What Every Body is Saying: An Ex-Fbi Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People

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   WHAT EVERYBODYI S S AYI N GAn Ex-FBI Agent's Guideto Speed-Reading PeopleJ O E N A V A R R OFBI Special Agent (Ret.)with Marvin Karlins, Ph.D.To my grandmother, Adelina, whose witheredhands lovingly molded a child into a man.— J O E N AVA R R OTo my wife, Edyth, who has blessed me with her love and taught me what itmeans to be a caring human being.— M A R V I N K A R L I N SC O N T E N T SForeword: I See What You're ThinkingviAcknowledgmentsxONE Mastering the Secrets of NonverbalCommunication1TWO Living Our Limbic Legacy21THREE Getting a Leg Up on Body Language:Nonverbals of the Feet and Legs53FOUR Torso Tips: Nonverbals of theTorso, Hips, Chest, and Shoulders85FIVE Knowledge Within Reach: Nonverbals of the Arms109SIX Getting a Grip: Nonverbals of theHands and Fingers133v C O N T E N T SSEVEN The Mind's Canvas: Nonverbals of the Face165EIGHT Detecting Deception: Proceed with Caution!205NINE Some Final Thoughts233Bibliography235Index239About the AuthorsOther Books by Joe Navarro with Marvin KarlinsCreditsCoverCopyrightAbout the PublisherFO R E W O R DI See WhatYou're ThinkingMarvin Karlins, Ph.D.The man sat stoically at one end of the table, carefully crafting his replies tothe FBI agent's inquiries. He wasn't considered a major suspect in the murdercase. His alibi was believable and he sounded sincere, but the agent pressedon nevertheless. With the suspect's consent, he was asked a series of questionsabout the murder weapon:"If you had committed this crime, would you have used a gun?""If you had committed this crime, would you have used a knife?""If you had committed this crime, would you have used an ice pick?""If you had committed this crime, would you have used a hammer?"One of the weapons, the ice pick, had actually been used in the commission ofthe crime, but that information had been kept from the public. Thus, only thekiller would know which object was the real murder weapon. As the FBI agentwent down the list of weapons, he viiF O R E W O R Dobserved the suspect carefully. When the ice pick was mentioned, the man'seyelids came down hard and stayed down until the next weapon was named.The agent instantly understood the significance of the eyelid behavior he hadwitnessed, and from that moment forward the"minor" suspect became the primary person of interest in the investigation. Helater confessed to the crime.Chalk one up for Joe Navarro, a remarkable human being who, in addition tounmasking the ice-pick killer, is credited with catching scores of criminals,including "master spies," in a distinguished twenty-five-year career with theFBI. How was he able to do this? If you asked him, he quietly would say, "Iowe it to being able to read people."Joe, it turns out, has spent his entire professional life studying, refining, andapplying the science of nonverbal communications—facial expressions,gestures, physical movements (kinesics), body distance (proxemics), touching(haptics), posture, even clothing—to decipher what people are thinking, howthey intend to act, and whether their pronouncements are true or false. This isnot good news for criminals, terrorists, and spies, who, under his carefulscrutiny, usually give off more than enough nonverbal body signals ("tells") tomake their thoughts and intentions transparent and detectable.It is, however, very good news for you, the reader, because the very samenonverbal knowledge Joe relied on to become a master "Spycatcher,""human lie detector," and instructor at the FBI is what he will be sharing withyou so you can better understand the feelings, thoughts, and intentions of thosearound you. As a renowned author and educator, Joe will teach you how toobserve like an expert, detecting and deciphering the nonverbal behaviors ofothers so you can interact with them more successfully. For business or forpleasure, this knowledge will enrich and magnify your life.Much of what Joe will be sharing with you in this book was not evenrecognized fifteen years ago by the scientific community. It is only throughrecent advances in brain-scan technology and neural imaging that scientistshave been able to establish the validity of the behaviors Joe will bedescribing. Drawing from the latest discoveries in psychology, F O R E W O RDviiineurobiology, medicine, sociology, criminology, communication studies, andanthropology—plus his quarter century of experience using nonverbal behaviorin his work as an FBI Special Agent—Joe is uniquely qualified to help yousucceed in your understanding of nonverbal communications. His expertise isrecognized and sought worldwide. Besides being interviewed regularly onprograms such as NBC's Today Show, CNN Headline News, Fox Cable News,and ABC's Good Morning America, he continues to conduct seminars onnonverbal communication for the FBI and the CIA, as well as for othermembers of the intelligence community. He is a consultant to the banking andinsurance industries as well as to major law firms in the United States andabroad. Joe also teaches at Saint Leo University and at various medicalschools throughout the United States, where his unique insights into nonverbalcommunication have found a receptive audience among many, includingphysicians desiring to assess patients with greater speed and accuracy.Joe's combination of academic skills and occupational credentials—cou-pledwith his masterful analysis of nonverbal communications in real-life, highstakes situations—has placed him apart and in the forefront of nonverbalexpertise, as you will discover in this book.After working with Joe, attending his seminars, and putting his ideas to work inmy own life, I firmly believe that the material in these pages represents a majoradvance in our understanding of all things nonverbal.I say this as a trained psychologist who got involved in this writing projectbecause I was excited by Joe's pioneering work in harnessing the scientificknowledge of nonverbal communications to achieve professional objectivesand personal success.I was also impressed by his reasoned, careful approach to the topic.For example, while observing nonverbals allows us to get an "accurate read"on many kinds of behavior, Joe warns us that using body language to detectdeception is a particularly difficult and challenging task. This is a significantinsight—rarely recognized by laypeople or by the law enforcement community—and serves as a critical and poignant reminder to be very careful before youdeclare a person to be honest or dishonest based on his nonverbal behaviors.ixF O R E W O R DUnlike many other books on nonverbal behavior, the information presentedherein is based on scientific facts and field-tested findings rather than onpersonal opinion and armchair speculations. Further, the text highlights whatother published works often ignore: the critical role played by the limbicsystem of the human brain in understanding and using nonverbal cueseffectively.The silent language of the body can be yours to master. Whether you arestudying nonverbals because you want to get ahead in your job or simply wantto get along better with friends and family, this book is designed for you.Gaining proficiency will require a careful examination of the chapters thatfollow, plus a commitment to spend some serious time and energy learning andapplying Joe's teachings in your daily routines.Reading people successfully—learning, decoding, and utilizing nonverbalbehavior to predict human actions—is a task well worth your attention, onethat offers ample rewards for the effort expended. So plant your feet firmly onthe floor, turn to the next page, and get ready to learn and watch for those allimportant nonverbal behaviors that Joe will be teaching you. It won't be longbefore you discover, with just a glance, what every body is saying.A C K N O W L E D G M E N T SWhen I started writing the early drafts of this book, I realized that this projecthad been long in the making. It did not start with my interest in reading aboutnonverbal behavior, nor in pursuing it academically, nor in the FBI. Rather, ina real sense, it started with my family many years earlier.I learned to read others primarily from the teachings of my parents, Albert andMariana Lopez, and my grandmother, Adelina Paniagua Es-pino. Each in his orher own way taught me something different about the significance and power ofnonverbal communications. From my mother, I learned that nonverbals areinvaluable in dealing with others. A subtle behavior, she taught me, can avertan awkward situation or can make someone completely comfortable—a skillshe has performed effortlessly all of her life. From my father, I learned thepower of expression; xiA C K N O W LE D G M E N T Swith one look he can communicate volumes with exquisite clarity. He is a manwho commands respect, just by being. And from my grandmother, to whom Idedicate this book, I learned that small behaviors have great significance: asmile, a head tilt, a gentle touch at the right time can convey so much; it caneven heal. These things they taught me every day, and in so doing, prepared meto observe more aptly the world around me.Their teachings as well as those of many others are found in these pages.While I was at Brigham Young University, J. Wesley Sherwood, RichardTownsend, and Dean Clive Winn II taught me much about police work andobserving criminals. Later, in the FBI, people such as Doug Gregory, TomRiley, Julian "Jay" Koerner, Dr. Richard Ault, and David G. Major taught methe subtle nuances of counterintelligence and espionage behavior. To them I amgrateful for sharpening my people-watching skills. Similarly, I have to thankDr. John Schafer, former FBI agent and fellow member of the bureau's eliteBehavioral Analysis Program, who encouraged me to write and allowed me tobe his coauthor on multiple occasions. Marc Reeser, who was with me in thetrenches catching spies for so long, also deserves my recognition. To my othercolleagues, and there were many in the National Security Division of the FBI, Ithank you for all your support.Over the years, the FBI ensured we were taught by the best, and so at the handsof professors Joe Kulis, Paul Ekman, Maureen O'Sullivan, Mark Frank, BellaM. DePaulo, Aldert Vrij, Reid Meloy, and Judy Burgoon I learned about theresearch on nonverbal communications directly or through their writings. Ideveloped a friendship with many of these individuals, including DavidGivens, who heads the Center for Nonverbal Studies in Spokane, Washington,and whose writings, teachings, and admonitions I have taken to heart. Theirresearch and writings have enriched my life, and I have included their work inthis volume as well as that of other giants such as Desmond Morris, EdwardHall, and Charles Darwin, who started it all with his seminal book Theexpression of the emotions in man and animals.While these people provided the academic framework, others contributed intheir own ways to this project, and I must recognize them A C K N O W L E DG M E N T Sxiiindividually. My dear friend Elizabeth Lee Barron, at the University of Tampa,is a godsend when it comes to research. I am also indebted to Dr.Phil Quinn at the University of Tampa and to Professor Barry Glover, at SaintLeo University, for their years of friendship and willingness to ac-commodatemy busy travel schedule.This book would not be the same without photographs, and for that I amgrateful for the work of renowned photographer Mark Wemple.My gratitude also goes out to Ashlee B. Castle, my administrative assis-tant,who, when asked if she was willing to make faces for a book, merely said,"Sure, why not?" You guys are great. I also want to thank Tampa artist DavidR. Andrade for his illustrations.Matthew Benjamin, my ever-patient editor at HarperCollins, put this projecttogether and deserves my praise for being a gentleman and a con-summateprofessional. My praise also goes to Executive Editor Toni Sci-arra, whoworked so diligently to finalize this project. Matthew and Toni work with awonderful team of people at HarperCollins, including copy editor PaulaCooper, to whom I owe many thanks. And as before, I want to thank Dr.Marvin Karlins for once again shaping my ideas into this book and for his kindwords in the foreword.My gratitude goes out to my dear friend Dr. Elizabeth A. Murray, a truescientist and educator, who took time out from her busy teaching schedule toedit the early drafts of this manuscript and share her volumi-nous knowledge ofthe human body.To my family—all of my family, near and far—I thank you for tolerating meand my writing when I should have been relaxing with you. To Luca, muitoobrigado. To my daughter, Stephanie, I give thanks every day for your lovingsoul.All of these individuals have contributed to this book in some way; theirknowledge and insight, small and large, is shared with you herein.I wrote this book with the sober knowledge that many of you will use thisinformation in your daily lives. To that end, I have worked assiduously topresent both the science and the empirical information with diligence andclarity. If there are any errors in this book, they are my re-sponsibility andmine alone.xiiiA C K N O W LE D G M E N T SThere is an old Latin saying, "Qui docet, discit" (He who teaches, learns). Inmany ways, writing is no different; it is a process of learning and discerning,which at the end of the day has been a pleasure. It is my hope that when youcome to the end of this book, you too will have gained a profound knowledgeof how we communicate nonverbally—and that your life will be enriched, as mine has been, by knowing what everybody is saying.Joe NavarroTampa, FloridaAugust 2007O N EMastering the Secrets ofNonverbal CommunicationWhenever I'm teaching people about "body language," this question isinvariably asked. "Joe, what got you interested in studying nonverbal behaviorin the first place?" It wasn't something I had planned to do, nor was it theresult of some long-term fascination with the topic. It was much more down-toearth than that.It was an interest born of necessity, the need to adapt successfully to a totallynew way of life. When I was eight years old, I came to America as an exilefrom Cuba. We left just a few months after the Bay of Pigs invasion, and wehonestly thought we would be here only for a short while as refugees.Unable to speak English at first, I did what thousands of other immigrantscoming to this country have done. I quickly learned that to fit in with my newclassmates at school, I needed to be aware of—and sensitive to—the "other"language around me, the language of nonverbal 2 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N Gbehavior. I found that was a language I could translate and understandimmediately. In my young mind, I saw the human body as a kind of billboardthat transmitted (advertised) what a person was thinking via gestures, facialexpressions, and physical movements that I could read.Over time, obviously, I learned English—and even lost some skill with theSpanish language—but the nonverbals, I never forgot. I discovered at an earlyage that I could always rely on nonverbal communications.I learned to use body language to decipher what my classmates and teacherswere trying to communicate to me and how they felt about me.One of the first things I noticed was that students or teachers who genuinelyliked me would raise (or arch) their eyebrows when they first saw me walkinto the room. On the other hand, those individuals who weren't too friendlytoward me would squint their eyes slightly when I appeared—a behavior thatonce observed is never forgotten. I used this nonverbal information, as so manyother immigrants have, quickly to evaluate and develop friendships, tocommunicate despite the obvious language barrier, to avoid enemies, and innurturing healthy relationships. Many years later I would use these samenonverbal eye behaviors to solve crimes as a special agent at the FederalBureau of Investigation (FBI) (see box 1).Based on my background, education, and training, I want to teach you to see theworld as an FBI expert on nonverbal communication views it: as a vivid,dynamic environment where every human interaction resonates withinformation, and as an opportunity to use the silent language of the body toenrich your knowledge of what people are thinking, feeling, and intending todo. Using this knowledge will help you stand out among others. It will alsoprotect you and give you previously hidden insight into human behavior.W H AT E X A C T LYI S N O N V E R B A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N?Nonverbal communication, often referred to as nonverbal behavior or bodylanguage, is a means of transmitting information—just like the spoken word—except it is achieved through facial expressions, gestures, MASTERING THESECRETS OF NONVERBALCOMMUNICATION3BOX 1: IN THE BLINK OFAN EYE"Eye-blocking" is a nonverbal behavior that can occur when we feelthreatened and/or don't like what we see. Squinting (as in the case with myclassmates, described above) and closing or shielding our eyes are actions thathave evolved to protect the brain from "seeing" undesirable images and tocommunicate our disdain toward others.As an investigator, I used eye-blocking behaviors to assist in the arsoninvestigation of a tragic hotel fire in Puerto Rico that claimed ninety-sevenlives. A security guard came under immediate suspicion because the blazebroke out in an area where he was assigned. One of the ways we determinedhe had nothing to do with starting the fire was by asking him some veryspecific questions as to where he was before the fire, at the time of the fire,and whether or not he set the fire. After each question I observed his face forany telltale signs of eye-block behavior. His eyes blocked only whenquestioned about where he was when the fire started.Oddly, in contrast, he did not seem troubled by the question, "Did you set thefire?" This told me the real issue was his location at the time of the fire, not hispossible involvement in setting the fire. He was questioned further on thistopic by the lead investigators and eventually admitted to leaving his post tovisit his girlfriend, who also worked at the hotel. Unfortunately, while he wasgone, the arsonists entered the area he should have been guarding and startedthe fire.In this case, the guard's eye-blocking behavior gave us the insight we neededto pursue a line of questioning that eventually broke the case open. In the end,three arsonists responsible for the tragic blaze were arrested and convicted ofthe crime. The security guard, while woefully negligent and burdened withtremendous guilt, was not, however, the culprit.4 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N Gtouching (haptics), physical movements (kinesics), posture, body adornment(clothes, jewelry, hairstyle, tattoos, etc.), and even the tone, timbre, andvolume of an individual's voice (rather than spoken content).Nonverbal behaviors comprise approximately 60 to 65 percent of allinterpersonal communication and, during lovemaking, can constitute 100percent of communication between partners (Burgoon, 1994, 229–285).Nonverbal communication can also reveal a person's true thoughts, feelings,and intentions. For this reason, nonverbal behaviors are sometimes referred toas tells (they tell us about the person's true state of mind). Because people arenot always aware they are communicating nonverbally, body language is oftenmore honest than an individual's verbal pronouncements, which areconsciously crafted to accomplish the speaker's objectives (see box 2).BOX 2: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDSA memorable example of how body language can sometimes be more truthfulthan verbal language involved the rape of a young woman on the Parker IndianReservation in Arizona. A suspect in the case was brought in for questioning.His words sounded convincing and his story was plausible. He claimed hehadn't seen the victim and while out in a field had gone down a row of cotton,turned left, and then walked straight to his house. While my colleagues jotteddown notes about what they were hearing, I kept my eyes on the suspect andsaw that as he told the story about turning left and going home, his handgestured to his right, which was exactly the direction that led to the rape scene.If I hadn't been watching him, I wouldn't have caught the discrepancy betweenhis verbal ("I went left") and nonverbal (hand gesturing to the right) behavior.But once I saw it I suspected he was lying. I waited a while and thenconfronted him again, and in the end he confessed to the crime.MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBALCOMMUNICATION5Whenever your observation of another person's nonverbal behavior helps youunderstand that person's feelings, intentions, or actions—or clarifies his or herspoken words—then you have successfully decoded and used this silentmedium.U S I N G N O N V E R B A L B E H AV I O R T OE N H A N C E YO U R L I FEIt has been well established by researchers that those who can effectively readand interpret nonverbal communication, and manage how others perceive them,will enjoy greater success in life than individuals who lack this skill(Goleman, 1995, 13–92). It is the goal of this book to teach you how toobserve the world around you and to determine the meaning of nonverbals inany setting. This powerful knowledge will enhance your personal interactionsand enrich your life, as it has mine.One of the fascinating things about an appreciation for nonverbal behavior isits universal applicability. It works everywhere humans interact. Nonverbalsare ubiquitous and reliable. Once you know what a specific nonverbalbehavior means, you can use that information in any number of differentcircumstances and in all types of environments. In fact, it is difficult to interacteffectively without nonverbals. If you ever wondered why people still fly tomeetings in the age of computers, text messages, e-mails, telephones, and videoconferencing, it is because of the need to express and observe nonverbalcommunications in person. Nothing beats seeing the nonverbals up close andpersonal. Why? Because nonverbals are powerful and they have meaning.Whatever you learn from this book, you will be able to apply to any situation,in any setting.Case in point (see box 3 on next page):6 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 3: GIVING A DOCTOR THE UPPER HANDSeveral months ago I presented a seminar to a group of poker players on howto use nonverbal behavior to read their opponents' hands and win more moneyat the tables. Because poker is a game that emphasizes bluffing and deception,players have a keen interest in being able to read the tells of their opponents.For them, decoding nonverbal communications is critical to success. Whilemany were grateful for the insights I provided, what startled me was how manyseminar participants were able to see the value of understanding and utilizingnonverbal behavior beyond the poker table.Two weeks after the session ended I received an e-mail from one of theparticipants, a physician from Texas. "What I find most amazing," he wrote me,"is that what I learned in your seminar has also helped me in my practice. Thenonverbals you taught us in order to read poker players have helped me readmy patients, too. Now I can sense when they are uncomfortable, confident, ornot being entirely truthful." The doctor's note speaks to the universality ofnonverbals and their value in all facets of life.M A S T E R I N G N O N V E R B A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N SR E Q U I R E S A PA R T N E R S H I PI am convinced that any person possessing normal intelligence can learn to usenonverbal communication to better themselves. I know this because for the pasttwo decades I have taught thousands of people, just like you, how tosuccessfully decode nonverbal behavior and use that information to enrichtheir lives, the lives of their loved ones, and to achieve their personal andprofessional goals. Accomplishing this, however, requires that you and Iestablish a working partnership, each contributing something of significance toour mutual effort.MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBALCOMMUNICATION7Following the Ten Commandments for Observing and Decoding NonverbalCommunications Successfully Reading people successfully—collectingnonverbal intelligence to assess their thoughts, feelings, and intentions—is askill that requires constant practice and proper training. To help you on thetraining side, I want to provide you with some important guidelines—orcommandments—to maximize your effectiveness in reading nonverbals. As youincorporate these commandments into your everyday life and make them part ofyour routine, they soon will become second nature to you, needing little, if any,conscious thought. It's a lot like learning to drive. Do you remember the firsttime you gave that a go? If you were like me, you were so concerned withoperating the vehicle that it was difficult to track what you were doing insidethe car and concentrate on what was happening on the road outside at the sametime. It was only when you felt comfortable behind the wheel that you wereable to expand your focus to encompass the total driving environment. That'sthe way it is with nonverbal behavior. Once you master the mechanics of usingnonverbal communication effectively, it will become automatic and you canfocus your full attention on decoding the world around you.Commandment 1: Be a competent observer of your environment.This is the most basic requirement for anyone wishing to decode and usenonverbal communications.Imagine the foolishness of trying to listen to someone with plugs in our ears.We couldn't hear the message and whatever was said would be lost on us.Thus, most intent listeners don't go around wearing ear-plugs! Yet, when itcomes to seeing the silent language of nonverbal behavior, many viewers mightas well be wearing blindfolds, as oblivious as they are to the body signalsaround them. Consider this. Just as careful listening is critical to understandingour verbal pronouncements, so careful observation is vital to comprehendingour body language. Whoa! Don't just breeze past that sentence and continue 8W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N Greading. What it states is critical. Concerted (effortful) observation—isabsolutely essential to reading people and detecting their nonverbal tellssuccessfully.The problem is that most people spend their lives looking but not truly seeing,or, as Sherlock Holmes, the meticulous English detective, declared to hispartner, Dr. Watson, "You see, but you do not observe."Sadly, the majority of individuals view their surroundings with a minimalamount of observational effort. Such people are oblivious to subtle changes intheir world. They are unaware of the rich tapestry of details that surroundsthem, such as the subtle movement of a person's hand or foot that might betrayhis thoughts or intentions.In fact, various scientific studies have demonstrated people to be poorobservers of their world. For example, when a man dressed in a gorilla suitwalked in front of a group of students while other activities were taking place,half the students didn't even notice the gorilla in their midst (Simons &Chabris, 1999, 1059–1074)!Observation-impoverished individuals lack what airline pilots refer to as"situational awareness," which is a sense of where one is at all times; theydon't have a solid mental picture of exactly what is going on around them oreven in front of them. Ask them to go into a strange room filled with people,give them a chance to look around, and then tell them to close their eyes andreport what they saw. You would be astounded by their inability to recall eventhe most obvious features in the room.I find it disheartening how often we run into somebody or read about someonewho always seems to be blindsided by life's events. The com-plaints of theseindividuals are nearly always the same:"My wife just filed for divorce. I never had a clue she was unhappy with ourmarriage.""The guidance counselor tells me my son has been using cocaine for threeyears. I had no idea he had a drug problem."MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBALCOMMUNICATION9"I was arguing with this guy and out of nowhere he sucker punched me. Inever saw it coming.""I thought the boss was pretty happy with my job performance. I had no ideaI was going to be fired."These are the kinds of statements made by men and women who have neverlearned how to observe the world around them effectively. Such in-adequaciesare not surprising, really. After all, as we grow from children to adults, we'renever instructed on how to observe the nonverbal clues of others. There are noclasses in elementary school, high school, or college that teach peoplesituational awareness. If you're lucky, you teach yourself to be more observant.If you don't, you miss out on an incredible amount of useful information thatcould help you avoid problems and make your life more fulfilling, be it whendating, at work, or with family.Fortunately, observation is a skill that can be learned. We don't have to gothrough life being blindsided. Furthermore, because it is a skill, we can getbetter at it with the right kind of training and practice. If you areobservationally "challenged," do not despair. You can overcome yourweakness in this area if you are willing to devote time and effort to observingyour world more conscientiously.What you need to do is make observation—concerted observation—a way oflife. Becoming aware of the world around you is not a passive act.It is a conscious, deliberate behavior—something that takes effort, energy, andconcentration to achieve, and constant practice to maintain.Observation is like a muscle. It grows stronger with use and atrophies withoutuse. Exercise your observation muscle and you will become a more powerfuldecoder of the world around you.By the way, when I speak of concerted observation, I am asking you to utilizeall your senses, not just your sense of sight. Whenever I walk into myapartment, I take a deep breath. If things don't smell "normal" I becomeconcerned. One time I detected the slight odor of lingering cigarette smokewhen I returned home from a trip. My nose alerted me to possible danger wellbefore my eyes could scan my apartment. It turned 10 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N Gout that the apartment maintenance man had been by to fix a leaky pipe, and thesmoke on his clothes and skin were still lingering in the air several hours later.Fortunately, he was a welcome intruder, but there could just as easily havebeen a burglar lurking in the next room. The point is, by using all my senses, Iwas better able to assess my environment and contribute to my own safety andwell-being.Commandment 2: Observing in context is key to understanding nonverbalbehavior. When trying to understand nonverbal behavior in real-life situations,the more you understand the context in which it takes place, the better you willbe at understanding what it means. For example, after a traffic accident, Iexpect people to be in shock and to walk around looking dazed. I expect theirhands to shake and even for them to make poor decisions like walking intooncoming traffic. (This is why officers ask you to stay in your car.) Why? Afteran accident, people are suffering the effects of a complete hijacking of the"thinking" brain by a region of the brain known as the limbic system. Theresult of this hijacking includes behaviors such as trembling, disorientation,nervousness, and discomfort. In context, these actions are to be expected andconfirm the stress from the accident. During a job interview, I expectapplicants to be nervous initially and for that nervousness to dissipate. If itshows up again when I ask specific questions, then I have to wonder why thesenervous behaviors have suddenly presented again.Commandment 3: Learn to recognize and decode nonverbal behaviors that areuniversal. Some body behaviors are considered universal because they areexhibited similarly by most people. For instance, when people press their lipstogether in a manner that seems to make them disappear, it is a clear andcommon sign that they are troubled and something is wrong. This nonverbalbehavior, known as lip compression, is one of the universal tells that I will bedescribing in the chapters to follow (see box 4). The more of these universalnonverbals you can recognize and accurately interpret, the more effective youwill be in assessing the thoughts, feelings, and intentions of those around you.MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBALCOMMUNICATION 11BOX 4: A PURSING OFLIPS LEADS TOSAVINGS ON SHIPSUniversal tells of the lips were very helpful to me during a consultingassignment with a British shipping company. My British client had asked me tosit through their contract negotiations with a huge multinational corporation thatwould be outfitting their vessels. I agreed and suggested that the proposedcontract be presented point by point, with agreement being reached on eachitem before moving forward. That way I could more closely watch thecorporate negotiator for any nonverbals that might reveal information helpful tomy client."I'll pass you a note if I spot something that needs your attention," I told myclient and then settled back to watch the parties review the contract clause byclause. I didn't have long to wait before I saw an important tell. When a clausedetailing the outfitting of a specific part of the vessel was read—a constructionphase involving millions of dollars—the chief negotiator from themultinational corporation pursed his lips, a clear indication that something inthis part of the contract was not to his liking.I passed a note to my client, warning him that this particular clause in thecontract was contentious or problematic and should be revisited and discussedthoroughly while we were all still together.By confronting the issue then and there—and focusing on the details of theclause in question—the two negotiators were able to hammer out an agreementface-to-face, which ended up saving my client 13.5 million dollars. Thenegotiator's nonverbal signal of displeasure was the key evidence needed tospot a specific problem and deal with it immediately and effectively.12 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GCommandment 4: Learn to recognize and decode idiosyncratic nonverbalbehaviors. Universal nonverbal behaviors constitute one group of body cues:those that are relatively the same for everyone. There is a second type of bodycue called an idiosyncratic nonverbal behavior, which is a signal that isrelatively unique to a particular individual.In attempting to identify idiosyncratic signals, you'll want to be on the lookoutfor behavioral patterns in people you interact with on a regular basis (friends,family, coworkers, persons who provide goods or services to you on aconsistent basis). The better you know an individual, or the longer you interactwith him or her, the easier it will be to discover this information because youwill have a larger database upon which to make your judgments. For example,if you note your teenager scratches his head and bites his lip when he is aboutto take a test, this may be a reliable idiosyncratic tell that speaks of hisnervousness or lack of preparation. No doubt this has become part of hisrepertoire for dealing with stress, and you will see it again and again because"the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior."Commandment 5: When you interact with others, try to establish their baselinebehaviors. In order to get a handle on the baseline behaviors of the peoplewith whom you regularly interact, you need to note how they look normally,how they typically sit, where they place their hands, the usual position of theirfeet, their posture and common facial expressions, the tilt of their heads, andeven where they generally place or hold their possessions, such as a purse (seefigures 1 and 2). You need to be able to differentiate between their "normal"face and their "stressed" face.Not getting a baseline puts you in the same position as parents who never lookdown their child's throat until the youngster gets sick. They call the doctor andtry to describe what they see inside, but they have no means of making acomparison because they never looked at the child's throat when he or she washealthy. By examining what's normal, we begin to recognize and identifywhat's abnormal.Even in a single encounter with someone, you should attempt to noteMASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBALCOMMUNICATION 13Fig. 1Fig. 2Note features of face when not stressed.A stressed face is tense and slightlyEyes are relaxed and the lips should becontorted, eyebrows are knitted, and thefull.forehead is furrowed.his or her "starting position" at the beginning of your interaction. Establishing aperson's baseline behavior is critical because it allows you to determine whenhe or she deviates from it, which can be very important and informative (seebox 5).Commandment 6: Always try to watch people for multiple tells—behaviorsthat occur in clusters or in succession. Your accuracy in reading people will beenhanced when you observe multiple tells, or clusters of behavior bodysignals on which to rely. These signals work together like the parts of a jigsawpuzzle. The more pieces of the puzzle you possess, the better your chances ofputting them all together and seeing the picture they portray. To illustrate, if Isee a business com-petitor display a pattern of stress behaviors, followedclosely by pacifying behaviors, I can be more confident that she is bargainingfrom a position of weakness.Commandment 7: It's important to look for changes in a person's behavior thatcan signal changes in thoughts, emotions, interest, or intent. Sudden changes inbehavior can help reveal how a person is 14 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 5: IT'S A RELATIVE MATTERImagine for a moment that you're the parent of an eight-year-old boy who iswaiting in line to greet relatives at a large family reunion. As this is a yearlyritual, you have stood with your son on numerous occasions while he waitedhis turn to say hello to everyone. He has never hesitated to run up and givefamily members a big hug. However, on this occasion, when it comes time toembrace his Uncle Harry, he stands stiff and frozen in place."What's the matter?" you whisper to him, pushing him toward his waitinguncle.Your son doesn't say anything, but he is very reluctant to respond to yourphysical signal.What should you do? The important thing to note here is that your son'sbehavior is a deviation from his baseline behavior. In the past, he has neverhesitated to greet his uncle with a hug. Why the change in behavior? His"freeze" response suggests he feels threatened or something negative. Perhapsthere is no justified reason for his fear, but to the observant and sensiblycautious parent, a warning signal should go off. Your son's deviation from hisprevious behavior suggests that something negative might have occurredbetween him and his uncle since their last meeting. Perhaps it was a simpledisagreement, the awkwardness of youth, or a reaction to the uncle'spreferential treatment of others. Then again, this behavior might indicatesomething much more sinister. The point is that a change in a person's baselinebehavior suggests that something might be amiss and, in this particular case,probably warrants further attention.MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBALCOMMUNICATION 15processing information or adapting to emotional events. A child who isexhibiting giddiness and delight at the prospect of entering a theme park willchange his behavior immediately upon learning the park is closed. Adults areno different. When we get bad news over the phone or see something that canhurt us, our bodies reflect that change immediately.Changes in a person's behavior can also reveal his or her interest or intentionsin certain circumstances. Careful observation of such changes can allow you topredict things before they happen, clearly giving you an advantage—particularly if the impending action could cause harm to you or others (see box6).Commandment 8: Learning to detect false or misleading nonverbal signals isalso critical. The ability to differentiate between authentic and misleadingcues takes practice and experience. It requires not only concerted observation,but also some careful judgment. In the chapters to come, I will teach you thesubtle differences in a person's actions that reveal whether a behavior ishonest or dishonest, increasing your chances of getting an accurate read on theperson with whom you are dealing.Commandment 9: Knowing how to distinguish between comfort and discomfortwill help you to focus on the most important behaviors for decoding nonverbalcommunications. Having studied nonverbal behavior most of my adult life, Ihave come to realize that there are two principal things we should look for andfocus on: comfort and discomfort. This is fundamental to how I teachnonverbal communications. Learning to read comfort and discomfort cues(behaviors) in others accurately will help you to decipher what their bodiesand minds are truly saying. If in doubt as to what a behavior means, askyourself if this looks like a comfort behavior (e.g., contentment, happiness,relaxation) or if it looks like a discomfort behavior (e.g., displeasure,unhappiness, stress, anxiety, tension). Most of the time you will be able toplace observed behaviors in one of these two domains (comfort vs.discomfort).16 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 6: A NOSE FOR TROUBLEAmong the most important nonverbal clues to a person's thoughts are changesin body language that constitute intention cues. These are behaviors that revealwhat a person is about to do and provide the competent observer with extratime to prepare for the anticipated action before it takes place.One personal example of how critical it is to watch for changes in people'sbehavior—particularly when the changes involve intention cues—involves an attempted robbery of a store where I worked. In this particularsituation, I noticed a man standing near the cash register at the checkoutcounter, a behavior that caught my attention because he seemed to have noreason to be there; he wasn't waiting in line and he hadn't purchased any items.Moreover, the entire time he stood there, his eyes were fixed on the cashregister.If he had just remained quietly where he was, I eventually would have lostinterest in him and focused my attention elsewhere. However, while I was stillobserving him, his behavior changed. Specifically, his nostrils starting flaring(nasal wing dilation), which was a giveaway that he was oxygenat-ing inadvance of taking some action. I guessed what that action was going to beabout a second before it occurred. And a second was all I had to sound awarning. I yelled to the cashier, "Watch out!" as three things happened at once:(a) the clerk finished ringing up a sale, causing the cash drawer to open; (b) theman near the register lunged forward, plunging his hand into the drawer to grabsome cash; and (c) alerted by my shouted warning, the cashier grabbed theman's hand and twisted it, causing the would-be robber to drop the money andrun out of the store. Had I not spotted his intention cue, I am sure the thiefwould have succeeded in his efforts. Incidentally, the cashier was my father,who was running a small hardware store in Miami back in 1974. I was hissummer hire.MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBALCOMMUNICATION 17Commandment 10: When observing others, be subtle about it.Using nonverbal behavior requires you to observe people carefully and decodetheir nonverbal behaviors accurately. However, one thing you don't want to dowhen observing others is to make your intentions obvious. Many individualstend to stare at people when they first try to spot nonverbal cues. Suchintrusive observation is not advisable. Your ideal goal is to observe otherswithout their knowing it, in other words, unobtrusively.Work at perfecting your observational skills, and you will reach a point whereyour efforts will be both successful and subtle. It's all a matter of practice andpersistence.You have now been introduced to your part of our partnership, the tencommandments you need to follow to decode nonverbal communicationsuccessfully. The question now becomes "What nonverbal behaviors should Ibe looking for, and what important information do they reveal?" This is whereI come in.Identifying Important Nonverbal Behaviors and Their MeaningsConsider this. The human body is capable of giving off literally thousands ofnonverbal "signals" or messages. Which ones are most important and how doyou decode them? The problem is that it could take a lifetime of painstakingobservation, evaluation, and validation to identify and interpret importantnonverbal communications accurately. Fortunately, with the help of some verygifted researchers and my practical experience as an FBI expert on nonverbalbehavior, we can take a more direct approach to get you on your way. I havealready identified those nonverbal behaviors that are most important, so youcan put this unique knowledge to immediate use. We have also developed aparadigm or model that makes reading nonverbals easier. Even if you forgetexactly what a specific body signal means, you will still be able to decipher it.As you read through these pages, you will learn certain information aboutnonverbal behavior that has never been revealed in any other text 18 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N Gon body language (including examples of nonverbal behavioral clues used tosolve actual FBI cases). Some of the material will surprise you.For example, if you had to choose the most "honest" part of a person's body—the part that would most likely reveal an individual's true feeling or intentions—which part would you select? Take a guess. Once I reveal the answer, you'llknow a prime place to look when attempting to decide what a businessassociate, family member, date, or total stranger is thinking, feeling, orintending. I will also explain the physiological basis for nonverbal behavior,the role the brain plays in nonverbal behavior. I will also reveal the truth aboutdetecting deception as no counterintelligence agent has done before.I firmly believe that understanding the biological basis for body language willhelp you appreciate how nonverbal behavior works and why it is such a potentpredictor of human thoughts, feelings, and intentions.Therefore, I start the next chapter with a look at that magnificent organ, thehuman brain, and show how it governs every facet of our body language.Before I do so, however, I will share an observation concerning the validity ofusing body language to understand and assess human behavior.FO R W H O M T H E T E L L S T O L LOn a fateful date in 1963, in Cleveland, Ohio, thirty-nine-year veteranDetective Martin McFadden watched two men walk back and forth in front of astore window. They took turns peeking into the shop and then walking away.After multiple passes, the two men huddled at the end of the street looking overtheir shoulders as they spoke to a third person.Concerned that the men were "casing" the business and intending to rob thestore, the detective moved in, patted down one of the men, and found aconcealed handgun. Detective McFadden arrested the three men, thus thwartinga robbery and averting potential loss of life.Officer McFadden's detailed observations became the basis for a land-markU.S. Supreme Court decision ( Terry v. Ohio, 1968, 392 U.S. 1) MASTERINGTHE SECRETS OF NONVERBALCOMMUNICATION 19known to every police officer in the United States. Since 1968, this ruling hasallowed police officers to stop and frisk individuals without a warrant whentheir behaviors telegraph their intention to commit a crime.With this decision, the Supreme Court acknowledged that nonverbal behaviorspresage criminality if those behaviors are observed and decoded properly.Terry v. Ohio provided a clear demonstration of the relationship between ourthoughts, intentions, and nonverbal behaviors.Most important, this decision provided legal recognition that such arelationship exists and is valid (Navarro & Schafer, 2003, 22–24).So the next time someone says to you that nonverbal behavior does not havemeaning or is not reliable, remember this case, as it says otherwise and hasstood the test of time.T W OLiving Our Limbic LegacyTake a moment and bite your lip. Really, take a second and actually do it. Now,rub your forehead. Finally, stroke the back of your neck. These are things wedo all the time. Spend some time around other people and you'll see themengaging in these behaviors on a regular basis.Do you ever wonder why they do it? Do you ever wonder why you do it? Theanswer can be found hidden away in a vault—the cranial vault—where the human brain resides. Once we learn why and how our brain recruitsour body to express its emotions nonverbally, we'll also discover how tointerpret these behaviors. So, let's take a closer look inside that vault andexamine the most amazing three pounds of matter found in the human body.Most people think of themselves as having one brain and recognize that brainas the seat of their cognitive abilities. In reality, there are three22 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N G"brains" inside the human skull, each performing specialized functions thatwork together as the "command-and-control center" that regulates everythingour body does. Back in 1952, a pioneering scientist named Paul MacLeanbegan to speak of the human brain as a triune brain consisting of a "reptilian(stem) brain," "mammalian (limbic) brain," and "human (neocortex) brain"(see diagram of the limbic brain). In this book, we will be concentrating on thelimbic system of the brain (the part MacLean called the mammalian brain),because it plays the largest role in the expression of our nonverbal behavior.However, we will use our neocortex (our human brain or thinking brain) toanalyze critically the limbic reactions of those around us in order to decodewhat other people are thinking, feeling, or intending (LeDoux, 1996, 184–189;Goleman, 1995, 10–21).It is critical to understand that the brain controls all behaviors, whetherconscious or subconscious. This premise is the cornerstone of understandingall nonverbal communications. From simply scratching your head to composinga symphony, there is nothing you do (except for some involuntary musclereflexes) that is not governed or directed by the brain. By this Fig. 3Corpus CCorpus allosumllosumNeocorNeocortetexThalamusHypothalamusHippocampusAmyAm gy dalaCerebellumReReptilian Bilian Brar inainDiagram of the limbic brain with major features such as the amygdala and thehippocampus.LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 23logic, we can use these behaviors to interpret what the brain is choosing tocommunicate externally.T H E V E RYE L E G A N T L I M B I C B R A I NIn our study of nonverbal communications, the limbic brain is where the actionis. Why? Because it is the part of the brain that reacts to the world around usreflexively and instantaneously, in real time, and without thought. For thatreason, it gives off a true response to information coming in from theenvironment (Myers, 1993, 35–39). Because it is uniquely responsible for oursurvival, the limbic brain does not take breaks. It is always "on." The limbicbrain is also our emotional center. It is from there that signals go out to variousother parts of the brain, which in turn orchestrate our behaviors as they relateto emotions or our survival (LeDoux, 1996, 104–137). These behaviors can beobserved and decoded as they manifest physically in our feet, torso, arms,hands, and faces.Since these reactions occur without thought, unlike words, they are genuine.Thus, the limbic brain is considered the "honest brain" when we think ofnonverbals (Goleman, 1995, 13–29).These limbic survival responses go back not only to our own infancy, but alsoto our ancestry as a human species. They are hardwired into our nervoussystem, making them difficult to disguise or eliminate—like trying to suppressa startle response even when we anticipate a loud noise. Therefore, it isaxiomatic that limbic behaviors are honest and reliable behaviors; they are truemanifestations of our thoughts, feelings, and intentions (see box 7).The third part of our brain is a relatively recent addition to the cranial vault.Thus it is called the neocortex, meaning new brain. This part of our brain isalso known as the "human," "thinking," or "intellectual"brain, because it is responsible for higher-order cognition and memory.This is the part of the brain that distinguishes us from other mammals due to thelarge amount of its mass (cortex) used for thinking. This is the brain that got usto the moon. With its ability to compute, analyze, 24 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 7: HEAD-ING OFFA BOMBERSince the limbic part of our brain cannot be cognitively regulated, thebehaviors it generates should be given greater importance when interpretingnonverbal communications. You can use your thoughts to try to disguise yourtrue emotions all you want, but the limbic system will self-regulate and giveoff clues. Observing these alarm reactions and knowing that they are honestand significant is extremely important; it can even save lives.An example of this occurred in December of 1999, when an alert U.S. customsofficer thwarted a terrorist who came to be known as the"millennial bomber." Noting the nervousness and excessive sweating ofAhmed Reesam as he entered the United States from Canada, Officer DianaDean asked him to step out of his car for further questioning. At that pointReesam attempted to flee but was soon captured. In his car, officers foundexplosives and timing devices. Reesam was eventually convicted of plotting tobomb the Los Angeles Airport.The nervousness and sweating that Officer Dean observed were regulated inthe brain as a response to immense stress. Because these limbic behaviors aregenuine, Officer Dean could be confident in pursuing Reesam, with theknowledge that her observations had detected body language that justifiedfurther investigation. The Reesam affair illustrates how one's psychologicalstate manifests nonverbally in the body. In this case, the limbic system of awould-be bomber—who was obviously extremely frightened by the possibilityof being detected—gave away his nervousness, despite all conscious attemptshe made to hide his underly-ing emotions. We owe Officer Dean our gratitudefor being an astute observer of nonverbal behavior and foiling a terrorist act.LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 25interpret, and intuit at a level unique to the human species, it is our critical andcreative brain. It is also, however, the part of the brain that is least honest;therefore, it is our "lying brain." Because it is capable of complex thought, thisbrain—unlike its limbic counterpart—is the least reliable of the three majorbrain components. This is the brain that can deceive, and it deceives often(Vrij, 2003, 1–17).Returning to our earlier example, while the limbic system may compel themillennial bomber to sweat profusely while being questioned by the customsofficer, the neocortex is quite capable of allowing him to lie about his truesentiments. The thinking part of the brain, which is the part that governs ourspeech (specifically, Broca's area), could cause the bomber to say, "I have noexplosives in the car," should the officer inquire as to what is in hisautomobile, even if that claim is an utter falsehood. The neocortex can easilypermit us to tell a friend that we like her new haircut when we, in fact, do not,or it can facilitate the very convincing statement, "I did not have sexualrelations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky."Because the neocortex (the thinking brain) is capable of dishonesty, it is not agood source of reliable or accurate information (Ost, 2006, 259–291). In summary, when it comes to revealing honest nonverbal behaviors thathelp us read people, the limbic system is the holy grail of body language. Thus,this is the area of the brain where we want to focus our attention.O U R L I M B I C R E S P O N S E S — T H E T H R E E F' SO FN O N V E R B A L SOne of the classic ways the limbic brain has assured our survival as a species—and produced a reliable number of nonverbal tells in the process—is byregulating our behavior when confronting danger, whether it be a prehistoricman facing a Stone Age beast or a modern-day employee facing a stonehearted boss. Over the millennia, we have retained the competent, life-savingvisceral reactions of our animal heritage. In order to ensure our survival, thebrain's very elegant response to distress or 26 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N Gthreats, has taken three forms: freeze, flight, and fight. Like other animalspecies whose limbic brains protected them in this manner, humans possessingthese limbic reactions survived to propagate because these behaviors werealready hardwired into our nervous system.I am sure that many of you are familiar with the phrase "fight-or-flightresponse," which is common terminology used to describe the way in whichwe respond to threatening or dangerous situations. Unfortunately, this phrase isonly two-thirds accurate and half-assed backward! In reality, the way animals,including humans, react to danger occurs in the following order: freeze, flight,fight. If the reaction really were fight or flight, most of us would be bruised,battered, and exhausted much of the time.Because we have retained and honed this exquisitely successful process fordealing with stress and danger—and because the resulting reactions generatenonverbal behaviors that help us understand a person's thoughts, feelings, andintentions—it is well worth our time to examine each response in greaterdetail.The Freeze ResponseA million years ago, as early hominids traversed the African savanna, theywere faced with many predators that could outrun and overpower them. Forearly man to succeed, the limbic brain, which had evolved from our animalforebearers, developed strategies to compensate for the power advantage ourpredators had over us. That strategy, or first defense of the limbic system, wasto use the freeze response in the presence of a predator or other danger.Movement attracts attention; by immediately holding still upon sensing a threat,the limbic brain caused us to react in the most effective manner possible toensure our survival. Most animals, certainly most predators, react to—and areattracted by—movement. This ability to freeze in the face of danger makes sense.Many carnivores go after moving targets and exercise the "chase, trip, andbite" mechanism exhibited by large felines, the primary predators of ourancestors.Many animals not only freeze their motion when confronted by preda-LIVINGOUR LIMBIC LEGACY 27tors, but some even play dead, which is the ultimate freeze reaction. This is astrategy that opossums use, but they are not the only animals to do so.In fact, accounts of the school shootings at Columbine and Virginia Techdemonstrate that students used the freeze response to deal with deadlypredators. By holding still and playing dead, many students survived eventhough they were only a few feet away from the killer. Instinctively, thestudents adopted ancient behaviors that work very effectively. Freezing yourmovement can often make you nearly invisible to others, a phenomenon everysoldier and SWAT team operator learns.Thus, the freeze response has been passed from primitive man to modern manand remains with us today as our first line of defense against a perceived threator danger. In fact, you can still see this ancient limbic reaction to large felinesin the theaters of Las Vegas where big cats are part of the show. As the tiger orlion walks onto the stage, you can be sure that the people in the first row willnot be making any unnecessary arm or hand gestures. They will be frozen intheir seats. These people were not issued memos to remain still; they did sobecause the limbic brain has prepared the human species to behave that way inthe face of danger for over five million years.In our modern society, the freeze response is employed more subtly ineveryday life. You can observe it when people are caught bluffing or stealing,or sometimes when they are lying. When people feel threatened or exposed,they react just like our ancestors did a million years earlier; they freeze. Notonly have we, as humans, learned to freeze in the face of observed orperceived danger, but others around us have learned to copy our behavior andfreeze their behavior also, even without seeing the threat. This mimicry orisopraxism (same movement) evolved because it was critical to communalsurvival, as well as social harmony, within the human species (see box 8 onnext page).This freezing action is sometimes termed the "deer-in-the-headlights"effect. When suddenly caught in a potentially dangerous circumstance, weimmediately freeze before taking action. In our day-to-day life, this freezeresponse manifests innocently, such as when a person walking down the streetstops suddenly, perhaps hitting himself on the forehead 28 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 8: THE NIGHT THE HANDS STOPPED MOVINGI was at my mother's house a few weeks ago watching television and eating icecream with members of the family. It was late at night and someone rang thedoorbell (something that is very unusual in her neighborhood).Suddenly, in the midst of eating, everyone's hands froze—adults and childrenalike—as if choreographed. It was amazing to see how we all reacted with"hands flash frozen" at precisely the same moment. It turned out that the visitorwas my sister who had forgotten her keys. But of course we didn't know it washer ringing the bell. It was a beautiful example of the hardwired communalresponse to perceived danger, and of the first limbic reaction, which is tofreeze.Soldiers in combat react the same way. When the "point man" freezes,everyone freezes; nothing needs to be said.with the palm of his hand, before turning around and heading back to hisapartment to turn off the stove. That momentary stop is enough for the brain todo some quick assessing, whether the threat comes in the form of a predator orof a thought remembered. Either way, the psyche must deal with a potentiallydangerous situation (Navarro, 2007, 141–163).We not only freeze when confronted by physical and visual threats, but as in theexample of the late-night doorbell, threats from things we hear (aural threats)can also alert the limbic system. For instance, when being chastised, mostpeople hold very still. The same behavior is observed when an individual isbeing questioned about matters that he or she perceives could get them intotrouble. The person will freeze in his chair as if in an "ejector seat" (Gregory,1999).A similar manifestation of the limbic freeze occurs during interviews whenpeople hold their breath or their breathing becomes very shallow.Again, this is a very ancient response to a threat. It is not noticed by theinterviewee and yet it is quite observable to anyone watching for it. I haveLIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 29often had to tell an interviewee to relax and take a deep breath during themiddle of an interview or deposition, as he was unaware of just how shallowhis breathing had become.Consistent with the need to freeze when confronted by a threat, people beingquestioned about a crime will often fix their feet in a position of security(interlocked behind the chair legs) and hold that position for an inordinateperiod of time. When I see this type of behavior, it tells me something iswrong; this is a limbic response that needs to be further explored. The personmay or may not be lying, since deceit cannot be directly discerned. But I can beassured from their nonverbal behavior that something is stressing them;therefore I will pursue the source of their discomfort through my questioning orinteraction.Another way the limbic brain uses a modification of the freeze response is toattempt to protect us by diminishing our exposure. During surveillance ofshoplifters, one of the things that stands out is how often thieves will try to hidetheir physical presence by restricting their motions or hunching over as iftrying to be invisible. Ironically, this makes them stand out even further, since itis such a deviation from normal shopping behavior. Most people walk arounda store with their arms quite active and their posture upright rather thanstooped. Psychologically, the shoplifters—or, your son and daughter as they tryto surrep-titiously swipe a cookie from the pantry—are trying to master theirenvironment by attempting to "hide" in the open. Another way people try tohide in the open is by limiting their head exposure. This is done by raising theshoulders and lowering the head—the "turtle effect." Picture a losing footballteam walking off the field after the game and you get the idea (see figure 4).Interestingly and sadly, abused children often manifest these freezing limbicbehaviors. In the presence of an abusive parent or adult, their arms will godormant at their sides and they avoid eye contact as though that helps them notto be seen. In a way, they are hiding in the open, which is a tool of survival forthese helpless kids.30 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 4The "turtle effect" (shoulders rise toward the ears) is often seen when peopleare humbledor suddenly lose confidence.The Flight ResponseOne purpose of the freeze response is to avoid detection by dangerouspredators or in dangerous situations. A second purpose is to give thethreatened individual the opportunity to assess the situation and determine thebest course of action to take. When the freeze response is not adequate toeliminate the danger or is not the best course of action (e.g., the threat is tooclose), the second limbic response is to get away by use of the flight response.Obviously, the goal of this choice is to escape the threat or, at a minimum, todistance oneself from danger. Running, of course, is useful when it is practical,and as a survival mechanism our brain di-LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 31rected our body to adopt this tactic judiciously over millennia in order toescape from danger.In our modern world, however, where we live in cities and not in the wild, itis difficult to run from threats; therefore we have adapted the flight response tomeet our modern needs. The behaviors are not as obvious, but they serve thesame purpose—to either block or distance ourselves from the physicalpresence of undesirable individuals or things.If you think back on the social interactions you've had in your life, you'llprobably be able to recall some of the "evasive" actions you took to distanceyourself from the unwanted attention of others. Just as a child turns away fromundesirable food at the dinner table and shifts her feet toward the exit, anindividual may turn away from someone she doesn't like, or to avoidconversations that threaten her. Blocking behaviors may manifest in the form ofclosing the eyes, rubbing the eyes, or placing the hands in front of the face.The person may also distance herself from someone by leaning away, placingobjects (a purse) on her lap, or turning her feet toward the nearest exit. All ofthese behaviors are controlled by the limbic brain and indicate that someonewants distance from one or more undesirable persons or any perceived threatin the environment. Again, we under-take these behaviors because, for millionsof years, humans have withdrawn from things we didn't like or that could harmus. Therefore, to this day, we expedite our exit from a deplorable party,distance ourselves from a bad relationship, or lean away from those who aredeemed undesirable or even with whom we strongly disagree (see figure 5).Just as a man may turn away from his date, an individual in negotiations mayshift away from his counterpart if he hears an unattractive offer or feelsthreatened as bargaining continues. Blocking behaviors may also bemanifested; the businessperson may close or rub his eyes, or place his hands infront of his face (see figure 6). He may lean away from the table or the otherperson and turn his feet away as well, sometimes in the direction of the nearestexit. These are not behaviors of deception, but rather actions that signal that aperson feels uncomfortable.These forms of the age-old flight response are distancing nonverbal be-32 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 5People lean away from each other subconsciously when they disagree or feeluncomfortable around each other.haviors that tell you the businessperson is unhappy with what is occurring atthe table.The Fight ResponseThe fight response is the limbic brain's final tactic for survival throughaggression. When a person confronting danger cannot avoid detection byfreezing and cannot save himself by distancing or escaping (flight), the onlyalternative left is to fight. In our evolution as a species, we—along with othermammals—developed the strategy of turning fear into rage in order to fight offattackers (Panksepp, 1998, 208). In the modernLIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 33Fig. 6Eye blocking is a very powerful display ofconsternation, disbelief, or disagreement.world, however, acting on our rage may not be practical or even legal, so thelimbic brain has developed other strategies beyond the more primitivephysical fight response.One form of modern aggression is an argument. Although the original meaningof the term argument relates simply to a debate or discussion, the word isincreasingly used to describe a verbal altercation. An overheated argument isessentially "fighting" by nonphysical means. The use of insults, ad hominemphrases, counterallegations, denigration of professional stature, goading, andsarcasm are all, in their own ways, the modern equivalents of fighting, becausethey are all forms of aggression.If you think about it, civil lawsuits can even be construed as a modern andsocially sanctioned type of fight or aggression in which litigants aggressivelyargue two opposing viewpoints.While humans probably engage in physical altercations far less now than inother periods in our history, fighting is still a part of our limbic armory.Although some people are more prone to violence than others, our limbicresponse shows up in many ways other than punching, kicking, and biting. Youcan be very aggressive without physical contact, for example, just by usingyour posture, your eyes, by puffing out your chest, 34 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N Gor by violating another's personal space. Threats to our personal space elicit alimbic response on an individual level. Interestingly, these territorialviolations can also create limbic responses on a collective level. When onecountry intrudes into the space of another, it often results in economicsanctions, severing of diplomatic relations, or even wars.Obviously, it is easy to recognize when someone uses the fight response tocommit a physical assault. What I want to identify for you are the not-soobvious ways in which individuals exhibit some of the more subtle behaviorsassociated with the fight response. Just as we have seen modified expressionsof the freeze and flight limbic reactions, modern decorum dictates that werefrain from acting on our primitive inclina-tions to fight when threatened.In general, I advise people to refrain from using aggression (verbal orphysical) as a means of achieving their objectives. Just as the fight response isthe act of last resort in dealing with a threat—used only after the freeze andflight tactics have proven unworkable—so too should you avoid it wheneverfeasible. Aside from the obvious legal and physical reasons for thisrecommendation, aggressive tactics can lead to emotional turmoil, making itdifficult to concentrate and think clearly about the threatening situation at hand.When we are emotionally aroused—and a good fight will do that—it affectsour ability to think effectively. This happens because our cognitive abilities arehijacked so that the limbic brain can have full use of all available cerebralresources (Goleman, 1995, 27, 204–207).One of the best reasons for studying nonverbal behaviors is that they cansometimes warn you when a person intends to harm you physically, giving youtime to avoid a potential conflict.C O M FO R T / D I S C O M FO R T A N D PA C I FI E R STo borrow a phrase from the old Star Trek series, the "prime directive" of thelimbic brain is to ensure our survival as a species. It does this by beingprogrammed to make us secure by avoiding danger or discomfort and seekingsafety or comfort whenever possible. It also allows us to remem-LIVING OURLIMBIC LEGACY 35ber experiences from our past encounters and build upon them (see box 9).Thus far we have seen how efficiently the limbic system helps us to deal withthreats. Now let's look at how our brain and body work together to comfort usand give us confidence in our personal safety.When we experience a sense of comfort (well-being), the limbic brain"leaks" this information in the form of body language congruent with ourpositive feelings. Observe someone resting in a hammock on a breezy day. Hisbody reflects the high comfort being experienced by his brain.On the other hand, when we feel distressed (discomfort), the limbic brainexpresses nonverbal behavior that mirrors our negative state of being.Just watch people at the airport when a flight is canceled or delayed.Their bodies say it all. Therefore, we want to learn to look more closely at thecomfort and discomfort behaviors we see every day and use them to assess forfeelings, thoughts, and intentions.In general, when the limbic brain is in a state of comfort, this mental andphysiological well-being is reflected in nonverbal displays of contentment andhigh confidence. When, however, the limbic brain is experiencing discomfort,the corresponding body language is characterized by behaviors emblematic ofstress or low confidence. Knowledge of these"behavioral markers" or tells will help you determine what a person may bethinking, or how to act or what to expect when dealing with other people in anysocial or work context.The Importance of Pacifying BehaviorsUnderstanding how the limbic system's freeze, flight, and fight responsesinfluence nonverbal behavior is only part of the equation. As you studynonverbal behavior, you will discover that whenever there is a limbicresponse—especially to a negative or threatening experience—it will befollowed by what I call pacifying behaviors (Navarro, 2007, 141–163).These actions, often referred to in the literature as adapters, serve to calm usdown after we experience something unpleasant or downright nasty (Knapp &Hall, 2002, 41–42). In its attempt to restore itself to"normal conditions," the brain enlists the body to provide comforting 36 W HA TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 9: A BRAIN THAT DOESN'T FORGETThe limbic brain is like a computer that receives and retains data from theoutside world. In doing so, it compiles and maintains a record of negativeevents and experiences (a burned finger from a hot stove, an assault by ahuman or animal predator, or even hurtful comments) as well as pleasantencounters. Using this information, the limbic brain allows us to navigate adangerous and often unforgiving world (Goleman, 1995, 10–21). For example,once the limbic system registers an animal as dangerous, that impressionbecomes embedded in our emotional memory so that the next time we see thatanimal, we will react instantly. Likewise, if we run into the "class bully"twenty years later, negative feelings of long ago will percolate to the surfaceonce more, thanks to the limbic brain.The reason it is often difficult to forget when someone has hurt us is becausethat experience registers in the more primitive limbic system, which is the partof the brain designed not to reason but to react (Goleman, 1995, 207). Irecently encountered an individual with whom I was never on the best ofterms. It had been four years since I had last seen this person, yet my visceral(limbic) reactions were just as negative as they had been years ago. My brainwas reminding me that this individual takes advantage of others, so it waswarning me to stay away. This phenomenon is precisely what Gavin de Beckerwas talking about in his in-sightful book, The Gift of Fear.Conversely, the limbic system also works efficiently to register and retain arecord of positive events and experiences (e.g., satisfaction of basic needs,praise, and enjoyable interpersonal relationships). Thus, a friendly or familiarface will cause an immediate reaction—a sense of pleasure and well-being.The feelings of euphoria when we see an old friend or recognize a pleasantsmell from childhood occur because those encounters have been registered inthe "comfort zone" of the memory bank associated with our limbic system.LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 37(pacifying) behaviors. Since these are outward signals that can be read in realtime, we can observe and decode them immediately and in context.Pacifying is not unique to our species. For example, cats and dogs lickthemselves and each other to pacify. Humans engage in much more diversepacification behaviors. Some are very obvious, while others are much moresubtle. Most people would readily think of a child's thumb sucking when askedto identify a pacifying behavior, but do not realize that after we outgrow thatcomfort display, we adopt more discreet and socially acceptable ways tosatisfy the need to calm ourselves (e.g., chew-ing gum, biting pencils). Mostpeople don't notice the more subtle pacifying behaviors or are unaware oftheir significance in revealing a person's thoughts and feelings. That isunfortunate. To be successful at reading nonverbal behavior, learning torecognize and decode human pacifiers is absolutely critical. Why? Becausepacifying behaviors reveal so much about a person's current state of mind, andthey do so with uncanny accuracy (see box 10).I look for pacifying behaviors in people to tell me when they are not at ease orwhen they are reacting negatively to something I have done or said. In aninterview situation, such a display might be in response to a specific questionor comment. Behaviors that signal discomfort (e.g., leaning away, a frown, andcrossed or tense arms) are usually followed by the brain enlisting the hands topacify (see figure 8). I look for these behaviors to confirm what is going on inthe mind of the person with whom I am dealing.As a specific example, if every time I ask a subject, "Do you know Mr.Hillman?" he responds, "No," but then immediately touches his neck or mouth,I know he is pacifying to that specific question (see figure 9). I don't know ifhe is lying, because deception is notoriously difficult to detect. But I do knowthat he is bothered by the inquiry, so much so that he has to pacify himself afterhe hears it. This will prompt me to probe further into this area of inquiry.Pacifying behaviors are important for an investigator to note, since sometimesthey help uncover a lie or hidden information. I find pacifying indicators ofgreater significance and reliability than trying to establish veracity. They helpto identify what specific 38 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 10: CAPTURED IN THE NECK OFTIMENeck touching and/or stroking is one of the most significant and frequentpacifying behaviors we use in responding to stress. When women pacify usingthe neck, they often do so by covering or touching their suprasternal notch withtheir hand (see figure 7). The suprasternal notch is the hollow area between theAdam's apple and the breastbone that is sometimes referred to as the neckdimple. When a woman touches this part of her neck and/or covers it with herhand, it is typically because she feels distressed, threatened, uncomfortable,insecure, or fearful. This is a relatively significant behavioral clue that can beused to detect, among other things, the discomfort experienced when a personis lying or concealing important information.I once worked on an investigation where we thought an armed and dangerousfugitive might be hiding out at his mother's home. Another agent and I went tothe woman's house, and when we knocked at the door, she agreed to let us in.We showed our identification and began asking her a series of questions. WhenI inquired, "Is your son in the house?" she put her hand to her suprasternalnotch and said, "No, he's not." I noted her behavior, and we continued with ourquestioning. After a few minutes I asked, "Is it possible that while you were atwork, your son could have sneaked into the house?" Once again, she put herhand up to her neck dimple and replied, "No, I'd know that." I was nowconfident that her son was in the house, because the only time she moved herhand to her neck was when I suggested that possibility. To make absolutelysure my assumption was correct, we continued to speak with the woman until,as we prepared to leave, I made one last inquiry. "Just so I can finalize myrecords, you're positive he's not in the house, right?" For a third time, her handwent to her neck as she affirmed her earlier answer. I was now certain thewoman was lying. I asked for permission to search the house and, sure enough,her son was hiding in a closet under some blan-kets. She was lucky she wasnot charged with obstruction of justice. HerLIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 39discomfort in lying to the police about her fugitive son caused her limbicsystem to generate a pacifying behavior that tipped her hand and gave heraway.subjects trouble or distress a person. Knowing these can often lead to evincinginformation previously hidden that might give us new insights.Types of Pacifying BehaviorsPacifying behaviors take many forms. When stressed, we might soothe ournecks with a gentle massage, stroke our faces, or play with our hair. This isdone automatically. Our brains send out the message, "Please pacify me now,"and our hands respond immediately, providing an action that will help make uscomfortable again. Sometimes we pacify by rubbing our cheeks or our lipsfrom the inside with our tongues, or we exhale slowly Fig. 7Covering of the neck dimple pacifiesinsecurities, emotional discomfort, fear,or concerns in real time. Playing with anecklace often serves the same purpose.Fig. 8Rubbing of the forehead is usually a goodindicator that a person is struggling withsomething or is undergoing slight to severediscomfort.Fig. 9Neck touching takes place when there is emotional discomfort, doubt, orinsecurity.LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 41Fig. 10Fig. 11Cheek or face touching is a way toExhaling with puffed out cheeks is apacify when nervous, irritated, orgreat way to release stress and to pacify.concerned.Notice how often people do this after anear mishap.with puffed cheeks to calm ourselves (see figures 10 and 11). If a stressedperson is a smoker, he or she will smoke more; if the person chews gum, he orshe will chew faster. All these pacifying behaviors satisfy the samerequirement of the brain; that is, the brain requires the body to do somethingthat will stimulate nerve endings, releasing calming endorphins in the brain, sothat the brain can be soothed (Panksepp, 1998, 272).For our purposes, any touching of the face, head, neck, shoulder, arm, hand, orleg in response to a negative stimulus (e.g., a difficult question, anembarrassing situation, or stress as a result of something heard, seen, orthought) is a pacifying behavior. These stroking behaviors don't help us tosolve problems; rather, they help us to remain calm while we do. In otherwords, they soothe us. Men prefer to touch their faces. Women prefer to touchtheir necks, clothing, jewelry, arms, and hair.When it comes to pacifiers, people have personal favorites, some choose tochew gum, smoke cigarettes, eat more food, lick their lips, rub their chins,stroke their faces, play with objects (pens, pencils, lipstick, or watches), pulltheir hair, or scratch their forearms. Sometimes pacification is even moresubtle, like a person brushing the front of his shirt or adjusting his tie (seefigure 12). He appears simply to be preening himself, but in42 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 12Men adjust their ties to deal withinsecurities or discomfort. It also coversthe suprasternal notch.reality he is calming his nervousness by drawing his arm across his body andgiving his hands something to do. These, too, are pacifying behaviorsultimately governed by the limbic system and exhibited in response to stress.Below are some of the most common and pronounced pacifying behaviors.When you see them, stop and ask yourself, "Why is this person pacifying?" Theability to link a pacifying behavior with the specific stressor that caused it canhelp you understand a person's thoughts, feelings, and intentions moreaccurately.Pacifying Behaviors Involving the NeckNeck touching and/or stroking is one of the most significant and frequentpacifying behaviors we use in responding to stress. One person may rub ormassage the back of his neck with his fingers; another may stroke the sides ofhis neck or just under the chin above the Adam's apple, tugging at the fleshyarea of the neck. This area is rich with nerve endings that, when stroked,reduce blood pressure, lower the heart rate, and calm the individual down (seefigures 13 and 14).LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 43Fig. 13Fig. 14Men tend to massage or stroke theirMen typically cover their necks morenecks to pacify distress. This area is richrobustly than women as a way to dealwith nerves, including the vagus nerve,with discomfort or insecurity.which when massaged will slow downthe heart rate.Over the decades that I have studied nonverbal behaviors, I have observed thatthere are gender differences in the way men and women use the neck to pacifythemselves. Typically, men are more robust in their pacifying behaviors,grasping or cupping their necks just beneath the chin with their hands, therebystimulating the nerves (specifically, the vagus nerves or the carotid sinus) ofthe neck, which in turn slow the heart rate down and have a calming effect.Sometimes men will stroke the sides or the back of the neck with their fingers,or adjust their tie knot or shirt collar (see figure 15).Women pacify differently. For example, when women pacify using the neck,they will sometimes touch, twist, or otherwise manipulate a necklace, if theyare wearing one (see box 11). As mentioned, the other major way women neckpacify is by covering their suprasternal notch with their hand. Women touchtheir hands to this part of their neck and/or cover it when they feel stressed, insecure, threatened, fearful,uncomfortable, or anxious. Interestingly, when a woman is pregnant, I haveobserved that her hand will initially move toward her neck but at the lastmoment will divert to her belly, as if to cover the fetus.44 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 11: THE PACIFYING PENDULUMWatch a couple as they converse at a table. If the woman begins to play withher necklace, most likely she is a little nervous. But if she transitions herfingers to her neck dimple (suprasternal notch), chances are there is an issue ofconcern to her or she feels very insecure. In most instances, if she is using herright hand on her suprasternal notch, she will cup her right elbow with her lefthand. When the stressful situation is over or there is an intermission in theuncomfortable part of the discussion, her right hand will lower and relaxacross her folded left arm. If the situation again becomes tense, her right handwill rise, once again, to the suprasternal notch. From a distance, the armmovement looks like the needle on a stress meter, moving from resting (on thearm) to the neck (upright) and back again, according to the level of stressexperienced.Fig. 15Even a brief touch of the neck will serve to assuage anxiety or discomfort.Neck touching or massaging is a powerful and universal stress reliever andpacifier.LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 45Pacifying Behaviors Involving the FaceTouching or stroking the face is a frequent human pacifying response to stress.Motions such as rubbing the forehead; touching, rubbing, or licking the lip(s);pulling or massaging the earlobe with thumb and forefin-ger; stroking the faceor beard; and playing with the hair all can serve to pacify an individual whenconfronting a stressful situation. As mentioned before, some individuals willpacify by puffing out their cheeks and then slowly exhaling. The plentifulsupply of nerve endings in the face make it an ideal area of the body for thelimbic brain to recruit to comfort itself.Pacifying Behaviors Involving SoundsWhistling can be a pacifying behavior. Some people whistle to calmthemselves when they are walking in a strange area of a city or down a dark,deserted corridor or road. Some people even talk to themselves in an attemptto pacify during times of stress. I have a friend (as I am sure we all do) whocan talk a mile a minute when nervous or upset. Some behaviors combinetactile and auditory pacification, such as the tapping of a pencil or thedrumming of fingers.Excessive YawningSometimes we see individuals under stress yawning excessively.Yawning not only is a form of "taking a deep breath," but during stress, as themouth gets dry, a yawn can put pressure on the salivary glands. The stretch ofvarious structures in and around the mouth causes the glands to releasemoisture into a dry mouth during times of anxiety. In these cases it's not lack ofsleep, but rather stress, that causes the yawning.46 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GThe Leg CleanserLeg cleansing is one pacification behavior that often goes unnoticed because itfrequently occurs under a desk or table. In this calming or pacifying activity, aperson places the hand (or hands) palm down on top of the leg (or legs), andthen slides them down the thighs toward the knee (see figure 16). Someindividuals will do the "leg cleanser" only once, but often it is done repeatedlyor the leg merely is massaged. It may also be done to dry off sweaty palmsassociated with anxiety, but principally it is to get rid of tension. Thisnonverbal behavior is worth looking for, because it is a good indication thatsomeone is under stress. One way to try and spot this Fig. 16When stressed or nervous, people will "cleanse"their palms on their laps in order to pacify themselves. Often missed undertables, it is a very accurate indicator of discomfort or anxiety.LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 47behavior is to watch people who put one or both arms under the table. If theyare doing leg cleansing, you will normally see the upper arm and shouldermoving in conjunction with the hand as it rubs along their leg.In my experience, I find the leg cleanser to be very significant because itoccurs so quickly in reaction to a negative event. I have observed this actionfor years in cases when suspects are presented with damning evidence, such aspictures of a crime scene with which they are already familiar (guiltyknowledge). This cleansing/pacifying behavior accomplishes two things atonce. It dries sweaty palms and pacifies through tactile stroking.You can also see it when a seated couple is bothered or interrupted by anunwelcome intruder, or when someone is struggling to remember a name.In police work, watch for the hand/leg pacifiers to appear when the interviewsession starts, and then note if they progressively increase when difficultquestions arise. An increase in either the number or vigor of leg cleansers is avery good indicator that a question has caused some sort of discomfort for theperson, either because he has guilty knowledge, is lying, or because you aregetting close to something he does not want to discuss (see box 12). Thebehavior might also occur because the interviewee is distressed over what heis required to answer in response to our questions. So, keep an eye on whatgoes on under the table by monitoring the movement of the arms. You will besurprised at how much you can glean from these behaviors.Heed this cautionary note about leg cleansing. While it is certainly seen inpeople who are being deceptive, I have also observed it in innocentindividuals who are merely nervous, so be careful not to jump to anyconclusions too quickly (Frank et al., 2006, 248–249). The best way tointerpret a leg cleanser is to recognize that it reflects the brain's need to pacifyand, therefore, the reasons for the individual's behavior should be investigatedfurther.The VentilatorThis behavior involves a person (usually a male) putting his fingers betweenhis shirt collar and neck and pulling the fabric away from his skin 48 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 12: FROM FACEBOOK TO DISGRACEBOOKDuring an interview for a job, an applicant was being questioned by hisprospective employer. Everything was going well until, toward the end of theinterview, the candidate began talking about networking and the importance ofthe Internet. The employer complimented him on this comment and made anoffhand remark about how most college graduates used the Internet to networkin a destructive way, using sites like Facebook to post messages and picturesthat would prove to be an embarrassment later in the person's life. At thatpoint, the employer noticed that the candidate did a vigorous leg cleansing withhis right hand, wiping it along his thigh several times. The employer saidnothing at the time, thanked the young man for the interview, and walked himout of the office. He then returned to his computer—his suspicion aroused bythe candidate's pacifying behavior—and checked to see if the young man'sprofile was on Facebook. Sure enough, it was. And it was not flattering!(see figure 17). This ventilating action is often a reaction to stress and is agood indicator that the person is unhappy with something he is thinking aboutor experiencing in his environment. A woman may perform this nonverbalactivity more subtly by merely ventilating the front of her blouse or by tossingthe back of her hair up in the air to ventilate her neck.The Self-Administered Body-HugWhen facing stressful circumstances, some individuals will pacify by crossingtheir arms and rubbing their hands against their shoulders, as if experiencing achill. Watching a person employ this pacifying behavior is reminiscent of theway a mother hugs a young child. It is a protective and calming action weadopt to pacify ourselves when we want toLIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 49Fig. 17Ventilating of the neck area relieves stress and emotional discomfort. RodneyDangerfield, the comedian, was famous for doing this when he wasn't gettingany"respect."feel safe. However, if you see a person with his arms crossed in front, leaningforward, and giving you a defiant look, this is not a pacifying behavior!U S I N G PA C I FI E R S T O R E A D P E O P L EM O R E E FFE C T I V E LYIn order to gain knowledge about a person through nonverbal pacifiers, thereare a few guidelines you need to follow: (1) Recognize pacifying behaviorswhen they occur. I have provided you with all of the major pacifiers. As youmake a concerted effort to spot these body signals, they will becomeincreasingly easy to recognize in interactions with other people.50 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N G(2) Establish a pacifying baseline for an individual. That way you can note anyincrease and/or intensity in that person's pacifying behaviors and reactaccordingly.(3) When you see a person make a pacifying gesture, stop and ask yourself,"What caused him to do that?" You know the individual feels uneasy aboutsomething. Your job, as a collector of nonverbal intelligence, is to find outwhat that something is.(4) Understand that pacifying behaviors almost always are used to calm aperson after a stressful event occurs. Thus, as a general principle, you canassume that if an individual is engaged in pacifying behavior, some stressfulevent or stimulus has pre-ceded it and caused it to happen.(5)The ability to link a pacifying behavior with the specific stressor that caused itcan help you better understand the person with whom you are interacting.(6) In certain circumstances you can actually say or do something to see if itstresses an individual (as reflected in an increase in pacifying behaviors) tobetter understand his thoughts and intentions.(7) Note what part of the body a person pacifies. This is significant, becausethe higher the stress, the greater the amount of facial or neck stroking isinvolved.(8) Remember, the greater the stress or discomfort, the greater the likelihood ofpacifying behaviors to follow.Pacifiers are a great way to assess for comfort and discomfort. In a sense,pacifying behaviors are "supporting players" in our limbic reactions. Yet theyreveal much about our emotional state and how we are truly feeling.A FI N A L N O T E O N O U R L I M B I C L E G A C YYou now are in possession of information that is unknown to most people.You are aware that we have a very robust survival mechanism (freeze, LIVINGOUR LIMBIC LEGACY 51flight, or fight) and possess a pacifying system to deal with stress. We arefortunate to have these mechanisms, not only for our own survival and success,but also to use in assessing the sentiments and thoughts of others.In this chapter, we also learned that (with the exception of certain reflexes) allbehavior is governed by the brain. We have examined two of the three major"brains" within our cranial vault—the thinking neocortex brain and the moreautomatic limbic brain—and how they differ in terms of their roles. Bothbrains perform important functions. However, for our purposes, the limbicsystem is more important because it is the most honest brain—responsible forproducing the most significant nonverbal signals for determining true thoughtsand feelings (Ratey, 2001, 147–242).Now that you are familiar with the basics of how the brain reacts to the world,you might be wondering if detecting and decoding nonverbal behaviors is allthat easy to do. This is a frequently asked question. The answer is yes and no.Once you've read this book, some nonverbal body cues will stand out. Theyliterally scream for attention. On the other hand, there are many aspects ofbody language that are more subtle and, therefore, more difficult to spot. Wewill focus on both the more obvious and the more subtle behaviors that thelimbic brain elicits from the body.In time and with practice, decoding them will become natural, like lookingboth ways before you cross a busy street. This brings us to our legs and feet,which propel us across the intersection and provide the focal point of ourattention in the next chapter.T H R E EGetting a Leg Up onBody LanguageNonverbals of the Feet and LegsIn the first chapter, I asked you to guess which is the most honest part of thebody—the part that is most likely to reveal a person's true intentions and, thus,be a prime place to look for nonverbal signals that accurately reflect what heor she is thinking. It may surprise you, but the answer is the feet! That's right,your feet, along with your legs, win the honesty award hands—or should I say—feet down.Now I will explain how to gauge the sentiments and intentions of others byfocusing on their foot and leg actions. In addition, you will learn to look fortelltale signs that help disclose what's going on under the table, even when youcan't directly watch the lower limbs. First, however, I want to share with youwhy your feet are the most honest part of your body, so you'll gain a betterappreciation for why the feet are such good gauges of people's true sentimentsand intentions.54 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GA N E V O L U T I O N A RY" FO O T " N O T EFor millions of years, the feet and legs have been the primary means oflocomotion for the human species. They are the principal means by which wehave maneuvered, escaped, and survived. Since the time our ancestors beganto walk upright across the grasslands of Africa, the human foot has carried us,quite literally, around the world. Marvels of engineering, our feet allow us tofeel, walk, turn, run, swivel, balance, kick, climb, play, grasp, and even write.And while not as efficient at certain tasks as our hands (we lack an opposablebig toe), nevertheless, as Leonardo da Vinci once commented, our feet andwhat they can perform are a testament to exquisite engineering (Morris, 1985,239).The writer and zoologist Desmond Morris observed that our feet communicateexactly what we think and feel more honestly than any other part of our bodies(Morris, 1985, 244). Why are the feet and legs such accurate reflectors of oursentiments? For millions of years, long before humans spoke, our legs and feetreacted to environmental threats (e.g., hot sand, meandering snakes, illtempered lions) instantaneously, without the need for conscious thought. Ourlimbic brains made sure that our feet and legs reacted as needed by eitherceasing motion, running away, or kicking at a potential threat. This survivalregimen, retained from our ancestral heritage, has served us well and continuesto do so today. In fact, these age-old reactions are still so hardwired in us thatwhen we are presented with something dangerous or even disagreeable, ourfeet and legs still react as they did in prehistoric times.First they freeze, then they attempt to distance, and finally, if no otheralternative is available, they prepare to fight and kick.This freeze, flight, or fight mechanism requires no high-order cognitiveprocessing. It is reactive. This important evolutionary development benefitedthe individual as well as the group. Humans survived by seeing and respondingto the same threat simultaneously or by reacting to the vigilant actions of othersand behaving accordingly. When the group was threatened, whether or not theyall saw the danger, they were able to GETTING A LEG UP ON BODYLANGUAGE 55react in synchrony by noting each other's movements. In our contemporaryworld, soldiers on patrol will fix their attention on the "point man."When he freezes, they all freeze. When he lunges for the side of the road, theyalso take cover. When he charges an ambush, they react in kind. With regard tothese life-saving group behaviors, little has changed in five million years.This ability to communicate nonverbally has assured our survival as a species,and even though today we often cover our legs with clothing and our feet withshoes, our lower limbs still react—not only to threats and stressors—but alsoto emotions, both negative and positive. Thus, our feet and legs transmitinformation about what we are sensing, thinking, and feeling. The dancing andjumping up and down we do today are exten-sions of the celebratoryexuberance people exhibited millions of years ago upon the completion of asuccessful hunt. Be they Masai warriors jumping high in place or couplesdancing up a storm, throughout the world, the feet and legs communicatehappiness. We even stomp our feet in uni-son at ball games to let our teamknow we are rooting for them.Other evidence of these "foot feelings" abounds in our everyday life.For example, watch children and their foot movements for a real education infeet honesty. A child may be sitting down to eat, but if she wants to go out andplay, notice how her feet sway, how they stretch to reach the floor from a highchair even when the child is not yet finished with her meal. A parent may try tokeep her in place, yet the girl's feet will inch away from the table. Her torsomay be held by that loving parent, but the youngster will twist and squirm herlegs and feet ever so diligently in the direction of the door—an accuratereflection of where she wants to go.This is an intention cue. As adults, we are, of course, more restrained in theselimbic exhibitions, but just barely so.T H E M O S T H O N E S T PA R T O FO U R B O D YWhen reading body language, most individuals start their observation at the topof a person (the face) and work their way down, despite the fact 56 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N Gthat the face is the one part of the body that most often is used to bluff andconceal true sentiments. My approach is the exact opposite. Having conductedthousands of interviews for the FBI, I learned to concentrate on the suspect'sfeet and legs first, moving upward in my observations until I read the face last.When it comes to honesty, truthfulness decreases as we move from the feet tothe head. Unfortunately, law enforcement literature over the last sixty years,including some contemporary works, has emphasized a facial focus whenconducting interviews or attempting to read people. Further complicating anhonest read is the fact that most interviewers compound the problem byallowing the interviewees to conceal their feet and legs under tables and desks.When you give it some thought, there's good reason for the deceitful nature ofour facial expressions. We lie with our faces because that's what we've beentaught to do since early childhood. "Don't make that face,"our parents growl when we honestly react to the food placed in front of us. "Atleast look happy when your cousins stop by," they instruct, and you learn toforce a smile. Our parents—and society—are, in essence, telling us to hide,deceive, and lie with our faces for the sake of social harmony. So it is nosurprise that we tend to get pretty good at it, so good, in fact, that when we puton a happy face at a family gathering, we might look as if we love our in-lawswhen, in reality, we are fantasizing about how to hasten their departure.Think about it. If we couldn't control our facial expressions, why would theterm poker face have any meaning? We know how to put on a so-called partyface, but few pay any attention to their own feet and legs, much less to those ofothers. Nervousness, stress, fear, anxiety, caution, boredom, restlessness,happiness, joy, hurt, shyness, coyness, humility, awkwardness, confidence,subservience, depression, lethargy, playful-ness, sensuality, and anger can allmanifest through the feet and legs. A meaningful touch of the legs betweenlovers, the shy feet of a young boy meeting strangers, the stance of the angry,the nervous pacing of an ex-pectant father—all of these signal our emotionalstate and can be readily observed in real time.If you want to decode the world around you and interpret behavior GETTINGA LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 57accurately, watch the feet and the legs; they are truly remarkable and honest inthe information they convey. The lower limbs must be viewed as a significantpart of the entire body when collecting nonverbal intelligence.S I G N I FI C A N T N O N V E R B A L B E H AV I O R SI N V O LV I N G T H E FE E T A N D L E G SHappy FeetHappy feet are feet and legs that wiggle and/or bounce with joy. When peoplesuddenly display happy feet—particularly if this occurs right after they haveheard or seen something of significance—it's because it has affected them in apositive emotional way. Happy feet are a high-confidence tell, a signal that aperson feels he is getting what he wants or is in an advantageous position togain something of value from another person or from something else in hisenvironment (see box 13). Lovers seeing each other after a long separationwill get happy feet at their airport reunion.You don't need to look under the table to see happy feet. Just look at a person'sshirt and/or his shoulders. If his feet are wiggling or bouncing, his shirt andshoulders will be vibrating or moving up and down. These are not grosslyexaggerated movements; in fact, they are relatively subtle.But if you watch for them, they are discernible.Try this little demonstration for yourself. Sit in a chair in front of a full-lengthmirror and begin wiggling or bouncing your feet. As you do, you'll start to seeyour shirt and/or shoulders move. While with others, if you're not watchingcarefully above the table for these telltale signs of lower-limb behaviors, youmight miss them. But if you're willing to take the time and effort to look, you'llbe able to detect them. The key to using happy feet as an effective nonverbalsignal is first to note a person's foot behavior, and then to watch for any suddenchanges that take place (see box 14 on page 59).Allow me to express two points of caution. First, as with all nonverbalbehavior, happy feet must be taken in context to determine if 58 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 13: HAPPYFEET MEAN LIFE IS SWEETA while back, I was watching a poker tournament on television and I saw a guydealt a flush (a powerful hand). Below the table, his feet were going wild!They were wiggling and bouncing like the feet of a child who's just learnedhe's going to Disney World. The player's face was stoic, his demeanor abovethe table was calm, but down near the floor there was a whole lot of shakin'goin' on! Meanwhile, I was pointing at the TV set and urging the other playersto fold their hands and get out of the game. Too bad they couldn't hear me,because two players called his bets and lost their money to his unbeatablehand.This player has learned how to put on his best poker face. Obviously, however,he has a long way to go when it comes to putting on his best poker feet.Fortunately for him, his opponents—like most people—have spent a lifetimeignoring three-quarters of the human body (from the chest on down), paying noattention to the critical nonverbal tells that can be found there.Poker rooms aren't the only place where you see happy feet. I have seen themin plenty of meeting rooms and boardrooms and just about everywhere else.While writing this chapter, I was at the airport and overheard a young mothersitting next to me as she was talking on her cell phone to members of herfamily. At first, her feet were flat on the ground, but when her son got on thephone, her feet began bouncing up and down effusively. I did not need her totell me how she felt about her child or his priority in her life. Her feet shoutedit to me.Remember, whether you are playing cards, doing business, or simply areengaged in a conversation with friends, happy feet are one of the most honestways our brains truthfully exclaim, "I am elated."GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 59BOX 14: A SIGN OFTHE FEETJulie, a human resource executive for a major corporation, told me she begannoticing foot behaviors after attending one of my seminars for bank executives.She put her new knowledge to good use just a few days after returning to herjob. "I was responsible for selecting company employees for overseasassignments," she explained. "When I asked one potential candidate if shewanted to work abroad, she responded with bouncing, happy feet and anaffirmative, 'Yes!' However, when I next mentioned that the destination wasMumbai, India, her feet stopped moving altogether.Noting the change in her nonverbal behavior, I asked why she didn't want to gothere. The candidate was astounded. 'Is it that noticeable? I didn't sayanything. Did someone else say something to you?' she asked in a startledvoice. I told the woman I could 'sense' she wasn't pleased with the intendedwork location. 'You're right,' she admitted, 'I thought I was being consideredfor Hong Kong, where I have a few friends.' It was obvious she did not want togo to India, and her feet left no doubt about her feelings on the matter."they represent a true tell or just excess nervous behavior. For example, if aperson has naturally jittery legs (a kind of restless-leg syndrome), then it mightbe hard to distinguish happy feet from an individual's normal nervous energy.If the rate or intensity of jiggling increases, however, particularly right after aperson hears or witnesses something of significance, I might view that as apotential signal that he or she now feels more confident and satisfied with thecurrent state of affairs.Second, moving feet and legs may simply signify impatience. Our feet oftenjiggle or bounce when we grow impatient or feel the need to move thingsalong. Watch a class full of students and notice how often their legs and feetwill twitch, jiggle, move, and kick throughout the class.This activity usually increases as the class draws to a close. More often 60 WH A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N Gthan not, this is a good indicator of impatience and the need to speed things up,not a sign of happy feet. Such activity reaches a crescendo as dismissal timeapproaches in my classes. Perhaps the students are trying to tell me something.When Feet Shift Direction, Particularly Toward or Away from a Person orObjectWe tend to turn toward things we like or are agreeable to us, and that includesindividuals with whom we are interacting. In fact, we can use this informationto determine whether others are happy to see us or would prefer that we leavethem alone. Assume you are approaching two people engaged in aconversation. These are individuals you have met before, and you want to joinin the discussion, so you walk up to them and say "hi." The problem is thatyou're not sure if they really want your company. Is there a way to find out?Yes. Watch their feet and torso behavior. If they move their feet—along withtheir torsos—to admit you, then the welcome is full and genuine. However, ifthey don't move their feet to welcome you but, instead, only swivel at the hipsto say hello, then they'd rather be left alone.We tend to turn away from things that we don't like or that are disagreeable tous. Studies of courtroom behavior reveal that when jurors don't like a witness,they turn their feet toward the nearest exit (Dimitrius & Mazzarella, 2002,193). From the waist up, the jurors politely face the witness who is speaking,but will turn their feet toward the natural"escape route"—such as the door leading to the hallway or the jury room.What is true for jurors in a courtroom is also true for person-to-per-soninteractions in general. From the hips up, we will face the person with whomwe are talking. But if we are displeased with the conversation, our feet willshift away, toward the nearest exit. When a person turns his feet away, it isnormally a sign of disengagement, a desire to distance himself from where heis currently positioned. When you are talking with someone and you note thathe gradually or suddenly shifts his GETTING A LEG UP ON BODYLANGUAGE 61feet away from you, this is information you need to process. Why did thebehavior take place? Sometimes it is a signal that the person is late for anappointment and really has to go; other times it is a sign that the person nolonger wants to be around you. Perhaps you have said something offensive ordone something annoying. The shifting foot behavior is a sign that the personwants to depart (see figure 18). However, now it is up to you—based on thecircumstances surrounding the behavior—to determine why the individual isanxious to go (see box 15).BOX 15: HOW FEET WAVE GOODBYEWhen two people talk to each other, they normally speak toe to toe. If,however, one of the individuals turns his feet slightly away or repeatedlymoves one foot in an outward direction (in an L formation with one foottoward you and one away from you), you can be assured he wants to take leaveor wishes he were somewhere else. This type of foot behavior is anotherexample of an intention cue (Givens, 2005, 60–61). The person's torso mayremain facing you out of social diligence, but the feet may more honestlyreflect the limbic brain's need or desire to escape (see figure 18).Recently I was with a client who had spent almost five hours with me.As we were parting for the evening, we reflected on what we had covered thatday. Even though our conversation was very collegial, I noticed that my clientwas holding one leg at a right angle to his body, seemingly want-ing to take offon its own. At that point I said, "You really do have to leave now, don't you?""Yes," he admitted. "I am so sorry. I didn't want to be rude but I have to callLondon and I only have five minutes!" Here was a case where my client'slanguage and most of his body revealed nothing but positive feelings. His feet,however, were the most honest communi-cators, and they clearly told me thatas much as he wanted to stay, duty was calling.62 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 18Where one foot points and turns away during a conversation, this is a sign theperson has to leave, precisely in that direction. This is an intention cue.The Knee ClaspThere are other examples of intention movements of the legs that areassociated with an individual who wants to leave his current location. Takenote if a person who is sitting down places both hands on his knees in a kneeclasp (see figure 19). This is a very clear sign that in his mind, he is ready toconclude the meeting and take leave. Usually this hands-on-knees gesture isfollowed by a forward lean of the torso and/or a shift of the lower body to theedge of the chair, both intention movements. WhenGETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 63Fig. 19Clasping of the knees and shifting of weight on the feet is an intention cue thatthe person wants to get up and leave.you note these cues, particularly when they come from your superiors, it's timeto end your interaction; be astute and don't linger.Gravity-Defying Behaviors of the FeetWhen we are happy and excited, we walk as if we are floating on air. We seethis with lovers enthralled to be around each other as well as with childrenwho are eager to enter a theme park. Gravity seems to hold no boundaries forthose who are excited. These behaviors are quite obvious, and yet every day,all around us, gravity-defying behaviors seemingly elude our observation.When we are excited about something or feel very positive about ourcircumstances, we tend to defy gravity by doing such things as rocking up anddown on the balls of our feet, or walking with a bit of a bounce in our step.This is the limbic brain, once again, manifesting itself in our nonverbalbehaviors.Recently I was watching a stranger talk on his cell phone. As he listened, hisleft foot, which had been resting flat on the ground, changed position.The heel of the foot remained on the ground, but the rest of his shoe moved64 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N Gup, so that his toes were pointing skyward (see figure 20). To the averageperson, that behavior would have gone unnoticed or been disregarded asinsignificant. But to the trained observer, that gravity-defying foot behavior canbe readily decoded to mean that the man on the phone had just heard somethingpositive. Sure enough, as I walked by I could hear him say,"Really—that's terrific!" His feet had already silently said the same thing.Even when standing still, a person telling a story may inch up to a taller stance,elevating himself to emphasize his points, and he may do so repeatedly. Theindividual does this subconsciously; therefore these elevating behaviors arevery honest cues, since they tend to be true expres-Fig. 20When the toes point upward as in thisphotograph, it usually means the personis in a good mood or is thinking orhearing something positive.GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 65sions of the emotion attached to the story. They appear in real time along withthe story line and relate his feelings along with his words. Just as we move ourfeet to the beat and tempo of a song we like, so too will we move our feet andlegs in congruence with something positive we say.Interestingly, gravity-defying behaviors of the feet and legs are rarely seen inpeople suffering from clinical depression. The body reflects precisely theemotional state of the individual. So when people are excited we tend to seemany more gravity-defying behaviors.Can gravity-defying behaviors be faked? I suppose they can be, particularly byreally good actors and perennial liars, but average people simply don't knowhow to regulate their limbic behaviors. When people try to control their limbicreactions or gravity-defying behaviors, it looks contrived. Either they appeartoo passive or restrained for the situation or not animated enough. A fakedupward arm greeting just doesn't cut it. It looks fake because the arms are notup for very long, and usually the elbows are bent. The gesture has all thehallmarks of being contrived.True gravity-defying behaviors are usually a very good barometer of aperson's positive emotional state and they look genuine.One type of gravity-defying behavior that can be very informative to the astuteobserver is known as the starter's position (see figure 21). This is an action inwhich a person moves his or her feet from a resting position (flat on theground) to a ready or "starter's" position with heel elevated and weight on theballs of the feet. This is an intention cue that tells us the person is getting readyto do something physical, requiring foot movement. It could mean theindividual intends to engage you further, is really interested, or wants to leave.As with all nonverbal intention cues, once you learn a person is about to dosomething, you need to rely on the context and what you know about theindividual to make your best assessment of what that something is going to be.Leg SplayThe most unmistakable and easily spotted foot and leg behaviors areterritorial displays. Most mammals, human or not, can become territorial66 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 21When feet shift from flat footed to the"starter's position," this is an intention cue that the person wants to go.when they are stressed or upset, when they are being threatened, or,conversely, when they are threatening others. In each case, they will exhibitbehaviors indicating they are trying to reestablish control of their situation andtheir territory. Law enforcement and military personnel use these behaviorsbecause they are accustomed to being in charge. Sometimes, they will try tooutdo each other, at which point it becomes farci-cal as each person tries tosplay out wider than his colleagues in a subconscious attempt to claim moreterritory.When people find themselves in confrontational situations, their feet and legswill splay out, not only for greater balance but also to claim greater territory.This sends out a very strong message to the careful observer that at a minimumthere are issues afoot or that there is potential for real trouble. When twopeople face off in disagreement, you will never see their legs crossed so thatthey are off balance. The limbic brain simply will not allow this to take place.If you observe a person's feet going from being together to being spread apart,you can be fairly confident that the individual is becoming increasinglyunhappy. This dominant stance communicates very clearly,"Something is wrong and I am ready to deal with it." Territorial leg GETTINGA LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 67splays signal the potential for tempers to flare; thus, whether you find yourselfobserving or using this type of nonverbal behavior, you should be on the alertfor possible trouble.Because people often assume a more splayed posture when an argumentescalates, I tell executives as well as law enforcement officers that one way todiffuse a confrontation is to avoid using such territorial displays. If we catchourselves in a leg-splay posture during a heated exchange and immediatelybring our legs together, it often lessens the confrontation level and reduces thetension.A few years ago, while I was conducting a seminar, a woman in the audiencespoke about how her ex-husband used to intimidate her during an argument bystanding in the doorway of their house, legs splayed, blocking her exit. This isnot a behavior to be taken lightly. It resonates visually as well as viscerallyand can be used to control, intimidate, and threaten. In fact, predators (e.g.,psychopaths, antisocials) often use this leg-splay behavior in conjunction witheye-gaze behavior to control others. As one prison inmate once told me, "Inhere, it's all about posture, how we stand, how we look. We can't look weak,not for one moment." I suspect anywhere we might encounter predators, weshould be cognizant of our posture and stance.There are, of course, times when a leg splay can be used to your advantage—specifically, when you want to establish authority and control over others for apositive reason. I have had to coach female law enforcement officers to use theleg splay to establish a more aggressive stance when responding to unrulycrowds in the line of duty.Standing with their feet together (which is perceived as submissive) sends thewrong kind of signal to a would-be antagonist. By moving their feet apart, thefemale officers can take a more dominant, "I am in charge" stance, which willbe perceived as more authoritarian and thus help them be more effective incontrolling unruly individuals.You may want to emphasize to a teenage son how you feel about smoking notby raising your voice, but rather by using a territorial display.68 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GThe Territorial ImperativeWhen discussing leg splay and territorial claims, we must recognize the workof Edward Hall, who studied the use of space in humans and other animals. Bystudying what he termed the territorial imperative, he was able to documentour spatial needs, which he referred to as proxemics (Hall, 1969). Hall foundthat the more advantaged we are socioeconomi-cally or hierarchically, themore territory we demand. He also found that people who tend to take up morespace (territory) through their daily activities also tend to be more selfassured, more confident, and of course more likely to be of higher status. Thisphenomenon has been demonstrated throughout human history and in mostcultures. In fact, the con-quistadores witnessed it when they arrived in the newworld. Once here, they saw the same territorial displays in the people native tothe Americas that they had seen in Queen Isabella's court; to wit, royalty—inany country—can command and is afforded greater space (Diaz, 1988).While CEOs, presidents, and high-status individuals can claim greater space,for the rest of us, it is not so easy. All of us, however, are very protective ofour personal space, regardless of its size. We don't like it when people standtoo close. In his research, Edward Hall found that each of us has a spacerequirement he called proxemics, that is both personal and cultural in origin.When people violate that space, we have powerful limbic reactions indicativeof stress. Violations of personal space cause us to become hypervigilant; ourpulse races and we may become flushed (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 146–147). Justthink about how you feel when someone gets too close, whether in a crowdedelevator or while you're conducting a transaction at an ATM machine. Imention these space issues so that the next time someone stands too close oryou violate someone's space, you are aware of the negative limbic arousal thatwill take place.Feet/Leg Displays of High ComfortCareful observation of the legs and feet can help you determine howcomfortable you are around somebody else and vice versa. Leg crossing isGETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 69a particularly accurate barometer of how comfortable we feel around anotherperson; we don't use it if we feel uncomfortable (see figure 22).We also cross our legs in the presence of others when we are confident—and confidence is part of comfort. Let's examine why this is such an honest andrevealing lower limb behavior.When you cross one leg in front of the other while standing, you reduce yourbalance significantly. From a safety standpoint, if there were a real threat, youcould neither freeze very easily nor run away because, in that stance, you arebasically balanced on one foot. For this reason, the limbic brain allows us toperform this behavior only when we feel comfortable or confident. If a personis standing by herself in an elevator with one leg crossed over the other, shewill immediately uncross her legs and plant both feet firmly on the floor whena stranger steps into the elevator. This is a sign that the limbic brain is saying,"You can't take any chances; you may have to deal with a potential threat orproblem now, so put both feet firmly on the ground!"When I see two colleagues talking to each other and they both have their legscrossed, I know they are comfortable with each other. First, Fig. 22We normally cross our legs when we feelcomfortable. The sudden presence ofsomeone we don't like will cause us touncross our legs.70 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N Gthis shows a mirroring of behaviors between two individuals (a comfort signknown as isopraxism) and second, because leg crossing is a high-comfortdisplay (see figure 23). This leg-cross nonverbal can be used in interpersonalrelationships to let the other person know that things are good between the twoof you, so good, in fact, that you can afford to relax totally (limbically) aroundthat individual. Leg crossing, then, becomes a great way to communicate apositive sentiment.Recently I attended a party in Coral Gables, Florida, where I was introducedto two women, both of whom were in their early sixties. During theintroduction, one of the women suddenly crossed her legs so that she Fig. 23When two people are talking and both havecrossed their legs, this is an indication that they are very comfortable aroundeach other.GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 71was on one foot leaning toward her friend. I commented, "You ladies musthave known each other for a long time." Their eyes and faces lit up, and oneasked how I knew this. I said, "Even though you were meeting me—a stranger—for the first time, one of you crossed your legs to favor the other. That isvery unusual unless you really like and trust each other."They both giggled and one inquired, "Can you read minds, too?" To which Ilaughed and answered, "No." After I had explained what gave their long-termfriendship away, one of the two women confirmed they had known each othersince they were in grade school in Cuba in the forties. Once again, the legcross proved to be an accurate barometer of human sentiments.Here's an interesting feature of leg crossing. We usually do it subconsciouslyin favor of the person we like the most. In other words, we cross our legs insuch a way so that we tilt toward the person we favor. This can provide someinteresting revelations during family gatherings. In families in which there aremultiple children, it is not unusual to have a parent reveal a preference for onechild over another by crossing legs so that they tilt toward the child they favor.Be aware that sometimes criminals, when they are up to no good, will leanagainst a wall with their legs crossed when they see police driving by,pretending to be cool. Because this behavior goes counter to the threat thelimbic brain is sensing, these criminals usually don't hold this behavior forvery long. Experienced officers on the beat can immediately see that thesesubjects are posing, not reposing, but to the unknowing, they may lookerroneously benign.Feet /Leg Displays During CourtshipDuring high-comfort social interactions, our feet and legs will mirror those ofthe other person we are with (isopraxis) and will remain playful.In fact, in the extreme stages of comfort during courtship, the feet will alsoengage the other person through subtle foot touches or caresses (see box 16).During courtship, and particularly while seated, a woman will often 72 W H ATE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 16: GETTING A TOEHOLD ON ROMANCEI was in Los Angeles this year giving nonverbal communication training to aclient who works in the television industry. He was kind enough to take me todinner at a popular Mexican restaurant near his house. While there, he wantedto continue learning about body language and pointed to a couple seated at anearby table. He asked, "Based on what you see, do you think they're gettingalong with each other?" As we observed the two diners, we noted that at firstthey were leaning in to each other, but as the dinner and conversationprogressed, they both leaned back in their chairs away from each other, notreally saying much. My client thought things were going sour between them. Isaid, "Don't just look above the table, look under the table as well." This waseasy to do, as there was no table cloth or other obstacle blocking the undersideof the table. "Notice how their feet are very close to each other," I pointed out.If they weren't getting along, their feet would not be that close together. Thelimbic brain simply would not allow it. Now that I had him focused on thecouple's feet, we noticed that every once in a while their feet touched orbrushed against each other and neither person's legs retracted. "That behavioris important," I noted. "It shows they still feel connected." When the couple gotup to leave, the man put his arm around the woman's waist and they walked outwithout saying another word. The nonverbals said it all, even though they werenot in a talking mood.If you have ever wondered why there is so much leg touching and flirting undertables or in swimming pools, it is probably related to two phenomena. First,when our body parts are out of sight, such as under a table or under water (orunder the covers), they seem out of mind—or at least out of the realm ofobservation. We have all seen people act in a public pool as if they were inprivate. Second, our feet contain a tremendous number of sensory receptors,the pathways of which terminate in an area of the brain that is close to theplace in which sensations of the genitalia are registered (Givens, 2005, 92–93). People play footsies under GETTING A LEG UP ON BODYLANGUAGE 73the table because it feels good and can be very sexually arousing. Conversely,when we don't like someone or don't feel close to them, we move our feetaway immediately if they accidentally touch beneath the table. As arelationship wanes, a very clear sign couples often miss is that there will beprogressively less foot touching of any kind.play with her shoes and dangle them from the tips of her toes when she feelscomfortable with her companion. This behavior will, however, quickly ceaseif the woman suddenly feels uncomfortable. A potential suitor can get a prettygood reading on how things are going based on this "shoe-play" behavior. If,upon approaching a woman (or after talking with her for a while), her shoeplay stops, she adjusts her shoe back on her foot, and especially if she followsthis by turning slightly away from the suitor and perhaps gathering up herpurse, well, in the language of baseball, that suitor has most likely just struckout. Even when a woman is not touching her suitor with her foot, this type offoot dangling and shoe play is movement, and movement draws attention.Therefore, this nonverbal behavior says, "Notice me," which is just theopposite of the freeze response, and is part of the orienting reflex that isinstinctive and draws us near to the things and people we like or desire andaway from those things we don't like, don't trust, or of which we are not sure.Seated leg crosses are also revealing. When people sit side by side, thedirection of their leg crosses become significant. If they are on good terms, thetop leg crossed over will point toward the other person. If a person doesn'tlike a topic his companion brings up, he will switch the position of the legs sothat the thigh becomes a barrier (see figures 24 and 25). Such blockingbehavior is another meaningful example of the limbic brain protecting us. Ifthere is congruence in the way both parties are sitting and crossing their legs,then there is harmony.Fig. 24In this photo the man has placed his right leg in such a way that the knee acts asa barrier between himself and the woman.Fig. 25In this photo the man has positioned his leg so that the knee is further away,removing barriers between himself and the woman.GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 75Our Need for SpaceEver wonder what kind of first impression you've made on someone?Whether they seem to like you from the outset or, rather, if there could bedifficulties brewing? One way to find out is the "shake and wait" approach.Here's how it works.Foot and leg behavior is especially important to observe when you first meetpeople. It reveals a lot about how they feel about you. Personally, when I firstmeet someone, I typically lean in, give the person a hearty handshake(depending on the appropriate cultural norms in the situation), make good eyecontact, and then take a step back and see what happens next. One of threeresponses is likely to take place: (a) the person will remain in place, whichlets me know he or she is comfortable at that distance; (b) the individual willtake a step back or turn slightly away, which lets me know he or she needsmore space or wants to be elsewhere; or (c) the person will actually take astep closer to me, which means he or she feels comfortable and/or favorabletoward me. I take no offense to the individual's behavior because I am simplyusing this opportunity to see how he or she really feels about me.Remember, the feet are the most honest part of the body. If a person needs extraspace, I give it. If he or she is comfortable, I don't have to worry about dealingwith a proximity issue. If someone takes a step toward me, I know they feelmore comfortable near me. This is useful information in any social setting, butalso remember you should set limits as to what makes you comfortable when itcomes to space.Walking StyleWhen it comes to the feet and legs, I would be remiss if I didn't mention thenonverbal cues given off by different styles of walking. According to DesmondMorris, scientists recognize approximately forty different styles of walking(Morris, 1985, 229–230). If that seems like a lot, just recall what you knowabout the gait of these individuals as portrayed in various films: CharlieChaplin, John Wayne, Mae West, or Groucho Marx.76 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GEach of these movie characters had a distinctive walking style, and theirpersonalities were revealed, in part, through their gaits. How we walk oftenreflects our moods and attitudes. We can walk briskly and intentionally, orslowly in a bewildered state. We can stroll, amble, saunter, plod, waddle,limp, shuffle, prowl, bustle, march, promenade, tiptoe, swagger, and so on, toname just a few of the recognized walking styles (Morris, 1985, 233–235).For observers of nonverbals, these walking styles are important becausechanges in the way people normally walk can reflect changes in their thoughtsand emotions. A person who is normally happy and gregarious might suddenlychange his or her walking style when told a loved one has been injured. Bad ortragic news may cause a person to sprint out of a room in desperation to helpout or it may cause the individual to walk out phlegmatically as though theweight of the world is on his or her shoulders.Changes in walking style are important nonverbal behaviors because they warnus that something might be amiss, that a problem might be lurking, thatcircumstances might have changed—in short, that something significant mighthave occurred. A change tells us that we need to assess why the person's gaithas suddenly changed, particularly since such information can often aid us indealing more effectively with that individual in upcoming interactions. Aperson's walk can help us detect things he or she is unknowingly revealing (seebox 17).Cooperative vs. Noncooperative FeetIf you are dealing with a person who is socializing or cooperative with you,his or her feet should mirror your own. If, however, someone's feet are pointedaway from you while his body faces toward you, you should ask yourself why.Despite the direction of the body, this is not a genuine cooperation profile andis indicative of several things that must be explored. Such a pose reflects eitherthe person's need to leave or get away soon, a disinterest in what is beingdiscussed, an unwillingness to further assist, or a lack of commitment to whatis being said. Note that when GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE77BOX 17: CRIME SHOPPERSCriminals don't always realize just how much information they give away.When I worked in New York City, my fellow agents and I often watched streetpredators as they tried to blend into the crowd. One of the ways in which theywere unsuccessful in doing so, however, was that they frequently walked onthe inside of the sidewalk, habitually changing their walking speed as theyaimlessly window shopped. Most people have a place to go and a task toaccomplish, so they walk with purpose. Predators (muggers, drug dealers,thieves, con men) lurk about waiting for their next victim; therefore theirpostures and pace are different. There is no purposeful direction to their traveluntil they are about to strike. When a predator vectors toward you, whether abeggar or a mugger, the discomfort you sense is due to the calculations yourlimbic brain is performing to try to prevent you from becoming the next target.So, next time you're in a big city, keep an eye out for predators. If you see aperson walking around with no purpose who suddenly makes a beeline for you,look out! Better yet, get out—as quickly as possible. Even if you just sense thisis happening, listen to your inner voice (de Becker, 1997, 133).someone we don't know approaches us on the street, we usually turn ourattention to them from the hips up, but keep our feet pointed in the direction oftravel. The message we are sending is that socially I will be attentive briefly;personally I am prepared to continue or flee.Over the years, I have conducted training for customs inspectors in the UnitedStates and abroad. I have learned an incredible amount from them, and I hopethey have picked up a few pointers from me. One thing I have taught them is tolook for passengers who point their feet toward the exit while turning to theofficer to make their customs declaration (see figure 26). While they couldsimply be in a hurry to catch a flight, this behavior should make the inspectorsuspicious. In studies, we found that people who78 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 26When a person talks to you with feet pointed away, it is a good indication thisperson wants to be elsewhere. Watch for people who make formal declarationsin this position, as this is a form of distancing.make affirmative declarations such as "I have nothing to declare, officer,"but have their feet turned away are more likely to be concealing something theyshould have declared. In essence, their faces are obliging, their words aredefinitive, but their feet reveal they are being less than cooperative.Significant Change in Intensity of Foot and /or Leg Movement Legtwitching and movement is normal; some people do it all the time, othersnever. It is not indicative of lying—as some erroneously believe—as bothGETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 79honest and dishonest people will twitch and jiggle. The key factor to consideris at what point do these behaviors start or change. For instance, years agoBarbara Walters was interviewing Academy Awards nominee Kim Basingerprior to the awards ceremony. Throughout the interview, Ms. Basinger jiggledher feet and her hands seemed to be very nervous. When Ms.Walters began to ask Ms. Basinger about some financial difficulties and aquestionable investment she and her then husband had made, Ms. Basinger'sfoot went from jiggling to kicking. It was instantaneous and remarkable.Again, this does not mean she was lying or even intended to lie in response tothe question, but it was clearly a visceral reaction to a negative stimulus (thequestion asked) and it reflected her disdain for the inquiry.Anytime there is a shift from foot jiggling to foot kicking in a seated person,according to Dr. Joe Kulis, it is a very good indicator that the person has seenor heard something negative and is not happy about it (see figure 27). Whilejiggling may be a show of nervousness, kicking is a subconscious way ofcombating the unpleasant. The beauty of this behavior is that it is automatic,and most people don't even recognize they are doing it. You can use thisnonverbal body signal to your advantage by creating questions that will evincethe leg-kick response (or any other dramatic change in nonverbals) todetermine what specific inquiries or Fig. 27When a foot suddenly begins to kick, it is usually a good indicator ofdiscomfort. You see this with people being interviewed, as soon as a questionis asked they do not like.80 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N Gsubjects are problematic. In this manner, even hidden facts may be elicitedfrom people, whether they answer the question or not (see box 18).BOX 18: FORGET BONNIE, FIND CLYDEI vividly recall an interview I conducted with a woman who was thought to bea witness to a serious crime. For hours the interview session was goingnowhere; it was frustrating and tedious. The interviewee revealed nosignificant behaviors; however, I did notice she jiggled her foot all the time.Because it was a relative constant, this behavior was of no consequence until Iasked the question, "Do you know Clyde?" Immediately upon hearing thatquestion, and even though she didn't answer (at least not verbally), thewoman's foot went from jiggling to an elevated up-and-down kicking motion.This was a significant clue that this name had a negative effect on her. Infurther questioning, she later admitted that "Clyde" had involved her in stealinggovernment documents from a base in Germany.Her leg-kick reaction was a significant clue to us that there was somethingmore to explore, and in the end her confession proved that suspicion to beaccurate. Ironically, that betraying behavior probably made her want to kickherself, because it ultimately cost her twenty-five years in a federal prison.Foot FreezeIf a person constantly wiggles or bounces his or her feet or leg(s) and suddenlystops, you need to take notice. This usually signifies that the individual isexperiencing stress, an emotional change, or feels threatened in some way. Askyourself why the person's limbic system kicked their survival instincts into the"freeze" mode. Perhaps something was said or asked that might lead torevealing information the person doesn't want you to know.Possibly the individual has done something and is afraid you will find himGETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 81out. The foot freeze is another example of a limbic-controlled response, thetendency of an individual to stop activity when faced with danger.The Foot Lock and LeaveWhen an individual suddenly turns his toes inward or interlocks his feet, it is asign that he is insecure, anxious, and/or feels threatened. When interviewingsuspects in crimes, I often notice that they interlock their feet and ankles whenthey are under stress. A lot of people, especially women, have been taught tosit this way, especially when wearing a skirt (see figure 28). However, to lockthe ankles in this way, especially over a prolonged period, is unnatural andshould be considered suspect, particularly when done by males.Fig. 28A sudden interlocking of the legs may suggest discomfort or insecurity. Whenpeople are comfortable, they tend to unlock their ankles.82 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GInterlocking ankles is again part of the limbic response to freeze in the face ofa threat. Experienced nonverbal observers have noted how often people whoare lying will not move their feet in an interview, seeming frozen, or theyinterlock their feet in such a way as to restrict movement. This is consistentwith research indicating that people tend to restrict arm and leg movementswhen lying (Vrij, 2003, 24–27). Having said this, I want to caution you thatlack of movement is not in itself indicative of deception; it is indicative ofself-restraint and caution, which both nervous and lying individuals utilize toassuage their concerns.Some individuals take the interlocking feet or ankles one step further; theyactually lock their feet around the legs of their chair (see figure 29). This is arestraining (freeze) behavior that tells us, once again, that something istroubling the person (see box 19).Fig. 29The sudden locking of ankles around the legs of a chair is part of the freezeresponse and is indicative of discomfort, anxiety, or concern.GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 83BOX 19: MAKE THAT A DOUBLE FREEZEYou should always be on the lookout for multiple tells (tell clusters) that pointto the same behavioral conclusion. They strengthen the likelihood that yourconclusion is correct. In the case of the foot lock, watch for the individual wholocks his feet around his chair legs and then moves his hand along his pants leg(as if drying his hand on his trousers). The foot lock is a freeze response andthe leg rubbing is a pacifying behavior. The two, taken together, make it morelikely that the person has been uncovered; he fears something he has done willbe found out and he is experiencing stress because of this.Sometimes a person will signal stress by attempting to hide the feet altogether.When you are speaking with someone, watch to see if that individual moves hisor her feet from in front of the chair to under the chair. There is no scientificresearch (yet) to document what I am about to say. However, over the years, Ihave observed that when a high-stress question is asked, the respondent willoften withdraw his or her feet beneath the chair, which could be seen as adistancing reaction and one that attempts to minimize the exposed parts of thebody. This cue can be used to evince discomfort about particular issues andhelp channel the investigative inquiry. As the observer watches, theinterviewee—through his feet and legs—will tell you those things about whichhe does not wish to talk. As the subject changes and becomes less stressful, thefeet will emerge again, expressing the limbic brain's relief that the stressfultopic is no longer being discussed.S U M M I N G I T U PBecause they have been so directly critical to our survival throughout humanevolution, our feet and legs are the most honest parts of the body.84 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GOur lower limbs provide the most accurate, uncensored information to the alertobserver. Used skillfully, this information can help you get a better read onothers in all manner of settings. When you combine your knowledge of foot andleg nonverbals with signals from other parts of the body, you become evenmore capable of understanding what people are thinking, feeling, and intendingto do. Therefore, let's turn our attention to those other parts of the body now.Next stop, the human torso.FO U RTorso TipsNonverbals of the Torso, Hips, Chest, and ShouldersThis chapter will cover the hips, abdomen, chest, and shoulders, collectivelyknown as the torso, or trunk. As with the legs and feet, many of the behaviorsassociated with the torso reflect the true sentiments of the emotional (limbic)brain. Because the torso houses many vital internal organs, such as the heart,lungs, liver, and digestive tract, we can anticipate that the brain will seek todiligently protect this area when threatened or challenged. During times ofdanger, whether real or perceived, the brain recruits the rest of the body toguard these crucial organs in ways that range from the subtle to the moreobvious. Let's look at some of the more common nonverbal signals of the torsoand some examples of how these behaviors project what is going on in thebrain—particularly the limbic brain.86 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GS I G N I F I C A N T N O N V E R B A L B E H AV I O R S I N V O LV IN GT H E T O R S O , H I P S , C H E S T, A N D S H O U L D E R SThe Torso LeanLike much of our body, the torso will react to perceived dangers by attemptingto distance itself from anything stressful or unwanted. For instance, when anobject is thrown at us, our limbic system sends signals to the torso to moveaway instantly from that threat. Typically this will happen regardless of thenature of the object; if we sense movement in our direction, we will pull away,whether from a baseball or a moving car.In a similar fashion, when an individual is standing next to someone who isbeing obnoxious or someone he does not like, his torso will lean away fromthat individual (see box 20). Because the torso carries a large portion of ourweight and transmits it to the lower limbs, any reorientation of our trunksrequires energy and balance. Therefore, when one's torso does lean away fromsomething, it is because the brain demands it; so we can count on the honesty ofthese reactions. Extra effort and energy are required to hold these positions.Just try to maintain any off-center position consciously, whether bowing downor leaning away, and you will find that your body soon tires. However, whensuch off-balance behavior is performed because your brain subconsciouslydecides it's a necessity, you will hardly feel it or notice it.Not only do we lean away from people who make us uncomfortable, we mayalso blade away (turn slightly) by degrees from that which does not appeal tous or we grow to dislike. Not long after it opened, I took my daughter to theHolocaust Museum in Washington, D.C., which is something every visitor toD.C. should do. As we walked around the memorable exhibits, I noticed howyoung and old first approached each exhibit. Some walked right up, leaninginto it while trying to absorb every nuance. Some approached hesitantly, whileothers would draw near, then begin to turn slowly and slightly away as theinhumanity of the Nazi regime encroached on their senses. Some, stunned bythe depravity they were witnessing, turned 180 degrees and faced the otherway, as TORSO TIPS 87BOX 20: WILYOR WEIRD?Years ago I was stationed in the New York office of the FBI. During my ten-urethere, I had numerous opportunities to ride the trains and subways in and out ofthe city. It didn't take long to recognize the many different techniques peopleused to claim territory while on public transport. It seemed there was alwayssomeone who sat on the seat but whose body would sway from side to side soas to impose on others or whose arms would flail wildly at times whileholding one of the straps. These individuals always seemed to possess morespace around them because no one wanted to get near them. When forced to sitor stand next to these "weirdos," people would lean at the torso as far aspossible so as not to come in contact with them.You have to ride the subways in New York to appreciate this. I am convincedthat some passengers purposely acted strangely and exaggerated their bodymovements to keep people at a distance, away from their torsos.In fact, a long-time resident of New York once told me, "If you want to keepthe hordes at bay, act like you're nuts!" Perhaps he was right.they waited for their friends to finish examining the display. Their brains were,saying, "I can't handle this," and so their bodies turned away. The humanspecies has evolved to the point that not only physical proximity to a personwe dislike can cause us to lean away, but even images of unpleasant things,such as photographs, can cause a torso lean.As a careful observer of human behavior, you need to be aware that distancingsometimes takes place abruptly or very subtly; a mere shifting of body angle ofjust a few degrees is enough to express negative sentiment.For example, couples who are pulling apart emotionally will also begin to pullapart physically. Their hands don't touch as much, and their torsos actuallyavoid each other. When they sit side by side, they will lean away from eachother. They create a silent space between them, and when they are forced to sitnext to each other, such as in the back of an automobile, they will only rotatetoward each other with their heads, not their bodies.88 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GVentral Denial and Ventral FrontingThese torso displays that reflect the limbic brain's need to distance and avoidare very good indicators of true sentiments. When one person in a relationshipfeels that something is wrong with the way things are going, he or she is mostlikely sensing a subtle degree of physical distancing in his or her partner. Thedistancing can also take the form of what I call ventral denial. Our ventral(front) side, where our eyes, mouth, chest, breasts, genitals, etc. are located, isvery sensitive to things we like and dislike. When things are good, we exposeour ventral sides toward what we favor, including those people who make usfeel good. When things go wrong, relationships change, or even when topicsare discussed that we disfavor, we will engage in ventral denial, by shifting orturning away.The ventral side is the most vulnerable side of the body, so the limbic brainhas an inherent need to protect it from the things that hurt or bother us. This isthe reason, for example, we immediately and subconsciously begin to turnslightly to the side when someone we dislike approaches us at a party. When itcomes to courtship, an increase in ventral denial is one of the best indicatorsthat the relationship is in trouble.In addition to visual input, the limbic brain can also have a reaction toconversations we find distasteful. Watch any TV talk show with the volume offand notice how the guests will lean away from each other as they presentcontrary arguments. Not long ago, I was watching the Re-publican presidentialdebates and noted that even though the candidates were spaced quite far apart,they still leaned away from each other when issues were brought up withwhich they disagreed.The opposite of ventral denial is ventral exposure or—as I like to call it—ventral fronting. We display our ventral sides to those we favor. When ourchildren come running to us for a hug, we move objects, even our arms, out ofthe way so that we can give them access to our ventral sides.We ventrally front because this is where we feel the most warmth and comfort.In fact, we use the phrase turning our back to express negativity towardsomeone or something, because we offer our ventral sides to those we care forand our backs to those we don't.TORSO TIPS 89Similarly, we demonstrate comfort by using our torsos and shoulders to lean inthe direction of that which we favor. In a classroom, it's not unusual to seestudents leaning toward a favorite teacher without realizing they are bentforward, almost out of their chairs, hanging on every word. Remember thescene from the movie Raiders of the Lost Ark when the students were leaningforward to hear their professor? Their nonverbal behavior clearly indicatedthey admired him.Lovers can be seen leaning across a café table, their faces coming close toeach other to gain more intimate visual contact. They front their ventral selvestoward each other, exposing their most vulnerable parts. This is a natural,evolutionary response of the limbic brain that has social benefit. By movingcloser together and exposing our ventral (weakest) side when we like someoneor something, we show that we are giving ourselves in an unrestrained manner.Reciprocating this positioning by mirroring, or isopraxism, demonstratessocial harmony by rewarding the intimacy and showing it is appreciated.Nonverbal limbic behaviors of the torso, such as leaning, distancing, andventral exposure or denial, happen all the time in boardrooms and othermeetings. Colleagues who share a similar point of view will sit closertogether, turn more toward each other ventrally, and will lean har-moniouslynearer each other. When people disagree, they will hold their bodies firm,avoid ventral fronting (unless challenged), and will most likely lean away fromeach other (see figures 30 and 31). This behavior subconsciously tells others,"I am not in agreement with your idea." As with all nonverbals, these actionsneed to be analyzed in context. For example, people new to a job may seemstiff and inflexible at a meeting.Rather than reflecting dislike or disagreement, this rigid posture and limitedarm activity may simply indicate that they are nervous in a new environment.Not only can we use this information to read the body language of others, butwe must also always remember that we are projecting our own nonverbals.During conversations or meetings, as information and opinions flow, ourfeelings about the news and viewpoints also will flow and be reflected in ourever-changing nonverbal behaviors. If we hearFig. 30People lean toward each other when there is high comfort and agreement. Thismirroring or isopraxis starts when we are babies.Fig. 31We lean away from things and people we don't like, even from colleagueswhen they say things with which we don't agree.TORSO TIPS 91something distasteful one minute and something favorable the next, our bodieswill reflect this shift in our feelings.A very powerful way to let others know that you agree with them, or areconsciously contemplating what they are saying, is to lean toward them or toventrally front them. This tactic is especially effective when you are in ameeting and you don't have the opportunity to speak up.The Torso ShieldWhen it is impractical or socially unacceptable to lean away from someone orsomething we dislike, we often subconsciously use our arms or objects to actas barriers (see figure 32). Clothing or nearby objects Fig. 32A sudden crossing of the arms during aconversation could indicate discomfort.92 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 21: PILLOW TALKWhen we see individuals suddenly protecting their torsos, we can assume theyare not comfortable and that they sense themselves to be in some kind ofthreatening or dangerous situation. In 1992, while working with the FBI, Iinterviewed a young man and his father in a hotel room in the Boston area. Thefather had agreed, reluctantly, to bring the young man to the interview. Whilesitting on the hotel couch, the young man grabbed one of the couch pillows andheld it close to his chest for most of the three-hour interview. Despite thepresence of his father, this young man felt vulnerable and, therefore, needed totightly clutch a "security blan-ket." While the barrier was only a pillow, it musthave been quite effective for this individual, because there was just no gettingthrough to him. I found it remarkable that when the subject was neutral, such aswhen we talked about his involvement in sports, he would put the pillowaside.However, when we spoke of his possible complicity in a major crime, hewould retrieve the pillow and press it tightly against his torso. It was clear thatthe only time his limbic brain felt the need to protect his torso was when he feltthreatened. He never did reveal anything at this meeting, but the next time hewas interviewed, the comforting pillows were conspicuously absent!(see box 21) also serve the same purpose. For instance, a businessmen maysuddenly decide to button his jacket when talking to someone with whom he isuncomfortable, only to undo the jacket as soon as the conversation is over.Buttoning a jacket, of course, is not always an indication of discomfort; oftenmen will button their jackets to formalize a setting or to show deference totheir boss. It is not the kind of total comfort we might find at, say, a barbecue,but neither does it indicate uneasiness. Clothing and how we attend to ourclothes can influence perceptions and are even suggestive of howapproachable or open we are to others (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 206–214).TORSO TIPS 93It has always been my impression that presidents often go to Camp David toaccomplish in polo shirts what they can't seem to accomplish in business suitsforty miles away at the White House. By unveiling themselves ventrally (withthe removal of coats) they are saying, "I am open to you." Presidentialcandidates send this same nonverbal message at rallies when they get rid oftheir jackets (their shields, if you will) and roll up their shirtsleeves in front ofthe "common folk."Perhaps not surprisingly, women tend to cover their torsos even more so thanmen, especially when they feel insecure, nervous, or cautious. A woman maycross her arms over her stomach, just under the breasts, in an effort to shieldher torso and comfort herself. She may cross one arm across her front and grabthe opposite arm at the elbow, forming a barrier to her chest. Both behaviorssubconsciously serve to protect and insu-late, especially in social situationswhere there is some discomfort.On campus, I often see women place their notebooks across their chests as theywalk into class, particularly for the first few days. As their comfort levelincreases, they will shift to carrying their notebooks at their sides. On testdays, this chest-shielding behavior tends to increase, even among malestudents. Women will also use backpacks, briefcases, or purses to shieldthemselves, especially when sitting alone. Just as you may pull a comforter onwhile watching television, putting something across the ventral torso protectsand soothes us. Objects we draw toward us, especially ventrally, are usuallyplaced there to provide the comfort we need at that moment, whatever thesituation. When you witness people protecting their torsos in real time, you canuse it as an accurate indicator of discomfort on their parts. By carefullyassessing the circumstances, the source of that discomfort may allow you tohelp them or at least better understand them.Men, for whatever the reason (perhaps to be less conspicuous), will shieldtheir torsos, but in more subtle ways. A male may reach across the front ofhimself to play with his watch, or, as Prince Charles of England often doeswhen he is in public, reach over and adjust his shirtsleeve or play with his cufflinks. A man may also fix his tie knot, perhaps longer than usual, as this allowsfor the arm to cover the ventral area of the chest94 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N Gand neck. These are forms of shielding that transmit that the person is slightlyinsecure at that moment.I was in a supermarket checkout line waiting for the woman in front of me toconclude her transaction. She was evidently using a debit card, and themachine kept rejecting it. Each time she swiped the card and entered her pinnumber, she would await the machine's response with her arms crossed acrossher chest, until finally she gave up and walked away, exasperated. Each timethe card was rejected, her arms and grip got tighter, a clear sign that herannoyance and discomfort were escalat-ing (see figures 33 and 34).Children can be seen to cross or lock their arms across their bodies whenupset or being defiant, even at an early age. These shielding behaviors come ina variety of forms—from arms crisscrossed over the belly to crossing the armshigh with hands grasping opposite shoulders.Students often ask me if it means there is something wrong with them if they sitin class and cross their arms in front of themselves. The question is notwhether something is wrong, nor does this posture mean they are blocking theteacher out; arms intertwined across the front is a Fig. 33Fig. 34In public, many of us comfortably crossCrossed arms with hands tightly grippingour arms while waiting or listening to athe arms is definitely an indication ofspeaker. Around the house we rarely sitdiscomfort.this way unless something is botheringus, like waiting for a late ride.TORSO TIPS 95very comfortable pose for many people. However, when a person suddenlycrosses arms and then interlocks them tightly, with a tight hand grip, this isindicative of discomfort. Remember, it is by gauging changes from baselinepostures that we can note when uneasiness arises. Watch to see if the personopens up ventrally as they become more relaxed. I find that when I givelectures, many of the participants initially will sit with their arms crossed, andthen loosen them over time. Obviously, something happens to elicit thisbehavior; probably greater comfort with their surroundings and their instructor.It could be argued that women (or men) cross their arms simply because theyare cold. But this does not negate the nonverbal meaning, since cold is a formof discomfort. People who are uncomfortable while being interviewed (e.g.,suspects in criminal investigations, children in trouble with their parents, or anemployee being questioned for improper conduct) often complain of feelingcold during the interview. Regardless of the reason, when we are distressedthe limbic brain engages various systems of the body in preparation for thefreeze/flight-or-fight survival response. One of the effects is that blood ischanneled toward the large muscles of the limbs and away from the skin, incase those muscles will need to be used to escape or combat the threat. Asblood is diverted to these vital areas, some people lose their normal skin toneand will actually look pale or as if they are in shock. Since blood is the mainsource of our body warmth, diverting blood away from the skin and intodeeper muscles makes the body's surface feel cooler (see box 22) (LeDoux,1996, 131–133). For example, in the interview mentioned earlier in which the young manclutched the pillow, he complained of being cold the whole time we werethere, even though I turned the air conditioner off. Both his father and I werefine; he was the only one complaining about the temperature.The Torso BowBowing at the waist is performed almost universally as a sign of subservience,respect, or humility when feeling honored, such as with applause.Notice, for example, how the Japanese and, to a lesser extent in modern 96 WH A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 22: WHYYOU CAN'T STOMACH CERTAIN TOPICSDid you ever wonder why you get an upset stomach if there is an argument atthe dinner table? When you are upset, your digestive system no longer has asmuch blood as it needs for proper digestion. Just as your limbic system'sfreeze, flight, or fight response shunts blood away from the skin, it likewisediverts blood from your digestive system, sending blood to your heart and limbmuscles (especially the legs) to prepare for your escape. The upset stomachyou feel is a symptom of that limbic arousal. The next time an argument ensuesduring a meal, you will recognize the limbic response of distress. A childwhose parents fight at the dinner table really can't finish his meal; his limbicsystem has trumped alimentation and digestion to prepare them for escape andsurvival. Along these lines, it is interesting to note how many people vomitafter experiencing a traumatic event. In essence, during emergencies the bodyis saying that there is no time for digestion; the reaction is to lighten the loadand prepare for escape or physical conflict (Grossman, 1996, 67–73).times, the Chinese, bow out of respect and deference. We show that we aresubservient or of lower status when we automatically assume a bowed orkowtow position, achieved principally by bending the torso.For Westerners, kowtowing does not come easily, especially when it is aconscious act. However, as we expand our horizons and interact with more andmore people from various countries of the Near East and Far East, it behoovesus to learn to bow our torsos slightly, particularly when meeting those who areelderly and have earned respect. This simple gesture of reverence will berecognized by those whose cultures show deference by such posture and willconfer a social advantage upon those Westerners willing to demonstrate it (seebox 23). Incidentally, eastern Europeans, especially older ones, still like toclick their heels and bow slightly out of respect. Every time I see this, I thinkhow charming it is TORSO TIPS 97BOX 23: A SUPREME KOWTOWThe universality of torso bows was dramatically illustrated to me in an oldnewsreel of General Douglas MacArthur while he was assigned to thePhilippine government before World War II broke out. It shows a U.S.Army officer exiting MacArthur's office after dropping off some documents.As he leaves, the officer kowtows on his way out, backing out of the room. Noone asked him to do it; the behavior was automatically prompted by theofficer's brain to let the higher-status person know that his position was clear—it was a recognition that MacArthur was in charge.(Gorillas, dogs, wolves, and other nonhuman animals also demonstrate thissubservient posturing.) Remarkably, the officer bowing out of the room wasnone other than the man who one day would become the Supreme alliedcommander of Europe, architect of the Normandy invasion, and our thirtyfourth president: Dwight David Eisenhower. Incidentally, years later, uponlearning that Eisenhower was running for president, MacArthur commentedthat Eisenhower was the "finest clerk" he'd ever had (Manchester, 1978, 166).that people still show graciousness and deference in today's world.Whether done consciously or subconsciously, the torso bow is a nonverbalgesture of regard for others.Torso EmbellishmentsBecause nonverbal communication also includes symbols, we have to givesome attention to clothing and other accoutrements that are worn on the torso(including the body, in general). It is said that clothing makes the man, and Iwould agree, at least in terms of appearances.Numerous studies have established that what we wear, whether a suit or casualclothes—even the colors of our outfits, a blue suit as opposed to a brown suit—will influence others (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 206–214).98 W H A TE V E R YB O D YI S S A Y I N GClothing says a lot about us and can do a lot for us. In a sense, our torsos arebillboards upon which we advertise our sentiments. During courtship, wedress up to enchant; while working we dress for success.Similarly, the high school letter jacket, the police badge, and the militarydecoration are all worn on the torso as a way of calling attention to ourachievements. If we want others to notice us, the torso is where it's at. Whenthe president gives his State of the Union address before Congress, the redgarbed women you notice in a sea of blue and gray are those who, like birdsdisplaying their plumage, are wearing vibrant colors to be noticed.Clothing can be very subdued, very sinister (consider "skinhead" attire or a"gothic" look), or very flamboyant (such as that of musicians Liberace or EltonJohn), reflecting the mood and/or personality of the wearer. We alternativelycan use torso adornments or bare parts of our torsos to attract others, to showoff how muscular or fit we are, or to advertise where we fit in socially,economically, or occupationally. This may explain why so many people fretexcessively about what to wear when attending a high-profile function or goingon a date. Our personal adornments allow us to show our pedigree or ourallegiance to a particular group—for example, wearing the colors of ourfavorite team.Clothing can be very descriptive, such as revealing when people arecelebrating or mourning, if they are of high or low status, whether they conformto social norms or are part of a sect (e.g., Hasidic Jew, Amish farmer, or HareKrishna). In a way, we are what we wear (see box 24).For years people told me I dressed like an FBI agent, and they were right. Iwore the standard agent uniform: navy blue suit, white shirt, burgundy tie,black shoes, and short hair.Obviously, because we have certain employment roles that require specificattire and since we make conscious choices when it comes to clothing, weneed to be careful in our assessment of what it signifies.After all, the guy standing outside your door dressed in a telephone repairman's uniform just might be a criminal who purchased or stole the outfit togain access to your home (see box 25 on page 100).Even with the caveats just mentioned, clothing needs to be considered TORSOTIPS 99BOX 24: YOU ARE WHAT YOU WEARImagine this scenario. You are walking down a sparsely populated street oneevening and you hear someone coming up behind you. You can't see theperson's face or hands clearly in the dark, but you can determine he is wearinga suit and tie and carrying a briefcase. Now, imagine the same dark sidewalk,but this time picture that all you can see behind you is the outline of a personwearing disheveled and baggy clothing, sagging pants, a tilted cap, a stained Tshirt, and tennis shoes that are worn and raggedy. In either case, you can't seethe person well enough to discern any other details—and you are assuming it isa man, based simply on the clothing. But based on the attire alone, you willlikely draw different conclusions about the potential threat each person posesto your safety. Even if the approaching pace of each man is the same, as theperson nears, your limbic brain will activate, even though your reaction tothese individuals will be based exclusively on your reaction to their clothing.Your assessment of the situation will either make you feel comfortable oruncomfortable, even potentially frightened.I am not going to tell you which person would make you feel morecomfortable; that is for you to decide. But right or wrong, all other things beingequal, it is their clothing that often greatly influences what we think ofindividuals. Although clothing, itself, cannot hurt us physically, it can affect ussocially. Consider how judgmental and suspicious some Americans havebecome since September 11, 2001, when they see a person in clothing thatreflects a Middle Eastern background. And furthermore, imagine how someMiddle Eastern Americans have been made to feel as a result.I tell college students that life is not always fair and that, unfortunately, theywill be judged by their attire; therefore they need to think carefully about theirclothing choices and the messages they are sending to others.100 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 25: WE AREN'T ALWAYS WHO WE APPEAR TO BEClearly, we have to be careful when we assess a person on the basis ofclothing only, as it can sometimes lead to the wrong conclusion. I was inLondon last year at a very nice hotel just four blocks from Buckingham Palacewhere all of the staff, including the maids, wore Armani suits. If I had seenthem on the train going to work, I could easily have been misled as to theirrelative social status. So remember, because it is culturally prescribed andeasily manipulated, clothing is only part of the nonverbal picture. We assessclothing to determine whether it is sending a message, not to judge peoplebased on their attire.in the overall scheme of nonverbal assessment. For that reason, it is importantthat we wear clothes that are congruent with the messages we want to sendothers, assuming we want to influence their behavior in a way that is positiveor beneficial to us.When choosing your wardrobe and accessories, always remain cognizant ofthe message you are sending with your clothing and the meaning that others mayperceive from your dress. Also consider that although you may deliberatelywant to use your attire to send a signal to one person or group of people at aspecific time and place, you may have to pass a lot of other people who are notas receptive to your message along the way!At seminars I frequently ask the question, "How many of you were dressed byyour mother today?" Of course everyone laughs, and no one raises his hand.Then I say, "Well, then, you—all of you—chose to dress the way you did."That is when they all look around them and, perhaps for the first time, realizethat they could do a better job of dressing and presenting themselves. After all,before two people first meet, the only input each has to go on about the other isphysical appearance and other nonverbal communications. Perhaps it's time toconsider how you are being perceived.TORSO TIPS 101PreeningWhen we are physically and mentally well, we take care of our appearance,preening and grooming ourselves accordingly. Humans are not unique in thisregard, as birds and mammals engage in like behaviors.When we are physically or mentally ill, on the other hand, the posture of thetorso and shoulders, as well as our overall appearance, may signal our poorhealth (American Psychiatric Association, 2000, 304–307, 350–352).Many unfortunate homeless people are afflicted with schizophrenia and rarelydo they attend to their attire. Their clothes are soiled and grimy, and many ofthese individuals will even fight attempts by others to get them to bathe orwear clean clothing. The mentally depressed person will stoop as he walks orstands, the weight of the world seemingly bringing him down.The phenomenon of poor grooming during illness and sadness has been notedaround the world by anthropologists, social workers, and health-careproviders. When the brain is saddened or we are ill, preening and presentationare among the first things to go (Darwin 1872, chap. 3, passim). For example,patients recovering from surgery may walk down the hospital hallway withhair disheveled and in gowns with their backsides exposed, not caring aboutpersonal appearance. When you are really ill, you may lie around the houselooking more unkempt than you ever would be normally. When a person isreally sick or really traumatized, the brain has other priorities, and preening issimply not one of them. Therefore, within context, we can use an overall lackof personal hygiene and/or grooming to make assumptions about a person'sstate of mind or state of health.Torso SplaysSplaying out on a couch or a chair is normally a sign of comfort. However,when there are serious issues to be discussed, splaying out is a territorial ordominance display (see figure 35). Teenagers, in particular, often will sitsplayed out on a chair or bench, as a nonverbal way of102 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gdominating their environment while being chastised by their parents.This splay behavior is disrespectful and shows indifference to those inauthority. It is a territorial display that should not be encouraged or tolerated.If you have a child who does this every time he or she is in serious trouble, youneed to neutralize this behavior immediately by asking your child to sit up and,if that fails, by nonverbally violating his or her space (by sitting next to orstanding closely behind him or her). In short order, your child will have alimbic response to your spatial "invasion," which will cause him or her to situp. If you allow your child to get away with torso splays during majordisagreements, don't be surprised if he or she loses respect for you over time.And why not? By allowing such displays, you are basically saying, "It's OK todisrespect me." When these kids grow up, they may continue to splay outinappropriately in the workplace when they should be sitting up attentively.This is not conducive to lon-Fig. 35Splaying out is a territorial display, which is OK in your own home but not inthe work place, especially during a job interview.TORSO TIPS 103gevity on the job, since it sends a strong negative nonverbal message ofdisrespect for authority.Puffing Up the ChestHumans, like many other creatures (including some lizards, birds, dogs, andour fellow primates), puff up their chests when trying to establish territorialdominance (Givens, 1998–2007). Watch two people who are angry with eachother; they will puff out their chests just like silverback gorillas. Although itmay seem almost comical when we see others do it, puffing of the chest shouldnot be ignored, because observation has shown that when people are about tostrike someone their chests will puff out. You see this on the school groundswhen kids are about to fight.It can also be seen among professional boxers as they goad each other verballybefore a major fight—chest out, leaning into each other, proclaiming theircertitude of winning. The great Muhammad Ali did this better than anyoneduring prefight events. Not only was he threatening he was also funny—all partof the show—which made for good theater and, of course, ticket sales.Baring the TorsoSometimes in street fights, people getting ready to strike out at an opponentwill disrobe—removing an article of clothing like a shirt or hat.Whether this is done simply to flex one's muscles, to protect the dis-cardedclothing, or to rob the opponent of some type of hold he can use to hisadvantage, no one is sure. In any case, if you should get into an argument withsomeone and he or she takes off a hat, shirt, or other article of clothing, mostlikely a fight is in the offing (see box 26).Breathing Behavior and the TorsoWhen a person is under stress, the chest may be seen to heave or expand andcontract rapidly. When the limbic system is aroused and engaged for 104 W HA TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 26: ONE TIME YOU DON'T WANT THESHIRT OFFHIS BACKYears ago I witnessed two neighbors verbally sparring over a sprinkler systemthat had accidentally sprayed a freshly waxed vehicle. As things escalated, oneof the neighbors started unbuttoning his shirt. It was then that I knew fists weregoing to fly. Sure enough, the shirt came off and the chest bumping beganbetween them. This was a mere precursor to the punching, which soonfollowed. It seemed incredible that grown men would fight over water spots ona car. What was really remarkable, however, was the chest bumping betweenthe two guys, as though they were gorillas. It was actually embarrassing towatch them engage in such a lu-dicrous torso display. It's just something thatshouldn't happen.flight or fight, the body attempts to take in as much oxygen as possible, eitherby breathing more deeply or by panting. The stressed individual's chest isheaving because the limbic brain is saying, "Potential problem—step up oxygen consumption in case we suddenly have to escape or fight!"When you see this type of nonverbal behavior in an otherwise healthy person,you should consider why he or she is so stressed.Shoulder ShrugsFull and slight shoulder shrugs can mean a lot in context. When the boss asksan employee, "Do you know anything about this customer's com-plaint?" andthe employee answers, "No," while giving a half shrug, chances are thespeaker is not committed to what was just said. An honest and true responsewill cause both shoulders to rise sharply and equally.Expect people to give full (high) shoulder shrugs when they confidentlysupport what they are saying. There is nothing wrong with saying, "I don'tknow!" while both shoulders rise up toward the ear. As discussed previously,this is a gravity-defying behavior that normally signifies theTORSO TIPS 105Fig. 36Fig. 37Partial shoulder shrugs indicate lack ofWe use shoulder shrugs to indicate lackcommitment or insecurity.of knowledge or doubt. Look for bothshoulders to rise; when only one siderises, the message is dubious.person is comfortable and confident with his or her actions. If you see aperson's shoulders only partially rise or if only one shoulder rises, chances arethe individual is not limbically committed to what he or she is saying and isprobably being evasive or even deceptive (see figures 36 and 37).Weak Shoulder DisplaysSpeaking of shoulders, be aware of the person who, while conversing or inreaction to a negative event, moves his or her body so the shoulders begin toslowly rise toward the ears in a manner that makes the neck seem to disappear(see figure 38). The key action here is that the shoulders rise slowly. Theperson displaying this body language is basically trying to make his headdisappear, like a turtle. Such an individual is lacking confidence and is highlyuncomfortable. I have seen this behavior in business meetings when the bosscomes in and says, "OK, I want to hear what everyone has been doing." Asdifferent people around the room proudly talk about their accomplishments, themarginal employees106 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 38Shoulders rising toward the ears causesthe "turtle effect"; weakness, insecurity,and negative emotions are the message.Think of losing athletes walking back tothe locker room.will seemingly sink lower and lower, their shoulders rising higher and higherin a subconscious attempt to hide their heads.This turtlelike behavior also shows up in families when the father says, "Itreally hurt my feelings to find that someone broke my reading lamp withouttelling me." As the father looks at each of his children, one will be lookingdown, shoulders rising toward the ears. You will also see these weak shoulderdisplays demonstrated by a losing football team as they walk back to thelocker-room—their shoulders seeming to swallow up their heads.TORSO TIPS 107O N E FI N A L C O M M E N T O N T H ET O R S O A N D S H O U L D E R SThere are a lot of books on nonverbal behavior that neglect to mention thetorso and the shoulders. That is unfortunate, because a lot of valuableinformation comes to us from this portion of our physique. If you haveneglected to observe this area of the body for nonverbal clues, I hope thematerial in this chapter has convinced you to expand your observational rangeto include the "billboard" of the body. Its reactions are particularly honestbecause, with so many of our vital organs housed there, the limbic brain takesgreat care to protect our torsos.FI V EKnowledge Within ReachNonverbals of the ArmsIn terms of observing body language, the arms are largely underappreci-ated.We typically place much more emphasis on the face and hands when seeking toread nonverbal behavior. In observing for signs of comfort, discomfort,confidence, or other displays of feeling, the arms serve well as emotivetransmitters.Since the time our primate ancestors began to walk upright, human arms werefree to be used in remarkable ways. Our arms are able to carry loads, castblows, grasp objects, and lift us off the ground. They are streamlined, agile,and provide a formidable first response to any outside threat, especially whenused in conjunction with the lower limbs.If someone throws an object at us, our arms rise to block it, instinctively andaccurately. Our arms, like our feet and legs, are so reactive and so oriented toprotect us that they will rise up to defend us even when doing so is illogical orill-advised. In my work in the FBI, I have seen indi-110 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gviduals shot in the arm as they used their upper limbs in an attempt to defendthemselves from handgun fire. The thinking brain would realize that an armsimply cannot stop a bullet, yet the limbic brain will cause our arms to lift andprecisely block a projectile traveling at 900feet per second. In forensic science, such injuries are known as defensewounds.Every time you bump your arm—especially if you run into something sharp—consider that it may have just protected your torso from a potentially lethalblow. Once, while holding an umbrella above my head during a Floridarainstorm, the sharp edge of my car door swung back on me and struck me inthe side, breaking a rib that was left unprotected by my upraised arm. Sincethat time, I have a painful memory that reminds me to appreciate my arms andhow they protect me.Because our arms—like our feet—are designed to assist with our survival,they can be counted upon to reveal true sentiments or intentions.Therefore, unlike the more variable and deceptive face, the upper limbsprovide solid nonverbal cues that more accurately portray what we—and thosearound us—are thinking, feeling, or intending. In this chapter we will examinethe interpretation of some of the most common arm displays.S I G N I FI C A N T N O N V E R B A L B E H AV I O R SI N V O LV I N G T H E A R M SGravity-Related Arm MovementsThe degree to which we move our arms is a significant and accurate indicatorof our attitudes and sentiments. These movements can range from subdued(restrained and constricted) to exuberant (unrestrained and expansive).When we are happy and content, our arms move freely, even joyfully. Watchchildren at play. Their arms move effortlessly while they interact. You will seethem pointing, gesticulating, holding, lifting, hugging, and waving.When excited, we don't restrict our arm movements; in fact our naturaltendency is to defy gravity and raise our arms high above our heads (seeKNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 111BOX 27: "GET YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!"You don't need a gun to get people to raise their hands above their heads.Make them happy and they'll do it automatically. In fact, during a holdup isprobably the only time individuals will simultaneously keep their hands highand be unhappy. Think of how athletes exchange high fives after a good play;watch football fans raise their arms skyward after the hometown team scores atouchdown. Gravity-defying arm actions are a common response to joy andexcitement. Whether in Brazil, Belize, Belgium, or Bo-tswana, arm waving is atruly universal display of how elated we feel.box 27). When people are truly energized and happy, their arm motions defygravity. As previously mentioned, gravity-defying behaviors are associatedwith positive feelings. When a person feels good or confident, he swings hisarms affirmatively, such as while walking. It is the insecure person whosubconsciously restrains his arms, seemingly unable to defy the weight ofgravity.Candidly tell a colleague about a drastic and costly mistake she just made atwork and her shoulders and arms will sink down and droop.Ever have that "sinking feeling"? It's a limbic response to a negative event.Negative emotions bring us down physically. Not only are these limbicresponses honest, but they happen in real time. We leap and thrust our arms inthe air the moment the point is scored, or our shoulders and arms sink when areferee rules against us. These gravity-related behaviors communicateemotions accurately and at the precise moment we are affected.Further, these physical manifestations can be contagious, whether at a footballstadium, a rock concert, or in a gathering of great friends.Arm WithdrawalWhen we are upset or fearful, we withdraw our arms. In fact, when we areinjured, threatened, abused, or worried, our arms come straight to our 112 W HA TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gsides or they close across our chests. This is a survival tactic that helps protectthe individual when a real or perceived danger is sensed. Take, for instance,the mother who is worried about her son while he is playing with rougherchildren. She will often cross her arms and fold them across her abdomen. Shewants to intervene but stands aside and restrains herself by holding her arms,hoping the play proceeds without injury.When two people are arguing, they may both engage in this arm-withdrawalbehavior, a very protective behavior of which neither party may be aware.This restraint has survival value; it protects the body while presenting anonprovocative position. In essence, they are holding themselves back, sinceextending the arms might be construed as an attempt to strike and injure theother party, causing a fight to ensue.Self-restraint can assist us not only in dealing with others but also in dealingwith ourselves when we need to be comforted. For instance, injuries or pain inthe torso and arms often cause us to restrict arm movement in an attempt toself-soothe or pacify. We may withdraw the arms toward the painful bodyregion. If you have ever experienced severe in-testinal distress, your armswere most likely drawn to your abdomen for comfort. At moments like this, thearms don't move outward; the limbic system requires that they attend to ourneeds closer to home.Restriction of Arm MovementRestriction of arm movements, arm freeze, particularly when it occurs inchildren, can sometimes have more sinister implications. In studying indicatorsof child abuse, it has been my experience that these children will restrict theirarm movements in the presence of abusive parents or other predators. Thismakes perfect survival sense, since all animals, especially predators, orienttoward movement. Instinctively, the abused child learns that the more hemoves, the more likely he is to be noticed, and then potentially targeted by anabuser. So the child's limbic system instinctively self-regulates to make surehis arms do not attract attention. Arm-freeze behavior can serve to warn caringadults, whether teachers, neighbors, relatives, or friends, that a child might bethe victim of abuse (see box 28).KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 113BOX 28: GUARDIANS ALLFor exercise, I swim regularly at a local pool. Years ago, I became aware of ayoung girl who, while normally gregarious and outgoing, would restrain herarms whenever her mother was around. I noticed this response on severaldifferent days. In addition, I noted that the mother frequently spoke to thisyoung girl using stern, caustic, and demeaning words. In the physicalinteractions I witnessed, she often handled her daughter roughly rather thanlovingly, which was very unsettling, but not to the degree of being criminal. Onthe final day that I saw the girl, I noticed some bruises just above her elbowson the ventral side of her arms (the part of the arm that faces the torso when thearm is hanging normally at the side). At this point, I could no longer keep mysuspicions to myself.I notified members of the pool staff that I suspected child abuse and asked themto please keep an eye on the little girl. An employee told me she was a"special needs" child, and the bruises might be caused by her lack ofcoordination. I sensed that the gravity of my uneasiness wasn't registering, so Iwent to the director of the facility and expressed my concerns. I explained thatdefense wounds from falling do not manifest on the ventral side of the upperarms, but rather on the elbows or dorsal side (the outside) of the arms. Also, Iknew it was not coincidence that this child looked like an automaton everytime her mother came near. I was relieved to learn that this matter was laterreferred to authorities, after others at the swim facility made the sameobservations.Let me make a very important point. If you are a parent, teacher, campcounselor, or school resource officer and you see children severely change orrestrain their arm behavior around their parents or other adults, at a minimum itshould arouse your interest and promote further observation. Cessation of armmovement is part of the limbic system's freeze response. To the abused child,this adaptive behavior can mean survival.114 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GMaybe I just can't get the FBI out of me, but when I see children at aplayground, I can't help but glance at their arms to note any bruises or injuries.Sadly, there is so much child abuse in the world, and during my training I wasinstructed to look for the signs of neglect and abuse in children and others. Notonly as a result of my career in law enforcement, but also from my years as afather, I know what falling or bumping bruises look like and where they occuron the body. Bruises received through abuse are not the same. Their locationsand appearance are different, and these differences can be detected by thetrained eye.As previously stated, humans use their arms to defend themselves, apredictable limbic reaction. Because children use their arms to block theirbodies as their primary means of defense (adults may use objects), a flailingarm is often the first thing an abusive parent will grab. Parents whoaggressively seize children in this way will leave pressure marks on theventral side (the inside) of the arms. Especially if the parent shakes the child inthis position, the marks will be deeper in color (from greater pressure) andhave the larger shape of the adult hand or the elongated shape of the thumb orfingers.While physicians and public safety officers routinely see marks such as this onyoung victims or patients, many of us are just not aware of their prevalence orsignificance. If we all learn to observe children carefully and look for theobvious signs of maltreatment, we can all help to protect innocent children. Insaying this, I am not trying to make you paranoid or unreasonably suspicious,just aware. The more knowledge-able all caring adults are about theappearance of defense wounds and other abusive injuries in children, and themore we observe for such injuries, the safer our children will be. We wantthem to be happy and swing their arms with joy, not restrain them in fear.Restricted arm behavior is not limited to children. It can also be seen in adultsfor a variety of reasons (see, for example, box 29).A friend of mine, who was a customs inspector in Yuma, Arizona, told me thatone of the things he noticed at the border was how people carried theirhandbags and purses when they came into the country. A person who wasworried about the contents of her handbag—whether KNOWLEDGE WITHINREACH 115BOX 29: SHOPLIFTERS' TELLOne of my earliest experiences with restrained arm behavior occurred morethan thirty-five years ago at a bookstore where I was employed to spotshoplifters. From a lofty perch above the sales floor, I soon learned that theselawbreakers were relatively easy to spot. Once I understood the typical bodylanguage of shoplifters, I could identify them daily—sur-prisingly, even as theywalked in the door. First, these individuals tended to look around a lot.Second, they tended to use fewer arm movements than regular shoppers. It wasas though they were trying to make themselves smaller targets as they movedabout the store. However, their lack of arm movements actually made themstand out more prominently—and essentially allowed me to better focus onthem as they went about their larcenous ways.because of their value or their illegality—tended to hold on to the bag tighter,especially as she neared the customs desk. Not only do important items tend tobe better protected with the arms, but also those things we do not want noticed.U S I N G A R M C U E S T O A S S E S S FO RM O O D O R FE E L I N G SIf you establish an adequate baseline by observing a specific individual's armbehaviors over a period of time, you can detect how he is feeling by his armmovements. For instance, arm movements can let you know how someone isfeeling upon returning home from work. After a tough day or when feelingdejected or sad, the arms will be low at the person's side, shoulders drooping.Armed with this understanding, you can comfort the person and help him or herrecover from a hard day. In contrast, watch 116 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gpeople being reunited after a long absence. They hold their open arms straightout. The meaning is clear, "Come here, I want to hold you!" This beautiful sightis reminiscent of when our own parents warmly reached out to us and weresponded in kind. Our arms reach out, defying gravity and opening up ourentire body, because our feelings are so genuinely positive.What happens with our arm movements when we don't really feel positiveemotions? Years ago, when my daughter was young, we were attending afamily get-together, and as a relative approached me, rather than holding myarms straight out, they were only outstretched from the elbows, with my upperarms close at my sides. Interestingly, my daughter likewise adjusted her armswhen this relative reached out to hug her.Subconsciously, I had transmitted that this person was welcome, but that I wasnot extremely excited to see her. My daughter responded in kind, later tellingme that she did not like this relative, either. Whether my daughter's feelingswere original or whether she had picked up on my sentiments toward thisrelative, we had both subconsciously demonstrated, with our less-thanstretched-out arms, how we really felt.Arm behaviors also help to communicate such everyday messages as:"hello," "so long," "come here," "I don't know," "over there," "down here,""up there," "stop," "go back," "get out of my sight," and "I can't believe whatjust happened!" Many of these gestures could be understood anywhere in theworld and often are employed to overcome language barriers. There are alsonumerous obscene gestures that involve the arms, some specific to a givenculture, and others that are universally understood.Arm Cues that IsolateCertain arm behaviors relay the message, "Don't come close to me; don'ttouch!" For instance, watch some university professors, doctors, or lawyers asthey walk down a hallway, or for that matter, look at the Queen of England orher husband, Prince Philip. When people place their arms behind their backs,first they are saying, "I am of higher status." Second, they are transmitting,"Please don't come near me; I am not to be touched." This behavior is oftenmisunderstood as merely a pensive or thinking pose, butKNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 117unless seen in someone studying a painting at a museum, for example, it is not.Putting the arms behind the back is a clear signal that means, "Don't get close;I don't want to make contact with you" (see figure 39). Adults can convey thismessage to each other and to children—even pets are sensitive to segregatinggestures of the arms (see box 30). Imagine how isolating it must be for a childgrowing up in a household where each time he yearns to be held, his motherwithdraws her arms behind her back. Such nonverbal messages, unfortunately,have lasting effects on a youngster and, all too often, like other forms of neglectand abuse, are later imitated and transmitted to the next generation.Fig. 39Sometimes called the "regal stance,"arms behind the back mean "don't drawnear." You see royalty using this behaviorto keep people at a distance.118 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 30: A PET PEEVEAnimal trainers tell me that dogs can't stand it when humans withdraw theirgaze and their arms. In essence, our behavior is telling the dog, "I will nottouch you." If you own a dog, try this experiment. Stand in front of your petwith your outstretched arms and hands in front of you, but not touching him.Then withdraw your arms behind your back and watch what happens. I thinkyou'll discover the dog will react negatively.Humans dislike it when we feel unworthy of being touched. When a couplewalks together and one or the other's arms are behind the back, they arerestraining themselves. Obviously, closeness or intimacy is not reflected bythis behavior. Note how you feel when you extend your arm to shakesomeone's hand and he does not respond. When we reach out for physicalcontact and it is not reciprocated, we feel rejected and dejected.There is ample scientific research that suggests that touch is very important forthe well-being of humans. Health, mood, mental development, and evenlongevity are said to be influenced by how much physical contact we have withothers and how often positive touching takes place (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 290–301). We have all read about studies where merely stroking a dog lowers aperson's heart rate and serves as a calming agent. Perhaps this is true becausepets are typically so unconditional in their affections that we never have toworry about reciprocation.As a species, we have learned to use touch as a barometer of how we feel. Wereach toward the things we really like and hold unpleasant things at arm'slength. If you hand someone a dirty diaper for disposal, notice how theimmediate reaction is to grasp it with as few fingers as possible and hold thearm away from the body. No one receives training in this, yet we all do it,because the limbic brain limits contact with objects that are disagreeable,unhealthy, or dangerous to us.KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 119This arm-distancing phenomenon occurs not only when we encounter objectswe don't like, but also when we are around people we don't enjoy.Our arms will act as either barriers or blocking mechanisms (like a runningback stiff-arming a would-be tackler) to protect and/or distance us from threatsor anything we deem negative in our environment. You can learn a lot abouthow a person feels about someone or something by noting whether the armeither engages or distances from the individual or object in question. Watchpeople at the airport or on a packed sidewalk and notice how they use theirarms to protect themselves or to block others from getting too close as theymake their way through the crowd.Then note how people with whom you interact greet you in social or businesssituations. I think you'll start to see that the saying "keeping someone at arm'slength" has real meaning and practical consequences.T E R R I T O R I A L D I S P L AYS O FT H E A R M SIn addition to using our arms to protect us or keep people away, they can alsobe used to mark territory. In fact, as I am writing this paragraph, I am on an AirCanada flight to Calgary, and my very large seat neighbor and I have beenjockeying for armrest territory nearly the entire flight. At the moment, I seem tobe losing; I have a small corner of the armrest, but he dominates the rest andtherefore my whole left side. All I can do is lean toward the window.Eventually, I decided to give up trying to carve out any additional territory, sohe won and I lost. But at least I salvaged an example for this book from histerritorial display. Incidents like this happen to all of us every day in elevators,doorways, or classrooms. In the end, if there is no accommodation orcompromise, someone ends up being the "loser" and no one likes to feel thatway.You also see territorial displays in boardrooms or meeting rooms where oneperson will spread his material about and use his elbows to dominate aconsiderable piece of the conference table at the expense of others. Accordingto Edward Hall, territory, in essence, is power (Hall, 1969; Knapp& Hall, 2002, 158–164). Claiming territory can have very powerful and 120W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gnegative consequences—both short-lived and long-term—and the resultingbattles can range from small to great. Territorial disputes encompasseverything from a turf issue on a crowded subway to the war fought betweenArgentina and Britain over the Falkland Islands (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 157–159). Now, here I sit, months after that flight to Calgary, and as I edit thischapter, I can still sense the discomfort I felt when my seatmate hogged thearmrest. Clearly, territorial displays are significant to us, and our arms helpassert our dominance to others with whom we overlap in space.Notice how confident or high-status individuals will claim more territory withtheir arms than less confident, lower-status persons. A dominant man, forexample, may drape his arm around a chair to let everyone know that this is hisdomain or, on a first date, might confidently throw an arm over a woman'sshoulder as though she were his property. Further, with regard to "tablemanners," be aware that higher-status individuals will usually claim as muchterritory as possible immediately upon sitting down, spreading their arms ortheir objects (briefcase, purse, papers) on the table. If you are new to anorganization, watch for those individuals who either use their personalmaterial (notebooks, calendars) or their arms to claim a larger piece of realestate than most. Even at the conference table, real estate is equated withpower and status; so be observant for this nonverbal behavior and use it toassess an individual's real or perceived status. Alternatively, the person whosits at the conference table with his elbows against his waist and arms drapedbetween his legs sends a message of weakness and low confidence.Arms AkimboOne territorial behavior used to assert dominance and project an image ofauthority is known as arms akimbo. This nonverbal behavior involves aperson extending both arms out in a V pattern with the hands placed (thumbsbackward) on the hips. Watch police officers or military personnel in uniformwhen they are talking to each other. They almost always assume the armsakimbo posture. Although this is part of their authori-KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 121tative training, it doesn't resonate well in the private sector. Military personnelleaving the service to enter the business world would be well advised tosoften up that image so they don't come across so authoritatively (see figure40). Minimizing arms akimbo can often ameliorate that military bearing thatcivilians often find disconcerting (see box 31).For women, arms, akimbo may have particular utility. I have taught womenexecutives that it is a powerful nonverbal display that they can employ whenconfronting males in the boardroom. It is an effective way for anyone,especially a woman, to demonstrate that she is standing her ground, confident,and unwilling to be bullied. Too often young women enter the Fig. 40Arms akimbo is a powerful territorialdisplay that can be used to establishdominance or to communicate that thereare "issues."122 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 31: THE WRONG ARMS OFTHE LAWPeople who question the power of nonverbals to affect the behaviors of othersmight want to consider what happens when police use the arms-akimbo displayat the wrong times. There are situations when using it can not only destroypolice officers' effectiveness, but also endanger their lives.Subconsciously, arms akimbo is a powerful display of authority anddominance, as well as a claim to territory. During a domestic dispute, if apolice officer performs this display, it tends to exacerbate the feelings of thosein the house and may escalate the situation. This is particularly true if theofficer exhibits this posture in a doorway, blocking the exit of the homeowners.Territorial displays such as arms akimbo arouse passions, since "every man'shome is his castle," and no "king" wants an outsider controlling his space.Another potentially dangerous situation relating to the use of the arms-akimbodisplay involves young police officers who are taken off of their regular patrolduties to work undercover. When these undercover neophytes enter anestablishment for the first time, such as a bar they are attempting to infiltrate,they may stand with arms akimbo. While this is something they are accustomedto doing, they have not earned the right to engage in such an authoritarian orterritorial display among those they don't know. They advertise inadvertentlythat they are cops or the heat. Interviews with numerous criminals haverevealed that this territorial arm display is one of the things they look for intrying to make (identify) undercover officers. Except for those in authority,most civilians rarely stand with arms akimbo. I always remind training officersand supervisors to be aware of this and make sure that undercover officers arebroken of this habit so they do not give away who they are and place their livesin peril.KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 123workplace and are bullied nonverbally by males who insist on talking to themwith arms akimbo in a show of territorial dominance (see figure 41).Aping this behavior—or using it first—can serve to level the playing field forwomen who may be reluctant to be assertive in other ways. Arms akimbo is agood way of saying that there are "issues," "things are not good," or "I amstanding my ground" in a territorial display (Morris, 1985, 195).There is a variant to the traditional arms akimbo (which is usually performedwith hands on hips with thumbs facing toward the back) in which the hands areplaced on the hips, but the thumbs face forward Fig. 41Fig. 42Women tend to use arms akimbo lessIn this photo the arms are akimbo, butthan men. Note the position of thenote that the thumbs are forward. Thisthumbs in this photograph.is a more inquisitive, less authoritarianposition than in the previous photo,where the thumbs are back in the"there are issues" position.124 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N G(see figure 41 and 42). It is often seen when people are inquisitive, yetconcerned. They may approach a situation with this curious arms akimbostance (thumbs forward, hands on hips, elbows out) to assess what is going on,and then rotate their hands to "thumbs backwards" to establish a moredominant stance of concern if necessary.Hooding EffectAnother territorial display—similar to arms akimbo—can often be seen duringbusiness meetings and other seated social encounters when a person leans backand interlaces his hands behind his head (see figure 43). I spoke to a culturalanthropologist about this behavior, and we both concluded that it is reminiscentof the way in which a cobra "hoods" to alert other animals of his dominanceand power. This hooding ef ect makes us larger than life and tells others, "I amin charge here." There is also a Fig. 43Interlaced hands behind the head areindicative of comfort and dominance. Usually the senior person at a meetingwill pose or"hood" this way.KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 125pecking order to this and other dominance displays. For instance, whilewaiting for a meeting to begin, the office supervisor may assume the interlacedhands-behind-the-head-elbows-out display. However, when the boss comesinto the room, this territorial hooding display will stop. Claiming territory isfor those of high status or those in charge. Thus it is the boss's right to assumethis behavior while everyone else will be expected to bring their hands downto the table in an appropriate show of deference.Dominant PoseOften, individuals will use their arms to simultaneously emphasize a point andclaim territory. This happens frequently during interactions where people arein disagreement over an issue. I recall a recent incident during a layover inNew York wherein a hotel guest approached the front desk with his arms closeto his body and asked the clerk on duty for a favor. When the favor wasrejected, the guest shifted his request to a demand, and his arms shifted as well—spreading farther and farther apart, claiming more and more territory as theconversation became increasingly heated. This arm spread behavior is apowerful limbic response employed to establish dominance and emphasize aperson's point of view (see figure 44). As a general rule, the meek will pull intheir arms; the strong, powerful, or indignant will spread them out to claimmore territory (see box 32).In business meetings, a speaker who takes (and maintains) a large territorialfootprint is likely very confident about what is being discussed (see figure 45).Spread-out arms is one of those nonverbals with high accuracy because it islimbic in origin and proclaims, "I am confident."Conversely, note how quickly someone who is splayed out over several chairswill withdraw his arms when questioned about something that makes him feeluncomfortable (see box 33).Arm Behaviors in CourtshipIn courtship behavior, the man will often be the first to put his arm around hisdate, particularly when there is a chance that other malesFig. 44Fingertips planted spread apart on a surface are a significant territorial displayof confidence and authority.Fig. 45Arms spread out over chairs tell the world you are feeling confident andcomfortable.KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 127BOX 32: SPREADING ARMS SHOULD SPREAD ALARMSSeveral years ago I was involved in training American Airlines securitypersonnel overseas. One of the employees pointed out to me that ticket agentscan often identify passengers who will become problematic by how wide theyposition their arms when they are at the counter. From that day forward I havelooked for this behavior and have witnessed it countless times duringconfrontations.I was at the airport (yes, once again!) when I overheard a passenger being toldof a new regulation that required him to pay a surcharge for his overweightluggage. Immediately—as if on cue—this man splayed his arms so far apart onthe counter that it actually forced him to bend at the waist. During the argumentthat ensued, the airline employee stepped back and crossed his arms in front ofhis chest and informed the passenger that unless he cooperated and calmeddown he wouldn't be allowed on the airplane. Incidentally, it's not every dayone gets to see two remarkable arm behaviors all at once, in what became anarm wrestling match, at a distance.might try to encroach on his woman. Or he will plant an arm behind his dateand pivot around her so that no one can claim or violate this territory. Watchingcourtship rituals can be very enlightening and entertaining—particularly whenyou see males subconsciously staking out their territory and their date, all atonce.Another example of courtship behaviors of the arms involves how closely acouple will (or will not) place their arms next to one another when they areseated together at a table. There are large numbers of sensory receptors in ourarms, so arm touching can generate sensuous pleasure. In fact, even brushingagainst the hairs on our bare arms or a touch through clothing can stimulatenerve endings. So when we place our arms near someone else's, the limbicbrain is demonstrating overtly that we are so comfortable, physical contact ispermissible. The flip side of 128 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 33: THE SWAT COMMANDER WHO PUT DOWN HIS ARMSYears ago, I was involved in planning a SWAT operation that was to take placein Lakeland, Florida. As the mission planner was describing the operationorder, he seemed to have everything covered. His arms were outstretched overtwo chairs as he confidently went through the very detailed arrest plan.Suddenly someone asked, "What about the Lakeland paramedics, have theybeen contacted?" Instantly the mission planner withdrew his arms and droppedthem between his knees, palms together.This was a significant change in territorial behavior. He went from dominatinga large space to being as narrow as possible, all because he had not made thenecessary arrangements. His confidence level suddenly vaporized. This is astriking example of how quickly our behaviors ebb and flow depending on ourmood, level of confidence, or thoughts. These nonverbals occur in real timeand immediately transmit data. When we are confident we spread out, whenwe are less confident we withdraw.this behavior is that we will remove our arms from the vicinity of ourcompanion's arms when the relationship is changing for the worse or when theindividual with whom we are seated (whether a date or a stranger) is makingus feel uncomfortable.Adornments and Artifacts on the ArmsAround the globe, wealth is often demonstrated through the wearing ofprecious items or adornments on the arms. In many parts of the Middle East, itis still common for women to wear their wealth in the form of gold rings orbands on their arms, indicating relative worth and status.Men, too, will wear expensive watches to demonstrate their socioeconomicstatus or level of wealth. In the 1980s, men in Miami were fanati-cal aboutwearing Rolex watches; they were the status symbol du jour and wereubiquitous among drug traffickers and nouveau riche alike.KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 129Other social emblems, including manifestations of one's personal or careerhistory, can also be displayed in various ways on our arms. People who workin construction, athletes, and soldiers will sometimes reveal the scars of theirprofession. Uniforms may carry patches on the upper arms. Like the torso, thearms can be billboards to advertise aspects of our personality. Just look at thevariety of tattoos people have embla-zoned on their arms or the muscles thatbodybuilders proudly display with tight-fitting tank tops.To the skilled observer, a careful scrutiny of people's arms can sometimesreveal information about their lifestyles. The smooth, well-mani-cured elbowsof the pampered differ greatly from those who are scarred or tanned from dailyoutdoor work. People who have been in the military or in prison may haveartifacts of their experiences on their arms, including scars and tattoos.Individuals who espouse hatred toward a certain group or subject will oftenscript or tattoo evidence of that hatred on their arms. Those who useintravenous drugs may have track lines along the veins of their arms. Troubledindividuals with a psychological disorder known as borderline personalitymay have cuts and slashes where they have done intentional injury to their arms(American Psychological Association, 2000, 706–707).With specific regard to tattoos, this style of body adornment has increased inthe last fifteen years, particularly in more "modernized" countries. However,this method of personal decoration has been used around the world for at leastthirteen thousand years. As part of our "body billboard," the message tattoosconvey in current culture should be discussed. Concurrent with the relativelyrecent increase in tattooing, I was involved in surveying potential jurors,specifically with regard to how a witness or a defendant would be perceived ifhe had tattoos. The surveys, conducted multiple times with multiple groups ofmen and women, concluded that tattoos were perceived by jurors as beinglow-status (low-class) adornments and/or vestiges of youthful indiscretion,which, in general, were not very well liked.I tell students that if they have tattoos, they should hide them, especially whenapplying for a job—and particularly if going to work in the 130 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gfood industry or the medical profession. Celebrities may be able to get awaywith tattoos, but even they have them masked when working. The bottom lineon the subject of tattoos is that surveys show most people don't like to seethem. While that may change one day, for now, if you are trying to influenceothers in a positive way, you should conceal them.Arms as Conduits of AffectionChildren need to be lovingly touched so that they can grow up feeling safe andnurtured, but even adults can use a good hug every once in a while. I give hugsfreely because they transmit caring and affection so much more effectively thanmere words. I feel sorry for those who are not huggers; they are missing somuch in their lives.As powerful and effective as a hug can be in gaining favor and achievinginterpersonal effectiveness with others, however, it can also be seen by someas an unwanted intrusion of their personal space. In the litigious age in whichwe live—where a well-meaning hug can be miscon-strued as a sexual advance—one must be careful not to give out hugs where they are unwelcome. Asalways, careful observation and interpretation of people's behavior as youinteract with them will be your best indicator as to whether a hug isappropriate or inappropriate in any given circumstance.Nevertheless, even without giving a hug, people can use their arms todemonstrate warmth and, in so doing, increase their chances of being viewedfavorably by others. When approaching a stranger for the first time, trydemonstrating warmth by leaving your arms relaxed, preferably with theventral side exposed and perhaps even with the palms of your hands clearlyvisible. This is a very powerful way of sending the message,"Hello, I mean no harm" to the other person's limbic system. It is a great wayof putting the other person at ease and facilitating any interaction that follows.In Latin America, an abrazo (a brief hug) is part of the culture amongKNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 131BOX 34: DON'T GET BUGGED IFYOU GET HUGGEDYears ago at an espionage trial in Tampa, Florida, the defense attorney put meon the stand and, wishing to embarrass or discredit me, asked somewhatsarcastically, "Mr. Navarro, isn't it true that you used to hug my client, thedefendant, every time you met with him?" I then replied, "It wasn't a hug,counselor, it was an abrazo, and there is a difference." I paused dramaticallyfor a second and then continued, "It was also an opportunity for me to see ifyour client was armed, since he once robbed a bank." The startled defenseattorney ended the provocative line of inquiry then and there, since he was notaware that his client had previously committed a bank robbery with a gun.Interestingly, this abrazo story made the papers as though the people of Tampaand nearby Ybor City (settled by Latinos) had never heard of an abrazo. Sincethis trial, the attorney in question and I have become close friends and he isnow a federal judge. After nearly twenty years, we still laugh about the"abrazo incident."males. It is a way of saying, "I like you." In performing an abrazo, the chestscome together and the arms engulf the back of the other person.Unfortunately, I know a lot of people who are reluctant to do this and/or feelvery awkward when they do. I have seen American businessmen in LatinAmerica who will either refuse to give an abrazo or when they do it, appear asthough they're dancing with their grandmother. My advice is to do it and get itright, since little courtesies mean a lot in any culture.Learning a proper abrazo is no different than learning to shake hands correctlyand feeling comfortable doing it. If you are a businessman and will be workingin Latin America, you will be perceived as cold or aloof if you fail to learnthis familiar greeting. There's no need for that when a simple gesture canengender so much good will and make you simpatico (see box 34).132 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GS O M E C O N C L U D I N G R E M A R K S A B O U TN O N V E R B A L S O FT H E A R M SOur arms can transmit a lot of information in decoding the intentions andsentiments of others. From my perspective, one of the best ways to establishrapport with someone is to touch that person on the arm, somewhere betweenthe elbow and the shoulder. Of course, it is always wise to assess the person'spersonal and cultural preferences before you proceed.Generally, however, the brief touch I have just described is usually a good andsafe place to initiate human contact and to let others know you are gettingalong. In the Mediterranean, South American, and Arab worlds, touching is animportant component of communication and social harmony. Don't be shocked,startled, or threatened as you travel if people touch you on the arm (assumingthey do so appropriately, as I have described). It's their powerful way ofsaying, "We are OK." In fact, since human touch is so intimately involved incommunication, when there is no touching between people, you should beconcerned and wonder why.S I XGetting a GripNonverbals of the Hands and FingersAmong all species, our human hands are unique—not only in what they canaccomplish, but also in how they communicate. Human hands can paint theSistine Chapel, pluck a guitar, maneuver sur-gical instruments, chisel a David,forge steel, and write poetry. They can grasp, scratch, poke, punch, feel, sense,evaluate, hold, and mold the world around us. Our hands are extremelyexpressive; they can sign for the deaf, help tell a story, or reveal our innermostthoughts. No other species has appendages with such a remarkable range ofcapabilities.Because our hands can execute very delicate movements, they can reflect verysubtle nuances within the brain. An understanding of hand behavior is crucialto decoding nonverbal behaviors, for there is practically nothing your hands dothat is not directed—either consciously or subconsciously—by your brain.Despite the acquisition of spoken language over millions of years of humanevolution, our brains are still 134 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Ghardwired to engage our hands in accurately communicating our emotions,thoughts, and sentiments. Therefore, whether people are speaking or not, handgestures merit our attention as a rich source of nonverbal behavior to help usunderstand the thoughts and feelings of others.H O W A P P E A R A N C E A N D N O N V E R B A L S O FT H EH A N D S A FFE C T I N T E R P E R S O N A L P E R C E P T I O NNot only do others' hands communicate important information to us, but ourown hand movements influence how others perceive us. Therefore, the way weuse our hands—as well as what we learn from the hand behaviors of others—contribute to our overall interpersonal effectiveness. Let's start by examininghow our hand actions affect what others think of us.Effective Hand Movements Enhance OurCredibility and PersuasivenessThe human brain is programmed to sense the slightest hand and fingermovement. In fact, our brains give a disproportionate amount of attention to thewrists, palms, fingers, and hands, as compared to the rest of the body (Givens,2005, 31, 76; Ratey, 2001, 162–165). From an evolutionary standpoint, thismakes sense. As our species adopted an upright posture and our human braingrew ever larger, our hands became more skilled, more expressive, and alsomore dangerous. We have a survival need to assess each other's hands quicklyto see what they are saying or if they portend ill (as in holding a weapon).Because our brains have a natural bias to focus on the hands, successfulentertainers, magicians, and great speakers have capitalized on thisphenomenon to make their presentations more exciting or to distract us (seebox 35).People respond positively to effective hand movements. If you wish to enhanceyour effectiveness as a persuasive speaker—at home, at work, even withfriends—attempt to become more expressive in your use of GETTING A GRIP135BOX 35: KEEPING SUCCESS WELL IN HANDMost successful speakers use very powerful hand gestures. Unfortunately, oneof the best examples I can offer of an individual who developed his handgestures to improve his communication skills is that of Adolf Hitler. A mereprivate in the First World War, a painter of greeting cards, and slight of stature,Hitler had no prequalifications or stage presence that would normally beassociated with a gifted, credible orator. On his own, Hitler began to practicespeaking in front of mirrors. Later, he filmed himself while practicing handgestures to better hone a dramatic style of speaking. The rest is history. An evilhuman being was able to rise to prominence as leader of the Third Reichthrough his use of rhetorical skills. Some of the movies of Hitler practicing hishand gestures still exist in the archives. They attest to his development as aspeaker who capitalized on using his hands to enthrall and control hisaudience.hand movements. For some individuals, effective hand communication comesnaturally; it is a gift that takes no real thought or education. For others,however, it takes concentrated effort and training. Whether you naturally speakwith your hands or not, recognize that we communicate our ideas moreeffectively when we employ our hands.Hiding Your Hands Creates a Negative Impression: Keep Them VisiblePeople may regard you with suspicion if they can't see your hands while youare talking. Therefore, always be sure to keep your hands visible during faceto-face communication with others. If you've ever talked to someone whosehands are underneath a table, I think you will quickly sense how uncomfortablethe conversation feels (see box 36). When we interact in person with otherindividuals, we expect to see their hands, because the brain depends on themas an integral part of the communication process.136 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 36: AN UNDERHANDED EXPERIMENTYears ago I conducted an informal study in three of my classes. I asked studentsto interview each other, instructing half of the class to keep their hands undertheir desks during the conversation, while the other half was told to leave theirhands visible. After a fifteen-minute interview, we discovered that the peoplewith their hands under the desk were generally perceived as beinguncomfortable, withdrawn (holding back), sneaky, or even deceptive by thosewith whom they were speaking. Those interviewers with their hands in plainview on top of the desk were perceived as being more open and friendly, andnone was perceived as deceptive. Not a very scientific experiment, but quiteinstructive.When conducting jury surveys, one thing that stands out is how much jurorsdislike it when attorneys hide behind the lectern. Jurors want to see theattorney's hands so they can gauge the presentation more accurately.Jurors also don't like it when witnesses hide their hands; they perceive thisnegatively, commenting that the witness must be holding back, or perhaps evenlying. While these behaviors have nothing to do with deception per se, theperception of the jurors is significant, reminding us that concealment of thehands should be avoided.When the hands are out of sight or less expressive, it detracts from theperceived quality and honesty of the information being transmitted.The Power of a HandshakeA handshake is usually the first—and possibly only—physical contact we havewith another person. How we do it, including its strength and how long it ismaintained, can affect how we are perceived by the person we are greeting.We can all remember someone who shook our hand and left us feelinguncomfortable about them or about the situation. Don't dismiss the power of ahandshake to leave an impression. It is very significant.GETTING A GRIP 137Around the world, it is common to use the hands to greet others, althoughculture dictates variations on how hand greetings are performed, for how long,and how strong. When I first moved to Utah to attend Brigham YoungUniversity, I was introduced to what fellow BYU students called the "Mormonhandshake." This is a very strong and lengthy handshake used extensively notonly by the university students, but also by members of the Church of JesusChrist of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). Over the years that I was there, Inoticed how foreign students, in particular, were often taken aback by thisrather overzealous handshake, because in many cultures, especially in LatinAmerica, the handshake is mild (some preferring to give an abrazo, aspreviously mentioned).Since handshaking is usually the first time that two people actually touch, it canbe a defining moment in their relationship. In addition to being used to meetand greet, certain people use it to establish dominance. In the 1980s, much waswritten about how you could use the handshake to establish control anddominance by maneuvering the hand this way and that way, making sure yourswas always on top. What a waste of energy!I don't recommend hand jousting to create dominance, as our intentions shouldbe to leave positive impressions when we meet others, not negative ones. Ifyou feel the need to establish dominance, the hands are not the right way to doso. There are other more powerful tactics, including violation of space andeye-gaze behavior, that are more subtle.I have shaken hands with people who try to establish dominance through thisgreeting, and I have always come away with negative feelings. They didn'tsucceed in making me feel inferior, just uncomfortable. There are also thosewho insist on touching the inside (ventral) side of your wrist with their indexfinger when they shake hands. If it is done to you and you feel uncomfortable,don't feel surprised, because most people react that way.Similarly, you will typically feel uncomfortable if someone gives you what isreferred to as a "politician's handshake," in which the other party covers thetop of the handshake with his left hand. I suppose politicians think they arebeing friendlier with this two-handed gesture, not realizing that many peopledon't like being touched that way. I know people (mostly men) who insist onshaking hands this way and end up creating negative 138 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gfeelings in the people they meet. Obviously, you should avoid giving any ofthese discomforting handshakes unless you want to alienate someone.As foreign as it may seem to Westerners, in many cultures men engage in handholding behavior. This is very common in the Muslim world as well as inAsia, especially in Vietnam and Laos. Men in the United States often areuncomfortable holding hands with each other because this is not common to ourculture beyond childhood or perhaps in certain religious rituals. When I teachat the FBI Academy, I ask the young agents to stand and shake hands with eachother. They don't have a problem doing so, even when asked to engage in aprolonged handshake. However, when I ask them to hold hands together sideby-side, sneers and objections quickly arise; they cringe at the thought, andonly do so with much hesitation. Then I remind the new agents that we dealwith people from many cultures and these individuals often show their comfortlevel with us by holding our hands. It is something we, as Americans, need tolearn to accept, especially when dealing with human assets (informants) fromother countries (see box 37).Many cultures use touch to cement positive sentiments between men, somethingthat is not widespread in the United States. The story of the Bulgariangentleman not only reveals cultural differences but also illustrates theimportance of physical contact for our species. In interpersonal relationships—whether between men, women, parents and children, or lovers—it is criticalto have physical contact and to assess it to determine how the relationshipstands. One of the signs that a relationship has soured or is compromised is asudden decrease in the amount of touching (assuming it existed). In anyrelationship, when there is trust there is more tactile activity.If you currently travel abroad, or plan to in the future, make sure youunderstand the cultural conventions of the country that you are visiting,particularly with regard to greetings. If someone gives you a weak handshake,don't grimace. If anyone takes your arm, don't wince. If you are in the MiddleEast and a person wants to hold your hand, hold it. If you are a man visitingRussia, don't be surprised when your male host kisses your cheek, rather thanshakes your hand. All of these greetings are as natural a GETTING A GRIP139BOX 37: WHEN CUSTOMS AND INTELLIGENCEGATHERING GO HAND IN HANDWhen I was assigned to the Manhattan office of the FBI, I worked with aninformant (asset) who had defected from Bulgaria. He was an older gentleman,and as time went on we became friends. I remember being at his home oneafternoon, having tea, which he favored late in the day. We sat on the couch,and as he told me stories of his work and life behind the iron curtain, he tookmy left hand and just held it, for practically a half hour. As he spoke of his lifeunder Soviet oppression, I could tell this encounter was more about therapythan it was about work. It was clear that this gentleman took great delight andderived much comfort from holding the hand of another person. This behaviorwas a sign of his trust in me as we spoke; it was much more than a routine FBIdebriefing of a former intelligence officer. My acceptance of his hand washighly conducive to his coming forth with additional and vital information. Ialways wonder how much less information I would have received if I hadmoved my hand because I feared touching or holding another man's hand.way to express genuine sentiments as an American handshake. I am honoredwhen an Arab or Asian man offers to take my hand because I know that it's asign of high respect and trust. Accepting these cultural differences is the firststep to better understanding and embracing diversity.Avoid Using Hand Gestures that Offend Others In many countriesthroughout the world, finger pointing is viewed as one of the most offensivegestures a person can display. Studies show that people don't like it whensomeone points a finger at them (see figure 46).In schools as well as prison yards, finger pointing is often the precursor tomany fights. When talking with their children, parents should be careful toavoid pointing at them while saying things like "I know you140 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 46Perhaps one of the most offensive gestures we possess is finger pointing. It hasnegative connotations around the globe.did it." The finger pointing is so distasteful that it may actually divert thechild's attention from what is being said as they process the hostile message ofthe gesture (see box 38).Finger pointing is just one of many offensive gestures a person can make withthe hand or fingers. Obviously, some are so well known they need no furthercomment, such as "the bird." Snapping your fingers at someone is alsoconsidered rude; you should never attempt to get someone's attention with thesame gesture you may use to call your dog. In the Michael Jackson trial in2005, the jurors did not appreciate the mother of one of the victims snappingher fingers at the jury; this had a very negative effect. For those of youinterested in further readings on hand gestures around the world, I wouldhighly recommend Bodytalk: The Meaning of Human Gestures, by DesmondMorris, and Gestures: The Do's and Taboos of Body Language Around theWorld, by Roger E. Axtell. These two wonderful books will open your eyes tothe diversity of gestures around the world and the eloquence of the hands inexpressing human emotions.GETTING A GRIP 141BOX 38: I DON'T GET YOUR POINTResearch with focus groups has shown that a prosecuting attorney needs to bevery careful when pointing at the defendant with the index finger duringopening statements. Jurors don't like to see such behavior because, in theirview, the prosecutor has not earned the right to point until he or she has proventhe case. It is far better to gesture with an open hand (palm up) at the defendantthan with a finger. Once the case is proven, the prosecutor can then point at thedefendant with the index finger during closing arguments. This may seemtrivial. However, dozens of surveys with mock jurors have shown they aresticklers on this point.So I simply tell attorneys not to engage in finger pointing in the courtroom.As for the rest of us, we should not point fingers when dealing with ourspouses or children, nor with our colleagues at work. Pointing is just plainoffensive.Be Cautious When Using Preening Behaviors Involving the HandsWe use our fingers to preen our clothing, hair, and body when we areconcerned with how we look. During courtship, humans engage in increasedamounts of preening—not only with regard to our own appearance, but we alsogroom our mates. Intimacy permits the lover to gently remove a spot of lintfrom her male counterpart's sleeve even as he may gently dab a spot of foodfrom the corner of her mouth. These behaviors are also seen between motherand child—not only in humans, but also in other mammals and in birds—andare indicative of caring and close intimacy. When observed within arelationship, the amount of grooming between the partners is a good barometerof their rapport and the level of intimacy permitted.Preening, however, can also create negative perceptions. For example, it isrude and disrespectful for one person to preen herself in a142 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 47Self-preening is acceptable, but not when others are talking to you. This is asign of dismissiveness.self-attentive, dismissive way, when she is supposed to be listening tosomeone else (see figure 47). In addition, there are some acts of grooming thatare seen as more socially acceptable in public than others. It is fine to pick apiece of lint off your sweater on the bus, but clipping your fingernails in publicis another matter. Further, what is socially acceptable preening in one settingor culture may not be seen as such in another. It is also inappropriate for aperson to preen another individual when they have not reached the level ofintimacy to warrant that behavior.The Physical Appearance of Your HandsBy looking at people's hands, it is sometimes possible to assess the kind ofwork they do or activities in which they engage. The hands of individuals whoperform manual labor will have a certain rough, calloused appearance. Scarsmay indicate working on a farm or athletic wounds received on the playingfield. Standing with hands at the side with fingers curledGETTING A GRIP 143may indicate prior military experience. A guitar player may have calluses onthe tips of the fingers on one hand.Hands also indicate how much we care for ourselves and how we view socialconvention. Hands may be tended to or they may be filthy. Nails may bemanicured or look ratty. Long nails on men are seen as odd or effeminate, andpeople typically interpret nail-biting as a sign of nervousness or insecurity (seefigure 48). Because our brains focus so much on the hands, you should payextra attention to hand hygiene, since others will.Learn How to Manage Sweaty HandsNo one really enjoys shaking a hand that is moist, so I advise people whodevelop sweaty hands when meeting others (particularly important people likepotential employers, future in-laws, or individuals in a position to grantfavors) to dry off their hands before they attempt a handshake.Hand sweating not only occurs when we are excessively warm, it also happenswhen we are nervous or under stress. When you make contact Fig. 48Nail-biting is generally perceived as a sign of insecurity or nervousness.144 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gwith someone who has sweaty hands, you can assume he or she is under stress(since limbic arousal causes sweating). Use this opportunity to win someinterpersonal points by unobtrusively doing what you can to help the personcalm down. Putting people at ease when they are stressed is one of the bestways to insure more honest, effective, and successful interactions.There are people who erroneously believe that if you have sweaty palms, youmust be lying. This is simply not accurate. The same part of the nervous systemthat is activated during the limbic freeze, flight, or fight response (thesympathetic nervous system) also governs our sweat glands. Since somethingas simple as meeting someone new can cause sweaty hands, this phenomenonmust not be construed as indicative of deception. Approximately 5 percent ofthe population sweats profusely, and chronic perspiration makes the palmsuncomfortably sweaty (a condition known as hyperhidrosis) (Collett, 2003,11). Sweaty palms are not indicative of deception. They are only indicative ofstress or, in some cases, a genetic disorder. Be careful when evaluating thereasons for moist hands.Although some sources state that a person is lying if his palms are sweaty, thisis simply not true.R E A D I N G N O N V E R B A L S O FT H E H A N D SUp to this point, we have been examining how our hand behaviors andappearance can influence the way others perceive us. Now let's examine somenonverbals of the hands that will help us read what other people are thinkingand feeling. I'll start with a few general comments about how our hands revealinformation and then turn to some specific hand behaviors of high and lowconfidence that can be useful in understanding the people we encounter.Nervousness in the Hands Sends an Important Message The muscles thatcontrol our hands and fingers are designed for precise and fine movements.When the limbic brain is aroused and we are GETTING A GRIP 145stressed and nervous, surges of neurotransmitters and hormones such asadrenalin (epinephrine) cause uncontrollable quivering of the hands. Our handswill also shake when we hear, see, or think of something that has negativeconsequences. Any objects held in the hands may appear to magnify thistrembling, telegraphing a message that says, "I am under stress" (see box 39).This shaking behavior is particularly noticeable when a person is holding anelongated object such as a pencil or a cigarette, or something relatively largebut lightweight like a piece of paper. The object will begin to shake or quiverimmediately following the statement or event that created the stressfulcircumstances.Positive emotions can also cause our hands to shake, whether we're holding awinning lottery ticket or a winning hand in poker. When we are genuinelyexcited, our hands will quiver, sometimes uncontrollably.These are limbic-driven reactions. At an airport, as parents, spouses, and otherfamily members excitedly wait for their returning soldier or relative, theirhands will often shake in excitement. They may restrain their hands bygrabbing and holding someone else's hand, or by tucking their hands in theirunderarms or clasping them and holding them at chest level. Old videos of theBeatles' first visit to America are replete with young girls clasping their handsto combat the shaking that accompanied their extreme excitement.Obviously, you must first determine whether shaky hands are due to fear or joyby putting the behavior in context—examining the circumstances in which itoccurred. If the shaky hands are accompanied by pacifying actions, liketouching the neck or pressing the lips together, I'd be more likely to suspectthat the shaking was related to stress (something negative) rather thansomething positive.It should be noted that trembling hands are only relevant as a nonverbalcommunication when they represent a change from someone's normal handmovements. If a person's hands always shake because, for example, he is aheavy coffee drinker or is drug or alcohol addicted, the tremor, whileinformative, becomes part of that individual's baseline in terms of nonverbalbehavior. Likewise in people with certain neurologi-cal disorders (e.g.,Parkinson's disease), hand tremor may not indicate 146 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 39: WHERE THERE'S (JITTERY) SMOKE, THERE'S FIREDuring my work on a major espionage investigation, I was interviewing a manof interest in the case. As I watched him, he lit a cigarette and began smoking. Ihad no real clues with regard to his possible connection to the case; there wereno witnesses to the crime, no significant leads, and only vague ideas of whomight be involved. During the interview I brought up many names of peoplewho were of interest to the FBI and the army in this matter. Whenever Imentioned the name of one particular individual named Conrad, the man'scigarette shook in his hand like the needle on a polygraph machine. To see ifthis was a random event or something more significant, I mentioned additionalnames to test his reactions; there were none. Yet, on four separate occasions,when I mentioned Conrad, the subject's cigarette repeatedly shook. For me thatwas enough to verify there was more to the relationship between theinterviewee and Conrad than we knew. The shaking of the cigarette was alimbic reaction to a threat. It was also an indication to me that this individualfelt somehow endangered by the revelation of that name; therefore he likelyeither had knowledge of something nefarious or was directly involved in thecrime.During that initial interview with the subject, I did not know whether or not hewas actually involved in the crime because, frankly, I did not know enoughabout the case. The only thing that spurred us to pursue the investigation andadditional interviews was the fact that he had reacted to one name with the"shaky hand" response. Perhaps but for that one behavior, he would haveescaped justice. In the end, after many voluntary interviews over a year, headmitted his involvement with Conrad in espionage activities and eventuallygave a full confession of his crimes.their emotional state. In fact, if such a person suddenly ceases to tremble for amoment, it may indicate a deliberate attempt to focus more deeply on theparticular subject just mentioned (Murray, 2007). Remember, it is change inbehavior that is most significant.GETTING A GRIP 147As a general guideline, any shaking behavior that starts or stops suddenly, or issomehow markedly different from baseline behavior, deserves further scrutiny.Considering the context in which the shaking occurs, when it occurs, and anyother tells that might support a specific interpretation will improve your abilityto read a person correctly.H A N D D I S P L AYS O FH I G H C O N FI D E N C EA high-confidence display reflects a high degree of brain comfort and selfassurance. Several confidence demonstrations associated with the hands alertus that the person feels good about, and comfortable with, his current state ofaffairs.SteeplingHand steepling may well be the most powerful high-confidence tell (see figure49). It involves touching the spread fingertips of both hands, in a gesturesimilar to "praying hands," but the fingers are not interlocked and the palmsmay not be touching. It is called steepling because the hands look like thepointed top of a church steeple. In the United States, women tend to steeplelow (perhaps at the waist), which sometimes makes the behavior more difficultto observe. Men tend to steeple higher, at chest level, which makes theirsteepling more visible and powerful.Steepling signifies that you are confident of your thoughts or position. It letsothers know precisely how you feel about something and how dedicated youare to your point of view (see box 40). High-status people (lawyers, judges,medical doctors) often use steepling as part of their daily behavioral repertoirebecause of their confidence in themselves and their status. All of us havesteepled at one time or another, but we do so to varying degrees and using avariety of styles. Some do it all the time; some rarely do it; others performmodified steeples (such as with only the extended index finger and thumbtouching each148 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 49Steepling of hands, fingertip to fingertip, is one of the most powerful displaysof confidence we possess.other while remaining fingers are interlaced). Some steeple under the table;others do it high in front of them; some even steeple above their heads.In people who are unaware of the powerful nonverbal meaning of steepling,the response can persist for significant periods of time, particularly ifcircumstances stay positive for them. Even when people are aware thatsteepling is a tell, they still have difficulty concealing it. In these individuals,the limbic brain has made it such an automatic response that steepling displaysare difficult to overcome, because particularly when an individual is excited,he or she forgets to monitor and control the reaction.Circumstances can change quickly and alter our reactions to things and people.When this happens, we can transition from a high-confidence steepling displayto a low-confidence hand gesture in milliseconds.When our confidence is shaken or doubt has entered our minds, our steepledfingers may interlace as in prayer (see figure 50). These changesGETTING A GRIP 149Fig. 50Hand-wringing is a universal way of showing we are stressed or concerned.in nonverbal behavior happen quickly and very accurately reflect and defineour real-time internal reactions to changing events. A person can go fromsteepling (high confidence) to fingers interlaced (low confidence) and back tosteepling (high confidence)—reflecting the ebb and flow of assurance anddoubt.You, too, can harness proper steepling and hand placement for positive impact.Steepling can be such a powerful purveyor of confidence and self-assurancethat it is hard to challenge a person displaying such a nonverbal signal.Steepling is a very useful behavior to adopt; speakers and salespeople shoulduse it often for emphasis, as should anyone trying to convey an important point.Consider the confidence of your hand gestures when you are being interviewedby a prospective employer, presenting material at a meeting, or simplydiscussing issues with your friends.Far too often during professional meetings, I see women steepling under thetable or very low, undermining the confidence they genuinely 150 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 40: WHEN IT COMES TO STEEPLING,THE JURYISN'T OUTThe power of nonverbal behavior can be documented by studying the impact ofsteepling in various social settings. Steepling is useful, for example, whentestifying in court; its use is advocated when training expert witnesses.Witnesses should steeple to emphasize a point or to indicate their highconfidence in what they are saying. In doing so, their testimony will beperceived more powerfully by the jury than if they were merely to place theirhands on their laps or interlace their fingers. Interestingly, when a prosecutorsteeples as his witness testifies, the value of the testimony is enhanced becausethe attorney is perceived as being confident of the witness's statements. Whenjurors see witnesses who interlace their fingers or wring their hands, they tendto associate such behavior with nervousness or too often, unfortunately, withdeception. It is important to note that both honest and dishonest individualsdisplay these behaviors, and they should not be automatically associated withlying. It is recommended that when testifying, individuals should either steepleor cup their hands together without interlacing their fingers, as these aregestures that are perceived as being more authoritative, more confident, andmore genuine.possess. I hope that as they recognize the power of the steeple as an indicatorof self-assurance, competence, and confidence—traits most individuals wouldwant to be recognized as possessing—more women will embrace this gestureand display it above the table.T H U M B D I S P L AYSIt is interesting how verbal language sometimes mirrors nonverbal language.When movie critics give a film two thumbs up, it indicates theirGETTING A GRIP 151Fig. 51Often seen with high-status individuals,the thumb sticking out of the pocket is ahigh-confidence display.confidence in its quality. Thumbs up is almost always a nonverbal sign of highconfidence. Interestingly, it is also associated with high status. Look atphotographs of John F. Kennedy and notice how often he carried his hands inhis coat pocket, thumbs sticking out (see figure 51). His brother Bobby did thesame thing. Lawyers, college professors, and doctors are often seen graspingtheir lapels simultaneously with their thumbs up in the air. There is a nationalchain of fashion/portrait studios that invariably has females photographed withat least one hand clutching their collar with a thumb in the air. Apparently themarketing team at this company also recognizes that thumbs up is a highconfidence or high-status display.152 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GHigh-Confidence, High-Status Thumb Displays When individuals carry theirthumbs high, it is a sign that they think highly of themselves and/or areconfident in their thoughts or present circumstances (see figures 52 and 53).Thumbs up is another example of a gravity-defying gesture, a type of nonverbalbehavior normally associated with comfort and high confidence. Normally, theinterlacing of the fingers is a low-confidence gesture, except when the thumbsare extended straight up. It has been noted that people who use thumb displaysgenerally tend to be more aware of their environment, more acute in theirthinking, and sharper in their observations. Observe those individuals whomanifest thumbs-up behavior and notice how they fit this profile. Normally,people don't posture with their thumbs up, so when they do, you can berelatively certain that this is a significant behavior indicative of positivefeelings.Fig. 52Fig. 53Thumbs up is usually a good indicationThe thumbs can suddenly disappear,of positive thoughts. This can be veryas in this photo, when there is lessfluid during a conversation.emphasis or emotions turn negative.GETTING A GRIP 153Low-Confidence, Low-Status Thumb Displays Feelings of low confidencecan be evidenced when a person (usually a male) puts his thumbs in his pocketand lets the fingers hang out on the side (see figure 54). Particularly in anemployment setting, this signal says, "I am very unsure of myself." People whoare leaders or who are otherwise in control don't manifest this behavior whenthey are working or performing. A high-status individual who is casuallyrelaxing may exhibit this behavior briefly, but never while he is "on." This isnearly always a low-confidence or low-status display.Thumb displays are so accurate that they can help you effectively assess whois feeling good about himself and who is struggling. I have seen men make apotent presentation punctuated by steepling, but when a listener revealed anerror in the speech, the thumbs went into Fig. 54Thumbs in the pocket indicate low status and confidence. People in authorityshould avoid this display because it sends the wrongmessage.154 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gtheir pockets. These types of thumb displays are reminiscent of a child standingin front of a disappointed mother. This behavior conveys that someone hastransitioned from high confidence to low confidence very quickly (see box 41).BOX 41: THUMB-THING IS WRONG HEREWhile I was staying at a world-renowned hotel in Bogotá, Colombia, thegeneral manager commented to me that he had recently hired some new hotelguards, and although he couldn't put his finger on it, there was something aboutthem he didn't like. He knew that I had worked in law enforcement for the FBI,and he asked whether I noticed anything both-ersome about his new staffmembers. We walked outside where the guards were posted and took a quickglance. The manager noted that although they had new uniforms and their bootswere shined, something wasn't right. I agreed that the uniforms lookedprofessional, but pointed out that the guards were standing with their thumbs intheir pockets, making them look weak and incompetent. At first the managerdidn't seem to grasp what I was saying until I had him demonstrate the posturehimself. Immediately he said, "You are right. They look like little kids waitingfor their mother to tell them what to do." The next day the guards were shownhow to stand and look authoritative (hands behind back, chin up) withoutlooking menacing to the guests. Sometimes little things mean a lot. In this case,the disappearing thumbs became powerful purveyors of low confidence—notexactly what you want from a security force, especially in Bogotá, Colombia.Try this experiment on your own. Stand with your thumbs in your pockets andask people what they think of you. Their comments will confirm the unflatteringand weak attitude this posture projects. You will never see a presidentialcandidate or a leader of a country with his thumbs in his pockets. Thisbehavior is not seen in confident individuals (see figure 55).GETTING A GRIP 155Fig. 55Often used as a sign of insecurity or social discomfort, thumbs in the pockettransmitthis message readily and thus should beavoided.Genital FramingMen sometimes, subconsciously, will hook their thumbs inside theirwaistbands on either side of the zipper and either pull up their pants or even lettheir thumbs hang there, as their dangling fingers frame their genitals (seefigure 56). Genital framing is a powerful dominance display.In essence, it is saying, "Check me out, I am a virile male."Not long after starting to write this book, I discussed this nonverbal behaviorwhen teaching a class at the FBI in Quantico, Virginia.The students scoffed, saying that no man, especially subconsciously,156 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 56Using the hands to frame the genitals is often seen with young males andfemales during the courtship years. It is a dominance display.would be that blatant about his sexuality. The very next day, one of the studentscame back and told the class that he had observed a student in the bathroomwho stood in front of the mirror, preened himself, put on his sunglasses, andjust for a moment did some genital framing before he proudly exited thebathroom. I am sure that the guy wasn't even thinking about what he was doing.But in fact, genital framing occurs more often than we think, and not only incountry western videos! Remember the Fonz in the TV series Happy Days?GETTING A GRIP 157H A N D D I S P L AYS O FL O W C O N FI D E N C E O R S T R E S SLow-confidence displays are the flip side of their high-confidencecounterparts. They reflect brain discomfort, insecurity, and self-doubt.Low-confidence displays should alert us that the individual is experiencingnegative emotions that may be caused by being in an uncomfortable situation orby thoughts that induce self-doubt or limited confidence.Frozen HandsResearch tells us liars tend to gesture less, touch less, and move their arms andlegs less than honest people (Vrij, 2003, 65). This is consistent with limbicreactions. In the face of a threat (in this case having a lie detected), we moveless or freeze so as not to attract attention. This behavior is often quiteobservable during conversation because a person's arms become veryrestrained while telling a lie and otherwise are animated when telling the truth.Because such changes are controlled by the limbic system rather than thethinking brain, they are more reliable and useful than spoken words; theyindicate what is really going on in the mind of the individual who is speaking(see box 42). So look for hand and arm movements that are suddenlyrestrained; they say a lot about what is going on in that person's brain.Hand-wringingWhen people wring their hands or interlace their fingers, particularly inresponse to a significant comment, event, or change in their environment, it isnormally indicative of stress or low confidence (see figure 50on page 149). This common pacifier, seen in people around the world, actuallymakes it look like they are engaged in prayer—and perhaps, subconsciously orotherwise, they are. As the intensity of the hand-wring-ing increases, the colorof the fingers may change as areas blanch due to 158 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 42: A LESS THAN MOVING EXPERIENCEThe tendency for liars to be less animated in their gestures was a major reasonI didn't believe a young woman who had told local sheriff 's depu-ties that hersix-month-old son had been kidnapped in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart inTampa, Florida. As the woman told her story, I observed her from a monitoringroom. After witnessing her behavior, I told the investigators that I didn'tbelieve the totality of her story; her demeanor was too subdued. When peopletell the truth, they make every effort to ensure that you understand them. Theygesticulate with their arms and face and are emphatically expressive. Not sowith this suspect. The retelling of a hor-rific kidnapping story by a loving anddistraught mother would have been accompanied by more demonstrative,ardent behaviors. Their absence was alerting to us. Eventually the womanconfessed that she had actually killed her child by stuffing him in a plasticgarbage bag. The kidnapping story was a total fabrication. The freeze responseof her limbic system that restrained her movements betrayed the lie.blood being forced away from the tension points. Matters clearly are gettingworse as this behavior manifests.Interlaced Stroking or Rubbing of the Hands A person who is in doubt (alesser degree of lowered confidence) or under low stress will only slightly rubthe palms of his hands together (see figure 57). However, if the situationbecomes more stressful or if his confidence level continues to fall, watch howsuddenly gentle finger-to-palm stroking transitions to more dramatic rubbing ofinterlaced fingers (see figure 58). The interlacing of fingers is a very accurateindicator of high distress that I have seen in the most acute of interviews—bothin the FBI and in people testifying before Congress. As soon as an extremelydelicate subject comes up, the fingers straighten and intertwine, as the handsGETTING A GRIP 159Fig. 57Fig. 58FPOtext: #58We often pacify anxiety orWhen the fingers interlace to rubnervousness by stroking our fingersup and down, as in this photo, theacross the palm or rubbing ourbrain is asking for extra handhands together.contact to pacify more seriousconcerns or anxiety.begin to rub up and down. I speculate that the increased tactile contact betweenthe hands provides the brain with more pacifying messages.Neck TouchingI am discussing neck touching in this chapter on hand behaviors because if youkeep an eye on the hands, they eventually take you to the neck.People who touch their necks (anywhere) while speaking are, in fact, reflectinglower-than-normal confidence or are relieving stress. The covering of the neckarea, throat, and/or the suprasternal notch during times of stress is a universaland strong indicator that the brain is actively processing something that isthreatening, objectionable, unsettling, questionable, or emotional. It has nothingto do with deception, although deceptive people may demonstrate suchbehavior if they are troubled. So again, keep your eyes on the hands, and asfeelings of discomfort and distress surface in people, their hands will rise tothe occasion, and cover or touch their neck.160 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 43: UP TO HER NECK IN LIESSometimes not covering the neck can be a telltale clue that something is amiss.I once assisted a local law enforcement agency with a case involving analleged rape. The woman who reported this assault had reported three separaterapes in a five-year period, a statistically unlikely history.As I watched her videotaped interview, I noticed that while she spoke of howfrightened she was and how terrible she felt, she was extremely passive andnever once covered her suprasternal notch as she told the story.I found her "lack of behavior" suspicious and pointed it out to theinvestigators. The woman simply was not showing typical signs of distress. Infact, I have investigated other rape cases in which women will cover theirsuprasternal notch while recounting the crime even decades after it occurred.Upon further investigation, the impassive woman's case fell apart.In the end, we learned she had fabricated all her allegations—costing the citythousands of dollars—merely because she thrived on the attention given to herby responding officers, investigating detectives, and victim advocates, all ofwhom initially believed her and wanted to help.I can't tell you how many thousands of times I have seen this behavior, yet mostpeople are unaware of its significance (see box 43). Just recently I waschatting with a friend outside a conference room when a female associatewalked out with one hand over her neck dimple and the other holding a cellphone. My friend continued to converse as if nothing were wrong. When thewoman on the cell phone ended her call, I said, "We'd better go check on her,something's not right." Sure enough, one of her kids had come down with ahigh fever at school and needed to go home as soon as possible. Neck touchingis one of those behaviors that is so reliable and accurate that it truly merits ourclose attention.GETTING A GRIP 161Microexpressions of the HandsA microgesture is a very brief nonverbal behavior that occurs when a personis attempting to suppress a normal response to a negative stimulus (Ekman,2003, 15). In these circumstances, the more reflexive and short-lived thebehavior is, the more truthful it tends to be. For instance, let's imagine the bosstells an employee he has to help out and work this weekend because someoneis sick. On hearing the news, the employee's nose crinkles or a slight smirkappears suddenly but briefly. These microgestures of dislike are very accuratedisplays of how the person truly feels. Similarly, our hands can displaymicroexpressions that may surprise you (see box 44).C H A N G E S I N H A N D B E H AV I O R S C A N R E V E A LI M P O R TA N T I N FO R M AT I O NAs with all nonverbal behaviors, sudden alterations in hand motion suggest anabrupt change in someone's thoughts and feelings. When lovers rapidly movetheir hands away from each other during a meal, it is a sign that somethingnegative has just happened. Hand withdrawal may happen in seconds, but it isa very accurate real-time indicator of the person's feelings.Gradual hand withdrawals are also worthy of note. A while ago I was invitedto dinner by a married couple with whom I had been friends since our collegedays. We were chatting around the table at the end of the meal when the topicof finances arose. My friends revealed that they were experiencing moneyproblems. As the wife complained about how"the money seemed to just disappear," likewise, her husband's handssimultaneously and gradually disappeared from the tabletop. As she spoke, Iwatched him slowly withdraw his hands until they rested, finally, on his lap.This sort of distancing is a cue indicative of psychological flight (part of ourlimbic survival mechanism) that often occurs when we are 162 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 44: THE BIRD AS A WORDIn his remarkable book Telling Lies, Dr. Paul Ekman describes his researchusing high-speed cameras to reveal microgestures that subconsciouslycommunicate an individual's disfavor or true emotions (Ekman, 1991, 129–131). One such microgesture noted by Dr. Ekman is giving the bird. In a majornational security case in which I was personally involved as an observer, asubject repeatedly used his middle ("bird") finger to push his glasses intoposition whenever the lead Justice Department interviewer (whom hedespised) asked him questions. This behavior was not observed with otherinterviewers, but only with the interviewer the subject plainly did not like. Atfirst we did not believe we were seeing such an obvious but fleeting gesturethat was so clearly limited to a single interviewer. Fortunately, the interviewswere videotaped as part of a legal prof-fer (i.e., the subject agrees tocooperate in consideration for a lighter sentence), so we could review the tapeto confirm what we were seeing.Perhaps equally interesting, the chief interviewer never saw the "bird"behavior and, when told about it, refused to accept that it was indicative of theinterviewee's antipathy. When it was all over, however, the intervieweecommented harshly on how much he despised the chief interviewer, and it wasquite evident that he tried to subvert the interview because of this clash ofpersonalities.Microgestures of the hands come in many forms, including pushing the handsdownward along the legs and then lifting the bird finger at the moment thepalms reach the knees. This has been observed in both men and women. Again,these microgestures occur very quickly and can be obscured easily by otheractivities. Watch for these behaviors and do not dismiss them, if observed. At aminimum, microgestures should be examined in context as indicators of enmity,dislike, contempt, or disdain.GETTING A GRIP 163threatened. The behavior suggested to me that the husband was concealingsomething. As it turned out, he had been pilfering money from the couple'sjoint checking account to support a gambling habit, a vice that eventually costhim his marriage. His guilty knowledge of the covert withdrawals explainedthe reason his hands withdrew from the table.Although the motion was a gradual change, it was sufficient to cause me tosuspect that something was wrong.One of the most important observations you can make in relation to the hands isnoticing when they go dormant. When the hands stop illustrating andemphasizing, it is usually a clue to a change in brain activity (perhaps becauseof a lack of commitment) and is cause for heightened awareness andassessment. Although, as we've noted, hand restriction can signal deception,do not immediately jump to this conclusion. The only inference you can drawat the moment the hands go dormant is that the brain is communicating adifferent sentiment or thought. The change may simply reflect less confidenceor less attachment to what is being said for a variety of reasons. Remember,any deviation from normal hand behavior—be it an increase, a decrease, orjust something unusual—should be considered for its significance.S O M E C O N C L U D I N G R E M A R K S A B O U TN O N V E R B A L S O FT H E H A N D S A N D FI N G E R SMost of us spend so much time studying people's faces that we under-utilizethe information provided by their hands. The sensitive hands of humans notonly feel and sense the world around us, they also reflect our responses to thatworld. We sit in front of a banker wondering if our loan will be approved,with our hands in front of us, fingers intertwined (prayerlike), reflecting thetension and nervousness within us. Or, in a business meeting, the hands mayassume a steepling position, letting others know we are confident. Our handsmay quiver at the mention of someone who betrayed us in our past. Hands andfingers can provide a 164 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Ggreat deal of significant information. We just need to observe and decode theiractions correctly and in context.You can know how someone feels about you from a single touch. The hands arepowerful transmitters of our emotional state. Use them in your own nonverbalcommunications and count on them to provide valuable nonverbal intelligenceabout others.S E V E NThe Mind's CanvasNonverbals of the FaceWhen it comes to emotions, our faces are the mind's canvas.What we feel is exquisitely communicated through a smile, a frown, orimmeasurable nuances in between. This is an evolutionary blessing that sets usapart from all other species and makes us the most expressive animals on thisplanet.Our facial expressions, more than anything else, serve as our universallanguage—our human crosscultural lingua franca—whether here (wherever"here" is for you) or in Borneo. This international language has served as apractical means of communication since the dawn of man, to facilitateunderstanding among people lacking a common language.When observing others, we can quickly recognize when someone appearssurprised, interested, bored, fatigued, anxious, or frustrated. We can look at ourfriends' faces and see when they are displeased, doubt-ful, contented,anguished, disappointed, incredulous, or concerned. The 166 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gexpressions of children let us know if they are sad, excited, perplexed, ornervous. We were never specifically taught how to generate or translate thesefacial behaviors, and yet we all know them, perform them, interpret them, andcommunicate through them.With all the various muscles that precisely control the mouth, lips, eyes, nose,forehead, and jaw, human faces are richly endowed to produce an immensevariety of expressions. It is estimated that humans are capable of more than tenthousand different facial expressions (Ekman, 2003, 14–15).This versatility makes nonverbals of the face very effective, extremelyefficient, and, when not interfered with, quite honest. Happiness, sadness,anger, fear, surprise, disgust, joy, rage, shame, anguish, and interest areuniversally recognized facial expressions (Ekman, 2003, 1–37). Discomfort—whether on the face of a baby, a child, a teenager, an adult, or the elderly—isrecognized around the globe; likewise we can distinguish the expressions thatlet us know all is well.While our faces can be very honest in displaying how we feel, they do notalways necessarily represent our true sentiments. This is because we can, to adegree, control our facial expressions and, thus, put on a false front. From anearly age, we are taught by our parents not to make faces when we don't likethe food in front of us, or we are compelled to fake a smile when greetingsomeone we don't like. In essence, we are taught to lie with our faces, and sowe become quite adept at hiding our true sentiments facially, even though theyoccasionally do leak out.When we lie using our faces, we are often said to be acting; obviously, worldclass actors can adopt any number of faces to create fic-tional feelings ondemand. Unfortunately, many people, especially con men and other moreserious social predators, can do the same thing.They can put on a false face when they are lying, conniving, or trying toinfluence the perception of others through false smiles, fake tears, or deceivinglooks.Facial expressions can still provide meaningful insights into what a person isthinking and feeling. We simply have to be mindful that these signals can befaked, so the best evidence of true sentiment is derived from clusters ofbehaviors, including facial and body cues, that buttress THE MIND'SCANVAS 167or complement each other. By assessing facial behaviors in context andcomparing them to other nonverbal behaviors, we can use them to help revealwhat the brain is processing, feeling, and/or intending. Since the brain tends touse everything above the shoulders as a single canvas for expression andcommunication, we are going to refer to the face and its mantle, the neck, asone: our public face.N E G AT I V E A N D P O S I T I V E E M O T I O N A LD I S P L AYS O FT H E FA C ENegative emotions—displeasure, disgust, antipathy, fear, and anger—make us tense. That tension manifests in many ways in and on the body. Ourfaces may show a constellation of tension-revealing cues simultaneously:tightening of jaw muscles, flaring of nose wings (naral wing dilation),squinting of the eyes, quivering of the mouth, or lip oc-clusion (in which lipsseemingly disappear). On closer examination, you might note that eye focus isfixed, the neck is stiff, and head tilt is non-existent. An individual might not sayanything about being tense, but if these manifestations are present there is nodoubt that he is upset and that his brain is processing some negative emotionalissue. These negative emotional cues are displayed similarly throughout theworld, and there is real value in looking for them.When someone is upset, either all or only a few of these nonverbal behaviorsmay be present, and they may manifest as mild and fleeting or may be acute andpronounced, lasting for minutes or even longer. Think of Clint Eastwood in theold spaghetti westerns, squinting at his opponents before a gun battle. Thatlook said it all. Of course actors are trained to make their facial expressionsparticularly easy to recognize.However, in the real world, these nonverbal cues are sometimes more difficultto spot, either because they are subtle, intentionally obfuscated, or simplyoverlooked (see figure 59).Consider, for example, jaw tightening as an indication of tension. After abusiness meeting, an executive might say to a colleague, "Did you168 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 59Squinting, furrowing of the forehead, andfacial contortions are indicative of distress or discomfort.see how tense Bill's jaw got when I made that proposal?" Only to hear hispartner respond, "No, I didn't catch that" (see box 45). We miss facial cuesbecause we have been taught not to stare and/or because we concentrate moreon what is being said than on how it is being said.Keep in mind that people often work at hiding their emotions, making themmore difficult to detect if we are not conscientious observers. In addition,facial cues may be so fleeting—microgestures—that they are difficult to pickup. In a casual conversation, these subtle behaviors may not be of muchsignificance, but in an important interpersonal interaction (between lovers,parents and children, business associates, or at an employment interview),such seemingly minor displays of tension may reflect deep emotional conflict.Since our conscious brains may try to mask our limbic emotions, any signalsthat reach the surface are critical to detect, as they may yield a more accuratepicture of a person's deep-rooted thoughts and intentions.Although many joyous facial expressions are easily and universallyrecognized, these nonverbal tells may also be suppressed or concealed forTHE MIND'S CANVAS 169BOX 45: MYLIPS SAYI LOVE YOU, BUT MYLOOKSSAYOTHERWISEI am amazed at how many times positive words pour from people's mouthswhile their faces gives off negative nonverbals that clearly contra-dict what isbeing said. At a recent party, one of the guests was commenting how pleasedhe was that his kids had good jobs. He said this, with a less-than-generoussmile and tight jaw muscles, as those standing around congratulated him. Later,his wife told me privately that her husband was, in fact, extremely upset thatthe kids were just barely getting by in their meaningless jobs that were goingnowhere. His words said one thing, but his face said quite another.a variety of reasons, making them more difficult to detect. For example, wecertainly don't want to show elation when we are dealt a powerful hand ofcards in a poker game, or we may not want our colleagues to know wereceived a larger financial bonus then they did. We learn to try to conceal ourhappiness and excitement in circumstances where we deem it unwise to revealour good fortune. Nevertheless, as with negative body cues, subtle orrestrained positive nonverbals can be detected through careful observation andassessment of other subtle corroborative behaviors. For instance, our facesmay leak a twinge of excitement that by itself, might not be enough to convincean astute observer that we are truly happy. However, our feet might provideadditional corroborative evidence of excitement, helping to validate the beliefthat the positive emotion is genuine (see box 46).Genuine and unrestrained feelings of happiness are reflected in the face andneck. Positive emotions are revealed by the loosening of the furrowed lines onthe forehead, relaxation of muscles around the mouth, emergence of full lips(they are not compressed or tight lipped), and widening of the eye area assurrounding muscles relax. When we are truly 170 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 46: THE FACE AND FEET SHOW LIFE IS SWEETNot long ago I was waiting for a flight out of Baltimore when the man next tome at the ticket counter received the good news that he was being upgraded tofirst class. As he sat down he tried to suppress a smile, since to gloat over hisgood fortune would be seen as rude by other passengers waiting for anupgrade. Based on his facial expression alone, to declare he was happy wouldhave been a marginal call. Then, however, I overheard him call his wife to tellher the good news, and although he spoke quietly so those seated nearbycouldn't hear the conversation, his feet were bouncing up and down like thoseof a young child waiting to open his birthday gifts. His happy feet providedcollaborative evidence of his joyful state. Remember, look for clusters ofbehavior to solidify your observations.relaxed and comfortable, facial muscles relax and the head will tilt to the side,exposing our most vulnerable area, the neck (see figure 60). This is a highcomfort display—often seen during courtship—that is nearly impossible tomimic when we are uncomfortable, tense, suspicious, or threatened (see box47).I N T E R P R E T I N G N O N V E R B A LB E H AV I O R S O FT H E E YE SOur eyes have been called the windows of the soul, so it seems appropriate toexamine these two portals for nonverbal messages of emotions or thoughts.Despite music lyrics such as "your lyin' eyes," our eyes do express a lot ofuseful information. In fact, the eyes can be very accurate barometers of ourfeelings because, to some degree, we have very little control over them. Unlikeother areas of the face that are far less reflexive in their movements, evolutionhas modified muscles in and around theTHE MIND'S CANVAS 171BOX 47: WHAT YOU WON'T SEE IN AN ELEVATORTry to tilt your head in an elevator full of strangers and leave it that way for thecomplete duration of the ride. For most people this is extremely difficult toaccomplish, because head tilt is a behavior reserved for times when we aretruly comfortable—and standing in an elevator surrounded by strangers iscertainly not one of those times. Try tilting your head while looking directly atsomeone in the elevator. You will find that even more difficult, if notimpossible.eyes to protect them from hazards. For example, muscles inside the eye-ballprotect the delicate receptors from excessive light by constricting the pupil,and muscles around the eyes will close them immediately if a dangerous objectcomes near. These automatic responses help make the eyes a very honest partof our face, so let's examine some specific eye behaviors Fig. 60Head tilt says in a powerful way, "I amcomfortable, I am receptive, I am friendly."It is very difficult to do this around people we don't like.172 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gthat can help us achieve insight into what people are thinking and how theyintend to act.Pupilary Constriction and Squinting as a Form of Eye Blocking Researchhas shown that once we move beyond a startle response, when we likesomething we see, our pupils dilate; when we don't, they constrict (see figure61) (Hess, 1975a; Hess, 1975b). We have no conscious control over ourpupils, and they respond to both external stimuli (for example, changes in light)and internal stimuli (such as thoughts) in fractions of a second. Because thepupils are small and difficult to see, particularly in dark eyes, and sincechanges in their size occur rapidly, pupil reactions are difficult to observe.Although these eye behaviors are very useful, people often don't look for them,ignore them, or, when they see them, undervalue their utility in assessing aperson's likes and dislikes.When we become aroused, are surprised, or are suddenly confronted, our eyesopen up—not only do they widen, but the pupils also quickly dilate to let in themaximum amount of available light, thus sending the maximum amount ofvisual information to the brain. Obviously, this startle response has served uswell over millennia. However, once we have a moment to process theinformation and if it is perceived negatively (it is an unpleasant surprise or anactual threat), in a fraction of a second the pupils will constrict (Ekman, 2003,151) (see box 48). By constricting the Fig. 61In this diagram you can see pupil dilation and constriction. From birth we findcomfort in dilated pupils, especially those with whom we are emotionallyattached.THE MIND'S CANVAS 173BOX 48: IFTHEYCONSTRICT, YOU CAN CONVICTIn 1989, while working with the FBI on a matter involving national security,we repeatedly interviewed a spy who, while being cooperative, wasnevertheless reluctant to name his co-conspirators involved in espionage.Attempts to appeal to his sense of patriotism and his concern for the millionsof people he was placing in harm's way got us nowhere; things were at animpasse. It was essential that this man's other associates be identified; theywere still at large and presented a serious threat to the United States. Left withno alternatives, Marc Reeser, a friend and brilliant intelligence analyst withthe FBI, suggested using nonverbals in an attempt to glean the information weneeded.We presented this spy with thirty-two three-by-five-inch cards prepared by Mr.Reeser, each with the name of someone with whom the felon had worked, andwho potentially could have assisted him. As he looked at each card, the manwas asked to tell, in general terms, what he knew about each individual. Weweren't specifically interested in the man's answers, since clearly words canbe dishonest; rather, we were watching his face. When he saw two names inparticular, his eyes first widened in recognition, and then his pupils quicklyconstricted and he squinted slightly. Subconsciously, he clearly did not likeseeing these two names and somehow felt in danger. Perhaps those individualshad threatened him not to reveal their names. This pupilary constriction andslight squinting were the only clues we had as to the identity of his coconspirators. He was not aware of his nonverbal signals, and we did notcomment on them. However, had we not looked for this eye behavior, we neverwould have identified those two individuals. The two ac-complices wereeventually located and interviewed, at which time they confessed theirinvolvement in the crime. To this day, the subject of that interview does notknow how we were able to identify his fellow culprits.174 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gpupils, everything in front of us thus becomes precisely focused so that we cansee clearly and accurately in order to defend ourselves or effectively escape(Nolte, 1999, 431–432). This is very similar to how a camera aperture(opening) works: the smaller the aperture, the greater the focal length, and theclearer the focus on everything near and far. Incidentally, if you ever need anemergency pair of reading glasses and none are available, just make a smallpinhole in a piece of paper and hold it up to your eye; the small aperture willbring what you are reading into focus. If maximal pupil constriction isn'tsufficient, then we squint to make the aperture as small as possible whilesimultaneously protecting the eye (see figure 62).While walking with my daughter a few years back, we passed someone sherecognized. She squinted slightly as she gave the girl a low wave. I suspectedsomething negative had transpired between them, so I asked my daughter howshe knew the girl. She replied that the girl had been a high school classmatewith whom she had previously had words. The low-hand wave was done outof social convention; however, the eye squint was an honest and betrayingdisplay of negative emotions Fig. 62We squint to block out light or objectionable things. We squint when we are angryor even when we hear voices, sounds, ormusic we don't like.THE MIND'S CANVAS 175Fig. 63Squinting can be very brief—1⁄8 ofsecond—but in real time may reflect anegative thought or emotion.and dislike (seven years in the making). My daughter was unaware that hersquinting behavior had given away her true feelings about the girl, yet theinformation stood out like a beacon to me (see figure 63).The same phenomenon is seen in the business world. When customers orclients suddenly squint while reading a contract, they are likely struggling withsomething in the wording of the text, the discomfort or doubt registeringimmediately in their eyes. Most likely these business associates will be totallyunaware they are transmitting this very clear message of disagreement ordislike.In addition to squinting when ill at ease, some individuals will lower theireyebrows after observing something unsettling in their environment. Archedeyebrows signify high confidence and positive feelings (a gravity-defyingbehavior), whereas lowered eyebrows are usually a sign of low confidenceand negative feelings, a behavior that indicates weakness and insecurity in aperson (see box 49).176 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 49: THE EYEBROW SQUINT: HOW LOW DO YOU GO?Eyebrow squints can have several different meanings. In order to differentiateamong these, you need to assess the degree of the eyebrow movement and thecontext in which it takes place. For instance, we sometimes lower oureyebrows and squint when being aggressive or confrontational.Likewise, we lower the eyebrows in the face of real or imagined danger orthreats. We also do this when we are annoyed, feel displeasure, or are angry.If, however, we drop the eyebrows too low, as may be seen in a very defeatedchild, it is a universal sign of weakness and insecurity. It is a behavior ofobsequiousness, fawning, or submissiveness—consistent with kowtowing orcowering—and may be capitalized upon by social predators, such aspsychopaths. In studies, prisoners have reported that when new inmates arriveat jail, they look for this troubled, lowered-eye-brow behavior in thenewcomers to reveal which ones are weak and insecure. In your social andbusiness interactions, you can watch for these eyebrow movements to probefor weakness or strength in others.Eye Blocking, or How the Brain Spares Itself Our eyes, more remarkablethan any camera, have evolved as the primary means by which humans receiveinformation. In fact, we often attempt to censor incoming data through a limbicsurvival mechanism known as eye blocking, which evolved to protect the brainfrom "seeing"undesirable images. Any decrease in the size of the eyes, whether throughsquinting or pupilary constriction, is a form of subconscious blockingbehavior. And all blocking behaviors are indicative of concern, dislike,disagreement, or the perception of a potential threat.The many forms of eye blocking are such a common and natural part of ournonverbal repertoire that most people either miss them completely or ignoretheir meaning (see figures 64–67). For example, think about a time whensomeone told you bad news. Perhaps you didn't notice, butFig. 64Fig. 65Eye blocking with the hands is anA brief touch of the eyes during aeffective way of saying, "I don't like whatconversation may give you a clue to aI just heard, saw, or learned."person's negative perception of what isbeing discussed.Fig. 66Fig. 67A delay in opening of the eyelids uponWhere the lids compress tightly as inhearing information or a lengthy closurethis photo, the person is trying to blockis indicative of negative emotions orout totally some negative news or event.displeasure.178 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gmost likely as you heard the information your eyelids closed for a fewmoments. This type of blocking behavior is very ancient in origin andhardwired in our brains; even babies innately eye block within the womb whenconfronted with loud sounds. Even more amazing is the fact that children whoare born blind will cover their eyes when they hear bad news (Knapp & Hall,2002, 42–52). Throughout our lives we employ this limbic-driven eyeblocking behavior when we hear something terrible, despite the fact that itneither blocks our hearing nor the thoughts that follow. Perhaps it simplyserves to give the brain a temporary respite or to communicate our deepestsentiments, but regardless of the reason, the brain still compels us to performthis behavior.Eye blocking takes many forms and can be observed at any tragic event,whether bad news is being broadcast or as tragedy is about to be-fall us.People may cup a hand completely over both eyes, put one open hand overeach eye, or block the entire face with an object, such as a newspaper or book.Even internal information in the form of a thought can compel this response. Aperson who suddenly remembers he forgot something important maymomentarily close his eyes and take a deep breath as he ponders his blunder.When interpreted in context, eye-blocking behaviors can be powerfulindicators of a person's thoughts and feelings. These distancing clues occur inreal time as soon as something negative is heard. During conversation, this isone of the best signals to let us know that something spoken did not sit wellwith the person hearing the information.I have repeatedly used eye-blocking behavior as a tell in my work with theFBI. The "ice-pick" murder and the hotel fire in Puerto Rico, discussed earlierin this book, are only two of the many, many times I witnessed the significanceof this eye behavior. I still watch for eye-blocking behavior on a daily basis toassess the feelings and thoughts of others.While eye-blocking behaviors are usually associated with seeing or hearingsomething negative that causes us discomfort, they can also be an indication oflow confidence. As with most other tells, the eye-blocking response is mostreliable and valuable when it happens immediately after a significant event thatyou can identify. If an eye block occurs right after THE MIND'S CANVAS 179you tell a person a specific piece of information, or upon making some type ofan offer, it should tell you that something is amiss and the individual istroubled. At this point, you might want to rethink how you wish to proceed ifyour goal is to enhance your chances of interpersonal success with this person.Pupilary Dilation, Eyebrow Arching, and Flashbulb Eyes There are plenty ofeye behaviors that show positive feelings. At a very young age, our eyesregister comfort when we see our mothers. A baby will follow his mother'sface within seventy-two hours of birth, and his eyes will widen when sheenters the room, demonstrating interest and contentment. The loving motherwill likewise exhibit a relaxed opening of her eyes, and the baby will gaze intothem and take comfort from her.Widened eyes are a positive sign; they indicate that someone is observingsomething that makes her feel good.Contrary to pupil constriction, contentment and positive emotions are indicatedby pupil dilation. The brain is essentially saying, "I like what I see; let me seeit better!" When people are truly pleased by what they see, not only do theirpupils dilate, but their eyebrows rise (arch), widening their eye area andmaking their eyes look larger (see figures 68, 69, 70) (Knapp & Hall, 2002,62–64). In addition, some people dramatically expand the aperture of theireyes by opening their eyes as big and wide as possible, creating an appearanceknown as flashbulb eyes. This is the wide-eyed look normally associated withsurprise or positive events (see box 50). This is also another form of thegravity-defying behaviors usually associated with good feelings.Eye FlashA variant on the flashbulb eyes is the eyebrow raise or eye flash that takesplace very quickly, staccato-like, during a positive emotional event. Not onlyis this behavior universally recognized as indicative of a pleasant surprise(think of someone arriving at a surprise party), but it is also used forFig. 68Fig. 69When we are content, our eyes areHere the eyebrows are arched slightly,relaxed and show little tension.defying gravity, a sure sign of positivefeelings.Fig. 70Flashbulb eyes can be seen when we areexcited to see someone or are full ofpositive emotions we just can't hold back.THE MIND'S CANVAS 181BOX 50: WHEN THE FLASHBULB GOES OFFWhen we see someone we like or are surprised by running into a person wehaven't seen in a while, we tend to expand our eyes to make them as big aspossible, concurrent with pupilary dilation. In a work environment, you canassume the boss really likes you or that you did something really well if his orher eyes open very wide when looking at you.You can use this affirming behavior to determine if you are on the right track,whether courting, doing business, or just trying to make friends. For example,picture the exaggerated dreamy eyes of a young girl in love as she stares at herdate with adoration. In short, watch the eyes—the bigger they get, the betterthings are! On the other hand, when you start to see eye shrinkage, such assquinting, eyebrows dropping, or pupils constricting, you may want to rethinkand change your behavioral tactics.I will express a note of caution. Pupil dilation and constriction can be causedby factors unrelated to emotions or events, such as variation in lighting, somemedical conditions, and certain drugs. Be careful to consider these factors, oryou could be misled.emphasis, and to show intensity. It is very common to see people saying,"Wow!" as they raise their eyebrows and flash their eyes. This is a verygenuine positive display. When someone is excitedly emphasizing a point ortelling a story, the brow raise should occur. It reflects the true mood of theindividual, and it also clears the way for greater visual clarity.Perhaps the best utility of the brow raise is to note when someone stops doingit while telling a story. Often, when we are not emotionally attached tosomething being said, there will be no eye emphasis. Such an observed lack ofattachment may simply reflect decreased interest or may occur because what isbeing said is not the truth. Distinguishing between 182 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gthese causes is difficult; essentially all you can do is look for a decrease inbrow raises, or their sudden absence, to alert you that something has changed.It is remarkable how often people will change their facial emphasis (theireyebrow flashes) as they become less and less committed to what they aresaying or doing.Eye-Gaze BehaviorIt is universal that when we look directly at others, we either like them, arecurious about them, or want to threaten them. Lovers stare into each other'seyes with great frequency, as do mother and child; but so do predators who usea direct gaze to either mesmerize or threaten (think of stares of Ted Bundy andCharles Manson). In other words, the brain employs a single eye behavior—astrong gaze—to communicate love, interest, or hate. Therefore, we must relyon other facial displays that ac-company eye-gaze behavior to determine liking(a relaxed smile) or dislike (tightened jaws, compressed lips).Conversely, when we gaze away during a conversation, we tend to do so toengage a thought more clearly without the distraction of looking at the personwith whom we are talking. This behavior is often mistaken as rude-ness or aspersonal rejection, which it is not. Nor is it a sign of deception or disinterest;in fact, it is actually a comfort display (Vrij, 2003, 88–89). When talking tofriends, we routinely look in the distance as we converse. We do this becausewe feel comfortable enough to do so; the limbic brain detects no threats fromthis person. Do not assume someone is being deceptive, disinterested, ordispleased just because he or she looks away. Clarity of thought is oftenenhanced by looking away, and that is the reason we do it.There are many other reasons for looking away from a speaker. A downwardgaze may demonstrate that we are processing a sentiment or a feeling,conducting an internal dialogue, or perhaps demonstrating submissiveness. Inmany cultures, a downward gaze or other form of eye aversion is expected inthe face of authority or in the presence of a high-status individual. Oftenchildren are taught to look down humbly when being chastised by a parent oradult (Johnson, 2007, 277–290).THE MIND'S CANVAS 183In embarrassing situations, onlookers may avert their eyes out of cour-tesy.Never assume that a downward gaze is a sign of deception.In all cultures in which it has been studied, science validates that those whoare dominant have more freedom in using eye-gaze behavior.In essence, these individuals are entitled to look wherever they want.Subordinates, however, are more restricted in where they can look and when.Humility dictates that in the presence of royalty, as in church, heads are bowed.As a general rule, dominants tend to ignore subordinates visually whilesubordinates tend to gaze at dominant individuals at a distance. In other words,higher-status individuals can be indifferent while lower-status persons arerequired to be attentive with their gaze.The king is free to look at anyone he wants; but all subjects face the king, evenas they back out of a room.Many employers have told me that they dislike it during an interview whenapplicants' eyes are wandering all over the room "as though they own theplace." Because roving eyes make a person look disinterested or superior,doing so always leaves a bad impression. Even if you are attempting toascertain whether or not you would like to work there, you will likely neverget the chance if your eyes do not focus on the person speaking during a jobinterview.Eye-Blink / Eye-Flutter BehaviorOur blink rate increases when we are aroused, troubled, nervous, orconcerned, and it returns to normal when we are relaxed. A series of rapid eyeblinks may reflect an inner struggle. For instance, if someone says somethingwe don't like, we may actually flutter our eyelids. Similarly, we might also doso if we are having trouble expressing ourselves in a conversation (see box51). Eyelid flutter is very much indicative of a struggle either with ourperformance or with the delivery or acceptance of information. Perhaps morethan any other actor, British actor Hugh Grant uses eyelid flutter tocommunicate that he is befuddled, nonplussed, struggling, or otherwise introuble.Students of nonverbal communication often note how President 184 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 51: FLUTTER FOCUSObserving for eyelid flutter can help you read people and adjust your behavioraccordingly. For instance, in a social gathering or business meeting, thesocially adept will look for this behavior to assess participants'comfort. Something is troubling the individual whose lids are quivering.This nonverbal is very accurate, and in some people it will start precisely atthe moment an issue arises. For instance, in conversation, an onset of eyelidflutter indicates the subject has become controversial or unacceptable and achange of topic is probably in order. The sudden appearance of this nonverbalsignal is important and should not be ignored, if you want your guests to becomfortable. Since people vary in their blink rate or eyelid fluttering—particularly if they are adjusting to new contact lenses—you should look forchanges in flutter rate, such as a sudden absence or increase in flutter, to gaininsight into a person's thoughts and feelings.Richard Nixon's blink rate increased when he made his "I am not a crook"speech. The fact is eye-blink frequency will likely increase in anyone understress whether he is lying or not. I reviewed President Bill Clinton's eye-blinkrate during his deposition, and it increased fivefold as a result of the stress hewas under. Though it's tempting to do so, I would be very reluctant to labelanyone a liar just because their blink rate increases, since any stress, includingbeing asked questions in public, can cause the blink rate to increase.Looking AskanceLooking askance at others is a behavior that is performed with the head andeyes (see figure 71). It can take the form of a sideways or tilted head motionaccompanied by a side glance or a brief roll of the eyes. Looking askance is adisplay that is seen when we are suspicious of others orTHE MIND'S CANVAS 185Fig. 71We look askance at people when we aredistrustful or unconvinced, as in thisphoto.question the validity of what they are saying. Sometimes this body signal isvery quick; at other times it may be almost sarcastically exaggerated and lastthroughout an encounter. While more curious or wary than clearlydisrespectful, this nonverbal is fairly easy to spot and its message is, "I amlistening to you but I am not buying what you're saying—at least not yet."U N D E R S TA N D I N G N O N V E R B A LB E H AV I O R S O FT H E M O U T HLike the eyes, the mouth provides a number of relatively reliable andnoteworthy tells that can assist you in dealing more effectively with people.Like the eyes, the mouth can also be manipulated by the thinking brain to sendout false signals, so caution must be exercised in interpretation. That said hereare some focal points of interest with regard to the body language of the mouth.186 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GA False Smile and a Real SmileIt is well known by researchers that humans have both a fake and a real smile(Ekman, 2003, 205–207). The fake smile is used almost as a social obligationtoward those who are not close to us, while the real smile is reserved for thosepeople and events we truly care about (see box 52).A real smile appears primarily because of the action of two muscles: thezygomaticus major, which stretches from the corner of the mouth to thecheekbone, and the orbicularis oculi, which surrounds the eye. When workingtogether bilaterally, these draw the corners of the mouth up and crinkle theouter edges of the eyes, causing the crow's feet of a familiar warm and honestsmile (see figure 72).BOX 52: THE SMILE BAROMETERWith practice, it won't take you long to distinguish between a fake smile andthe real thing. One easy way to speed the learning process is to watch howpeople you know greet others based on how they feel about them. For example,if you know your business partner feels good about individual A and dislikesindividual B and both have been invited to an office party he is hosting, watchhis face as he meets each person at the door. You'll be able to distinguish thetwo types of smiles in no time at all!Once you can distinguish between a false and real smile, you can use it as abarometer of how people really feel about you and you can respondaccordingly. You can also look for the different types of smiles to gauge howyour ideas or suggestions are coming across to the listener. Ideas that aregreeted with genuine smiles should be explored further and put on the fasttrack to-do list. Suggestions that are met with the fake smile should bereevaluated or put on the back burner.This smile barometer works with friends, spouses, co-workers, children, andeven your boss. It provides information about people's feelings in all types andphases of interpersonal interaction.THE MIND'S CANVAS 187Fig. 72Fig. 73A real smile forces the corners of theThis is a fake or "polite smile": the corners mouth up toward the eyes.of the mouth move toward the ears andthere is little emotion in the eyes.When we exhibit a social or false smile, the lip corner stretches sidewaysthrough the use of a muscle called the risorius. When used bilaterally, theseeffectively pull the corners of the mouth sideways but cannot lift them upward,as is the case with a true smile (see figure 73).Interestingly, babies several weeks old will already reserve the full zygomaticsmile for their mothers and utilize the risorius smile for all others. If you areunhappy, it is unlikely that you will be able to smile fully using both thezygomaticus majoris and the orbicularis oculi muscles. Real smiles aredifficult to fake when we have a sincere lack of emotion.Disappearing Lips, Lip Compression, and the Upside-Down UIf it seems like the lips have disappeared from every photograph you have seenrecently of anyone testifying before Congress, it is because188 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 74When the lips disappear, there is usuallystress or anxiety driving this behavior.of stress. I say this with assurance, because when it comes to stress (liketestifying before Congress), nothing is more universal than disappearing lips.When we are stressed, we tend to make our lips disappear subconsciously.When we press our lips together, it is as if the limbic brain is telling us to shutdown and not allow anything into our bodies (see figure 74), because at thismoment we are consumed with serious issues. Lip compression is veryindicative of true negative sentiment that manifests quite vividly in real time(see box 53). It is a clear sign that a person is troubled and that something iswrong. It rarely, if ever, has a positive connotation.This does not mean the person is being deceptive. It just means that they arestressed at the moment.In the following series of photographs (see figures 75–78), I demonstrate howthe lips progressively go from full (things are OK) to disappearing orcompressed lips (things are not OK). Note especially on the final photograph(figure 78) how the corner of the mouth turns down, making the mouth look likean upside-down U. This behavior THE MIND'S CANVAS 189BOX 53: WHEN DISAPPEARING LIPS AREN'T THE ONLYTHINGS BEING HIDDENI look for lip compression or disappearing lips during interviews or whensomeone is making a declarative statement. This is such a reliable cue that itwill show up precisely at the moment a difficult question is asked.If you see it, that doesn't necessarily mean the person is lying. Instead, itindicates that a very specific question served as a negative stimulus and reallybothered the person. For example, if I ask someone, "Are you hiding somethingfrom me?" and he compresses his lips as I ask the question, he is hidingsomething. This is especially accurate if it is the only time he has concealed orcompressed his lips during our discussion. It is a signal that I need to pushfurther in questioning this person.is indicative of high distress (discomfort). This is a formidable cue or signalthat the person is experiencing an extreme amount of stress.In my classes (you might want to try this with friends), I tell students to maketheir lips disappear or compress them and to look around at each other. Whatthey soon realize, when I point it out to them, is they can make their lipsdisappear, but usually it is in a straight line. Most people who try this cannotforce the corners of the mouth down into an upside-down U shape. Why?Because this is a limbic response that is hard to mimic unless we are reallydistressed or grieving. Do keep in mind that for some people, the turned-downcorners of the mouth is a normal behavior and as such is not an accurate signof distress. However, for the large majority of us, this is a very accurate tell ofnegative thoughts or sentiments.The Lip PurseBe sure to look for individuals who purse their lips while you or someone elseis talking (see figure 79). This behavior usually means they disagree withFig. 75Fig. 76Note that when the lips are full, usuallyWhen there is stress, the lips will beginthe person is content.to disappear and tighten.Fig. 77Fig. 78Lip compression, reflecting stress orWhen the lips disappear and the cornersanxiety, may progress to the point whereof the mouth turn down, emotions andthe lips disappear, as in this photo.confidence are at a low point, whileanxiety, stress, and concerns arerunning high.THE MIND'S CANVAS 191Fig. 79We purse our lips or pucker them whenwe are in disagreement with something orsomeone, or we are thinking of a possiblealternative.what is being said or they are considering an alternative thought or idea.Knowing this information can be very valuable in helping you determine howto present your case, modify your offer, or guide the conversation. To ascertainwhether the lip purse means disagreement or rather that the person isconsidering an alternative point of view, you should monitor the ongoingconversation long enough to gather additional clues.Lip pursing is often seen during closing arguments at a trial. While one attorneyspeaks, the opposing counsel will purse his or her lips in disagreement. Judgesalso do it as they disagree with attorneys during side-bar conferences. Whilereviewing contracts, watching for—and spotting—lip-pursing behaviors canhelp attorneys decipher the concerns or issues of opposing counsel. Lippursing can be seen during police interviews, especially when confronting asuspect with the wrong information. The suspect will purse his lips indisagreement because he knows the investigator has the facts wrong.In business settings, lip pursing occurs all the time and should be consideredan effective means of gathering information about a situation. For192 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gexample, as a paragraph is being read from a contract, those opposed to aparticular item or sentence will purse their lips at the very moment the wordsare uttered. Or, as individuals are being mentioned for promotion, you will seelip pursing as the name of someone less desirable is being mentioned.Lip pursing is so accurate that it really should be given greater attention. Itshows up in numerous settings and circumstances and is a very reliableindicator that a person is thinking alternatively or is completely rejecting whatis being said.The SneerThe sneer, like the rolling of the eyes, is a universal act of contempt. It isdisrespectful and reflects a lack of caring or empathy on the part of the persondoing the sneering. When we sneer, the buccinator muscles (on the sides ofour face) contract to draw the lip corners sideward toward the ears andproduce a sneering dimple in the cheeks. This expression is very visible andmeaningful even if it is flashed for just a moment (see Fig. 80A sneer fleetingly signifies disrespect ordisdain. It says "I care little for you oryour thoughts."THE MIND'S CANVAS 193BOX 54: NOTHING TO SNEER ATAt the University of Washington, researcher John Gottman discovered duringtherapy with married couples that if one or both partners sneered, this was asignificant and "potent signal" for predicting the likelihood of a breakup. Oncedisregard or contempt has entered the psyche, as indicated by a sneer, therelationship is troubled or even terminal. I have noted during FBIinvestigations that suspects will sneer during interviews when they think theyknow more than the interviewer or sense that the officer does not know the fullpicture. In either circumstance, a sneer is a distinct sign of disrespect orcontempt for another person.figure 80). A sneer can be very illuminating with regard to what is going on ina person's mind and what that may portend (see box 54).Tongue DisplaysThere are numerous tongue signals that can provide us with valuable insightsinto a person's thoughts or moods. When we are stressed, causing our mouth tobe dry, it is normal to lick our lips to moisten them.Also, during times of discomfort, we tend to rub our tongues back and forthacross our lips to pacify and calm ourselves. We may stick out the tongue(usually to the side) as we focus assiduously on a task (for example whenbasketball great Michael Jordan goes up for a dunk) or we may poke out ourtongue to antagonize someone we dislike or to show disgust (children do thisall the time).When an individual displays other mouth cues associated with stress, such aslip biting, mouth touching, lip licking, or object biting, it further bolsters acareful observer's belief that the person is insecure (see figure 81).Additionally, if people touch and/or lick their lips while pondering theiroptions, particularly when they take an unusual amount of time, these are signsof insecurity.194 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 81Lip licking is a pacifying behavior thattends to soothe and calm us down. Yousee it in class just before a test.Tongue-jutting behavior is a gesture used by people who think they havegotten away with something or are caught doing something. I have seen thisbehavior in flea markets both here and in Russia, among street vendors inLower Manhattan, at poker tables in Las Vegas, during interviews at the FBI,and in business meetings. In each case, the person made the gesture—tonguebetween the teeth without touching the lips—at the conclusion of some sort of adeal or as a final nonverbal statement (see figure 82). This, in its own way, is atransactional behavior. It seems to present subconsciously at the end of socialinteractions and has a variety of meanings that must be taken in context. Itsseveral meanings include: I got caught, gleeful excitement, I got away withsomething, I did something foolish, or I am naughty.Just today, as I was going over some notes for this book, the attendant at theuniversity cafeteria placed the wrong vegetables on the plate of the studentdirectly in front of me. When the student spoke up to correct the error, theattendant jutted her tongue out between her teeth and raised her shoulders as ifto say, "Oops, I made a mistake."THE MIND'S CANVAS 195Fig. 82Tongue jutting is seen when people getcaught doing something they shouldn't,they screw up, or they are getting awaywith something. It is very brief.In social or business discussions, this tongue-jut behavior is usually seentoward the end of the dialogue, when one person feels he has gotten away withsomething and the other party has failed to detect or pursue the matter. If yousee tongue-jutting behavior, ask yourself what just transpired. Considerwhether you may have been fooled or cheated, or that you or someone else justmade a mistake. This is the time to assess whether someone is putting one overon you.O T H E R N O N V E R B A L B E H AV I O R S O FT H E FA C EFurrowed ForeheadFrowning, by furrowing the forehead (and brow), usually occurs when aperson is anxious, sad, concentrating, concerned, bewildered, or angry (seefigure 83). A forehead furrow needs to be examined in context to196 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 84A furrowed forehead is an easy way toassess for discomfort or anxiety. Whenwe are happy and content, you hardly seethis behavior.determine its true meaning. For instance, I saw a supermarket cashier closingout her register drawer, frowning as she went about counting her cash. Youcould see the intensity and concentration of her expression, as she tried tosquare the totals at the end of her shift. The same frown can be observed insomeone who has just been arrested and is being led out past reporters. Thefurrowed forehead is usually present when someone finds himself in anuntenable or disagreeable situation but can't escape, which is why you usuallysee it on arrest mug shots.Incidentally, this frowning behavior is so ancient and so common to mammalsthat even dogs will recognize it when we look at them with a furrowed brow.Dogs themselves can exhibit a similar expression when they are anxious, sad,or concentrating. Another interesting fact with regard to frowning is that as weget older and add to our life experiences, our foreheads develop deeper anddeeper furrows that eventually become permanent wrinkles. Just as permanentsmile lines may develop from a lifetime of positive nonverbals and signify ahappy life, a person with a THE MIND'S CANVAS 197wrinkled brow likely has had a challenging life in which he engaged infrequent frowning.Nasal Wing Dilation (Nose Flare)As discussed previously, the flaring of nostrils is a facial cue that signals that aperson is aroused. Lovers can often be seen hovering around each other, theirnostrils subtly flaring in excitement and anticipation. Most likely, loversengage in this subconscious behavior as they absorb each other's scents ofsexual attraction known as pheromones (Givens, 2005, 191–208). Nose flaringis also an intention cue, a potent indicator of the intent to do somethingphysical, and not necessarily sexual. It can be anything from getting ready toclimb some steep stairs to preparing to move a bookcase. As people prepare toact physically, they will oxygenate, which causes the nostrils to flare.As a law enforcement officer, if I encounter a person on the street lookingdown, his feet in the ready or "pugilistic position," with his nose flaring, Isuspect that he is probably preparing to do one of three things: argue, run, orfight. Nasal wing dilation is something you should always be watching for ifyou are around someone who might have reason either to attack or run awayfrom you. It is just one of many suspicious behaviors we should teach ourchildren to watch for. That way they will be more aware when people arebecoming dangerous, especially at school or on playgrounds.Nail-Biting and Related Signs of StressIf you see a person biting his nails while waiting to close a deal, he probablydoes not impress you as being very confident. Nail-biting is an indication ofstress, insecurity, or discomfort. When you see it in a bargaining session, evenif just for a moment, it is safe to assume that the nail-biter is unsure of himselfand/or is bargaining from a position of weakness. People interviewing for jobsor young men waiting for their dates to arrive should avoid biting their nails,not only because it looks 198 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gunsightly, but also because nail-biting shouts, "I am insecure." We bite ournails not because they need trimming primarily, but rather because it pacifiesus.Facial Blushing and BlanchingSometimes we will involuntarily blush or blanch based on deep emotionalstates. To demonstrate blushing behavior in my classes, I will make a studentstand in front of the group and then I will come up behind and get very close tothe back of his or her neck. Usually this violation of the person's space will beenough to cause a limbic reaction, making the face blush. On some people,especially fair-skinned individuals, this can be very noticeable. People willalso blush when they are caught doing something they know is wrong. Thenthere is the blushing that occurs when a person likes someone but doesn't wanthim or her to know it. Teenagers who harbor a secret crush on someone willoften blush when that particular person draws near. This is a true limbicresponse that is transmitted by the body and is relatively easy to spot.Conversely, blanching (turning pale) can take place when we are in thesustained limbic reaction known as shock. I have seen blanching as a result ofa traffic accident or in an interview in which person was suddenly presentedwith overwhelming evidence of his guilt. Blanching takes place as theinvoluntary nervous system hijacks all the surface vessels and channels theblood to our larger muscles to prepare for escape or attack. I know of at leastone case where an individual was so surprised to be arrested that he suddenlyblanched and had a fatal heart attack.Although these behaviors are only skin deep, we should not ignore them, asthey are indicative of high stress and will present differently according to thenature and the duration of the circumstances.Disapproval Cues through Facial Expressions Disapproval cues vary aroundthe world and reflect a specific culture's social norms. In Russia, I have hadpeople look at me with scorn because THE MIND'S CANVAS 199I was whistling while walking down the hallway of an art museum. It seemsthat whistling indoors is a no-no in Russia. In Montevideo, I was among agroup that was sanctioned with squinting eyes followed by a dismissive turn ofthe face away. Apparently our group was talking too loudly and locals did notappreciate our boisterous humor. In the United States, because the country is solarge and diverse, different locales will have different disapproval displays;what you see in the Midwest is different from what you see in New England orNew York.Most disapproval displays show on the face and are among the earliestmessages we learn from our parents and siblings. Those who care for us willgive us "that face" to let us know if we are doing something wrong or gettingout of line. My father, who is very stoic, had "the look" down pat; all he had todo was glance at me sternly and that was enough. It was a look that even myfriends feared. The man never had to castigate us verbally. He just gave us thatunmistakable glance, and that was it.For the most part, we are fairly adept at understanding disapproval cues,although at times they can be very subtle (see box 55). Recognizing censure isa key to learning the unwritten rules and conventions of a country or area, as itconveys when we have broken them. These signals help us know when we arebeing rude. Undeserved and inappropriate displays of disapproval or censure,however, are likewise rude. One nonverbal of disapproval too commonly seenin America is rolling of the eyes. This is a sign of disrespect and must not betolerated, especially from subordinates, staff, or children.Facial displays of disgust or disapproval are very honest and are reflective ofwhat is going on in the brain. Disgust likely registers primarily on the facebecause this is the part of our anatomy that was adapted, over millions ofyears, to reject spoiled food or anything else that might harm us. Although thesefacial displays may range from muted to obvious—whether confronted withnegative or displeasing information or when tasting bad food—as far as thebrain is concerned, the sentiment is the same. "I don't like this, get it awayfrom me." No matter how slight the grimace or look of distaste or displeasure,we can be confident in interpreting these behaviors accurately because they aregoverned by the limbic system (see box 56).200 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 55: A WATERED-DOWN SALES PITCHNot long ago, I was approached by a saleswoman for a major chain of gyms incentral Florida. The young lady was very enthusiastic to have me join the gym,stating it would only cost me a dollar a day for the rest of the year. As Ilistened, she became even more animated, as I think she saw me as a goodprospect. When it was my turn to speak I asked if the gym had a pool. She saidno, but that it had other great features. I then mentioned that currently I paidtwenty-two dollars per month to attend my gym and that it had an Olympic-sizepool. As I spoke, she looked down at her feet while making a microgesture ofdisgust (her nose and the left side of her mouth lifted upward) (see figure 84).It was a short and fleeting gesture, and if it had lasted longer, it would havelooked like a snarl. This microgesture was enough for me to know that she wasdispleased with what I said, and after a second or two she made an excuse toleave me and approach someone else. Sales pitch over.That was neither the first nor the last time I observed such behavior.In fact, I have often seen it in negotiations, where an offer is made and one ofthe participants involved suddenly and without conscious thought made asimilar microgesture of disgust. When rejecting food being ten-dered in LatinAmerica, it is very common to perform this behavior while shaking the headside to side, without saying a word. Interestingly, what is seen as rude in onesetting or country may be a perfectly acceptable gesture in another. The key tosuccessful travel is to know the customs in advance, so you know what to doand what to expect.THE MIND'S CANVAS 201BOX 56: TILL DISGUST DO US PARTJust how accurate is this disgust gesture in revealing our inner thoughts andintentions? Here's a personal example. While I was visiting with a friend andhis fiancée, he spoke of their upcoming marriage and honey-moon plans.Unbeknownst to him, I witnessed her make a facial microgesture of disgust ashe uttered the word marriage. It was an extremely fleeting gesture, and Ithought it odd since the topic appeared to be something about which both ofthem should have been excited. Months later, my friend called to tell me thathis fiancée had backed out of the wedding. I had seen, in that single gesture,her brain registering its true sentiments without equivocation. The thought ofgoing through with the marriage was repulsive to her.Fig. 84We crinkle our noses to indicate dislike ordisgust. This is very accurate but at timesfleeting. In some cultures it is reallypronounced.202 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GG R AV I T Y- D E FYI N G B E H AV I O R S O FT H E FA C EThe old adage "Keep your chin up" is a remark directed at someone who is inthe doldrums or experiencing misfortune (see figures 85 and 86).This bit of folk wisdom accurately reflects our limbic response to adver-sity.A person with his chin down is seen as lacking confidence and experiencingnegative sentiments while a person with his chin up is perceived as being in apositive frame of mind.What is true with the chin is also true for the nose. A nose-up gravity-defyinggesture is a high-confidence nonverbal tell, while a nose-down position is adisplay of low confidence. When people are stressed or upset, the chin (andnose, since it must follow along) tends not to be held high. Tucking the chin is aform of withdrawal or distancing and can be very accurate in discerning truenegative sentiment.In Europe, in particular, you see a lot more of these behaviors, especiallyholding the nose high when looking down on those of lower class or snubbingsomeone. I was watching French television while traveling Fig. 85Fig. 86When confidence is low or we areWhen we feel positive, the chin comesconcerned for ourselves, the chin willout and the nose is high: both signs oftuck in, forcing the nose down.comfort and confidence.THE MIND'S CANVAS 203abroad and noted how one politician, when asked a question he deemedbeneath him, merely raised his nose high, looking down on the reporter, andanswered "No, I will not answer that." The nose reflected his status andattitude of contempt for the reporter. Charles de Gaulle, a rather complexindividual who eventually became the president of France, was famous forprojecting this kind of haughty attitude and image.The Rule of Mixed SignalsSometimes we don't say what we're really thinking, but our faces reflect itanyway. For example, someone who is looking repeatedly at his watch or atthe nearest exit is letting you know he is either running late, has anappointment, or would rather be elsewhere. This kind of look is an intentioncue.Other times, we say one thing but really believe otherwise. This brings us to ageneral rule when it comes to interpreting emotions and/or words by looking at facial expressions. When confronted with mixed signalsfrom the face (such as happiness cues along with anxiety signals or pleasurebehaviors seen alongside displeasure displays), or if the verbal and nonverbalfacial messages are not in agreement, always side with the negative emotion asthe more honest of the two. The negative sentiment will almost always be themore accurate and genuine of the person's feelings and emotions. For instance,if someone says, "So happy to see you," with jaws tightened, the statement isfalse. The tension in the face reveals the true emotion the person is feeling.Why side with the negative emotion? Because our most immediate reaction toan objectionable situation is usually the most accurate; it is only after a momentwhen we realize that others might see us that we mask that initial response withsome facial behavior that is more socially acceptable. So when confrontedwith both, go with the first emotion observed, especially if it is a negativeemotion.204 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GC O N C L U D I N G T H O U G H T S O N T H E FA C EBecause the face can convey so many different expressions and because we aretaught to mask our facial displays at an early age, anything you observe on theface should be compared with the nonverbals of the rest of the body. Inaddition, because facial-cue behaviors are so complex, it may be difficult tointerpret whether they reflect comfort or discomfort. If you are confused as tothe meaning of a facial expression, reenact it and sense how it makes you feel.You will find this little trick may help you decipher what you just observed.The face can reveal a great deal of information but it can also mislead. Youneed to look for clusters of behaviors, constantly evaluate what you see in itscontext, and note whether the facial expression agrees with—or is in contrastto—signals from other parts of the body. Only by performing all of theseobservations can you confidently validate your assessment of a person'semotions and intentions.E I G H TDetecting DeceptionProceed with Caution!Throughout the book, we've touched on many examples of nonverbal behavior,the body signals we can utilize to better understand the feelings, thoughts, andintentions of others. By now, I hope you have been persuaded that with thesenonverbal clues, you can accurately assess what every body is saying, in anysetting. There is, however, one type of human behavior that is difficult to read,and that is deception.You might assume that as a career FBI agent who has at times been called ahuman lie detector, I can spot deceit with relative ease, and even teach you tobecome a personal polygraph in short order. Nothing could be further from thetruth! In reality, it is extremely difficult to detect deception—far more so thangetting an accurate read on the other behaviors we have discussed throughoutthis book.It is precisely because of my experience as an FBI agent involved inbehavioral analysis—a person who has spent his entire career attempting 206W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gto detect lies—that I recognize and appreciate the difficulties in accuratelyassessing deceptive behavior. It is also for that reason that I have chosen todevote an entire chapter—and to end this book—with a realistic appraisal andapplication of nonverbal behaviors in detecting deception. Lots of books havebeen written on this subject that make it sound easy, even for amateurs. I assureyou, it is not!I believe this is the first time a career law enforcement and counterintelligenceofficer with a considerable background in this field, and who still teaches inthe intelligence community, has stepped forward to sound this warning: mostpeople—both laypersons and professionals—are not very good at detectinglies. Why make this statement?Because, unfortunately, I have seen too many investigators misinterpretnonverbal behaviors over the years, making innocent people feel culpable orunnecessarily uncomfortable. I have also seen both amateurs and professionalsmake claims that are outrageous, ruining lives in the process. Too many peoplehave gone to jail for giving false confessions just because an officer mistook astress response for a lie. Newspapers are replete with horror stories, includingthe one about the New York Central Park jogger, wherein officers mistooknonverbals of stress for deception and pressured the innocent into confessions(Kassin, 2004, 172–194; Kassin, 2006, 207–227). It is my hope that readers ofthis book will have a more realistic and honest picture of what can and cannotbe achieved through the nonverbal approach to detecting deception, and, armedwith this knowledge, they will take a more reasoned, cautious approach todeclaring when a person is or is not telling the truth.D E C E P T I O N : A T O P I C W O R T H YO FS T U D YWe all have a stake in the truth. Society functions based on an assumption thatpeople will abide by their word—that truth prevails over mendacity. For themost part, it does. If it didn't, relationships would have a short shelf life,commerce would cease, and trust between parents and children would bedestroyed. All of us depend on honesty, because when DETECTINGDECEPTION 207truth is lacking we suffer, and society suffers. When Adolf Hitler lied toNeville Chamberlain, there was not peace in our time, and over fifty millionpeople paid the price with their lives. When Richard Nixon lied to the nation,it destroyed the respect many had for the office of the president. When Enronexecutives lied to their employees, thousands of lives were ruined overnight.We count on our government and commer-cial institutions to be honest andtruthful. We need and expect our friends and family to be truthful. Truth isessential for all relations be they personal, professional, or civic.We are fortunate that, for the most part, people are honest and that most of thelies we hear daily are actually social or "white" lies, meant to protect us fromthe true answer to questions such as "Do I look fat in this outfit?"Unquestionably, when it comes to more serious matters, it is in our own selfinterest to assess and determine the truth of what we are told. Achieving this,however, is not easy. For thousands of years, people have been usingsoothsayers and all manner of dubious techniques—such as putting a hot knife on a person's tongue—to detect deception.Even today, some organizations use handwriting samples, voice-stressanalysis, or the polygraph to spot liars. All of these methods have questionableresults. There is no method, no machine, no test, no person that is 100 percentaccurate at uncovering deception. Even the vaunted polygraph is accurate only60 to 80 percent of the time, depending on the operator of the instrument (Ford,1996, 230–232; Cumming, 2007).Looking For LiarsThe truth is that identifying deceit is so difficult that repeated studies begun inthe 1980s show that most of us—including judges, attorneys, clinicians, policeofficers, FBI agents, politicians, teachers, mothers, fathers, and spouses—areno better than chance (fifty-fifty) when it comes to detecting deception (Ford,1996, 217, Ekman, 1991, 162). It is disturb-ing but true. Most people,including professionals, do no better than a coin toss at correctly perceivingdishonesty (Ekman & O'Sullivan, 1991, 208 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N G913–920). Even those who are truly gifted at detecting deception (probablyless than 1 percent of the general population) seldom are right more than 60percent of the time. Consider the countless jurors who must determine honestyor dishonesty, guilt or innocence, based on what they think are deceptivebehaviors. Unfortunately, those behaviors most often mistaken for dishonestyare primarily manifestations of stress, not deception (Ekman, 1991, 187–188).That's why I live by the motto taught to me by those who know that there is nosingle behavior that is indicative of deception—not one (Ekman, 1991, 162–189).This does not mean that we should abandon our efforts to study deception andobserve for behaviors that, in context, are suggestive of it. My advice is to seta realistic goal: to be able to read nonverbal behaviors with clarity andreliability, and let the human body speak to you as to what it is thinking,feeling, or intending. These are more reasonable objectives that, in the end,will not only help you understand others more effectively (lying isn't the onlybehavior worth detecting!), but will also give you clues to deception as abyproduct of your observations.What Makes Deception So Difficult to Detect?If you're wondering why identifying deception is so difficult, consider the oldadage "Practice makes perfect." We learn to lie at such an early age—and wedo it so often—that we become skillful at telling falsehoods convincingly. Toillustrate, think of how often you have heard something like, "Tell them we arenot home," or "Put on a party smile,"or "Don't tell your dad what happened or we'll both be in trouble." Becausewe are social animals, we not only lie for our own benefit, but we lie for thebenefit of each other (Vrij, 2003, 3–11). Lying can be a way to avoid giving alengthy explanation, an attempt to avoid punishment, a shortcut to a bogusdoctoral degree, or it can simply be used to be nice.Even our cosmetics and padded clothing help us to deceive. In essence, for ushumans, lying is a "tool for social survival" (St-Yves, 2007).DETECTING DECEPTION 209A N E W A P P R O A C H T O U N C O V E R I N G D E C E P T I O NDuring my last year at the FBI, I submitted my research and findings ondeception, including a review of the literature for the previous forty years.This led to the FBI publication of an article entitled "A Four-Domain Model ofDetecting Deception: An Alternative Paradigm for Interviewing" (Navarro,2003, 19–24). This paper presented a new model for identifying dishonestybased on the concept of limbic arousal and our displays of comfort anddiscomfort, or the comfort/discomfort domain. Simply put, I suggested thatwhen we are telling the truth and have no worries, we tend to be morecomfortable than when we are lying or concerned about getting caught becausewe harbor "guilty knowledge." The model also shows how we tend to displaymore emphatic behaviors when we are comfortable and truthful, and when weare uncomfortable, we don't.This model is currently being used worldwide. Although its purpose was totrain law enforcement officers to detect deception during criminalinvestigations, it is applicable to any type of interpersonal interaction—atwork, at home, or anywhere in which differentiating dishonesty from truth isimportant. As I present it to you here, you'll be uniquely prepared tounderstand it because of what you have learned in previous chapters.The Critical Role of the Comfort/Discomfort Equation in DetectingDeceptionThose who are lying or are guilty and must carry the knowledge of their liesand/or crimes with them find it difficult to achieve comfort, and their tensionand distress may be readily observed. Attempting to disguise their guilt ordeception places a very distressing cognitive load on them as they struggle tofabricate answers to what would otherwise be simple questions (DePaulo etal., 1985, 323–370).The more comfortable a person is when speaking with us, the easier it will beto detect the critical nonverbals of discomfort associated with 210 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gdeception. Your goal is to establish high comfort during the early part of anyinteraction or during "rapport building." This helps you to establish a baselineof behaviors during that period when the person, hopefully, does not feelthreatened.Establishing a Comfort Zone for Detecting Deception In pursuing thedetection of deception, you must realize your impact on the actions of asuspected liar, and recognize that how you behave will affect the otherperson's behavior (Ekman, 1991, 170–173). How you ask the questions(accusingly), how you sit (too close), how you look upon the person(suspiciously), will either support or disrupt their comfort level. It is wellestablished that if you violate people's space, if you act suspicious, if you lookat them the wrong way, or ask questions with a prosecutorial tone, it negativelyintrudes on the interview. First and foremost, unmasking liars is not aboutidentifying dishonesty, but rather it is about how you observe and questionothers in order to detect deception. Then, it is about the collection of nonverbalintelligence. The more you see (clusters of behavior), the more confidence youcan have in your observations, and the greater your chances for perceivingwhen someone is being untruthful.Even if you are actively looking for deception during a discussion orinterview, your role should be neutral, to the extent possible, not suspicious.Remember that the moment you become suspicious, you are affecting how aperson will respond to you. If you say, "You are lying" or"I think you are not telling the truth," or even simply look at him or hersuspiciously, you will influence the person's behaviors (Vrij, 2003, 67).The best way to proceed is just to ask for ever-more clarifying details aboutthe matter, such as a simple "I don't understand" or "Can you explain how thathappened again?" Often merely getting someone to expand on his or herstatement will suffice in eventually sorting deceit from truth. Whether you areattempting to ascertain the validity of someone's credentials during anemployment interview, the truth about a theft at work, or especially if you areengaged in a serious discussion DETECTING DECEPTION 211regarding finances or potential infidelity with your spouse, keeping your coolis essential. Try to remain calm as you ask questions, don't act suspicious, andappear comfortable and nonjudgmental. That way the person you are speakingwith will be less likely to be defensive and/or unwilling to divulgeinformation.Defining Signs of ComfortComfort is readily apparent in conversations with family and friends. We sensewhen people are having a good time and are comfortable in our presence.While seated at a table, people who are comfortable with each other willmove objects aside so that nothing blocks their view. Over time, they maydraw closer so they do not have to talk as loudly. Individuals who arecomfortable display their bodies more openly, showing more of their torsosand the insides of their arms and legs (they allow ventral access or fronting). Inthe presence of strangers, comfort is more difficult to achieve, especially instressful situations such as a formal interview or a deposition. That is why it'sso important that you do your best to create a comfort zone from the very outsetof your interaction with another individual.When we are comfortable, there should be synchrony in our nonverbalbehavior. The breathing rhythm of two comfortable people will be similar, aswill the tone and pitch of their speech and their general demeanor. Just think ofa couple leaning toward each other at a café as they sit in full comfort. If oneleans forward, the other follows, the phenomenon known as isopraxism. If aperson is standing while talking to us, leaning to the side with hands in thepockets and feet crossed, most likely we will do the same (see figure 87). Bymirroring another person's behavior, we are subconsciously saying, "I amcomfortable with you."In an interview setting or any situation where a difficult topic is beingdiscussed, the tone of each party should mirror the other over time if there issynchrony (Cialdini, 1993, 167–207). If harmony does not exist between thepeople involved, this synchrony will be missing and discernible. They may sitdifferently, talk in a manner or tone different from212 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 87Here is an example of isopraxis: Both people are mirroring each other andleaning toward each other, showing signs of high comfort.each other, or at the least their expressions will be at odds, if not totallydisparate. Asynchrony is a barrier to effective communication and is a seriousobstacle to a successful interview or discussion.If you are relaxed and poised during a conversation or interview, while theother party continually looks at the clock or sits in a way that is tense or lacksmovement (referred to as flash frozen), this is suggestive that there is nocomfort, even though to the untrained eye it may appear that everything is allright (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 321; Schafer & Navarro, 2004, 66). If the otherperson seeks disruptions or talks repeatedly of finalizing the conversation,these too are signs of discomfort.Obviously, displays of comfort are more common in people speakingDETECTING DECEPTION 213the truth; there is no stress to conceal, and no guilty knowledge to make themuncomfortable (Ekman, 1991, 185). Thus, you should be looking for signs ofdiscomfort—when they occur and in what context—to assess for possibledeception.Signs of Discomfort in an InteractionWe show discomfort when we do not like what is happening to us, when we donot like what we are seeing or hearing, or when we are compelled to talk aboutthings we would prefer to keep hidden. We display discomfort first in ourphysiology, due to arousal of the limbic brain. Our heart rate quickens, ourhairs stand on end, we perspire more, and we breathe faster. Beyond thephysiological responses, which are autonomic (automatic) and require nothinking on our part, our bodies manifest discomfort nonverbally. We tend tomove our bodies in an attempt to block or distance, we rearrange ourselves,jiggle our feet, fidget, twist at the hips, or drum our fingers when we arescared, nervous, or significantly uncomfortable (de Becker, 1997, 133). Wehave all noticed such discomfort behaviors in others—whether at a jobinterview, on a date, or when being questioned about a serious matter at workor home. Remember that these actions do not automatically indicate deception;however, they do indicate that a person is uncomfortable in the currentsituation for any number of reasons.If you are attempting to observe discomfort as a potential indicator ofdeception, the best setting is one that has no objects (such as furniture, tables,desks, or chairs) between you and the person you are observing orinterviewing. Because we have noted that the lower limbs are particularlyhonest, if the person is behind a desk or table, try to move it or convene awayfrom it, as such an obstacle will block the vast majority (nearly 80 percent) ofthe body surfaces that should be observed. In fact, watch for liars to useobstacles or objects (such as a pillow, a drinking glass, or a chair) to form abarrier between you and them (see box 57). The use of objects is a sign that anindividual wants distance, separation, and partial concealment, because he orshe is be-214 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GBOX 57: BUILDING THE WALLIn my role with the FBI years ago, I conducted a joint interview of a subjectalong with an officer from a fellow law enforcement agency. During theinterview, a very uncomfortable and dishonest man gradually built a barrier infront of himself using soda cans, pencil holders, and various documents thatwere on the desk of my interviewing partner. He ultimately planted a backpackon the table between himself and the interviewers. The building of this barrierwas so gradual that we did not realize it until we later looked at the video.This nonverbal behavior occurred because the subject was attempting toderive comfort by hiding behind a wall of materials, thus distancing himself.Obviously, we got little information or cooperation, and for the most part, helied.ing less open—which goes hand in hand with being uncomfortable or evendeceitful.Incidentally, when it comes to interviewing, or any conversation in which youare interested in ascertaining the truth or genuineness of a person's statements,you may gain more nonverbal information if you are standing; you can pick upon a lot of behaviors standing that simply go unnoticed while sitting. While alengthy period of standing may be impractical or unnatural in some settings,such as at a formal job interview, there are often still opportunities to observestanding behaviors, such as when greeting or conversing while waiting for atable at lunch.When we are uncomfortable with those around us, we tend to distanceourselves from them. This is especially true of individuals trying to deceive us.Even while sitting side by side, we will lean away from those with whom wefeel uncomfortable, often moving either our torsos or our feet away or towardan exit. These behaviors can occur during conversations either because of thedifficult, unnerving, or sour relationship between the parties involved orbecause of the subject matter being discussed.DETECTING DECEPTION 215Other clear signs of discomfort seen in people during a difficult or troublingconversation include rubbing the forehead near the temple region, squeezingthe face, rubbing the neck, or stroking the back of the head with the hand.People may show their displeasure by rolling their eyes in disrespect, pickinglint off themselves (preening), or talking down to the person asking thequestions—giving short answers, becoming re-sistant, hostile, or sarcastic, oreven displaying microgestures with inde-cent connotations such as giving thefinger (Ekman, 1991, 101–103).Envision a snotty and indignant teenager who is being questioned about a newand expensive sweater her mother suspects was stolen from the mall and you'llhave a clear idea of all the defensive maneuvers an uncomfortable person candisplay.When making false statements, liars will rarely touch or engage in otherphysical contact with you. I found this to be particularly true of informants whohad gone bad and were giving false information for money.Since touching is more often performed by the truthful person for emphasis,this distancing helps to alleviate the level of anxiety a dishonest person isfeeling. Any diminution of touching observed in a person engaged inconversation, especially while hearing or answering critical questions, is morelikely than not to be indicative of deception (Lieberman, 1998, 24).If possible and appropriate, you may consider sitting close to a loved onewhen questioning him or her about something serious, or even holding yourchild's hand while you discuss a difficult matter. In this way you may morereadily note changes in touch throughout the conversation.A failure to touch does not automatically indicate someone is deceptive,however, and physical contact is clearly more appropriate and expected insome of our interpersonal relationships than others. It is true that a lack oftouch may signify that someone does not like you, since we also don't touchthose we don't respect or for whom we have contempt.The bottom line is that assessing the nature and length of the relationship isalso important in discerning the meaning of such distancing behavior.When looking at the face for signs of comfort or discomfort, look for subtlebehaviors such as a grimace or a look of contempt (Ekman, 1991, 158–169).Also watch for a person's mouth to quiver or squirm in dis-216 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gcomfort during a serious discussion. Any facial expression that lasts too longor lingers is not normal, whether a smile, a frown, or a surprised look. Suchcontrived behavior during a conversation or an interview is intended toinfluence opinion and lacks authenticity. Often when people are caught doingsomething wrong or lying, they will hold a smile for what seems an eternity.Rather than indicating comfort, this type of false smile is actually a discomfortdisplay.When we do not like something we hear, whether a question or an answer, weoften close our eyes as if to block out what was just heard.The various forms of eye-blocking mechanisms are analogous to folding ourhands tightly across our chest or turning away from those with whom wedisagree. These blocking displays are performed subconsciously and occuroften, especially during a formal interview, and are usually related to aspecific topic. Eyelid flutter is also observed at times when a particularsubject causes distress (Navarro & Schafer, 2001, 10).All of these eye manifestations are powerful clues as to how information isregistering or what questions are problematic for the recipient.However, they are not necessarily direct indicators of deceit. Little or no eyecontact is not indicative of deception (Vrij, 2003, 38–39). This is rub-bish forreasons discussed in the previous chapter.Keep in mind that predators and habitual liars actually engage in greater eyecontact than most individuals, and will lock eyes with you.Research clearly shows that Machiavellian people (for example, psychopaths,con men, and habitual liars) will actually increase eye contact duringdeception (Ekman, 1991, 141–142). Perhaps this increase in eye contact isconsciously employed by such individuals because it is so commonly (buterroneously) believed that looking someone straight in the eye is a sign oftruthfulness.Be aware that there are cultural differences in eye contact and eye-gazebehavior that must be considered in any attempt to detect deception. Forexample, individuals belonging to certain groups of people (AfricanAmericans and Latin Americans, for instance) may be taught to look down oraway from parental authority out of respect when questioned or being scolded(Johnson, 2007, 280–281).DETECTING DECEPTION 217Take note of the head movements of those with whom you are speaking. If aperson's head begins to shake either in the affirmative or in the negative as heis speaking, and the movement occurs simultaneously with what he is saying,then the statement can typically be relied upon as being truthful. If, however,the head shake or head movement is delayed or occurs after the speech, thenmost likely the statement is contrived and not truthful. Although it may be verysubtle, the delayed movement of the head is an attempt to further validate whathas been stated and is not part of the natural flow of communication. Inaddition, honest head movements should be consistent with verbal denials oraffirmations. If a head movement is inconsistent with or contrary to a person'sstatement, it may indicate deception. While typically involving more subtlethan exaggerated head movements, this incongruity of verbal and nonverbalsignals happens more often than we think. For example, someone may say, "Ididn't do it," while his head is slightly nodding in the affirmative.During discomfort, the limbic brain takes over, and a person's face canconversely either flush or lighten in color. During difficult conversations, youmay also see increased perspiration or breathing; note whether the person isnoticeably wiping off sweat or trying to control his or her breathing in an effortto remain calm. Any trembling of the body, whether of the hands, fingers, orlips, or any attempt to hide or restrain the hands or lips (through disappearingor compressed lips), may be indicative of discomfort and/or deception,especially if it occurs after normal nervousness should have worn off.A person's voice may crack or may seem inconsistent during deceptive speech;swallowing becomes difficult as the throat becomes dry from stress, so lookfor hard swallows. These can be evidenced by a sudden bob or jump of theAdam's apple and may be accompanied by the clearing or repeated clearingsof the throat—all indicative of discomfort.Keep in mind that these behaviors are indicators of distress, not guaran-tees ofdeception. I have seen very honest people testify in court displaying all thesebehaviors simply because they were nervous, not because they were lying.Even after years of testifying in federal and state courts, 218 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GI still get nervous when I am on the stand, so signs of tension and stress alwaysneed to be deciphered in context.Pacifiers and DiscomfortWhen interviewing suspects during my years with the FBI, I looked forpacifying behaviors to help guide me in my questioning and to assess what wasparticularly stressful to the interviewee. Although pacifiers alone are notdefinitive proof of deception (since they can manifest in innocent people whoare nervous), they do provide another piece of the puzzle in determining what aperson is truly thinking and feeling.The following is a list of twelve things I do—and the points I keep in mind—when I want to read pacifying nonverbals in interpersonal interactions. Youmight consider using a similar strategy when you interview or converse withothers, be it a formal inquiry, a serious conversation with a family member, oran interaction with a business associate.(1) Get a clear view. When I conduct interviews or interact with others, I don'twant anything blocking my total view of the person, as I don't want to miss anypacifying behaviors. If, for example, the person pacifies by wiping his handson his lap, I want to be able to see it—which is difficult if there is a desk in theway. Human resource personnel should be aware that the best way to interviewis in a physically open space—with nothing blocking your view of thecandidate—so you may fully observe the person you are interviewing.(2) Expect some pacifying behaviors. A certain level of pacifying behavior isnormal in everyday nonverbal displays; people do this to calm themselves.When my daughter was young, she would soothe herself to sleep by playingwith her hair, curling the strands in her fingers, seemingly oblivious to theworld. So I expect people to pacify more or less, throughout the day, just as Iexpect them to breathe, as they adapt to an ever-changing environment.DETECTING DECEPTION 219(3) Expect initial nervousness. Initial nervousness in an interview or seriousconversation is normal, particularly when circumstances surrounding themeeting are stressful. For example, a father asking his son about his homeworkassignment will not be as stressful as asking the boy why he was expelled fromschool for disruptive behavior.(4) Get the person with whom you're interacting to relax first. As an interview,important meeting, or significant discussion progresses, eventually thoseinvolved should calm down and become more comfortable. In fact, a goodinterviewer will make sure this happens by taking time to let the personbecome more relaxed before asking questions or exploring topics that might bestressful.(5) Establish a baseline. Once a person's pacifying behaviors have decreasedand stabilized to normal (for that person), the interviewer can use thatpacifying level as a baseline for assessing future behavior.(6) Look for increased use of pacifiers. As the interview or conversationcontinues, you should be observant of pacifying behaviors and/or an increase(spike) in their frequency, particularly when they occur in response to aspecific question or piece of information. Such an increase is a clue thatsomething about the question or information has troubled the person pacifying,and that topic likely deserves further attention and focus. It is important toidentify correctly the specific stimulus (whether a question, information, orevent) that caused the pacifying response; otherwise you might draw the wrongconclusions or move the discussion in the wrong direction. For example, ifduring an employment interview the candidate starts to ventilate his shirt collar(a pacifier) when asked a certain question about his former position, thatspecific inquiry has caused sufficient stress that his brain is requiringpacification. This indicates the issue needs to be pursued further. The behaviordoes not necessarily mean that deception is involved, but simply that the topicis causing the interviewee stress.220 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N G(7) Ask, pause, and observe. Good interviewers, like good con-versationalists,do not machine gun questions by firing one right after the other in a staccatofashion. You will be hard-pressed to detect deception accurately if yourimpatience or impertinence antagonizes the person with whom you arespeaking. Ask a question and then wait to observe all the reactions. Give theinterviewee time to think and respond, and build in pregnant pauses to achievethis objective. Also, questions should be crafted in such a way as to elicitspecific answers in order to better zero in on facts and fiction. The morespecific the question, the more likely you are to elicit precise nonverbals, andnow that you have better understanding of the meaning of subconscious actions,the more accurate your assessments will be. In law enforcement interviews,unfortunately, many false confessions have been obtained through sustainedstaccato-like questioning, which causes high stress and obfuscates nonverbalcues. We now know that innocent people will confess to crimes, and even givewritten statements, in order to terminate a stressful interview wherein pressureis applied (Kassin, 2006, 207–228). The same holds true for sons, daughters,spouses, friends, and employees when grilled by an overzealous person, be it aparent, husband, wife, companion, or boss.(8) Keep the person you are interviewing focused. Interviewers should keep inmind that many times when people are simply talking—when they are tellingtheir side of the story—there will be fewer useful nonverbals performed thanwhen the interviewer controls the scope of the topic. Pointed questions elicitbehavioral manifestations that are useful in assessing a person's honesty.(9) Chatter is not truth. One mistake made by both novice and experiencedinterviewers is the tendency to equate talking with truth. When intervieweesare talking, we tend to believe them; when they are reserved, we assume theyare lying. During conversation, people who provide an overwhelmingDETECTING DECEPTION 221BOX 58: IT'S ALL A LIEI remember one case in which I interviewed a woman in Macon, Georgia.For three days she voluntarily provided us with page after page of information.I really felt we were on to something when the interview was finally over, untilit came time to corroborate what this woman had said. For over a year weinvestigated her claims (both in the United States and in Europe), but in theend, after expending significant effort and resources, we discovered thateverything she had told us was a lie. She had provided us pages and pages ofplausible lies, even implicating her innocent husband. Had I remembered thatcooperation does not always equal truth, and had I scrutinized her morecarefully, we would have been spared wasting a great deal of time and money.The information this woman had given sounded good and seemed plausible,but it was all trash. I wish I could say this incident happened to me early in mycareer, but it did not.I am neither the first—nor will I be the last—interviewer to be bamboozledthis way. Though some people naturally talk more than others, you shouldalways be on the lookout for this kind of chatty ploy.amount of information and detail about an event or situation may appear to betelling the truth; however, they may be presenting a fabricated smoke screenthey hope will obfuscate the facts or lead the conversation in another direction.The truth is revealed not in the volume of material spoken but through theverification of facts provided by the speaker. Until the information is verified,it is self-reported and perhaps meaningless data (see box 58).(10) Stress coming in and going out. Based on years of studying intervieweebehavior, I have concluded that a person with guilty knowledge will presenttwo distinct behavior patterns, in sequence, when asked a difficult questionsuch as, "Did you ever go inside the home of Mr. Jones?" The first behaviorwill re-222 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gflect the stress experienced when hearing the question. The interviewee willsubconsciously respond with various distancing behaviors including footwithdrawal (moving them away from the investigator); he may lean away ormay tighten his jaw and lips. This will be followed by the second set of relatedbehaviors, pacifying responses to the stress that may include signals such asneck touching, nose stroking, or neck massaging as he ponders the question oranswer.(11) Isolate the cause of the stress. Two behavior patterns in series—the stressindicators followed by pacifying behaviors—have traditionally been erroneously associated with deception.This is unfortunate, because these manifestations need to be explained moresimply as what they are—indicators of stress and stress relief—not necessarilydishonesty. No doubt someone who is lying may display these same behaviors,but individuals who are nervous also show them. Occasionally I will hearsomeone say, "If people talk while touching their nose, they are lying." It maybe true that people who are deceptive touch their nose while speaking, but sodo individuals who are honest but under stress. The nose touching is apacifying behavior to relieve internal tension—regardless of the source of thatdiscomfort. Even a retired FBI agent who is stopped for speeding with nolegitimate explanation will touch his nose when pulled over (yes, I paid theticket). My point is this.Don't be so hasty to assume deception when you see someone touching his orher nose. For everyone who does it while lying, you will find a hundred whodo it out of habit to relieve stress.(12) Pacifiers say so much. By helping us identify when a person is stressed,pacifying behaviors help us identify issues that need further focus andexploration. Through effective questioning we can both elicit and identify thesepacifiers in any interpersonal interaction to achieve a better understanding of aperson's thoughts and intentions.DETECTING DECEPTION 223T W O P R I N C I PA L N O N V E R B A L B E H AV I O R A L PAT T ER N ST O C O N S I D E R I N D E T E C T I N G D E C E P T I O NWhen it comes to body signals that alert us to the possibility of deception, youshould be watching for nonverbal behaviors involving synchrony andemphasis.SynchronyEarlier in this chapter, I discussed the importance of synchrony as a way toassess for comfort in interpersonal interaction. Synchrony is also important,however, in assessing for deception. Look for synchrony between what isbeing said verbally and nonverbally, between the circumstances of the momentand what the subject is saying, between events and emotions, and evensynchrony of time and space.When being questioned, a person answering in the affirmative should havecongruent head movement that immediately supports what is said; it should notbe delayed. Lack of synchrony is exhibited when a person states, "I did not doit," while her head is nodding in an affirmative motion. Likewise, asynchronyis demonstrated when a man is asked, "Would you lie about this?" and his headgives a slight nod while he answers,"No." Upon catching themselves in this faux pas, people will reverse theirhead movements in an attempt to do damage control. When asynchronousbehavior is observed, it looks contrived and pathetic. More often amendacious statement, such as an untruthful "I did not do it," is followed by anoticeably delayed and less emphatic negative head movement. Thesebehaviors are not synchronous and therefore more likely to be equated withdeception because they show discomfort in their production.There should also be synchrony between what is being said and the events ofthe moment. For instance, when parents are reporting the alleged kidnapping oftheir infant, there should be synchrony between the event (kidnapping) andtheir emotions. The distraught mother and father should be clamoring for lawenforcement assistance, emphasizing 224 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gevery detail, feeling the depths of despair, eager to help, and willing to tell andretell the story, even at personal risk. When such reports are made by placidindividuals, more concerned with getting one particular version of the story outand lacking in consistent emotional displays, or who are more concerned abouttheir own well-being and how they are perceived, it is behavior that is totallyout of synchrony with circumstances and inconsistent with honesty.Lastly, there should be synchrony between events, time, and place. A personwho delays reporting a significant event, such as the drowning of a friend,spouse, or child, or who travels to another jurisdiction to report the eventshould rightfully come under suspicion. Furthermore, the reporting of eventsthat would have been impossible to observe from the person's vantage point isasynchronous, and therefore suspect. People who lie do not consider howsynchrony fits into the equation, and their nonverbals and stories willeventually fail them. Achieving synchrony is a form of comfort and, as we haveseen, plays a major role during police interviews and the reporting of crimes;but it will also set the stage for successful and meaningful conversations aboutall manner of serious issues in which detecting deceit is important.EmphasisWhen we speak, we naturally utilize various parts of our body—such as theeyebrows, head, hands, arms, torso, legs, and feet—to emphasize a point aboutwhich we feel deeply or emotionally. Observing emphasis is importantbecause emphasis is universal when people are being genuine.Emphasis is the limbic brain's contribution to communication, a way to letothers know just how potently we feel. Conversely, when the limbic brain doesnot back up what we say, we emphasize less or not at all. For the most part, inmy experience and that of others, liars do not emphasize (Lieberman, 1998,37). Liars will engage their cognitive brains in order to decide what to say andhow to deceive, but rarely do they think about the presentation of the lie. Whencompelled to lie, most people are not aware of how much emphasis oraccentuation enters into everyday DETECTING DECEPTION 225conversations. When liars attempt to fabricate an answer, their emphasis looksunnatural or is delayed; rarely do they emphasize where appropriate, or theychoose to do so only on relatively unimportant matters.We emphasize both verbally and nonverbally. Verbally, we emphasize throughvoice, pitch, or tone, or through repetition. We also emphasize nonverbally,and these behaviors can be even more accurate and useful than words whenattempting to detect the truth or dishonesty in a conversation or interview.People who typically use their hands while speaking punctuate their remarkswith hand gestures, even going so far as pounding on a desk as they emphasize.Other individuals accentuate with the tips of the fingers by either gesturingwith them or touching things. Hand behaviors complement honest speech,thoughts, and true sentiments (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 277–284). Raising oureyebrows (eyebrow flash) and widening our eyes are also ways ofemphasizing a point (Morris, 1985, 61; Knapp & Hall, 2002, 68).Another manifestation of emphasis is seen when someone leans forward withthe torso, showing interest. We employ gravity-defying gestures such as risingup on the balls of our feet when we make a significant or emotionally chargedpoint. When seated, people emphasize by raising the knee (staccato-like) whilehighlighting important points, and added emphasis can be shown by slappingthe knee as it comes up, indicating emotional exuberance. Gravity-defyinggestures are emblematic of emphasis and true sentiment, something liars rarelydisplay.In contrast, people de-emphasize or show lack of commitment to their ownspeech by speaking behind their hands (talking while covering their mouths) orshowing limited facial expression. People control their countenance andengage in other movement restriction and withdrawal behaviors when they arenot committed to what they are saying (Knapp& Hall, 2002, 320; Lieberman, 1998, 37). Deceptive people often showdeliberative, pensive displays, such as fingers to the chin or stroking of cheeks,as though they are still thinking about what to say; this is in stark contrast tohonest people who emphasize the point they are making. Deceptive peoplespend time evaluating what they say and how it is being received, which isinconsistent with honest behavior.226 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GS P E C I FI C N O N V E R B A L B E H AV I O R S T OC O N S I D E R I N D E T E C T I N G D E C E P T I O NBelow are some specific things you'll want to watch for when examiningemphasis as a means for detecting possible deception.Lack of Emphasis in Hand BehaviorsAs Aldert Vrij and others have reported, lack of arm movement and lack ofemphasis are suggestive of deception. The problem is there is no way ofmeasuring this, especially in a public or social setting. Nevertheless, strive tonote when it occurs and in what context, especially if it comes after asignificant topic is brought up (Vrij, 2003, 25–27). Any sudden change inmovement reflects brain activity. When arms shift from being animated to beingstill, there must be a reason, be it dejection or (possibly) deception.In my own interviewing experiences, I have noticed that liars will tend todisplay less steepling. I also look for the white knuckles of the individual whograbs the chair armrest in a fixed manner as though in an "ejector seat."Unfortunately, for this uncomfortable person, ejection from the discussion isoften impossible. Many criminal investigators have found that when the head,neck, arms, and legs are held in place with little movement and the hands andarms are clutching the armrest, such behavior is very much consistent withthose who are about to deceive, but again, it is not definitive (Schafer &Navarro, 2003, 66) (see figure 88).Interestingly, as individuals make declarative statements that are false, theywill avoid touching not only other people, but objects such as a po-dium ortable as well. I have never seen or heard a person who is lying yellaffirmatively, "I didn't do it," while pounding his fist on the table.Usually what I have seen are very weak, nonemphatic statements, with gesturesthat are equally mild. People who are being deceptive lack commitment andconfidence in what they are saying. Although their thinking brain (neocortex)will decide what to say in order to mislead, theirDETECTING DECEPTION 227Fig. 88Sitting for long periods in a chair, as though flash frozen in an ejector seat, isevidence of high stress and discomfort.emotive brain (the limbic system—the honest part of the brain) simply will notbe committed to the ruse, and therefore will not emphasize their statementsusing nonverbal behaviors (such as gestures). The sentiments of the limbicbrain are hard to override. Try to smile fully at someone you dislike. It isextremely difficult to do. As with a false or fake smile, false statements comewith weak or passive nonverbals.The Rogatory PositionWhen a person places his outstretched arms in front of his body, with palms up,this is known as the rogatory (or "prayerful") display (see figure 89). Thosewho worship will turn their palms up to God to ask for mercy. Likewise,captured soldiers will turn up their palms as they ap-228 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GFig. 89The palms-up or "rogatory" position usually indicates the person wants to bebelieved or wants to be accepted. It is not a dominant, confident display.proach their captors. This behavior is also seen in individuals who saysomething when they want you to believe them. During a discussion, observethe person with whom you are speaking. When she makes a declarativestatement, note whether her hands are palm up or palm down. During regularconversation in which ideas are being discussed and neither party isvehemently committed to a particular point, I expect to see both palm-up andpalm-down displays.However, when a person is making a passionate and assertive declaration suchas, "You have to believe me, I did not kill her," those hands should be facedown (see figure 90). If the statement is made palms up, the individualsupplicating to be believed, I would find such a statement highly suspect.While this is not definitive, I would question any declarative statement madewith the palms up. The palm-up position is not very affirmative and suggeststhat the person is asking to be believed. TheDETECTING DECEPTION 229Fig. 90Statements made palm down are more emphatic and more confident thanstatements made with hands palm up in the rogatory position.truthful don't have to plead to be believed; they make a statement and it stands.Territorial Displays and DeceptionWhen we are confident and comfortable, we spread out. When we are lesssecure, we tend to take up less space. In extreme circumstances, distressedpeople may fold their arms and legs into their own body, assuming an almostfetal position. Uncomfortable conversations and interviews can evoke avariety of withdrawn postures: arms that are intertwined like a pretzel and/orankles that are locked in place, sometimes to the point of being almost painfulto the observer. Look especially for dramatic changes in body position thatcould be indicative of deception, particularly when they occur concurrentlywith a specific change of topic.230 W H A TE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N GWhen we are confident about what we believe or what we are saying, we tendto sit up, with shoulders and back wide, exhibiting an erect posture indicativeof security. When people are being deceitful or are out-right lying, theysubconsciously tend to stoop or sink into the furniture as if they are attemptingto escape what is being said—even if they, themselves, are saying it. Thosewho are insecure, or are unsure of themselves, their thoughts, or their beliefs,are likely to reflect this in their posture—usually by stooping slightly, but sometimes dramatically by lowering theirheads and drawing the shoulders up to the ears. Look for this"turtle effect" whenever people are uncomfortable and are trying to hide in theopen. It is definitely a display of insecurity and discomfort.Shoulder ShrugsAlthough we all shrug at one time or another when we are not sure ofsomething, liars will give a modified shrug when they are unsure ofthemselves. The liar's shrug is abnormal in that it is abridged and cus-tomizedbecause the person manifesting it is not fully committed to what is beingexpressed. If only one shoulder comes up, or if the shoulders rise nearly to theears and the person's head seems to disappear, it is a sign of high discomfortand sometimes seen in an individual preparing to answer a questiondeceptively.C O N C L U D I N G R E M A R K SAs I stated at the beginning of the chapter, the research over the last twentyyears is unequivocal. There are no nonverbal behaviors that, in and ofthemselves, are clearly indicative of deception (Ekman, 1991, 98; Ford, 1996,217). As my friend and researcher Dr. Mark G. Frank repeatedly has told me,"Joe, unfortunately, there is no 'Pinocchio effect,'when it comes to deception" (Frank, 2006). With that I must humbly concur.Therefore, in order to sort fact from fiction, our only realistic recourse is torely on those behaviors indicative of comfort/discomfort, DETECTINGDECEPTION 231synchrony, and emphasis to guide us. They are a guide or paradigm, and that isall.A person who is not comfortable, not emphasizing, and whose communicationis out of synchrony is, at best, communicating poorly or, at worst, beingdeceptive. Discomfort may originate from many sources, including antipathybetween those involved in the discussion, the setting in which the conversationis held, or nervousness during an interview process. It can also, obviously, bea result of culpability, guilty knowledge, having to hide information, or plainlying. The possibilities are many, but now that you know how better to questionothers, recognize their signs of discomfort, and the importance of putting theirbehaviors into context, at least you have a starting point. Only further inquiry,observation, and corroboration can assure us of veracity. There is no way wecan prevent people from lying to us, but at least we can be on guard when theyattempt to deceive us.Last, be careful not to label someone a liar with limited information or basedon one observation. Many good relationships have been ruined this way.Remember, when it comes to detecting deception, even the best experts,including myself, are only a blink away from chance, and have a fifty-fiftyprobability of being right or wrong. Plainly put, that's just not good enough!N I N ESome Final ThoughtsA friend recently told me a story that speaks to the theme of this book and,incidentally, can save you significant hassles if you're ever trying to find anaddress in Coral Gables, Florida. This friend was driving her daughter to aphoto shoot in Coral Gables, several hours from their home in Tampa. Becauseshe had never been to Coral Gables before, she checked a map to determinethe best route to follow. All went well until she arrived in town and startedlooking for street signs. There were none. She drove for twenty minutesthrough unmarked intersections, no signs in sight. Finally, in desperation, shestopped at a gas station and asked how anyone knew which street was which.The proprietor wasn't surprised by her question. "You're not the first to ask,"he nodded sympathetically."When you reach the intersection, you need to look down, not up. The streetsigns are six-inch weathered stone blocks with painted names and they areplaced on the ground just off the pavement." My friend heeded his 234 W H ATE V E R Y B O D YI S S A Y I N Gadvice and within minutes located her destination. "Obviously," she noted,"I was looking for street signs six feet or more above the ground, not six inchesoff the ground. . . . What was most incredible," she added, "was once I knewwhat to look for and where to look, the signs were obvious and unmistakable. Ihad no trouble finding my way."This book is about signs, too. When it comes to human behavior, there arebasically two kinds of signs, verbal and nonverbal. All of us have been taughtto look for and identify the verbal signs. By analogy, those are the ones that arelocated on poles, clearly visible as we drive down the streets of a strange city.Then there are the nonverbal signs, the ones that have always been there butthat many of us have not learned to spot because we haven't been trained tolook for and identify signs located at ground level. What's interesting is thatonce we learn to attend to and read nonverbal signs, our reactions will mirrorthat of my friend."Once I knew what to look for and where to look, the signs were obvious andunmistakable. I had no trouble finding my way."It is my hope that through an understanding of nonverbal behavior, you willachieve a deeper, more meaningful view of the world around you—able tohear and see the two languages, spoken and silent, that combine to present thefull, rich tapestry of human experience in all of its delightful complexity. Thisis a goal well worth pursuing, and one that with effort I know you can achieve.You now possess something powerful. You possess knowledge that will enrichyour interpersonal relationships for the rest of your life. Enjoy knowing whatevery body is saying, for to that end I have dedicated myself and this book.Joe NavarroTampa, FloridaUSAB I B L I O G R A P H YAmerican Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manualof mental disorders (4th ed.). Text rev. Washington, DC: American PsychiatricAssociation.Axtell, R. E. (1991). Gestures: The do's and taboos of body language aroundthe world.New York: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.Burgoon, J. 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InTom Williamson (Ed.), Investigative interviewing: Rights, research,regulation. Devon, UK: Willian Publishing.——— (2004). True or false: "I'd know a false confession if I saw one." InPär Anders Granhag & Leif A. Strömwall (Eds.), The detection of deceptionin forensic contexts.Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press.Knapp, M. L., & Hall, J. A. (2002). Nonverbal communication in humaninteraction, (5th Ed.). New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich.BIBLIOGRAPHY 237Leakey, R. E., & Lewin, R. (1977). Origins: The emergence and evolution ofour species and its possible future. New York: E. P. Dutton.LeDoux, J. (1996). The emotional brain: The mysterious underpinnings ofemotional life.New York: Touchstone.Lieberman, D. J. (1998). Never be lied to again. New York: St. Martin'sPress.Manchester, W. (1978). American Caesar: Douglas MacArthur 1880– 1964.Boston: Little, Brown, & Company.Morris, D. (1985). Body watching. New York: Crown Publishers.Murray, E. (2007). 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In Tom Williamson (Ed.), Investigativeinterviewing: Rights, research, regulation. Devon, UK: Willian Publishing.Panksepp, J. (1998). Af ective neuroscience: The foundations of human andanimal emotions. New York: Oxford University Press, Inc.Prkachin, K. M., & Craig, K. D. (1995). Expressing pain: The communicationand interpretation of facial pain signals. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior 9 (4), Winter, 181–205.Ratey, J. J. (2001). A user's guide to the brain: Perception, attention, and thefour theaters of the brain. New York: Pantheon Books.Schafer, J. R., & Navarro, J. (2004). Advanced interviewing techniques.Springfield, IL: Charles C. Thomas Publisher.Simons, D. J., & Chabris, C. F. (1999). Gorillas in our midst: Sustainedinattentional blindness for dynamic events. Perception 28 , 1059–1074.St-Yves, M., & Tanguay, M. (Eds.) (2007). Psychologie de l'enquêtecriminelle: La recherche de la vérité. Cowansville, Québec: Les ÉditionsYvon Blais.Vrij, A. (2003). Detecting lies and deceit: The psychology of lying and theimplications for professional practice. Chichester, UK: John Wiley & Sons,Ltd.I N D E X(page numbers in italics refer to illustrations) abrazo, 130–31akimbo display of, 120–24, 121, 122, adapters, 35123adornmentsbehind the back, 117on arms, 128–30courtship behavior of, 125–28body tattoo, 129crossing, 91, 94on torso, 98distancing, 119affection, arms showing, 130–31as emotive transmitters, 109–10aggression, 32–33, 176everyday messages communicated by,akimbo display, 120–24, 121, 122, 123116Ali, Muhammad, 103gravity-related movements of,animal heritage, 25–26110–11argument, 33movement cessation of, 113arm-freeze behavior, 112movements of, 115–16the armsrestrained, 157adornments on, 128–30restricted movement of, 112–15affection shown with, 130–31spread behavior, 125, 126, 127240 INDEXthe arms ( continued)body language. See also nonverbalterritorial displays of, 119–31behaviors; nonverbalwithdrawal of, 111–12communicationsaskance, looking, 184–85, 185competent observer of, 7–10asynchrony, 212deception detected in, xiiiauthoritative posture, 120–24feet/legs observation for, 55–57Axtell, Roger E., 140intention cues from, 16self-administered hug in, 48–49teachers/students communicatingthrough, 2barriers, 74, 119truthfulness of, 4asynchrony as, 212Bodytalk: The Meaning of Humandishonesty building, 214Gestures (Morris), 140baseline behaviors, 12–13, 219borderline personality, 129Basinger, Kim, 79brain. See human brainBecker, Gavin de, 36brain-scan technology, xiibehaviors. See also foot behavior;breathing behavior, 103–4gravity-defying behaviors;brief touching, eyes, 177nonverbal behaviors; pacifyingbuccinator muscles, 192behaviorsarm-freeze, 112baseline, 12–13, 219blocking, 31, 73, 74, 119Chamberlain, Neville, 207breathing, 103–4chest, puffing up, 103–4chest-shielding, 93chest-shielding behavior, 93clusters of, 204childrencultural, 138–39affection shown to, 130–31deception, 205–6arm movement cessation of, 113human brain governing, 50–51foot movements of, 55isopraxism mirrored, 211shielding behaviors of, 94limbic system regulating, 24clarity, of thought, 182sudden changes in, 13–15Clinton, Bill, 184behind the back, arms, 117clothing, 92, 98–100"bird" finger, 162cognition, higher order, 23–24blade away, 86–87cold, being, 95blanching (shock), 198comfort/discomfort equation, 209–10blocking behaviors, 31comfort responses, 34–49. See alsoarms used for, 119discomfort responsesleg crosses in, 73, 74facial muscles relaxed and, 169–70blushing, 198feet/leg displays of, 68–71INDEX 241head tilt displaying, 171deliberate pensive displays in, 225interpersonal interactionsdetection difficult of, 205–6establishing, 209–10discomfort responses and, 231interviewer establishing, 210–211facial expressions in, 56isopraxism signs of, 212new detection approaches to, 209–22looking away sign of, 182–83principal nonverbal behaviors in,nonverbal communications and, 15223–25signs of, 211–13specific nonverbal behaviors in,spreading out as, 229–30226–30synchrony and, 223–24sweaty hands indicative of, 143–44torso splay and, 101–3territorial displays and, 229–30ventral denial/fronting with, 88–91defense wounds, 110communal survival, 27de Gaulle, Charles, 203concerted/contextual observation, 8–10depression, clinical, 65confessions, 220detectionconfidence. See high confidence; low of deception, 205–6, 209–22confidencein nonverbal behaviors, 223–25confrontational situations, 66disagreement, 189–92contempt, 192, 192–93disapproval cues, 198–99cooperation/truth, 221discomfort responses, 34–49cooperative feet/legs, 76–78deception and, 231couples, 87facial expressions of, 168courtshipfalse smile as, 216arms behavior in, 125–28human beings indications of, 217–18feet/leg displays during, 71–74nonverbal communications and, 15court testimony, 150pacifiers and, 218–22criminal investigation, 146signs of, 213–18crossing arms, 91, 94tongue displays in, 193–95, 195cultural behaviors, 138–39upside-down U indicative of, 188–89disengagement, 60–61disgust, 200–201, 201dishonestydanger, 118barriers built from, 214Dangerfield, Rodney, 49neocortex capable of, 25da Vinci, Leonardo, 54professionals perception of, 207–8Dean, Diana, 24stress and, 208deceptiondisrespect, 199body language revealing, xiiidistancing nonverbal behaviors, 31–32comfort/discomfort equationthe arms in, 119detecting, 209–10flight response as, 31–32242 INDEXdistrust, 185eye-gaze behavior, 67, 182–83dominance displayeye-lid behavior, xiiof genital framing, 155–56, 156the eyesstance of, 66–67, 125brief touching of, 177downward gaze, 182–83eye flash of, 179–82flashbulb, 179, 180nonverbal behaviors of, 170–85positive feelings shown by, 179Eisenhower, Dwight David, 97rolling of, 199ejector seat position, 227Ekman, Paul, 162emotions. See also negative feelings; positive feelingsthe facearms transmitting, 109–10disapproval cues through, 198–99couples pulling apart through, 87emotional displays of, 167–70of face, 167–70facial blushing/blanching of, 198pupil dilation indicating, 179furrowed forehead of, 168, 195–97,emphasis196hands lacking, 226–27gravity-defying behaviors of, 202–3honesty using, 224–25happiness reflected in, 169–70endorphins, 41muscles relaxed of, 169–70environment, observation of, 7–10negative feelings expressed by, 167erect position, 230nonverbal behaviors of, 195–201Europe, gestures in, 202, 202–3nose flaring of, 197evasive actions, 31pacifying behavior involving, 45exhaling, 41poker, 56eye-blink behavior, 183–84touching, 41eye-blocking, 33, 177, 216facebook, 48FBI using, 178facial expressionslimbic system employing, 178deceitful, 56as nonverbal communication, 3disapproval cues in, 198–99pupillary constriction/squinting as,of discomfort, 168172, 172–75, 174–75disgust gesture of, 200–201undesirable images protection from,interpretation difficult of, 204176–79meaningful insights from, 166–67eyebrowsmixed signals from, 203lowered, 175universal language of, 165–66raised, 181–82false smile, 187eye contact, 216as discomfort display, 216eye-flutter behavior, 183–84, 216real smile v., 186–87INDEX 243FBI. See Federal Bureau offoreheadInvestigationfurrowed, 168, 195–97, 196Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI),rubbing, 402, 178"A Four-Domain Model of Detectingthe feet/legs, 54–55. See also footDeception: An Alternativebehavior; the legsParadigm for Interviewing," 209children's movements of, 55Frank, Mark G., 230cooperative/noncooperative, 76–78freeze responsecourtship displays of, 71–74arm behavior as, 112gravity-defying behaviors of, 63–65foot behavior and, 80–81, 82high comfort displays of, 68–71of limbic system, 26–29, 158as honest body part, 53, 55–57frozen hands, 157impatience and, 59–60interlocking of, 81, 81–83leg splay with, 65–67limbic system reaction of, 54–55genital framing, 155–56, 156movement changes of, 78–80gestures. See also microgesturesnonverbal behavior involving, 57–60,disgust, 200–201170nose-up, 202, 202–3shifting away, 60–61, 62, 78offensive hand, 139–41fight responsepowerful hand, 135aggressive survival through, 32–33,travel knowing acceptable, 200176Gestures: The Do's and Taboos of Bodyof limbic system, 32–34Language Around the Worldpersonal space threats and, 33–34(Axtell), 140fingerThe Gift of Fear (Becker), 36pointing, 139–41, 140Gottman, John, 193snapping, 140gravity-defying behaviorsflashbulb eyes, 179, 180of arms, 110–11flight responseof face, 202–3distancing nonverbal behaviors of,of feet/legs, 63–6531–32gravity-related movements, 110–11of limbic system, 30–32"guilty knowledge," 209, 221–22threat escape of, 30–31foot behaviorchildren and, 55freeze, 80–81, 82Hall, Edward, 68as intention cue, 61, 62hand displaysjiggling/kicking, 79–80arms restrained and, 157romance and, 72–73of high confidence, 147–50244 INDEXhand displays ( continued)higher-order cognition/memory, 23–24of low confidence/stress, 157–61high-status individuals, 120, 151–52,the hands152changing behaviors of, 161–63Hitler, Adolf, 135, 207emphasis lacking in, 226–27holding hands, 138–39frozen, 157honesty, 206–7holding of, 138–39body part reflecting, 53, 55–57human brain and, 133–34emphasis used in, 224–25interlaced stroking of, 158–59, 159limbic system/brain creating, 23microexpressions of, 161hooding effect, 124, 124–25negative feelings created by, 135–36hug, 48–49nonverbals of, 144–47human beingsoffensive gestures of, 139–41discomfort indications of, 217–18persuasive speakers movement of,limbic system regulation by, 65134–35subconsciously leaning away from,physical appearance of, 142–4332, 90powerful gestures of, 135subtle observation of, 17shakiness and, 145–47sudden behavioral changes in, 13–15steepling of, 147–50, 148, 226thoughts of, xiisweat and, 143–44human bodythumb displays of, 150–51nonverbal messages of, 17–18wringing of, 149, 157–58silent language of, xivhandshakethoughts/feelings transmitted by, 2politician's, 137–38human brainpower of, 136–39behavior governed by, 50–51happiness, 169–70hands subtle nuances and, 133–34happy feet, 57–60, 170limbic system of, xiv, 22–23the headpupil dilation and, 172–74movements of, 217"human lie detector," xiitilt, 171high confidencehand displays of, 147–50hand steepling behavior of, 147–50idiosyncratic nonverbal behavior, 12happy feet as, 57–60, 170impatience, 59–60high-status individuals with, 151–52,innocent people, 220152insecurity, 155in nonverbal behavior, 35insights, 166–67nose-up gesture as, 202, 202–3intention cues, 16steepling purveyor of, 149foot behavior as, 61, 62thumb displays showing, 150–51starter's position as, 66INDEX 245interlaced stroking, hands, 158–59, 159the legs. See also feet/legsinterlocking of feet/legs, 81, 81–83cleansing, 46, 46–47interpersonal interactions, 4crossing, 68–71, 69, 70, 73, 74comfort responses established in,splay, 65–67209–10lie detector, xiidiscomfort signs in, 213–18life, successful in, 5feet shifting away in, 60–61, 62, 78limbic system, 23–34knowledge enriching, 234comfort/discomfort responses of,pacifying nonverbals in, 218–2234–49interpretation, 204danger exposure limited by, 118interviewseye-blocking from, 178comfort zone established in,feet/legs reaction from, 54–55210–211fight response of, 32–34discomfort signs in, 213–18flight response of, 30–32eye-lid behavior understood in, xiifreeze response of, 26–29, 158nervousness in, 219genuine behaviors regulated by, 24pacifying behaviors in, 37, 218–22as honest brain, 23patience in, 220human beings regulating, 65synchrony and, 211–13of human brain, xiv, 22–23isopraxism, 90, 212nonverbal responses of, 25–34behaviors mirrored through, 211override difficult of, 226–27communal survival through, 27past negative feelings from, 36stress/nervousness and, 144–45torso protection from, 107the lipsjaw tightening, 167–68compression of, 10–11, 187–89,Jordan, Michael, 193190disappearing, 187–89, 188, 190pursed, 11, 189–92, 191looking away, 182–83Kennedy, John F., 151low confidenceknee clasp, 62–63, 63hand displays of, 157–61knowledge, 209, 221–22, 234lowered eyebrows sign of, 175kowtow position, 96–97low-status individuals and, 153–54,Kulis, Joe, 79155neck touching and, 159–60in nonverbal behavior, 35thumb displays showing,leaning away, 32, 90153–54leg-kick response, 79–80low-status individuals, 153–54, 155246 INDEXlyingnegative feelings, 36brain, 25arms down for, 110–11detecting, 207–8faces expressing, 167emphasis unnatural when,hands hidden creating, 135–36224–25lip compression indicative of, 187–89eye contact during, 216of preening, 141–42frozen hands and, 157turtle effect showing, 106hand steepling less when, 226neocortex, 22physical contact and, 215dishonesty capability of, 25restraining behavior during, 82higher-order cognition/memoryas social survival tool, 208performed by, 23–24nervousness, 219neural imaging, xiiNixon, Richard, 184, 207MacArthur, Douglas, 97noncooperative feet/legs, 76–78MacLean, Paul, 22nonverbal behaviorsMcFadden, Martin, 18in deception, 205–6, 223–25, 226–30memory, higher order, 23–24defining, 2–5men, tie adjusting of, 42distancing, 31–32messages, arms communicating, 116of the eyes, 170–85microexpressions, of hands, 161of the face, 195–201microgestures, 162, 200–201, 201feet/legs involved in, 57–60, 170military personnel, 121of the hands, 144–47mixed signals, facial expressions, 203high/low confidence in, 35Morris, Desmond, 54, 75, 140idiosyncratic, 12the mouth, 185–95interpersonal communications using,movement changes, 78–804multiple tells, 13, 83of the mouth, 185–95people's thoughts decipheredthrough, xiisigns of, 233–34nail-biting, 143, 197–98stress displayed through, 29nasal wing dilation, 197synchrony in, 211–13the neckuniversal tells of, 10–11covering dimple of, 38, 39upper body, 86–106happiness reflected in, 169–70walking style important as, 76not covering, 160nonverbal communicationspacifying behaviors involving, 42–43,comfort v. noncomfort, 1543contextual observationtouching, 40, 44, 159–60understanding, 8–10INDEX 247decoding, 6types of, 39–42decoding ten commandments of,as ventilator, 47–48, 497–17of women, 38–39eye-blink frequency and, 183–84palm-up position, 228eye-blocking as, 3patience, in interviews, 220false/misleading, 15pensive displays, 225human body giving off, 17–18personality, borderline, 129limbic systems responses of, 25–34personal space, 33–34poker players understanding of, 6pheromones, 197successful life learning, 5physical appearance, 100tells of, 4of hands, 142–43the nosepreening and, 101flaring of, 197physical contact, lying and, 215touching of, 222poker face, 56up gesture of, 202, 202–3poker players, 6police officers, 122politician's handshake, 137–38positive feelingsobservationarms up for, 110–11of body language/environment, 7–10,eye behaviors showing, 17955–57eye flash displaying, 179–82concerted/contextual, 8–10flashbulb eyes showing, 179, 180of human beings, 17predatorsoffensive gestures, of hands, 139–41eye contact of, 216orbicularis oculi, 186–87walking speed/direction of, 77preening, 101, 141–42pressure marks, 114primitive man, 27pacifying behaviors, 34–49problematic issue, 11discomfort responses and, 218–22professionals, 207–8of face, 45protection of torso, 92guidelines of, 49–50proxemics, spatial needs, 68increased use of, 219proximity issues, 75in investigative interviews, 37, 218–22psychological flight, 161–62leg cleansing as, 46–47"pugilistic position," 197of neck, 42–43, 43pupil dilationof self-administered body-hug, 48–49brain's visual information increasedstress linked to, 50from, 172–74threatening experience followed by,factors involved in, 18135–37positive emotions indicated by, 179248 INDEXpupillary constriction, 172, 172–75of nonverbal behavior, 233–34pursed lipsof stress, 197–98disagreement causing, 189–92,silent language, xiv191"situational awareness," 8–10problematic issue causing, 11smilebarometer, 186false, 186–87, 187, 216lines, 196–97raised eyebrows, 181–82real, 186–87, 187"rapport building," 209–10the sneer, 192, 192–93real smile, 186–87, 187social harmony, 89, 132Reesam, Ahmed, 24social interactions, 31Reeser, Marc, 173social survival tool, 208regal stance, 117society, 206–7restrained arm behavior, 115socioeconomic status, 129restraining behavior, 82sounds, 45restricted movement, 112–15spatial needs, 68risorius, 187speakersrogatory position, 227–29, 228hand movement of, 134–35rolling of the eyes, 199looking away from, 182–83romance, 72–73splay behavior, 101–3, 102roving eyes, 183spreading out, 229–30squinting, 168, 174–75different meanings of, 176as eye-blocking, 172, 172–75, 174–75security force, 154starter's position, 65, 66self-restraint, 112steepling, hand, 148, 149sensuous pleasure, 127high confidence behavior of, 147–50"shake and wait" approach, 75liars using less, 226shaky hands, 145–47stomach, upset, 96shielding behaviors, of children, 94stressshoplifters, 115dishonesty and, 208shoulderejector seat position indicative of,rise, 105–6227shrug, 104–5, 105, 230freeze mode under, 80–81, 82signshand displays of, 157–61of comfort responses, 182–83, 211–13,heaving chest during, 103–4212isolating causes of, 222of discomfort responses, 213–18jaw tightening indicating, 167–68of low confidence, 175limbic system and, 144–45INDEX 249nail biting sign of, 197–98thumb displaysnonverbal behavior showing, 29high confidence in, 150–51pacifying behavior linked to, 50insecurity in, 155signs of, 197–98low confidence in, 153–54women dealing with, 44tie, men adjusting, 42yawning caused by, 45toes, pointing upward, 64students/teachers, 2tongue displays, 193–95, 195suprasternal notch, 38–39, 42, 43the torsoSupreme Court decision, 18–19adornments, 98survivalbaring, 103animal heritage of, 25–26bow, 95–97communal, 27breathing behavior and,swallows, hard, 217103–4sweaty hands, 143–44embellishments, 97–100synchronylean, 86–87, 90comfort levels and, 223–24limbic system protecting, 107in nonverbal behaviors, 211–13protecting, 92shield, 91–95splays, 101–3true sentiments reflected by, 85tattoos, 129travel, 200teachers/students, 2truthtells. See also multiple tellsof body language, 4eye-blocking as, 178cooperation not equated to, 221multiple, 13, 83society functioning on, 206–7of nonverbal behavior, 10–11the torso reflecting, 85of nonverbal communications, 4"turtle effect," 29, 30, 106restrained arm behavior as, 115universal, 10–11ten commandments, nonverbalcommunications, 7–17undesirable images, 176–79territorial displays, 65–67, 102United States, 198–99of the arms, 119–31universal language, 165–66arms spread in, 126upper body, 86–106deception and, 229–30upside-down U, 188–89significant changes in, 128territorial imperative, 68Terry v. Ohio, 18–19thoughts/feelings, 2, 182the ventilator, 47–48, 49threatening experience, 30–31, 35–37ventral denial/fronting, 88–91250 INDEXventral side, pressure marks on, 114withdrawal, of arms, 111–12verbal altercation, 33womenvoice, 217pacifying behaviors of, 38–39Vrij, Aldert, 226stress reactions of, 44wringing, hands, 149, 157–58walkingdifferent styles of, 75–76yawning, 45nonverbal behaviors in, 76predators speed/direction of, 77Walters, Barbara, 79warning signal, 14zygomaticus major, 186–87About the AuthorsFor twenty-fi ve years, JOE NAVARRO was an FBI counterintelligencespecial agent and supervisor specializing in nonverbal communications. Afrequent lecturer, he serves on the adjunct faculty at Saint Leo University andthe FBI. MARVIN KARLINSreceived his Ph.D. in psychology from Princeton University and is seniorprofessor of management at the University of South Florida. He is the author oftwenty-three books and most recently collaborated with Joe Navarro on PhilHellmuth Presents Read 'Em and Reap.Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favoriteHarperCollins author.ALSO BY JOE NAVARRO WITH MARVIN KARLINSPhil Hellmuth Presents Read 'Em and ReapCreditsDesigned by Susan WalshIllustrations (except for the limbic brain diagram) by David R. Andrade Coverdesign by Victor Mingovits for Mucca Design Photographs of Joe Navarro byMark WempleCopyrightWHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING. Copyright © 2008 by Joe Navarro. Allrights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions.By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive,nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. Nopart of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled,reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage andretrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic ormechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express writtenpermission of HarperCollins e-books.Adobe Acrobat eBook Reader March 2008 ISBN 978-0-06-164486-310 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1About the PublisherAustraliaHarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.25 Ryde Road (PO Box 321)Pymble, NSW 2073, Australiahttp://www.harpercollinsebooks.com.auCanadaHarperCollins Publishers Ltd.55 Avenue Road, Suite 2900Toronto, ON, M5R, 3L2, Canadahttp://www.harpercollinsebooks.caNew ZealandHarperCollinsPublishers (New Zealand) Limited P.O. Box 1Auckland, New Zealandhttp://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.nzUnited KingdomHarperCollins Publishers Ltd.77-85 Fulham Palace RoadLondon, W6 8JB, UKhttp://www.uk.harpercollinsebooks.comUnited StatesHarperCollins Publishers Inc.10 East 53rd StreetNew York, NY 10022http://www.harpercollinsebooks.comDocument OutlineTitle PageDedication PageContentsForeword: I See What You�re ThinkingAcknowledgmentsChapter One: Mastering the Secrets of Nonverbal CommunicationChapter Two: Living Our Limbic LegacyChapter Three: Getting a Leg Up on Body Language: Nonverbals ofthe Feet and LegsChapter Four: Torso Tips: Nonverbals of the Torso, Hips, Chest, andShouldersChapter Five: Knowledge Within Reach: Nonverbals of the ArmsChapter Six: Getting a Grip: Nonverbals of the Hands and FingersChapter Seven: The Mind�s Canvas: Nonverbals of the FaceChapter Eight: Detecting Deception: Proceed with Caution!Chapter Nine: Some Final ThoughtsBibliographyIndexAbout the AuthorsAlso by Joe Navarro with Marvin KarlinsCreditsCopyright NoticeAbout the PublisherTable of ContentsForeword: I See What You're ThinkingUnnamedONE Mastering the Secrets of NonverbalTWO Living Our Limbic LegacyTHREE Getting a Leg Up on Body Language:FOUR Torso Tips: Nonverbals of theFIVE Knowledge Within Reach: Nonverbals of the ArmsSIX Getting a Grip: Nonverbals of theSEVEN The Mind's Canvas: Nonverbals of the FaceEIGHT Detecting Deception: Proceed with Caution!NINE Some Final ThoughtsUnnamedUnnamedAbout the AuthorsOther Books by Joe Navarro with Marvin KarlinsCreditsCoverCopyrightAbout the PublisherF O R E W O R DS E V E N