[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]

[162.] Okaeri.

NOTE:

Source: 

https://www.tanoshiijapanese.com/dictionary/entry_details.cfm?entry_id=59143

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They arrived at the Cloud Recesses very late at night on the third day; the trip had been hard for the riders, and slow because of the bad weather. Lan Xichen had had the stifling feeling that someone was following them, but the heavy rain prevented patrols from finding any traces of people on foot or horses' hooves in the soaked soil.

Now, his first job was to double all guards, and try to dissuade Wei Wuxian from travelling to the Yùlán  Estate straight away  –  not just because he was utterly exhausted, but because he feared something bad might happen to his brother-in-law if he departed in that particular moment  –  the night was dark and his heart was heavy. 

Wei Ying wailed pitifully and locked himself in the Jìngshì   –  too upset to have dinner, missing Lan Wangji miserably.

The housekeeper only bowed this time  –  her Masters were in a bad mood, and nervous for some reason; she helped them undress and get to bed as soon as possible  –  the Hánshì   was warm and cozy, and the warmth in the room hit Sandu Shengshou so badly that he started dozing off even as her hands were removing his robes. 

She smiled secretly, feeling the baby kick so energetically that his whole body jerked from time to time as he was fully relaxed now.

- Anything else, Zewu-Jun?  –  she asked tentatively, bowing low.

The Master was topless, frowning, letting his hair down. His eyes were fixed on his husband who was sleeping soundly, his hair scattered all over the pillows, his lips parted, his cheeks flushed. His heart sank; the only thought in Lan Xichen's head was that he had to protect him. No matter what.

- Not tonight. Please, check with your Master Wei, just in case. Light breakfast tomorrow, I want Sandu Shengshou to sleep in at any cost. And a bath  –  keep hot water ready. But strong food tomorrow  –  he hadn't been able to feed properly in the last days. And....  –  he looked straight at her face now.  –  Keep two horses at the ready. Just in case.  –  he added thoughtfully.

She went a little pale, but nodded and left them.

***

It was a sleepless night for Zewu-Jun. He was holding his loved one very close to his heart, always alert, always thinking that maybe he heard some strange sound, some steps outside, someone on the roof... He was pleased with how the master bedroom had turned out after the renovations, but the memories of that awful night of fire and smoke were still too vivid in his mind.

Jiang Cheng was inevitably clinging to him, sweating in the warm bed, in the stuffy room, but sleeping mindlessly, deeply, not moving at all. It was one of the mysteries about him for Lan Huan.

 Some nights he would sleep so lightly that every small movement would wake him up, and, more often than not, they would make love again and again, tired but craving for each other. And yet, there were some other nights when he slept so deeply that Lan Xichen was constantly tempted to check on his pulse and breathing, ready to swear that he was gone...

Zewu-Jun would miss him miserably, profoundly, whenever such a night was upon them. It was as if his soul wandered somewhere far away from him, and he could not reach him... Often, during such nights, the baby would sleep too, and Jiang Wanyin's body would just be present there, but he would be gone. The thing that made him him.  His essence. 

Lan Xichen's only hope was that his core would always and inexorably give away its warm glow, and this meant that everything was alright.