I've never really done this before but I just want to say that I thought my life would be going differently then it has been. I never thought that I would drop out of high school take three years to get my ged then go one and have a 3.4 gpa in college.I never thought that by the time that I turned 21 I would have been running a kfc for a year before quitting. By the time that I turned 21 I have attempted suicide been locked in a behavioral center, been diagnosed with major depression disorder, anxiety, and sleep pattern disturbance disorder.
I always that that I would have a nice desk job maybe be in the army but instead I'm working at a airport working 20 hours shifts with no friends but even though people say that they will always be your friend as soon and times get rough or you move they stop caring and remembering you. I never thought that I would have a girlfriend for almost 4 years now I always thought that I was gay growing up but it turns out I'm just feminine, and that's not a bad thing even though my parents tell me it is. I never knew I would live in three different cities in 2 years. I always thought that I would be a boring person just doing a 9-5 job but instead I have a dog and girlfriend and a job I actually like.
It I would have succeeded in committing suicide I would never have left my home town I would never have known what it's like to be important to a job I wouldn't never have know that I do matter and that I do impact peoples life's and that people look up to me and come to me with advice even if I don't know they still ask. I would never have gone to college and working on two degrees I would never have known that there is good in the world.
I remember the night That I attempted suicide it was the day after a childhood friends funeral who died in a car accident. I turned my phone on after the funeral and I had a miss call from my mom saying that my grandma had passed and I remember go back to the camp I was working at and just been sad I remember getting drunk at the end of the season party with the staff that was still at the camp i remember getting up and walking into the woods playing music I remember texting one of my friends at the time saying bye I then went to the top of a building that was on the side of a cliff and friend throwing my self off when all my fellow staff tried stopping me and pulling me off the building and driving me to the hospital I remember spending the night in a doctors office signing papers and waking up being told to get in a van and being driven 7 hours away and being put in a behavioral center getting picked and prodded by doctors every morning being woken up for blood drawing . Not being allowed to wear shoes or hoodies in fear that I would hurt my self I remembered the friends I made and the food I was served I remember staying in my room reading and thinking I remember how nervous I was about my job
Isn't it crazy how when I'm in a place to get better that the one thing I'm most worried about is my job how messed up that I didn't care about getting better I just cared that I had a job to go back to but then again I guess my job is the only place that I felt like I was important
Anyways that is all that is on my mind for now if you want to know more about my life let me know and ask my questions so I can write about them but if you didn't like it let me know so I can get better at this whole writing thing
