Her <3

Her <3

love...love is hard to describe...sure its a feeling, a really strong feeling and desire most people long for. there are numerous definitions that the dictionary uses such as: 1.an intense feeling of deep affection.
2.a great interest and pleasure in something.
3.feel deep affection for (someone).
4.like or enjoy very much.
and mind you, love can come in all shapes and sizes. most of which are girl/boy. but there can also be, i believe (this is my opinion, dont hurt me), girl/girl, boy/boy, boy/non-binary, non-binary/non-binary, etc...
and of course...it had to be girl/girl. ah shit, yes i had fallen in love with a girl, a very gorgeous one at that. but society...society's a bitch
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it was a very beautiful day, a day that anyone could just relax, whether it was inside or outside. i dont know how, but my grandparents convinced me to go fishing with them. i mean im not gonna fish, but i can watch them.
by the time we got to the lake, it was around...i dont know but it was getting dark. "thats the best time, all the fish come out." my grandpa says, i roll my eyes, because i really dont think thats what happens. they all get their fishing gear out, and head over to their fishing spots.
"ok well, ima take a walk, over there." i point, they just nod their heads. i start walking over there and its actually really peaceful. the breeze blowing my hair back just a little, the waves crashing on the shore. yes, there was boats going by every now and then, and people screaming, but other than that, it was really peaceful. i was trying to clear my mind and enjoy the view, but my mind kept going back to the same thing, I've been thinking about for weeks...well actually it was more like the same person.
Her perfect hair, how it was perfectly cut. Her eyes, her smile. I frequently remember how we would have deep conversations, and how we would sing our hearts out together, that felt like heaven. just talking to her was therapeutic. i fell hard for this girl, she was my first love. all because of a social media app.
you see, my parents didnt know about her..heh so we had to keep our relationship a secret. her parents also weren't too fond of online friends...especially if they found out that their child was dating a girl from online. i kept checking my phone, over and over, hoping, praying that she would text me. but of course no answer, why? she was grounded and had her phone taken away, all because her parents found out about me. "fuck you TikTok.." i say quietly, kicking a rock. see...that's where i met this most, beautiful, thoughtful, kind, and most definitely funny girl, i was bored so i made a post, asking if anyone wanted to be friends or mutuals, and she was one the first people. i thanked her for wanting to be my friend, and that was all it took. we started chatting..a lot actually, both hiding in our rooms to talk to each other, she was plainly flirting with me, but i'm dense and couldn't notice, then she had to spell it out. "oh.." i typed while smiling at my phone like a complete dingus. 

then...when she told me we couldn't talk anymore, my heart broke into a million little pieces, we didn't talk until a long time after that. just then i remembered all of my favorite memories with her, when she said that she scored a major jackpot, because i was hot and acted like Richie, or like the time when we had a deep conversation about our families, or like whenever her parents      thought i turned her gay. i sigh, kicking the rock once more into the lake, i look at the lake and think about how perfect it would be for a date, especially watching the sunset, then i feel a warm trail go down my face...of course, thinking about her has me sobbing, i quickly wipe away my tears as another boat passes, i look over at my grandparents and they are just enjoying themselves. 

if they knew that their grandchild was crying over an online girlfriend, they'd slap the shit out of me. when we were dating, we would always have conversations about us running away together, it was quite peaceful actually, obviously..that day never came. i guess i was too deep in thought, and didn't know we were leaving, until someone grabbed my arm and said we were leaving. I helped my grandparents pack up, i take one last look at the lake, exhale deeply, "until next time Alex.." i say quietly so my grandparents couldn't hear me, as we leave i look out the window..then, i take out my phone, and look at it, i see i got a message, 'hey...i've missed you, sorry everything's been chaotic', i feel myself blush and a huge smile takes over my face,                        maybe this night won't be that bad                           °•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°         

to @skiesbluetoday, thank you for everything you've done for me, you've saved me so many times. i love you, and i honestly do miss you, in loving memory of our relationship