Disavowed: A Call of Duty Fanfiction

Chapter 3: Cope

Germany felt like such an odd place to take shelter, but Nikolai's safehouse was the perfect hideout while they took care of Soap's injury. The medics on sight were swift with their hands and even swifter on their feet. They rushed Soap inside upon landing and he disappeared behind a door, leaving the others outside.

It was nearly 22:00 and Price walked out into the courtyard where Jessica sat on a stone bench looking out at the Rhine River. He took a seat beside her. "Soap's been stabilized," he said. "Doc says to let him recover for a few more weeks before we move him again."

She sighed, sinking her face into her hands. "Oh, thank God..." she said. "That scared the hell out of me..."

Price chuckled quietly, leaning back with his arms behind him on the bench. "Yeah, me too." He sat in silence for a few moments and then cleared his throat. "By the way," he continued. "I never did ask you how you're holding up after the mission at the estate..."

Jessica stared in silence at the horizon barely illuminated by the moon. "It's hard losing people you've gotten close to over the last few years. I wish there was another way it could have ended."

"This isn't you blaming yourself again, is it?"

She sneered. "I'm done blaming myself for things that aren't my fault. I didn't put Ghost and Roach in danger; it's Shepherd's fault for killing them... And I suppose Makarov's fault for killing Shepherd's men and turning him into a monster but, meh, might as well say the devil made him do it, right?" she scoffed.

"I don't suppose you're wrong," he mused. "... Speaking of the devil..."

"You like steering the conversation, don't you, sir?"

Price shrugged. "Sue me," he said "... But really, we, um... didn't finish that conversation earlier..."

"There wasn't anything else to say."

He furrowed his brows. "How do you mean?"

"I mean I want to drop it and leave it alone," she rumbled. "Please... It's hard to talk about. All of it."

"But I don't even know what 'it' is," he said.

She shot him a stern look. "He cornered me, Price. He wanted sex, and I couldn't say no. Or at least I was afraid to find out what would happen if I said no..." Jessica wanted to look away as the hurt grew in his eyes, but she dared not waiver. "I made the best of it. I stayed with him for six months, I did everything, made sacrifices you wouldn't believe to gain his trust, but it took me leaving after the airport massacre to get him to finally tell me something. That's why I'm still talking to him."

"Even after he raped you?"

Jessica flinched. "... N-no, it's not... It wasn't..." She looked away from him, unable to keep up her strength.

He frowned and the muscles in his jaws tensed. "Did you say yes to him?" She nodded and he continued. "Of your own free will?" She shrank into herself and he gritted his teeth. "Jess, that's rape."

"I don't care what it was, I got in next to him, and now I'm getting intel. As long as it leads to us killing him, it doesn't matter," she growled. "Even if it did matter, I'm the one who got myself into that situation, I could have bailed or never spoken to him again, but I didn't so..."

"Why didn't you?"

She pursed her lips, her brows set sadly on her hazel eyes. "For... Reasons I can't explain yet."

Price couldn't shake the stabbing feeling of hurt in his chest. "We used to be able to talk about anything, Jess."

"Well, we can't anymore," she said with an anxious tone. "A lot has changed since we last saw each other, Price, and I'm not the same as I was."

"Why does that change anything?" he asked. "I'm not the same as I was, either, but that doesn't stop me from being open with you."

"Yeah, but you're not scared of being vulnerable..." she said.

He inched closer so their shoulders were nearly touching. "I've never punished you for being vulnerable with me. You know that."

"I do know that, but..." She felt a catch in her throat and cleared it; she couldn't cry in front of him again. "I wasn't afraid of you hating me before."

Jessica turned her face away from him and he gently put his hand on her back, his thumb stroking the curves in her muscles. "Jessica... I could never hate you," he hummed.

She leaned back against him without looking at him. "I hope that's true."

And he silently hoped she didn't feel his heart beating against his ribs. "Always," he said gently. John angled his face down, wanting so badly to rest his lips against her temple, but he resisted. "So... Now, will you tell me why you stayed with him?"

Jess turned her head to look at him, her face inches from his as she looked him up and down. "I'll tell you eventually, I promise. But I just can't yet. I'm not ready."

"... Alright." He sighed softly and nodded. "I'm gonna hold you to it," he said. "I can't accept not knowing forever."

"Deal," she said, trying to smile. She loosened her muscles and rest against him once more, this time laying her head back on his shoulder. "... When I do tell you, do you promise not to be angry with me?"

"Of course," he said.

She closed her eyes in relief. "Good." Jessica remained silent for a while, staring up at the stars. She didn't mention that she felt Price's hand drift to her side; it felt nice, and she didn't want him to move it away. It was comforting and warm in comparison to the ache and cold she'd felt the last few days. Jessica released a breath and closed her eyes. "Price?"

"Yes?"

"I miss Ghost and Roach."

He heard the catch in her voice and held her a little tighter. "I know... I miss them, too."