Classroom Of The Elite x Oc

Chapter 17

Alex's Pov

After my talk with Ayanokoji and Horikita I started contemplating some things while makes my finally checks before the Zodiac exam starts.

I have been acting in ways that are diametrically opposed to what I ever would have thought to do previously, is this me breaking bad so to speak?

I have always tried to protect myself from any potential danger but now I am caught up in the rush of danger and profit.

Less than 6 months ago I was calm and content reading books and spending upwards of 16 hours a day in bed sleeping and reading and most of the other part of my day playing games or eating. Now I am being cunning and primarily focused on money and sex, I wonder if this is the rush that powerful people feel?

I wonder if I will fall into a deep hole I cannot get out of, maybe I will turn power hungry? No, I know full well that this change in personality is temporary, I am living out my regret for being so passive and disconnected from society in my past. Soon I will retreat from both extremes and hopefully be a better person to show for it.

I may act on sexual desires with a more than willing partner like Fuka and seek large quantities of points but being power hungry is not in the cards for me. Perhaps I am too careful for my own good and am seeking so many defensive measures that it will bite me in the end, I am slowly accepting a hard truth.

I realized it when I saw Ayanokoji's darkest eyes, the primary driving force has been the same as it was in my past life, simply given new shape in this new world. The single thing that has driven me for as long as I remember even when I wasn't consciously aware of it.

Fear.

I am scared, so very scared, and of what I am not sure. If I had to guess it would be primarily this new world, if I get expelled what will I do, I have no clue who I am in this world. What awaits me after expulsion or graduation anyways? What if I mess with the story written for this world and get Ayanokoji expelled, he will suffer even without his own realization he was this entire time, for the rest of his life.

Unknowingly I had started playing king of my year, I know more then anyone else about this school and I know what would happen. I lied to myself saying I wouldn't interfere much and would not bring attention to myself but was I just lying to myself? I have already show a large part of my potential utility to Arisu and Ayanokoji, Horikita to a much lesser extent as well. Fuka knows quite a bit too but I don't think I need to worry about her, I might have to scale back my plan for this exam somewhat.

After this realization of some of what is going on inside my head I realized that my plan I made was a strategy made by someone who is desperate, someone looking behind there back all the time and sleeping with one eye open.

In my own desperation I seem to have started thinking recklessly, that my knowledge and ability could allow me to get somewhat arrogant in my abilities.

To use what Sae-sensei said to Ayanokoji regarding Icarus, if you think of Daedalus as my knowledge of this world from the light novel and anime that provided my wings to escape my future as a cowardly and fearful person, then it seems I have been playing on the border between salvation and self-destruction. I have been flying too close to the sun and didn't even notice the wax of my wings starting to melt, hopefully since I caught it at the 11th hour I can recover.

If not, I will most certainly fall to my doom in the near future.

I had a plan, but like is common, I had to throw the plan out and come up with a new plan the day before this exam is announced.