Into the Multiverse || Marvel

Chapter 5: No butterflies

I look at Bucky and I don't know what to do. He doesn't look at me anymore. Get out. I hear his voice on repeat in my head. Damn, that sounded really hurt and I can't take anything back now. It's too late now. My stupid overthinking brain has managed to hurt the one person I wanted to be my friend. I gulp taking one more look at him. I can see a really hurt Bucky. You are an asshole Y/n. You know how bad he's having it now and you went ahead and twisted the knife even harder in his guilt wound.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean it like that, but after the day I've had I was just scared and this is all new to me and I am just really sorry." I ramble and he looks me dead in the eyes.

"Get out Y/n."

I look at him and I shake my head taking a step towards him. I have no idea what I am doing and he looks confused at me. He rolls his eyes and moves past me.

"Fine. I'm leaving then." He touches the doorknob and I run towards him not really thinking. I grab his arm before he could open the door and he turns to me really angry.

"What the fuck do you want?" He turns me around pinning me against the door with his metal arm horizontally against my neck. I can see he is angry and confused. This is so different from one hour ago when he was pulling me to his chest running his fingers through my hair telling me I am safe. How the fuck did I manage to fuck that up?

"You to be okay. Please, forgive me for being an asshole earlier." I say and I see him gulping moving his arm away from me. I can see tears in his eyes looking at me and I clench my jaw being so mad at myself right now. I have no idea what I should do now. I never had to comfort anyone. I have no idea what is going on in his mind. All I know is I am sorry my choice of words hurt him.

"You're forgiven. You and your cleared conscience can leave now." He looks at me not moving a muscle.

"No. It's not about me having a clear conscience. I genuinely want you to be okay. I never wanted to hurt you, I know you've been through a lot and you're still going through a lot. I just wanted to be your friend and you haven't been making things easy for me either so of course I managed to fuck that up too." I ramble and he watches me with a frown on his face.

"I don't want friends!" He spits his words at me putting up a defensive wall again

"Why not James?" I raise my voice just like he did.

"Because I manage to hurt or kill everyone around me!" He stands there looking at me with glowing eyes and I gulp taking a step towards him.

"Apparently I do it too and I am sorry for that. I am not good at this, at making friends, but I got to talk to you and I don't know about you but ever since I actually met you, my days got a little better, even if I just saw you for 10 seconds in the morning and I want that. I want my 10 seconds of joy and I am not going to let anyone take that, not even my stupid overthinking brain." I speak and he chuckles shaking his head.

"Five minutes ago you were scared of me and now you say you want those 10 seconds of joy. Make up your mind." He says in a much calmer voice.

"I was never scared of you, well I mean apart from our first encounter when you tied me to your chair, anyway other than that I was not scared of you... I was just scared those 10 seconds weren't real, and because I was scared my brain thought the worst out of  what happened earlier at the store." I feel my eyes welling up and after everything that happened today, I cannot even blame them for doing it. He sighs looking at me and I see him clenching his jaw.

"Who are you really Y/n?" He asks and I feel as if someone just put a knife in me. He still feels something is wrong with me. He still feels like I am hiding something from him.