work out, somehow. I weirdly still had hope in us. There still was a little chance.

-"Good to hear. It was a new recipe. I thought it was going to be a hard one, but to be honest I'm surprised with my skills."  And then he went on for a while only talking about himself. He talked for a long time without noticing my forced and awkward smile. He seemed so cocky about the fact that he made food. It made me feel ill, I kind of wanted to punch him in the face at that moment. Then it went silent for a few minutes but it felt like hours. I keeped staring at the table and was overwhelmed with thoughts again.

-"Babe? Is something wrong?" A question I thought would never come up. I didn't know how to respond. His question surprised me. He found my hand on the table and stroked it slowly, trying to comfort me. All I wanted was to pull my hand away, every touch from him made me feel dirty, but I forced my hand to stay. Still trying to make the night perfect. Anything to please him. I still stared at the table, my smile was gone now.

-" I don't know. Is there something you want to tell me?" My mouth said, I couldn't control it. My mouth surprised me, it said what I wanted to say for so long. In a way I was relieved. I couldn't control my body, my hand pulled away aggressively. Now I was staring at him with pain and anger in my eyes, trying to force my tears to not come at this moment.

-"What do you mean?" He said, chuckling and grinned. Acting clueless, again.

-"I think you know exactly what I'm talking about." I said, trying so hard to not cry.

-"Please baby, what are you talking about?" He said, trying to make me look paranoid.

-"Just tell me the truth!" I almost screamed at him. It felt like I made rings in the water glasses with my sharp tone. My hand banged the table.

-"Dolores... "He said still trying to make me feel overdramatic.

-"You have cheated on me, haven't you?" The silence after I said that went on for a while.

-"Yes." He said, breaking the silence.

-"What?" I was so shocked, because I still had hope that it wasn't true. Now I felt my face become red and my eyes started to burn.

-"It is true. I have met this other girl that I have been seeing for the past 6 months. Her name is Esmee. I have feelings for her. We have fucked one time." He said with a sigh. I couldn't tell if he was revealed or disappointed that it came up.

-"Why didn't you maybe i don't know break up with me first and then fucked her. Instead of going behind my back and being unfaithful. Every night I stayed up late waiting for you to come home. I felt bad because I thought you were working all these nights!"

-"It just happened. I couldn't control it. She had me completely mesmerized."

-"It's not an fucking excuse." I said as my eyes started to make tears. I rose from the chair and rushed to his hallway in anger and then I started to put my coat on. I needed to get away from here, right now. His stressed footsteps followed after me. Maybe he hoped to fix our relationship? That was something that was too late already, he blew it.

-"Hey, can we please talk about this." He said and I stopped putting my shoes on just to listen to what he had to say. I looked up to meet his eyes, my puffy and red eyes were now looking at his normal looking eyes. I could see no regrets in his eyes, and it made my chest hurt like a knife stabbing me.

-"What is there more to say?"

- "I- I didn't mean it to be this way. I care about you Dol."

-"It doesn't feel like it." I said and then tried to leave again.

-"We are over." I said before closing his door hard to his apartment.

The sound of the door closing was the only thing I heard. My mind was empty. The tears ran down my cheeks like floods. The walk home was painful, cause i knew this was the last time i would be taking this route. My cheeks felt red, it was the mixture of my breakdown and the chilly air outside. It was quite depressing around me, it was almost completely dark. Except the street lights gave a little bit of light so you could see around yourself a bit. It felt like I was walking and walking and couldn't get anywhere. After approximately 10 min I finally saw my door. As soon as my door closed I just broke down on the floor. I was completely crushed, my eyes just went red and it was more painful to cry. I picked up my phone and needed to ring a phone call.

-"Please pick up," I whispered to myself while listening to the phone dial. At this moment I was desperate.

-"Hello?" Said a voice that brings me warmth in the coldest times.

-"Zoey! Thank god you picked up." I said while I tried to hold back my tears so I would be available to form words. I was so relieved that she picked up.

-"Is everything okay with you Dolores?" She had probably heard my shaky voice and realized that something was wrong.

-"Um I- It's just. Um." I tried to form words but I couldn't. In a minute I started to break down on the phone, I couldn't control my feelings.

-"Dolores? What has happened?" She said in a slightly panicked but a patient tone.

-"It was all true... everything about Marcus."  I finally said while I used my shirtsleeve to dry up my tears on my face.

-"Oh I'm so sorry Dol." Dol was something that he called me, It made my chest hurt a bit.