Perfect Imperfections

Chapter 1

It feels like I'm drowning like I'm screaming and no one can hear me or maybe they could but didn't care. . That wouldn't really surprise me all my life no one has cared to hear my screams excluding my aunt .. she could see past my fake smile but she wasn't here anymore. . no longer around to dry my unshed tears .. No kidney failure had swallowed her up in the prime of her life and I am left trying to fix myself. .

At 19 years old you'd think I know who I am or who I want to be but I have no clue I'm stuck in a cycle where everyone makes decisions for me and at the same time tell me to be a responsible young woman this is why I act like I don't care about myself like I have no dreams or aspirations because everyone's already decided for me

"Ellaine! !!" My mother screams bringing me out of my thoughts. I wipe my tears and run to the kitchen to face her

"Yes Ma? " I ask slightly annoyed, My mom and I have a rocky relationship we get along some days and some days I wish she had an abortion so she wouldn't have someone to pile so much emotional abuse on. . I don't think she understands how much her words hurt or how I will never feel like I'm good enough because of the things she says. .

She's called me because she wants to criticise me on my cooking tells me to never get married because I am not wife material I nod my head while I feel an ache in my chest caused by yet another piece breaking off of my already battered heart. .I keep a straight face while she yells I walk away when she's done I refuse to cry not in front of her not anymore she'd call me weak again so I go off to my room close the door and cut my arm again if tears won't leave this body then blood will the physical pain lessens the emotional pain and my arm looks like something out of a horror movie but I feel better now like I'm not drowning anymore. ...