[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]

[169.] Addicted to pain. [TW]

NOTE:


Trigger Warning

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Inspiration for the chapter's title:

Alter Bridge - "Addicted To Pain"

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To Lin Shou-Yi's great pleasure, and perhaps terror, the Masters were making love quite intensively lately. They knew that they only had a couple of weeks more to enjoy each other, and were impatient and too eager to be together, to merge and belong, to be as close as was humanly possible. 

He was watching, enchanted, as the pale bodies writhed in the semi-darkness, listening to the exquisite moans of pleasure, the pleas for better stroking, for rougher thrusts... His eyes were fixed on his Master Jiang's amazing body, which seemed to be able to endure both gentle caresses and brutal shoving.

He craved so much to be there, to touch, to taste, to try... His feverish mind was sending him excruciating dreams, fantasies in which he was the one to enjoy this magic  –  the pleasure of having someone so exceptionally beautiful and unique just to himself. Riddled with guilt, on the next day he would double his efforts to please his Master  –  and, more often even  –  to please Zewu-Jun, to atone somehow. 

And of course, his heart would sink whenever Zewu-Jun mentioned that he felt a presence near to their room at night, asking him, as his most trusted man, whether he had seen anything suspicious the night before. Pale and upset, he would deny, knowing too well that he was playing with Fate, pushing his luck, risking his life every time he went near that cursed window at night...

It was torture. 

The constant longing was drinking up his energy, and  –  as with all addictions  –  soon he felt that once, or twice, or thrice a week was not enough; he needed it all, he needed all night shifts, all nights, all night long. The soldiers and disciples who were his direct subordinates were quite surprised to see him so flushed and distracted, and thought that perhaps he had fallen in love with one of the pretty servant girls at the Cloud Recesses. 

He endured their jokes about it with a smile, hiding the truth buried deep, hiding it even from himself.

He needed, he had to be with his Master. Constantly. 

Always. 

Addicted.