The 48 Laws of Power in Practice

Law 16: Use absence to increase respect and honor.

If you are seen and heard from too much, you become common and lose value. Also known as the Law of Absence and Presence. After you establish a strong presence, you must know when to make yourself less available and more valued.

Application -

When you have a job interview, it's best not to negotiate for everything you want upfront. It's far better to impress them to the point that they want to hire you and then negotiate once they don't want to lose you. This is an example of presence and then absence. I've also noticed that most upper management can be incredibly hard to get a hold of. This might not be a coincidence. You have to put a value on your time or others won't, I suppose.

The law also applies to our shopping habits. If you can get something easily you take it for granted. For example, the Sneakerhead movement and the brand Supreme are based upon collecting products that have only been produced in limited runs. Alternatively, when a fashion trend becomes so popular you can find it at Walmart, then it's near the end of its cycle.

Absence makes that unknown number pop up -

During college, I worked at a retail store and was running errands on my lunch break when a guy around my age stopped me to talk to me. I didn't mind because he was very much my type; a tall tanned surfer/skater with boyish good looks. Let's call him B. Turned out he was a snowboard instructor, so go figure. We exchanged numbers.

Later in the week, B came by where I worked and we ended up walking over to a Thai restaurant for dinner. He had an intense stare and the attraction was there on both sides. He was funny and completely charmed me, so I invited him over. From the start of our date, we spent 24 hours straight together. He kind of just stuck around.

Then his personality started to reveal itself. He complained a lot about the people in his life, including his ex; a victim mentality is so unattractive. He criticized how I ate my cereal too quickly for breakfast. I was hungry and am not into soggy cereal, but it annoyed me to have to justify my eating habits. And at one point, he even told me I would look better if I lost a few pounds! Needless to say, I was no longer enamored.

After B left, I didn't plan on seeing him again. He texted me a few times, so I made excuses about having to study. But when he called me, I decided to be direct and told him that I didn't want to hang out anymore. He was taken aback and hung up on me pretty quickly.

About a year later after I got a new phone, I got a call from an unfamiliar number. It was B. Before I could say much, he went on a long ramble about things that he'd obviously had on his mind for a while. He said he'd seen me around town and had been thinking about me. He listed these qualities he liked in me and why he wanted to see me again even though he said he probably didn't deserve it. He even apologized for our last conversation. By this point, I had completely forgotten about all of it.

The law is applied in two ways here. Can you name them? Please drop a comment with your thoughts.