Heated Love Adventure

Another Improved Version (Chapter 1)

Hey guys! I have taken in all your critiques and write another version. Is this better? Should I change the title? Please comment and critique and tell me! Thank you so much for helping? 

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Nat fidgeted in his chair excessively, turn his head every few seconds to check. He was waiting for someone important. He looked into his reflection from the glass wall and tidied himself up. He drank from his glass of water constantly though he wasn’t thirsty at all. He glanced at his watch, frowning when he noticed it was twenty minutes past the appointed time.

She wasn’t going to come. He knew it from the start. He was waiting for a girl that he fancied. Her name was Claire. She was on the verge on breaking up with her boyfriend. Nat pulled her up, comforted her and accompanied her. He started liking her. Finally when he had the courage to ask her out on a date, she did not agree immediately. She tilted her head, raising her hand to cup her chin. “I will think about it.”

 So there he was, waiting at their favorite café for her answer. His shoulders start to droop as his back hunched. He stared blankly at his phone, hoping that it would light up with a message from Claire, claiming that she was sick. Or maybe she was having too many assignments. Or maybe her parents grounded her. Nat started making all sorts of excuse in his head for her. He looked out of the window again, hoping to see her making her way through the door.

 “Sir, do you want to make any last orders? The café is closing in half and hour.” The irritated waiter hinted, hoping that Nat would leave so he could finish his work.

 “Can I get a refill for my coffee?” he replied, not wanting to give up on his wait.

 The waiter glared at him, pressing his lips into a thin line while he made his way back to the counter. Nat sighed as he watched the couple beside his table made their way out of the café. He jumped when his phone started to vibrate. He fumbled to pick his phone up. When he saw the name of the caller, he was smiling so widely that his eyes could not be seen. He took a deep breath, preparing himself to accept any excuse she made up.

 “Hello? Claire?”

 “Hey Nat. Are you still waiting for me?”

 “Of course! Never mind Claire we can do this next time. You must be feeling unwell, that’s why you cant make it right?”

 “Sorry Nat. My boyfriend just apologized to me. He said he would change for the better and I believe him. We were having a heart to heart talk for the past 2 hours. Isn’t this great?”

 “Oh. That’s cool. I am glad you guys cleared up. That’s awesome.”

 “We can still be best friends, Nat. I have enjoyed your company. We can still hang out sometime!”

 “Sure. Sometime. Got to go. Bye.”

 Nat slammed his phone down the table, putting his hands on his temples. He couldn’t believe this. He thought he had put in enough effort for Claire to like him. He shut his eyes so tight that he looked like he was having a bad headache.

 “Here is your coffee. Please leave after you finish it. The café is closing.” The waiter looked away, his tone higher than before.

 Nat gulped down the iced coffee without second thought. The ice seemed to freeze his insides. His crumpled face smoothened. He stood up, walking expressionless to leave the café. It was filled with their memories. He didn’t look back. At the same time, another girl was leaving too. She was alone as well. She was struggling to balance a few books in her arm while holding on to her tote bag. She bumped into Nat near the door as her books splattered out of her hands. Nat didn’t react.