My Killer Soulmate (Tronnor AU)

Chapter 8//Troye

Troye

________________

I wake up to see that it is already eleven and I can't help but feel like I'm a useless member of society right now. I can't even make it through on fucking night with out waking up and screaming at the top of my lungs. It was a nightmare that had just woken me up but it was one of the more tame ones that don't scare me as much as they used to. I need to apologize to Connor, I think to myself as I make my way to the bathroom for my morning pee. He came into my room when I told him that he shouldn't and he sat there with me until I fell back asleep. No one has ever been able to calm me down before, not even Tyler who seems to know me better than I know me. Connor doesn't even have any clue what my nightmares are about and yet he was able to calm me down. Not very quickly but he did which is something no one has ever been able to do before. I'm reluctant to trust him because every time someone good or something good comes in my life it gets ripped away from me. I don't want that to happen to him too.

I walk out of the bathroom and I realize that I'm not wearing anything other than boxers and I could really use a shower. I head back into the bathroom for a quick shower that is filled with a million what if's that I really should not be thinking about. When I get out of the shower I towel dry my hair then wrap a towel around my waist and dash over to my bedroom with out seeing Connor. I get dressed in a pair of joggers and a long sleeved shirt then I make my way to the kitchen to make some breakfast. Connor is sitting at the table reading a book when I walk into the room and I don't say anything to him until I sit down next to him with my bowl of Lucky Charms.

"Connor I am really sorry." I look down at my bowl of cereal and he looks up from his book, it looks like he's reading the seventh Harry Potter book. He closes the book and look up at me, he's eyes are so pure and such a nice bright green color. They are so hard to look away from.

"What are you sorry for? I choose to go into your room because I wanted to make sure I helped you in every way I can." He's such a great guy and an amazing person. I wish I was more like him. The way he talks is like he really cares about me and I want to believe it but part of me just wants to push him as far away from me as I possibly can. I'm scared of falling in love with him and letting him see all my flaws and vulnerabilities. He's already seen me a complete mess because of the nightmares there isn't much left other than my past and I'm not ready to tell that story again yet. I'm going to have to tell him but, now is not the right time.

"Thank you for staying with me until I fell asleep. No one else has ever been able to calm me down enough to go back to sleep." I tell him and I can see him smile as I spoon some sugary cereal into my mouth. He's happy that he's helping me and I'm happy that he's here because if he can stop the nightmares I will do anything to stay with him, not that I won't already because we are made for each other.

"It makes sense, you know. I'm your soul mate and I just get you on a level that other people don't get you on. It doesn't matter what the night mares are about it matters that you aren't so terrified of the dreams that you don't sleep. Tyler told me that you used to do that a lot." Did Tyler just mention that in passing? Why would Tyler just say something about how I purposely don't sleep? I guess it doesn't really matter he knows now and he's not going to let it happen again. I can tell that he is going to help me in every way he can. He cares about me when he shouldn't. I don't want to get him hurt and I know that with my job it is highly likely that he might get hurt in retaliation to my actions. 

I don't reply to him just finishing my cereal and trying not to make this more awkward then it already is. He doesn't seem to mind all that much as he looks to be deep in thought about something. Tyler always tells me that Connor is a very deep thinker and that sometimes Connor goes so far with some of his thoughts that Tyler no longer has any idea what Connor is on about. I feel like I get that way sometimes too. I will think about something in so much depth that it doens't make sense to anybody but me.