reality theory

FUCK I HAVE KIDS

I guess this is what you go through when you have kids.

Gay kids.

Look, idfc if you're gay, Will, shut up and step-ball-change. And Blaine, idc if you have to go to the bathroom. YOU set this dance number up and YOU are going to finish it.

I could be anywhere else rn. In my room, reading a book, being naked with the main character -- BUT NO. I had to skip worlds. I had to be a milf lover. A cheater. But GUESS WHAT YOU DINGALINGS! I'm hot so that makes me a dilf.

Say what you want about me, I dare you. I have an emotionally abusive son from the eighties, I can take it. I have a murderer as an in law, I can take it. I'm related to Cooper Anderson, I can take it.

Lastly, I probably fucked your mom. I can take it.

And if you think I'm a no good cheater, ask yourself this: am I being realistic? Because you aren't. Cheating doesn't count for me, I'm literally a sex demon that has a 2d penis. So, if I'm not chosen for a sexy time, I'll get it somewhere else. Like Stranger Thing, or Glee.

I don't skip universes anymore though. So screw you, Oprah. I'm a changed man. One with glasses AND a full heart as big as three gay sons (FU Blaine). I'm basically president of the God damn united states.

United universes?

Blah blah blah, meet my sons.

First, we have first born wittle Billy Hargrove. We conceived him on the roof of that arcade down the road, and she had him in a car. I left after that so idk what else happened.

I may have accidentally ripped a hole into space and made the upside down -- but that's a whole other story. Moving along...

Next, we have Cooper. He was conceived after I accidentally drove my car into a fire hydrant in GTA 5 and landed in a town called Westerville. His mom was the HOTTEST. I mean dripping hot. I mean, poolside mom hot. I mean ... You get it.

Will Graham came after. His mom was hot too. I think? I had just came from High School Musical and everything was really boring after that, I couldn't understand anything.

I didn't stay for his birth.

Lastly, we have Blaine. A complete and total accident. Once again, I found myself in Glee. I had stumbled across Pam once more and made love to her once more. And out came Blaine.

I also got to see Cooper again but he looked too much like me so I left in a hurry.

Now that you're up to date let's get along to the REAL story (tbc).