To kill or be killed

Intro

Illume pov:
What does it mean to kill? That's a question I have asked myself over and over again. Do I actually have to right to choose who lives and who dies. My family has been killing for years it's all I've ever known and the only reason for my existence. My father has told me before every mission if I don't complete my mission I will be disowned. I've always thought that was a funny word disowned It just shows I'm still property of my parents they own me. I will never have true free will I don't know if I ever have.

Being the oldest I knew that I was just a test subject to my parents and I have no use to them other then killing. If I can't live up there exceptions then what use am I. So does it really matter if I know what it means to kill because I have to be useful to them. Family always comes first always especially when your little brother who is your parents golden child runs of to take the hunter exam.

I love him I really do but I have my own way of showing it it may seem cruel to some people. I did threaten to kill his first friend but he doesn't need them especially since my parents will care for him no matter what. Not everyone in the family get that pleasure but I'm sure he will survive. If I didn't bring him back then the torture would continue it must be nice to think no one pays for your choices. The truth is that someone always pays.

In killua's case I payed I was in the basement for months before I was let out. If I had failed I would be down there for years before they killed me. So yes it my seem cruel but I did what I had to. I wish I could feel bad for killua but how can you feel bad for someone who has everything you have ever wanted at there fingertips and throws it all away.

"illume are you listening to me" I hear in hisoka's voice. I realize I've been staring at the wall for so long my eyes are dry. I blink a couple of times and look at hisoka. "Yes" I say hoping he doesn't notice the Lie. "Bullshit" he say dragging out each syllable with a smirk. I can tell he like the fact he caught me in a lie but I was already walking away.

I hear foot steps behind me and I just ignore them looking at the pillars and the Garden you can see in between them. Who knows the end of the hunter exam was at such a pretty place. Suddenly I feel a hand grab my bad wrist. If I were any one else someone grabbing a broken wrist would hurt. When you have been through as much torture as I have it's almost nostalgic almost if it were not for who the hand belonged to.

"You can let go hisoka is you wanted my attention so bad all you had to do was ask" I say completely unfazed "aww really well the I want all of your attention all the time" he says with a wink. I rolled my eyes and said "are you coming or not" he looks me dead in my eyes said "I would follow you anywhere" great he can't take anything seriously.