The autumn I lost my innocence.

Down and Out Downtown

Her high heels clanking along the jazzy beats of a background music of some bar lounge, somewhere located on the outskirts of Downtown.

Daddy's home!!!

She heard some girl giggling, surrounded by her amused girlfriends as a middle aged man was approaching them, smiling widely and stumbling while crossing the street toward them.

Amy wiped her face with the sleeves of her fur white coat, not bothered how the smudges of her eyeliner and running mascara were marking the fur with black stains. The exhaustion she felt was enough to let her carelessness understandable. Making her own mess convenient to any girl in her shoes.

Pausing as she was staring at the man as each of his arms making their way around the waists' of each girl within his reach. It felt like they wanted him to embrace them all at one, if that was possible for his short fatty arms to do so.

She exhaled a sigh, longing and exasperated. She looked at her surroundings, perfectly capable of recognizing where she was but her memory was too foggy to map out where she could possibly go.

She needed someone to save her, guide her while she let herself drown in her thoughts, or maybe she wanted to be alone, probably the latter but giving herself options that combined what she desired and what she wasn't supposed to be doing, was just her mind confirming how she never understood her needs when she got like this, hopeless and too shaken in the knees to keep on walking, no matter how close her destination was.

She didn't want to go home just yet, she ached to comfort of taking off everything she was wearing, cleaning herself as she felt sticky and disgusting, and loop the downtown naked with nothing on her mind but the uncertainty of where her feet were taking her. 

The mystery that some nights held. Some surprises were pleasant, especially if nothing was determined yet the outcomes were inconsequential but sensational, and some were abstract in the harsh way, sneaking from the underground, knocking her out of her place and into the ground, leaving her distrusting and shivering.

She never looked like this before, red puffy eyes exposed to the outside world, but nobody seemed to notice her, as if her humiliation was as thin and transparent as her shimmering dress protecting her sticky thighs from the cold offending breeze. 

She felt alarmed to how fragile she looked after everything that happened couple of hours ago. The degrading drowsiness that consumed her right until she opened the door, not glancing once behind her and just leaving him with all her traces behind, not wanting to linger in the density of the filthy sweaty air she and him were sharing when they were taking turns to be on top of each others.

She fetched in her purse to any last cigarette left. She found a bent almost broken one, took it and tore the part that cannot be put back with the rest, put the torn part back inside her purse, inconsiderate to the fact that the purse would smell like shit, and lightening the other part with a plastic lighter.

She started toward a streetlamp to stand under, her spine hurting and the cold of the metallic pole wasn't easing it any less. Amy was smoking slowly, not satisfied with the taste of the cigarette burning her tongue, sensing as she inhaled the bitterness in the back of her throat from almost swallowing his cum before realizing to spit it out before she cause herself to vomit all the rum and coke she was sipping on while laying on her back on the bed of that luxurious vast hotel room.

She closed her eyes, not believing that an hour ago she was a different person than she was right now. It was a hard choice to make but she had to do it before he abused her further with his thoughtless, mean criticism that he found amusing, and the negligence he directed at her as he sat on a chair across from her, scrolling on his phone wearing a towel only.