Lilliana: The Oldest Maximoff [Discontinued]

Enlightenment

"Lilli, what the hell was that?" Steve demands frustratedly.

"I- I-"

"You could've compromised the entire mission! You put all of those agents in danger!"

"I know, I'm s-"

"You need to get ahold of yourself!" He yells, losing his temper. Steve stares me down, our foreheads practically touching.

"You don't think I know that!?" I ask rhetorically, shoving him back slightly so he's not in my face.

"I don't know what to think anymore, Lil." He admits, messaging his temples, "I want to help you, but I - I can't figure you out- it's driving me insane! I've always been able to understand you, you're my best friend! What is going on with you?"

"I-" I struggle for the words.

How do you tell your closest friend that you're messed up in the head because of a fleeting romance with his best friend from the 40s?
How do you tell him that the only person from his past life made a good call- a selfless call and left you temporarily, so you panicked?
How do you tell him that you've been making irrational decision, that put others in danger, because you've got abandonment issues from underlying trauma of losing your family years ago?
Seriously, how do you do it?! Because Steve's standing right in front of me- hurting- about losing his touch with me.

"Talk to me, please." He begs.

"I- I don't know." I stutter, "I- I just- I just needed a break from Wakanda."

"Why, Lil? What happened in Wakanda that I don't know about?" He questions, curiosity levels rising.

"I can't- I-"

"Just explain it to me. You know that I'm not one to judge you... If you don't explain yourself," he threatens likely, "then, I could always give T'Challa a call or even Shuri, for that matter."

I let out a small laugh and sniffle, "It's Bucky... He's in cryo- you know that- but uh... Him and I were close before he left." I smile a little at the memories, "He even asked for my support with the whole thing."

"How close were you?" Steve grins slightly, but quickly erases it from his face.

"Um... Close?" I internally beat myself up over how vague my answer is. If rolls were switched, I probably would've slapped him for the answer.

"Lil," his eyes lower to the ground as his arms fold over his chest, "I know that you wouldn't be this hung up unless you two were a little more than close."

"Dumnezeu," I chuckle under my breath at how careless I was, "I-I fell so damn hard, Steve. I stopped thinking and I got attached. Sometimes I hate this line of work because I'm always terrified that one of you is going to disappear!"

"Lil, I think it's going to be better for you if you take a break from missions. I don't think you're in the right state of mind for it-"

"No, no, Steve! I need this job!" I plead, practically on my knees.

"No, you want a distraction." Steve corrects in a fatherly manner.

"I- n-"

"You need therapy. You have abandonment issues- you have trauma and it's destroying you from the inside." Steve shakes his head sadly before pulling on the edge of his nose, "I can't stand by and watch you fall apart. I need you to accept the fact that you need to talk to someone."

"Wha- I-"

"It's the right thing... Bucky would agree."

"Please don't use him as a card to play." I pace slightly, my gaze glued to the concrete sidewalk, "How would I even do that?"

"Get help?"

I nod, "We're fugitives, Steve. When we refused to sign the-"

"I know- I know- the Accords. God, it almost makes me wish I would've left you out of it" He mumbles, thinking deeply about what to do, "There's a therapist in Europe, Romania to be specific. She owes Bucky a favor. Her name is Dr. Alexandra Balan."

"But what about-"

Would he quit interrupting me?!

"You don't have to worry about he going to the cops. Like I said... She owes Bucky a favor, and it's not a small one." He admits quietly.

"What happened?" I question, my curiousness getting the better of me.

"I guess you'll have to go talk to her to find out." Steve grins at his own pun.

"That-" I can't help but laugh, "That's not funny."

"Wha-"

"You're..."

"Spit it out." He accepts his fate.

"You're so old." I pull him into a hug, "that was a grandpa style joke."

"It- I- Wha-" he points his finger at me fatherly as he pulls back, "I'm gonna let that go on one condition," Steve shows the number on his pointer finger to emphasize, "you go see her."

I roll my eyes, annoyed at the amount of times he's asked, "Fine, I'll go."

"Thank you,"

--------------------------

I set my few bags on the steps of the plane, "Let me know if anything happens while I'm away. Cause' I probably won't have service, since I'll be off the grid and-"

Steve embraces me, lifting me off my feet (just like he always does), "Don't worry, I know. This trip is about you, let us handle everyone else. We are superheroes too."

"Sometimes, I doubt it." I mumble, giggling in his ear.

"Whaaat? You doubt it? What makes us not act like superheroes?" He gets defensive, but tries not to show it too much.

"Do you not remember fighting over the last bag of chips with Tony when we we staying in the hospital ward of S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters? Or... When you tried to race Nat to get the tv remote, so you didn't have to go upstairs?" I laugh loudly, almost snorting, thinking about the lost memories.

"Those- It- That didn't happen." Steve shrugs it off, attempting to keep things cool.

"Fine, I'll let you keep your dignity a bit longer." I pat his shoulder, before picking up my bags and boarding the plane, "they'll be reading about it anyway." I mumble quiet enough for even Steve to miss it.

"Did you say something?"

"Nope," I giggle to myself.

Author's Note:

Well, there was a bit of fluff towards the end. I'm sorry if this chapter isn't as good. I'll even admit that I was a bit distracted when this chapter was written, so please bare with me. I case you didn't catch it, the fourth wall was definitely broken there towards the end :);) Anyways, enjoy!