Game of the Insane (Yandere Haikyuu!! x F!Reader Oneshots)

GUILT (Nishinoya Yu)

Somehow my dumb ass forgot to post this one shot. It's actually pretty old and was requested on my Tumblr.

Title: Guilt

Pairings: Nishinoya x Reader

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, captivity, beginning of stockholm syndrome, unhealthy behavior, delusional mindset, you shouldn't feel guilt but you do

Summary: You wanted nothing more than to go home and leave this life of captivity with a man you barely knew. But every time you try to leave, Nishinoya becomes such a broken mess. With no success at escaping, your life being freed from the stress of responsibility, and that cursed sympathy in control, you're beginning to feel more and more guilty with every attempt you make.

guilt

/noun/

a feeling of having done wrong or failed in an obligation

Nishinoya Yuu wasn't even a blip on your radar before he kidnapped you. Of course, you had seen the "Guardian of Karasuno" before. He was kind of hard to miss.

When the Vice Principal had made the entire school cheer their volleyball team on, you had easily noticed the wild libero. An energetic boy with spiky black hair, paired with one bright blonde streak, a loud voice, a uniform color different from the rest of his team, and saves so impressive you would have doubted they were real if you were watching the match on TV.

Again, he was hard to miss.

You always kind of saw yourself as kind of plain. Maybe, in some small ways you stood out, but it was usually after someone knew you for a little while or shared a class with you, before you stood out to them. You didn't have that wild streak, both literally and figuratively, like Nishinoya did.

So, you're not really sure how or why you stood out to him. You were only in that cursed tutoring group for a couple of days.

It's true, you were oblivious. Looking back, you can see the warning signs clear as day. But, as always, it was too little too late. The "what if"s plaguing your mind were as worthless as your life choices.

The first time you tried to escape, your efforts were about as successful as your grades before you got put into the tutoring group you met Nishinoya in. You had no idea what the code for the lock was, and you misjudged how long your captor's bathroom break would be.

Your second escape, Nishinoya actually caught you. If you weren't desperate to go home, you would have felt bad about his disheartened expression as he carried you off to your room, whispering soothing words all the while.

The third time was the first time you saw him break. Three strikes and Nishinoya's sanity was out.

He could barely ask what he did wrong through all of his sobbing. Like you were quieting a toddler, you explained that you didn't like it there. That you wanted to go home. That you missed your family.

Only your first explanation was regarded as important in the boy's mind, apparently, because the only thing to happen next was a shopping spree that practically suffocated you in clothing, jewelry, stuffed animals, blankets, perfumes, makeup, purses, fidget toys, books, movies, gift cards and more.

You tried to explain to the delusional boy that the majority of his purchases, particularly the gift cards, had no use in just the house. You hoped to sway him, convince him, into letting you shop with him.

But it was all for naught. He refused to let you come with, saying that you could ask him for anything and he'd get it (where'd he get all of this money?) and if you didn't know, he'd bring back magazines and catalogs.

Each time you tried to escape, you lost your resolve a little more. It was taking a toll on you emotionally- your repeated failures and Nishinoya's breakdowns that followed. It wasn't enough that you failed, you had to deal with a face, dripping with tears, nuzzling every inch of you, and the broken-hearted whimpering that managed to make you feel bad for your captor.

You aren't happy here. You miss your family, your friends, your pets, your life. Yet, you're less happy when you try to leave.

It's strange how bad you feel when Nishinoya begs you to tell him how he can improve. How he melts into your touch and peacefully drifts away to sleep when you finally say you forgive him just to calm him down. How his happy smile fades and the light in his eyes dull when he sees you trying to guess the combination for the door lock. How the tears start filling those large brown eyes, and that bottom lip starts trembling. How he manages to look like his heart is shattered to pieces more and more with each escape attempt you make.

Why do you feel bad? Logically, you know you shouldn't and yet...

You feel so guilty.

He gives you everything you could have asked for and more. He loves you to death, and he's not that bad of a guy. He never hurts you or yells at you...

Maybe... no, you'll never stop trying to escape! Never!

But you can't help the guilt from clouding your senses each time you even consider trying to leave...