It's You Always has been

How It Ended..

You know when you say together forever with that your person, and you envision your future together and dream and live for them, do anything in th world for only for them to not know what the meaning of forever is. Then again it was a dream you imagined, a what if... a day dream, they got tired of you, and left you behind to heal and learn from them. But you dreamt so much on a future with them you clung to that dream, you come to your senses to realize you were just love deprived, you were deprived of someone to care for you, to be there, to listen, be proud of you, to care for you.
My person text that broke me was "I'll see you at the park" when I had asked him "I'm not baby, anymore to you"
That very moment crushed me, it broke me. The person I got birth control, a literal depression pill, and weight gain pill, and you tried to change yourself to fit there standards.
But then again I knew.
I knew for the last 3 months we were together, I felt and saw him distance himself, saw the light go out in his eyes when we where together. Hell he would always bring a friend with to cheer her up since they had gone though a breakup and wanted to help cheer them up.
That hurt me, cause they would get so along, they would talk on and on and they had so much in common. They were skinner, younger, prettier and so much more then what I was and I knew that. I just wanted this illusion of love to continue.
I put up with it, he was my world to me. Had he asked me to jump off a cliff I'd probably do it.
Now I look back and realize he taught me what having someone who genially cares and wants to see you grow feels like, how love isn't all sunshine and rain their are days where your partner goes though shit and they need space or need care, how fragile a relationship can be at times. How easily a heart can attach itself, but how hard it is to pick up all the shattered pieces and fix it up, so it's ready to move on.
He left me.
And that was fine I had gone though that scene so many times in my head, but when it actually happened I was not ready.
And that fine, life is never easy and you have to move on with things.
But this took time and so much heartbreak, tears, and pain. But it was okay he needed this break and so did I honestly.
I hope one day you will find a girl worth dancing for as you never liked to dance with me. I hope you find a girl worth bragging about, to be able to hold her hand and brag about her every chance you get. I hope you find a girl worth your time. I hope you get to find the one where you look at her and see your future with and you care and love for her to the point where she never feels insecure wondering if you love her or not. I hope you find the one that brings out that shine in your eyes as you did when you talked about cars or music or nerdy stuff you liked. I hope one day you heal your trauma you have, and finally learn how to handle your emotions as I know you bottle them, I hope you find someone who will care and make sure you eat enough, get enough sleep and make sure you take care of yourself. Hope one day you find the one you where lookin for and I hope you find happiness.